How To Have The Best Masturbation

How To Have The Best Masturbation

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If you haven’t changed things up since seventh grade, read this.
Most people with a penis learn to masturbate as quickly and quietly as possible. After all, when you're a testosterone-loaded adolescent, you have to content with the very real risk of your parents or siblings walking in and disturbing your, ah, personal time.
And there isn’t just a fear of getting caught jerking off—there’s also a lot of shame surrounding sexual pleasure when people are younger, says Dr. Uchenna “UC” Ossai, Pelvic PT, certified sexuality counselor and founder of YouSeeLogic , an online sexual education platform. “Few people were told that masturbating is natural and an excellent way to learn more about your sexual pleasure,” she says.
Those secretive, fast-and-furious masturbation habits can spill into adulthood, Shamyra Howard, sexologist and Men's Health advisory panel member, says in Men's Health Best. Sex. Ever . "Many guys are masturbating the same way they did when they were teens—all rushed," she says. "You need to change things up. If you're right-handed, use your left hand; involve sex toys; or try masturbating on your stomach. Also, don't focus only on your genitals. You have a whole body. Get your nipples, perineum, and anus involved."
The options might sound a little overwhelming. If you're sitting there thinking, I'll just go back to my old ways, thanks —WAIT! According to Howard, exploring new ways to masturbate can help benefit your sex life on the whole.
"As long as you're switching things up when you masturbate, you get an opportunity to explore and try different things with your body and to learn what you like," she says. "You can learn how you like your penis touched, which things turn you on, and which angles lead to more pleasure."
Try these 13 masturbation tips and techniques the next time you feel like getting down with yourself, and get ready to feel good— really good.
You’ve likely masturbated in the same position now for years, so try switching it up. “If you are a stander, try laying on your back. If you like to sit, stand up,” Dr. UC. says. “Changing positioning can improve your pelvic floor muscle resting tone, which can help improve the blood flow to your penis.” So changing up your masturbation positions won’t only feel good for the novelty, but it may also increase the strength of your erections.
Do you ever feel really horny after working out? Well, there’s a reason for that . You release hormones while working out, including adrenaline and dopamine a.k.a. the so-called "feel-good" chemical. Dr. UC adds that it’s excellent to masturbate after working out “because your endorphins are quite high, blood flow is great, and your pelvic floor muscles are completely relaxed.”
"The perineum is the area between the penis and the anus. It's full of nerve endings and very sensitive, so providing some vibration to it can often feel really good," says LELO Sexpert and NYU professor of Human Sexuality Dr. Zhana Vrangalova .
Try pressing a vibrating sex toy to your perineum while stroking your penis with your other hand. Vrangalova recommends either the LELO Lily 2 or the LELO Smart Wand . It's "sure to provide a different kind of orgasm," she says. There are also prostate massagers on the market that stimulate your perineum.
Sex toys aren't just for people with a vulva. For penis-owners, Emily Morse, a sex expert and host of the popular podcast Sex with Emily, recommends the Fleshlight, the popular handheld column that you slip over your junk to simulate the feel of real vaginal or anal sex . (You can even buy an accessory to free up both your hands.)
Vibrators have traditionally been marketed to people with a vulva, which makes sense, given that most need some form of external clitoral stimulation in order to climax during penetrative sex. But recent years have seen an increase in vibrating sex toys designed for dicks , because honestly, those vibrations can feel really damn good on penises, too! One 2012 study found that 44% of heterosexual men had enjoyed the experience of using a vibrator at some point in their life, so don't be shy about trying some of these toys.
"A lot of men, especially those who identify as straight, regularly miss out on a huge source of pleasure: their butts," Vrangalova says. "Butts (of all genders) have a huge number of nerve endings and stimulating them can feel really good. If you have a prostate that you can (indirectly) reach this way, that anal stimulation can be literally mind-blowing."
So how do you bring a little butt play into your next masturbation session? Vrangalova recommends using your hand or a prostate massage toy .
She recommends the LOKI Wave , which "has a nice long handle you can hold with one hand while you stroke with the other, and the wave motion of the internal vibrating part hits the prostate just right."
A cock ring—also known as a penis ring —is a band and that goes around the base of your penis (and sometimes your testicles, too), trapping blood flow in your shaft and thereby strengthening your erection. Cock rings often come up in conversations about how to last longer during partnered sex, but there's no reason not to reap their rock-hard benefits during solo sex. Speaking of benefits: In addition to stronger erections, some guys anecdotally say that cock rings give them stronger orgasms.
Ever heard of the " death grip "? If you find yourself having a hard time reaching orgasm during sex with a partner, it might be because you're squeezing your penis too hard and stroking too fast during masturbation.
"This amount of grip pressure and stroke speed cannot typically be reached with a partner, hence their orgasmic difficulties," Vrangalova says. "To prevent this from happening, make sure you switch up the grip and stroking speed, so you're used to ejaculating in different ways."
The 5-minute speed jerk is fine for most days. But if you have a little extra time, “ edging ”—also called the stop-and-start method—can help you achieve more intense orgasms, Morse promises.
Work yourself right up to the edge of ejaculation and then take a short break—just enough time for your erection to soften a bit. Then start the process over again. Do this three or four times before you orgasm , and you’ll experience more profound, powerful ejaculations, Morse says.
You’ve probably tried incorporating your non-dominant hand into your solo act. You may have even attempted the mythical “Stranger”—sitting on your hand until it falls asleep, and then using it to simulate the sensation of someone else doing the dirty work. But Morse advises using your opposite hand in more creative ways.
Turn your hand so it slides down your penis forefinger-first, and twist it as you stroke. You could also try holding your penis against your stomach with one hand while rapidly sliding a few fingers up and down the underside of your shaft. Like switching positions during sex, mixing in unfamiliar hand maneuvers can break up the tedium, Morse says.
There are nearly as many sex-specific nerve endings in your testicles as there are in your penis. Don’t neglect them, Morse urges.
While individual preferences and sensitivities play a big role in what you’ll enjoy, a lot of men discover an untapped source of stimulation—and more intense orgasms—by pulling down on their testicles rhythmically before ejaculation.
Some guys learn to ignore their penis entirely as they approach the big O, Morse says.
Masturbation entails sexually pleasuring yourself, but it does not mean you have to do it alone in a room with the door locked. Masturbation side-by-side with a partner can be an intimate experience—not to mention an easy, sexy option for when you're both too tired to do anything fancy. "Sex is so much more than penetration," Howard says. "Sex is any type of emotional, spiritual, physical, or erotic connection, and that includes mutual masturbation."
Plus, watching how your partner touches their own body can be a great way to learn exactly what they like in bed, and vice versa.
We know it sounds counterintuitive, but the less you obsess about climaxing, the more enjoyable your sexual experience is likely to be . In our race to have an orgasm, we often end up overlooking the most important aspect of a sexual experience: pleasure. If you have time on your hands, do what feels good —not what you think will get you over the finish line fastest.
"Most people masturbate because they want that release, but allow yourself to focus on the moment of intimacy between you and yourself," Howard says.

