How To Make A Woman Reach Orgasim Faster Pdf

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How To Make A Woman Reach Orgasim Faster Pdf
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Achieving an orgasm can be elusive for a lot of women. But it can be as simple as time, tenderness, and knowing how to stimulate her sweet spots.
Bringing a woman to orgasm has little to do with pornographic skills. The key is spending more time on foreplay and learning about the two spots that, when stimulated, can lead to a female orgasm .
It also doesn't hurt to understand which sexual positions provide the best chance for orgasm. (Hint: The missionary position isn’t one of them!) Read on to discover the top three secrets to the female orgasm .
You may be aroused and ready to go from the minute she gives you a sexy glance. But many women need plenty of physical and emotional stimulation to become aroused, lubricated, and primed for an orgasm. That's why foreplay is so crucial.
The key is to emphasize the "play" in foreplay. It's shouldn't be rushed or treated like an obligatory task. In fact, foreplay can begin hours before sex actually occurs, and every minute of it will prepare her for an orgasm. Here are some tips for getting both of you in the mood .
There are two places on the body that are critical to female orgasm. Here's how to stimulate them so she can achieve orgasm.
Given what you've just learned, you can pretty much guess that the best sexual positions for female orgasm involve those that provide maximum stimulation to the clitoris or G-spot (or both!). These positions include:
Notice that the missionary position isn't on this list? It's difficult for a man to stimulate the clitoris when he's on top, unless he really grinds his pelvis into his partner. The angle of penetration is also all wrong for G-spot stimulation.
Still having trouble? Don’t be afraid to ask your partner for feedback, to make sure she likes what you’re doing. Women may want to consider working with a sex therapist , or getting a medical checkup to see if any diseases or medications are affecting their ability to reach orgasm . Achieving the female orgasm may require some trial and error, but don't forget to have fun while you're trying. Your sex life will thank you.
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Try these moves to bring them over the edge.
"DID YOU FINISH?" Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but if you have to ask your partner if they had an orgasm, odds are they did not. This is especially true if, like the average man, you took between 5 and 7 seven minutes to finish. According to 2019 research published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine , it takes the average vulva-owner around double that time—13.41 minutes—to orgasm during P-in-V intercourse. It's also worth pointing out that the vast majority of people with a vulva can't cum from penetration alone; they need external clitoral stimulation.
All of this contributes to what’s commonly known as the “ orgasm gap ”: the proven fact that straight, cisgender men orgasm during sex significantly more often than their partners do. A 2017 study published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior found that straight, cisgender men orgasm 95% of the time, whereas straight, cisgender women only orgasm 65% of the time. And the disparity has nothing to do with vulva-owners’ anatomy—that same study found that cisgender lesbians orgasm 86% of the time during sex, and additional research shows that vulva-owners have no problem reaching orgasm during masturbation.
Now that you know this, you're probably wondering: how can I make sure my partner orgasms during sex? Fortunately, stepping up your game isn’t going to require any acrobatic moves. Communicating with your partner, making sure they feel safe and comfortable, and learning what they like can make a big difference in their sexual pleasure.
Of course, everyone is different. That said, there are a few ways you can tune into your partner’s pleasure—so if your partner is having trouble getting to the finish line, try these tips from vulva-owners and sexual health experts.
“Try to remember the goal of sex is pleasure, and orgasm is one kind of pleasure that is significantly shorter than all the rest of it,” says Shadeen Francis , LMFT. That’s why Francis recommends slowing down. Take your time with your movements, and don’t focus on the end game. There is a slight irony to it—the more your partner thinks about orgasming, the less likely they will be to orgasm. So take the pressure off of your partner and focus on making them feel as good as possible for as long as possible. ( We refer to this slow-down technique as closing the "pleasure gap." )
First thing’s first: the vast majority of vulva-owners require external clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm. In fact, a study of more than 1,000 vulva-owners in 2017 revealed that only 18% of participants could orgasm through vaginal intercourse alone. So when you're having sex, you want to focus on external stimulation alone or in combination with some form of penetration.
If you want to stimulate your partner’s clitoris during P-in-V intercourse, some sex positions make it easier to do than others. Rachel* is a fan of the coital alignment technique, or CAT : "When a guy is on top of you in the missionary position, have him shift his body slightly forward so that, every time he thrusts, his penis rubs against your clitoris." This tactic is even more orgasmic if your partner’s legs are together and you’re straddling them, says Ellen Friedrichs, M.A. , a health educator who also teaches at the City University of New York's City Tech campus. You can achieve the same effect when they’re on top by propping yourself up on your elbows, which places your abdomen in closer contact with their clitoris.
