How To Make Masturbation Feel Good

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How To Make Masturbation Feel Good
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Giving yourself time to explore your body is important. 
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Zoë Ligon is a sex educator, writer, artist, and the owner of the sex-positive online toy store Spectrum Boutique , which is based out of Detroit. She loves psychological thrillers, saunas, weed, and girthy sex toys.
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Masturbation can sometimes feel daunting. Even if you’ve been doing it for years, you may be having trouble orgasming or wonder if your technique could use some fine-tuning. I’m 25 and have only been masturbating since I was 19, which surprises people given that I’m a sex educator who sells sex toys for a living. To this day, I find myself feeling self-conscious about how I can be so “set in my ways” when it comes to solo sex: I cozy up under a heavy comforter, grab my wand and a dildo, and have at it. I also get frustrated by how easily I can get thrown off course, or about how particular I am with my environment.
Ultimately, though, I feel happy to have one reliable way to get myself off. I know from my experience as an educator that there are many, many others who have yet to find a way they like to do it. Perhaps you’re feeling frustrated about masturbation, too, and you’re looking for a way to get into it or enjoy it more. Maybe you already masturbate, but you’re not feeling satisfied with your practice.
The first thing I want you to know is that, wherever you’re at, you're not alone. Take solace in the fact that many of us are still trying to figure out how the heck to pleasure ourselves on our own terms, and that even a “sexpert” like myself needs pointers from time to time. With that said, let’s dive into a few things to remember as we re-acquaint ourselves with…ourselves!
We all like being touched in different ways, and sometimes, we’re not even sure what they are until we feel them. When we take the time to explore on our own, though, both our solo and partnered sex lives benefit. Exhibit A: I need intense pressure or vibration to get off, but my sexual partners for the first five years of my sex life only executed light, fluttery rubs and tickles or suction-y cunnilingus — which I hated . Eventually, through plenty of trial and error, I figured out my love for intensity and bought myself a big ol’ Magic Wand to lovingly smoosh my clit with.
But remember: We're all different. I share my experience to illustrate that you may be frustrated with masturbation simply because you’ve been trying the same method over and over to no avail. No two people like exactly the same things. You might prefer rubbing, pinching, tickling, circular motions, up-and-down or side-to-side strokes, or even light smacking — but you’ll never know until you try them all.
If you know types of stimulation that you don’t enjoy, you’re already on your way to figuring out what you do like. the process of elimination takes courage, determination, and patience, and sometimes it takes a few misses to find a hit. Allow yourself blocks of uninterrupted time to explore your body, and don’t pressure yourself to reach orgasm by the end. If it happens, great! If not, you’re gathering valuable intel about how to make yourself feel great.
We are sold a very rigid and unrealistic depiction of masturbation by the mainstream media. If “female” masturbation is portrayed, it’s usually off-camera, under the covers, or immediately orgasmic . It’s also hard to find earnest depictions of self-pleasure in mainstream porn. Personally, I love watching femme cammers, as well as performer-made porn . Performer-created content sites like Findrow are also great for watching more realistic depictions of sex.
Solo sex can absolutely involve toys! After all, no human has vibrating hands or genitals. Vibrators use rotary motors to create rumbly, buzzing sensations that can feel delicious internally and externally. They can even stimulate deeper portions of the clit if you apply enough pressure or have a very strong vibrator.
I think of sex toys as being like makeup applicators: Some of us use Beautyblenders, some use foundation brushes, and some of us use our fingers — all methods get the job done, just in different ways, and it’s OK to prefer one method over another if it gets the job done better for you. Unfortunately, there is a lot of myth and stigma surrounding vibrators, for example, that vibrator use will “ruin” sex without a vibrator (not true). At the end of the day, you should absolutely use a toy if that’s the type of stimulation you crave. Dildos and vibes are also self-affirming tools — like physical tokens to both remind you your pleasure is important and to help you get it.
Personally, I used to feel self-conscious about the fact that I couldn’t get off easily without a giant vibrator. But then I realized this didn’t mean there was anything wrong with me; it’s just the way my body happens to work. What’s more, I was getting suckered into believing the patriarchal myth that a dick should be the only thing I need to get off. If toys pique your interest, browse options online or pay a visit to your local sex-positive shop.
No matter what kind of stimulation you like, lube is a must-have. It’s not just for postmenopausal people or butt stuff , as I’ve heard many strangers to lube claim. Even if you self-lubricate in mass quantities, a good lube will allow you to maintain frictionless glide so you don’t feel sore or rug burned after playtime. Water-based lube is compatible with all materials and is mess-free (but will eventually evaporate and need reapplication if you’re in the throes of a lengthy sesh). I recommend Sliquid Sassy : It’s a thick, long-lasting, water-based lube that is hypoallergenic and only has the bare minimum ingredients needed to make it lube-y.