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Maressa Brown is a journalist and astrologer who's a regular lifestyle contributor and resident astrologer for InStyle. She has nearly two decades of professional experience writing, reporting, and editing lifestyle content for a variety of digital and print consumer-facing publications including Parents, Shape, Astrology.com, and more. She is currently based in Los Angeles and completing her first title with Artisan Books to be published in early 2023.

It goes without saying that many of us are spending more time at home than we ever have before. We're also trying our darndest to manage the multitude of stressors that are popping up a la whack-a-mole. If your current situation could stand to be infused with more relaxation — and more pleasure — there has never been a better time to master masturbation.

"Self-pleasure has many physical, mental, and emotional benefits," says Shannon Chavez, Psy.D., a psychologist and sex therapist in Los Angeles . For instance, it relieves both physical and emotional stress, floods your body with feel-good, pain-killing endorphins, and orgasms release chemicals and hormones that boost immunity , Chavez points out.

One of the biggest benefits that comes along with masturbation is one we could all certainly use now after the past few stressful and uncertain years: "A release of oxytocin makes you feel safe and calm," Chavez says, adding that masturbation can also be helpful if you're dealing with sleep issues. Another perk: "It improves circulation and blood flow. The benefits to your skin are better than a day at the spa." (Seriously, have you ever seen how your skin can glow after an otherworldly orgasm?) But the long-term benefits of masturbation can also go far deeper. "It can also improve self-esteem and body image by reducing sexual and genital shame."

Talk about a persuasive case for elevating your masturbation game. Here, 16 tips for solo sex that's sure to be fire.

If you're so stressed that sex of any kind feels like the last thing on your mind, you'll do well to start with simple non-sexual activities that will get you out of your head and into your body. A few options:

Make a playlist. "Music helps manage stress and relax the mind and body," Chavez notes. "More upbeat music can help you feel more energized and alert and slower music can calm the mind and release tension in the body by relaxing your muscles."

