How To Keep Dating Your Wife
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Home > For Men > After You’re Married, Keep Dating Your Wife (It is Much Easier Than You Think)
Guys, in Part 1 we revealed that your wife doesn’t feel forever loved and happy just because you declared your forever love and married her. It reminds me of that groaner of a joke about the man whose wife complained that he rarely said ‘I love you.’ His response: “Why do I need to tell you that I love you? I told you when we got married; if anything changes, I’ll let you know!”
Although that joke gets well-deserved eye rolls from everyone, most guys secretly understand what that man was saying: Why does she ask whether I love her? We’re married! Of course I love her! She knows that. Right?
Actually: wrong. Fully 82% of women in our research have an unspoken question about “am I loveable?” and “does he really love me?” that doesn’t go away in marriage. Your wife is asking that unspoken question every day, and you are answering it “yes” or “no” every day –whether you realize it or not.
Answering that question “yes” in the little things of life, every day, is the way to make your wife happy.
There are many simple ways to do that. Here are four, to get you started:
Make Her Happy Action #1: Continue to go on dates.
You might have thought you were off the hook for initiating the date nights out or other activities that were designed to win her over before you were married. But you’re not! She’s a smart woman, and she has realized that the best way to ensure that your attention is pulled away from the house/kids/yard/work and focused on the two of you, is to have time together. That makes her very happy.
Having dinner with your small group from church, taking her to a company party, or going out to breakfast with the in-laws is great, but isn’t a date. She needs (and deserves) your undivided attention. Set aside schedules and projects for a few hours. Escape the busyness of life and just enjoy being together.
The good news is: dates with your wife don’t have to be extravagant or meticulously planned. They can be simple, casual and inexpensive; matching your schedules to grab lunch together, meeting for coffee while little Jessica is at ballet, or getting a babysitter and going to a movie. Dating your wife is an investment that pays big dividends in the long-term health and happiness of your marriage.
The important thing is that your wife feels special, pursued, and loved. Because of her hidden vulnerability, your wife’s “I do” will always mean “Do you?” Dating her keeps her answering it well.
Make Her Happy Action #2: Spend time together, regardless of what you’re doing
It turns out: spending time together strengthens your marriage, no matter what you are doing.
This is where breakfast with the in-laws or dinner with your friends from church does count. This is where doing a hobby together, sitting on the couch and watching TV, or hiking with the kids does make a difference in your marriage. In fact, spending time together is a powerful predictor of a happy marriage, according to survey respondents from the research for my book The Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Marriages. Survey results showed that 83% of “very happy” couples spent time together at least weekly.
Looking for ways to connect and strengthen the friendship between the two of you will always make your wife very happy.
Make Her Happy Action #3: Put down your phone, turn off the TV and listen to her – so that it is obvious that you’re listening
Want a quick “wow” from your wife? When she starts sharing something important about her day, or is telling a story about how her sister stood her up for lunch again, stop what you’re doing, put your attention on her, and listen.
Make a point of showing her that your attention is on her. For example, if she’s upset about something that happened at work, sit down at the kitchen table instead of continuing upstairs to change out of your work clothes. Pull out a chair and sit and listen –and pull out a chair for her as well. Put your phone on the counter, so you aren’t distracted. She will feel very loved.
Make Her Happy Action #4: Do the little daily things that say “I would choose you all over again.”
You chose a wonderful woman to be your wife. After the wedding, she needs you to keep choosing her. And you can do that with the simplest actions. Like putting your arm around her in church. Like taking her hand when you are crossing a parking lot. Like calling her for no reason, just to say hi. Like apologizing when you’ve been in a funk and reassuring her that the two of you are okay. Like sending her a text message during the day that says, “I was just watching some drama play out at work, and feeling so grateful for how kind and generous you are. I really scored when I met you. I love you.”
We promise: she will screenshot and save that text message.
The good news is: even if you hadn’t realized how vital these actions are to making your wife happy, now you know. They are super simple. You can start right now.
Looking for encouragement for your life and relationships? Learn about the little things that make a big difference in every relationship, from marriages to parenting. Subscribe to updates from Shaunti here!
Shaunti Feldhahn loves sharing eye-opening information that helps people thrive in life and relationships. She herself started out with a Harvard graduate degree and Wall Street credentials but no clue about life. After an unexpected shift into relationship research for average people like her, she now is a popular speaker and author of best-selling books about men, women and relationships. (Including For Women Only, For Men Only, and the groundbreaking The Good News About Marriage).
Her latest book, Find Rest: A Women’s Devotional for Lasting Peace in Busy Life, focuses on a journey to rest even with life’s constant demands.
I am extremely frustrated with my marriage right now.
I am a very good cook and enjoy making all kinds a dishes for my wife…
I don’t hesitate to help with house cleaning and chores…
I am a really good craftsman and do all kinds of projects for my wife…
I am also affectionate and express a lot of my love for my wife through touch, hugs and kisses, I also touch her in “sexual” ways as well, but I get very little in return.
My wife just turned 60 and she basically had almost no actual sex drive. I am about to turn 60 and my sex drive has not diminished much.
My wife has had a rough narcissistic mother and my wife is just now working through all that mess.
We have a lot of other life changing stress issues in our life right now.
And it’s all the other life changing stress issues that have a higher priority than I do or even the priority of maintaining our marriage relationship does not seem important to her.
We also have her 35 year old recovering alcoholic daughter living with us!!!