Unless anal is on the menu, butts are typically sidelined during sex. And that's a shame, because "the buttocks are packed with nerve endings," says Gilda Carle, Ph.D. , an internationally-known relationship expert. To give your partner “a surprising jolt of pleasure,” spread your fingers wide and squeeze their cheeks.
That said, you should ask your partner if they’re into booty squeezing first. If they’re down, be gentle, and take it one step at a time. Yes, of course, there are people out there who crave a good, hard spanking, but that needs to be discussed and agreed on before the butt smacking begins.
As we mentioned above, direct, external clitoral stimulation is the most surefire way to bring many vulva-owners to orgasm—and oral sex is a pretty good way of going about that. Sex therapist Ian Kerner , Ph.D., LMFT, says that using your mouth is the best way to get a sense of what your partner likes at every stage of arousal, including the stage just before orgasm. You’ll know your partner is becoming more aroused if you notice increased vaginal lubrication or if the external portion of their clitoris or their entire vulva swells. The clitoris—including the wishbone-shaped portion that’s underneath the skin —is made of erectile tissue just like the penis, so if your partner’s genitals increase in size, you’re doing a good job!
To find out more about your partner’s preferences, let them take the lead. When you're giving them oral sex, get between their legs and give them a solid base of lips, tongue, and even chin (if you have a clean, smooth shave , that is) to rub against. While your partner does the grinding, note how hard they’re pushing and in what direction. Use that information later when using your fingers or mouth to please them.
Once things get more heated, you might be tempted to focus less on kissing in favor of more X-rated pleasures. But deep kissing is often a must for reaching orgasm, according to a 2017 survey of more than 50,000 adults. The findings revealed that vulva-owners were much more likely to reach orgasm if their sexual encounter included a combination of deep kissing, oral sex, and genital stimulation.
Ask your partner if they have any fantasies they’d like to explore. “Fantasies can increase arousal during a sexual experience,” says Francis. “Finding a fantasy that really turns your partner on can add another layer of pleasure during sex.” It’s also a way to get your partner more psychologically aroused, which is just as important (if not more important) than physical arousal when it comes to having an orgasm. One study found that vulva-owners with lower sexual desire tend to require mental arousal in order to recognize their physical arousal. Try role play or tell your partner an erotic story to kick their pleasure up a notch.
“ Dirty talk ” doesn’t have to include four-letter words. Describe what you’re doing to your partner, or say what you want them to do to you. If you're hesitant, a simple compliment about how attractive you find your partner will do the trick. “Saying something specific about me is sexy while we're in bed,” says Emily*. And if your partner has told you in advance that they’re turned on by specific words and phrases, pepper those into the dialogue, too.
No matter how hot and heavy you’re getting, without adequate lubrication, it's easy for sex to become uncomfortable or even painful for your partner. While lube is absolutely necessary for anal sex (butts don’t self-lubricate like vaginas do), it’s helpful for vaginal penetration and external stimulation, too. "Lubrication increases the comfort and speed with which you can penetrate the vagina and grind against the clitoris," says Friedrichs.
Remember that needing lube doesn’t mean your partner isn’t turned on—some bodies just get wetter than others. Plus, medication, hormonal imbalances, menopause, stress, and dehydration can all decrease the body’s natural lubrication, so there’s nothing wrong with needing a little extra slippery stuff. Using lube makes sex more comfortable for everyone involved. In fact, a 2011 study found that using lube enhances sexual pleasure for vulva-owners. Just remember that if you’re using condoms, you should stick with water-based or silicone-based lube, since oil-based lube can damage latex.
Our necks are highly responsive touch pads: the skin is thin there, and the blood vessels are close to the surface. So it's not surprising that researchers have found that the neck is one of the best places for stimulation using light touch (so no hickeys, please—unless your partner asks for one).
When you're having sex and your partner is clearly moving toward orgasm, brush your lips from their collarbone to their jaw, then give their neck soft, warm kisses to drive them wild.
You can’t build a house without a hammer, and for many vulva-owners, you can’t build an orgasm without a vibrator. More than 50% of vulva-owners use vibrators to help them achieve orgasm, according to a 2009 study, so welcoming pleasure tools into the bedroom should be a no-brainer. If you still need convincing, a 2019 study found that vulva-owners who used vibrators both alone and with a partner reported greater sexual satisfaction compared to those who only used a vibrator by themselves. Now are you ready to reach into your partner’s bedside drawer?
Let your partner hold a vibrator against their clitoris while you penetrate them with a dildo, your fingers, or penis; or operate the toy yourself. Just remember to ask about their pressure and speed preferences: you don't want to start too fast and heavy right off the bat.