Practice mindfulness. "Any preparative mindfulness breathing exercise can be a great beginning to a fuller sense of one's own embodiment," says Sari Cooper, an AASECT-certified sex therapist and director of the Center for Love and Sex who is offering virtual sex therapy during the pandemic. She recommends the Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) , which calls for zeroing in on one point of focus, usually the inhalation and exhalation of each breath. "As you practice this mindfulness breathing, you'll become better adept at observing your thoughts as separate things that can be set aside for the moment to bring the focus back to your breath and your body," says Cooper. "Start with five minutes and work up to 10, 15, and then 30 minutes a day."

Take a hot bath. Not only will slipping into a warm tub release tension in the body and create a soothing ambiance for relaxation and peacefulness after a long day, but you'll also prime your body through sensual touch and massage for self-pleasure by using your favorite soaps, oils, and bath sponge, Chavez says.

Stretch. Any movement is beneficial for physical health but stretching can urge tight, tense muscles to chill out, relaxing the body and amplifying blood flow, both of which can improve arousal and orgasm, according to Chavez.

Have an impromptu dance party. "This can loosen up your muscles and energize the body," says Chavez. "It can also be a playful or seductive and a way to explore your body through movement." Start by giving yourself a striptease or naturally release tension in the body by shaking your arms and legs, she suggests — "it's a primal instinct that we have socially unlearned in order to appear in control and it can bring you to a state of balance and prepare you for self-pleasuring."

Chavez recommends focusing on feeling yourself sensually before diving into sexual stimulation. You can start from your head and work your way down, running your hands through your hair, massaging your neck and shoulders, caressing your breasts and belly, and massing your inner thighs.

From there, you might begin to touch your genitals through your clothing or underwear or use your palm to massage the pubic mound, the fleshy tissue above the top of the vulva area, or give your clitoris a sensual massage. Don't hold back from making noises, if you're so inspired. "It can signal to the brain that you are aroused and increase sensations in the body," says Chavez.

And if this is new for you, this is also a good time to let go of any shame or guilt, says Jessica Baum , founder of the Relationship Institute of Palm Beach. "Give yourself permission to look at this as an exploration of your body," she notes. There's no one 'right' way to masturbate.

When you feel aroused enough to start massaging your clitoris, go slowly and gently to start, and pay attention to your breathing, recommends Alissa Vitti, women's hormone expert, author of WomanCode , and founder of FLO Living .

"Approach your clitoris with light strokes at first, and breathe deeply into your abdomen," she advises. "Many women stop breathing during stimulation, which then limits their sensation. You need oxygen to start a fire with your clitoris."

You might already recognize that you get extra horny just before your period or when you're mid-cycle and ovulating, but having a more acute awareness of what your hormones are up to can support your self-pleasuring efforts. "If you are in a phase like the ovulatory phase or the first half of the luteal phase, then you will have the added boost from an estrogen and testosterone surge driving both your interest in sex and your ease in achieving climax," explains Vitti.

"So, don't judge yourself if you are not interested in self-pleasuring during your bleeding week or your follicular phase," says Vitti. "If you want to self-pleasure, then add lube, as these are both 'dry' phases and it will take more support to achieve climax."

Chavez recommends checking out an app called Dipsea , which offers sexy audio stories and intimate guided sessions which are touted as relatable, celebratory, and featuring people who are "empowered in their sexual, social, and romantic experiences."

If you're more visual, think about movie scenes that have turned you on in the past and pull them up online, or recall fantasies that have previously gotten you hot and search for porn that has that theme attached to it, advises Cooper. Pro tip: If you're new to porn, dip your toe in by checking out XConfessions.com , run by indie, feminist adult filmmaker Erika Lust, who makes short erotic films that are smart and sex-positive.

Getting comfortable is key to getting off, so invest some time setting up a luxurious, relaxing space that lends itself to letting go. "Use pillows or blankets to create a 'masturbation nest' that is comfortable for different positions," advises Chavez. You might want to put one under your butt to elevate your hips and give you easier access. And you could also try sitting in a lotus position or Baddha konasana (Butterfly pose), which opens the hips and vulva area.

While exploring your body on your back or side in bed might be your go-to, you might find extra excitement from an unexpected position. "We need variety with sexual pleasure," says Chavez. "Novelty helps spark sexual desire so you need to experiment with your pleasure and orgasm. It can also be a rehearsal for partnered sex to figure out what feels good for you, so that it's easier to communicate with a partner."

For all of those reasons, try touching yourself while standing up. "You'll get better access to your genitals while also being able to watch yourself in a mirror," says Chavez.

Speaking of the mirror, watching yourself in any position can intensify your experience. "This can be helpful for those looking
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How To Have The Best Masturbation

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