I know there is sooo much on our plates right now, however looking back at our married life I don’t feel I was ever much of a priority to her (we’ve been married 11 years).
I see a lot of narcissistic traits in her as well.
At this point I feel a lot of resentment towards her and have backed off from sexual touch and I’m seeing what happens. I am tired of rejection and none reciprocated love and affection. This is really hard for me to do because it’s a part of who I am and how I express love.
I am worn out and I feel like I’m at the point of not caring anymore and exist as room mates.
This is a miserable situation and we both recognize we are not helping each other.
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Establish a date night with your wife and treat this time with her as sacred. When you plan your week, block out an hour each week during which you’ll be taking your wife out. If a meeting comes up, reschedule the meeting. If you have kids, find a babysitter.
www.artofmanliness.com/articles/spark-up-…
What's the best way to date your wife?
What's the best way to date your wife?
Sit in the back row and spend the whole time whispering memories from your own wedding. 2. Make a list of ten things your wife loves to do. Each new time you take your wife on a date, do one of those ten things as your date. 3. Take up a new hobby with your wife; do something new that you’re both excited about.
www.familylife.com/articles/topics/marriage/…
When was the last time you went on a date with your wife?
When was the last time you went on a date with your wife?
When was the last time you actually went on a date with your wife? Establish a date night with your wife and treat this time with her as sacred. When you plan your week, block out an hour each week during which you’ll be taking your wife out. If a meeting comes up, reschedule the meeting. If you have kids, find a babysitter.
www.artofmanliness.com/articles/spark-up-…
How to spend quality time with your wife?
How to spend quality time with your wife?
Here are some things that I do to spend quality time with my wife: Take a relaxing walk around a night market on the weekend. Smile, relax and have a laugh as often as possible. Have a drink together at home and talk, laugh and smile together while we watch TV and browse the internet.
www.themodernman.com/dating/relationshi…
What's the best way to save your marriage?
What's the best way to save your marriage?
Each day, perform little acts of kindness and courtesy with your wife. Open the car door for her, pack her lunch for work or school, and be on time with appointments with her. When was the last time you bought an inexpensive gift as a surprise for your wife for no other reason than just to please her?
www.artofmanliness.com/articles/spark-up-…
https://illbehonest.com/marriage-advice-keep-dating-your-wife
05.05.2018 · Always assuring them in their own love language – maybe that’s conversation; maybe that’s hugs; maybe that’s listening; maybe that’s sharing what you’ve gotten out of the Scriptures that day; maybe that’s a date. You do it. And that’s a spiritual thing to do. It’s investing in your wife. And it’s like an oil change in your car.
https://shaunti.com/2018/11/after-youre-married-keep-dating-your-wife-it-is-much...
30.11.2018 · Looking for ways to connect and strengthen the friendship between the two of you will always make your wife very happy. Make Her Happy Action #3: Put down your phone, turn off the TV and listen to her – so that it is obvious that you’re listening. Want a quick “wow” from your wife?
Keep Your Wife Happy | Relationship Advice
How To Date Your Spouse : 10 Tips To Keep Your Marriage Fun!
Romance in Relationships : How to Romance Your Wife
Communication & Understanding Others : How to Keep Your Wife From Leaving
How To Keep Your Wife Or Girlfriend From Leaving You
How to Make Your Wife Happy - Dating Advice(tips) For Men
https://www.familylife.com/.../staying-married/husbands/20-ideas-for-dating-your-wife
Hold your wife’s hand often, in public and in private. 14. Tell your wife that you love her. 15. Tell your wife that Jesus loves her more than you do. 16. Set a weekly date night. Each week rotate going out and staying in for your date night. 17. Cancel work for the day and do something special with your wife. 18. Take dancing lessons with your wife. …
https://www.artofmanliness.com/articles/spark-up-your-marriage-6-ways-to-date-your...
04.01.2008 · Establish a date night with your wife and treat this time with her as sacred. When you plan your week, block out an hour each week during which you’ll be taking your wife out. If a meeting comes up, reschedule the meeting. If you have kids, find a …
https://www.crossway.org/articles/20-ideas-for-dating-your-wife
26.05.2017 · Hold your wife’s hand often, in public and in private. Tell your wife that you love her. Tell your wife that Jesus loves her more than you do. Set a weekly date night. Each week rotate going out and staying in for your date night. Cancel work for the day and do something special with your wife. Take dancing lessons with your wife. Cut something from your schedule and use that time to date your wife.
https://marriedfun.org/content/how-to-date-your-wife
Other Tips for Dating Your Wife -Call her or text her during the week to ask her to go out with you -Take the lead on getting a babysitter for the kids and/or planning date activities
https://fiercemarriage.com/dating-your-spouse
Your marriage needs both PRAYER and PURSUIT. Prayer is going to God and entrusting him with everything that is out of your control, while pursuit means choosing to live out the actions …
https://www.huffpost.com/entry/date-your-wife_b_1639234
30.06.2012 · Step 1: Call your wife right now and tell her you're taking her out to dinner tonight. Tell her you're making all the arrangements. Step 2: Make reservations, arrange babysitting if you …
https://www.themodernman.com/dating/relationships/how-to-spend-quality-time-with-your...
Here are some things that I do to spend quality time with my wife: Take a relaxing walk around a night market on the weekend. Smile, relax and have a laugh as often as possible. Have a drink together at home and talk, laugh and smile together while we watch TV and browse the …
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After You’re Married, Keep Dating Your Wife (It is Much ...
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How To Keep Dating Your Wife