Remember when we told you that most vulva-owners have no problem reaching orgasm during masturbation? Let them take the wheel. Encourage your partner to touch their clitoris while you penetrate them or incorporate mutual masturbation into your romp. If your partner enjoys exhibitionism, offer to watch them masturbate with their hands or their favorite toy. Make sure you’re taking mental notes on the ways they like to be touched.
This might sound obvious, but asking your partner exactly what makes them hot is the best way to help them orgasm. In fact, studies have shown that people who are more comfortable talking about sex have better sex, because they feel less anxious between the sheets. Discussing your partner’s fantasies, preferences, and turn-offs (without judgment) will make them feel more comfortable—which will, in turn, lead to more satisfying sex for both of you.
*Names have been changed to allow subjects to speak freely on private matters.
Ro White is a Chicago-based writer, sex educator, and Autostraddle’s Sex & Dating Editor.
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The mystery of the female orgasm is one that most men think will remain unsolved… well, forever.
Sure, study after study has found that there are many different ways to make a woman orgasm — but there's no one technique that's going to work on every woman.
On top of that, this recent study discovered that straight women experience fewer orgasms than straight men, and even lesbian and bisexual women.
I know — as if you didn't have enough to worry about already, right?
But what's interesting about the data in this study is that it revealed something else:
There were a few things that the women who experienced the most orgasms had in common, that the other women didn't.
And if you know what these things are, then you can use them to your advantage…
So the odds that the next woman you take home will have an orgasm with you skyrocket .
With that in mind, here are 5 of the easiest and most effective techniques that will help you give the next woman you sleep with an orgasm:
The first one is likely a piece of advice you’ve heard before — but it rings true nonetheless.
Always, always, always go down on her during foreplay.
According to the study, the women who experienced the most orgasms also received more oral sex.
This is probably not a coincidence.
Even if you don’t feel like you know what you’re doing, necessarily, the fact that you’re making the effort will a) turn her on more, and b) encourage her to return the favor.
I know we here at Gotham Club mention this piece of advice more often than probably any other… but there’s a reason for it.
Communication is the #1 key to a happy and healthy sex life — for both you and the woman you’re with.
You don’t even have to take my word for it; the study backs me up as well. The women who experienced the most orgasms also communicated with their partners in several key ways.
So basically, they were more open in bed — and because of that openness, their partners were able to give them the pleasure they truly wanted.
If your lady is on the shy or quiet side, then communication is definitely not out of the question.
All you have to do is ease into it. Don't make her feel like you're putting her “on the spot.” You could say something like,
“I really loved what you did to me in bed last night… is there anything like that you want me to do to you?”
“What are some of your favorite turn-ons during sex?”
It's simple, but it's also incredibly effective. And because most men don't think to ask their partners about what they want in bed, she'll be impressed that you're making an active effort.
It might not make the most sense, but stick with me for a second:
One of the easiest ways to give a woman orgasm during sex is to have a long, slow buildup of pleasure beforehand.
Most men assume this only means foreplay, but the truth is that this “buildup” can begin even earlier in the day.
Let's say you know she takes her lunch break at 1 p.m. every day. At around 1:15 , you could text her:
“I know you're on your lunch break right now, but all I can think about is eating you. ;)”
While not outright saying, “Let's have sex tonight,” this reminds her of your sexual desire for her, and will almost certainly get her revved up and ready to go for the next time she sees you.
If you're more of an email-minded kind of guy, you could also find an article about sex and send it to her. She'll get the point — trust me. 🙂
Another shared commonality between the women in the study who orgasmed most often?
They acted out sexual fantasies with their partner.
Now, this doesn't necessarily mean that they went all out — costumes, role-play, the whole shebang — and it doesn't mean that these fantasies were super “cliche” either.
It also doesn't mean that acting out a sexual fantasy is required for a woman to have an orgasm.
However, acting out a fantasy together can make the two of you feel closer to each other, and more intimate — and that increases the chances that she'll have an orgasm.
Because study after study shows that women are more likely to have an orgasm if an emotional connection involved. And acting out a fantasy is a great way to establish that kind of connection.
So the next time you're about to get intimate with her, why not ask:
“Hey, do you have any wild fantasies you want to act out?”
“I had this really hot dream the other night… would you want to act it out with me?”
You might be surprised by how open she is to the idea, and how much better the sex is as a result.
These are all really great tips and tricks to make her orgasm more likely… but you might be wondering:
“Is there something more specific that I can do during sex to take her over the edge?”
In my experience, the answer is definitely “Yes” … here's something that works really well on me:
When you’re having sex with a girl…
… there’s something you can do that gets her to come way faster… and it makes her orgasms WAY more intense too.
It’s called the “Deep Spot” technique … and it works like this:
When you’re inside her, you do this simple “grinding” move with your hips…
…
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