Silicone lube, like Überlube , is a body-safe oil alternative that is compatible with all materials except silicone (liquid silicone can degrade solid). It’s safe for inside and outside bodies, though, as well as for safer-sex barriers like condoms. It also lasts much longer than most water-based lube because it rolls along the surface of the skin and eventually sheds away (water-based lube absorbs into the skin if it doesn’t evaporate). As a sex educator, I find that lack of lube is often the best fix for uncomfortable or painful masturbation (and partnered sex) — so don’t hold back. Douse any and all orifices in lube.
Which part of ourselves should we begin exploring, then? There’s a lot of hype over the sensitive front wall of the vagina, also known as the G-spot. If you have yet to find what your body craves, though, the G-spot isn’t the most intuitive place to start. Let’s consider the clit, the only human organ devoted solely to pleasure. It’s homologous with the penis, but the majority of it is internal — the button-like glans you probably think of as your clit is actually just one small part of the whole structure, which is shaped like a wishbone. (Not that the glans doesn’t pull its weight: It’s got at least 8,000 nerve endings , about twice as many as the penis has).
The spongy erectile tissue of the G-spot is found about two inches into the opening of the vagina, but you may not really be able to feel it before you’re aroused and the tissue swells. You may even have trouble finding your clit when you’re not aroused, for that matter. However, unlike G-spot stimulation, clit stimulation usually produces yummy sensations instantly.
My clit nearly retracts into my body and hides under the clitoral hood, which is also a really neat tool for varied external stimulation: It feels vastly different to touch the external pea-like area head-on than it does to stimulate it indirectly. (I definitely recommend focusing your attention outside before concerning yourself with the inside — this will only help the internal exploration later on.) Yanking back the clitoral hood and directly touching the external clit can be too much stimulation — just like it can be painful to directly stimulate the “head” of the penis after yanking back the foreskin. One of the many beauties of a clitoral hood (and foreskin) is the ability to indirectly stimulate the glans (another name for the external clit or penis head).
It took me a really long time to figure out that I personally preferred this indirect type of stimulation — but you may love going to town on your exposed clit. Explore until you find a way that works for you. Since hands are the world’s most versatile sex tool, you can experiment with both broad and pinpointed stimulation. Using two or three flat fingers or even your palm disperses the pressure, and separating your pointer and middle fingers and pressing them alongside the vaginal opening can stimulate the deeper tissues of the clitoral legs.
Experiment with back-and-forth, up-and-down, or circular movements, and go wherever your intuition takes you. If you’ve always been a person who masturbates on their stomach, try finding ways to stimulate yourself on your back — or even upright. Sometimes I assign myself the task of simply attempting to keep my eyes open the entire time, or not focusing on the ceiling above me (seriously). I have also set a simple goal for myself of becoming comfortable with masturbating in the tub — until recently, I never bothered to try. Little steps that briefly take you out of your comfort zone encourage your brain to adapt, making you an even more versatile masturbator.
Look, sex is sold to us as being penetration-centric and penis-in-vagina-focused. The thing is, that kind of sex usually does a lot more for the penis owner. Some people with vaginas fear they are “broken” if penetrative intercourse doesn’t do the trick for them, but guess what? Most vagina owners need clitoral stimulation in order to orgasm. Yes, it’s really fun to play with the G-spot and other areas like the anterior fornix (also known as the “A-spot”), a sensitive area nestled between the cervix and front vaginal wall. But many folks don’t fully enjoy these kinds of play unless they’re paired with clitoral stimulation.
Unfortunately, masturbation isn’t something that we’re encouraged to talk about. Even the most comprehensive sex-ed can fail to leave out the actual steps to achieve pleasure . Even if you’re comfortable talking to a parent or mentor about sex, you probably aren’t keen on asking them for their personal tips for solo sex.
Sometimes, our roadblocks stem from something other than a lack of self-exploration, and it’s helpful to speak with a therapist about other things that might be getting in our way. I have found that a sex-positive (and also kink-aware) therapist has been an invaluable resource for me as I pursue a healthy, fulfilling sex life. I always suggest searching for an LGBTQIA+-friendly professional: Even if you identify as straight, professionals who are well-versed in a range of sexuality issues may be more sensitive to your needs and more comfortable talking about sex. If your concerns are more physical, don’t hesitate to consult a medical professional, especially if you ever encounter pain with sexual stimulation.
Most importantly, be gentle and kind with yourself, and move away from goal-oriented thinking in your masturbation. Any form of self-love and exploration that makes you feel good is a wonderful thing.
Here’s what’s wrong with gender norms:
Zoë Ligon is a Detroit-based sex educator, writer, artist, and owner of the sex-positive online toy store Spectrum Boutique . Follow her on Instagram and Twitter .
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If you haven’t changed things up since seventh grade, read this.
Most people with a penis learn to masturbate as quickly and quietly as possible. After all, when you're a testosterone-loaded adolescent, you have to content with the very real risk of your parents or siblings walking in and disturbing your, ah, personal time.
And there isn’t just a fear of getting caught jerking off—there’s also a lot of shame surrounding sexual pleasure when people are younger, says Dr. Uchenna “UC” Ossai, Pelvic PT, certified sexuality counselor and founder of YouSeeLogic , an online sexual education platform. “Few people were told that masturbating is natural and an excellent way to learn more about your sexual pleasure,” she says.
Those secretive, fast-and-furious masturbation habits can spill into adulthood, Shamyra Howard, sexologist and Men's Health advisory panel member, says in Men's Health Best. Sex. Ever . "Many guys are masturbating the same way they did when they were teens—all rushed," she says. "You need to change things up. If you're right-handed, use your left hand; involve sex toys; or try masturbating on your stomach. Also, don't focus only on your genitals. You have a whole body. Get your nipples, perineum, and anus involved."
The options might sound a little overwhelming. If you're sitting there thinking, I'll just go back to my old ways, thanks —WAIT! According to Howard, exploring new ways to masturbate can help benefit your sex life on the whole.
"As long as you're switching things up when you masturbate, you get an opportunity to explore and try different things with your body and to learn what you like," she says. "You can learn how you like your penis touched, which things turn you on, and which angles lead to more pleasure."
Try these 13 masturbation tips and techniques the next time you feel like getting down with yourself, and get ready to feel good— really good.
You’ve likely masturbated in the same position now for years, so try switching it up. “If you are a stander, try laying on your back. If you like to sit, stand up,” Dr. UC. says. “Changing positioning can improve your pelvic floor muscle resting tone, which can help improve the blood flow to your penis.” So changing up your masturbation positions won’t only feel good for the novelty, but it may also increase the strength of your erections.
Do you ever feel really horny after working out? Well, there’s a reason for that . You release hormones while working out, including adrenaline and dopamine a.k.a. the so-called "feel-good" chemical. Dr. UC adds that it’s excellent to masturbate after working out “because your endorphins are quite high, blood flow is great, and your pelvic floor muscles are completely relaxed.”
"The perineum is the area between the penis and the anus. It's full of nerve endings and very sensitive, so providing some vibration to it can often feel really good," says LELO Sexpert and NYU professor of Human Sexuality Dr. Zhana Vrangalova .
Try pressing a vibrating sex toy to your perineum while stroking your penis with your other hand. Vrangalova recommends either the LELO Lily 2 or the LELO Smart Wand . It's "sure to provide a different kind of orgasm," she says. There are also prostate massagers on the market that stimulate your perineum.
Sex toys aren't just for people with a vulva. For penis-owners, Emily Morse, a sex expert and host of the popular podcast Sex with Emily, recommends the Fleshlight, the popular handheld column that you slip over your junk to simulate the feel of real vaginal or anal sex . (You can even buy an accessory to free up both your hands.)
Vibrators have traditionally been marketed to people with a vulva, which makes sense, given that most need some form of external clitoral stimulation in order to climax during penetrative sex. But recent years have seen an increase in vibrating sex toys designed for dicks , because honestly, those vibrations can feel really damn good on penises, too! One 2012 study found that 44% of heterosexual men had enjoyed the experience of using a vibrator at some point in their life, so don't be shy about trying some of these toys.
"A lot of men, especially those who identify as straight, regularly miss out on a huge source of pleasure: their butts," Vrangalova says. "Butts (of all genders) have a huge number of nerve endings and stimulating them can feel really good. If you have a prostate that you can (indirectly) reach this way, that anal stimulation can be literally mind-blowing."
So how do you bring a little butt play into your next masturbation session? Vrangalova recommends using your hand or a prostate massage toy .
She recommends the LOKI Wave , which "has a nice long handle you can hold with one hand while you stroke with the other, and the wave motion of the internal vibrating part hits the prostat
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