How To Have Tantric Sex

How To Have Tantric Sex
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Still, tantric orgasms are a thing...
Sometimes, sex can be a little wham-bam. Let me introduce you to the exact opposite of that: tantric sex. It's that long, slow, "souls-connecting" type of sex that honestly sounds simultaneously intimidating and sexy AF.
You've probably heard about tantric sex before. Maybe you have a vague sense that it involves prolonging a dude's erection (which it kind of does). But tantric sex has actually been around for thousands of years and has origins in the same teachings as yoga.
"Tantra is an ancient Hindu practice, translating to the weaving and expansion of energy, that promotes deeper intimacy by using breath, slower touch, energy, and delayed orgasm," says Dawn Michael, Ph.D., certified sexuality counselor, clinical sexologist, and author of My Husband Won't Have Sex With Me . "It's not orgasm -focused, so it works for individuals who may have anxiety achieving an orgasm too fast or not at all."
There's no rulebook, per say, but at the heart of tantra are sexual rituals that get you in the mood and help you connect with your partner. One biggie: "worshipping" or serving each other. Partners turn the focus on one another (like through massage), which prolongs and builds arousal, say Patricia Johnson and Mark Michaels, co-authors of Tantra for Erotic Empowerment and The Essence of Tantric Sexuality .
Perhaps the best part of tantric sex is that it benefits everyone. "Tantra can help men suffering from premature ejaculation because it slows down the process of sex and removes the pressure to perform," says Tammy Nelson, Ph.D. licensed psychotherapist, relationship expert, and author of Getting the Sex You Want . "For women, learning to relax and be in the moment can help with orgasmic function as well as building desire." It can also help your relationship outside the bedroom by improving intimate communication .
While orgasms aren't the goal, per say, "tantric orgasms" are often referred to as transcendental experiences, says Sally Valentine, Ph.D. , a certified sex therapist in Boca Raton, Florida.
Sign me up, right? But how the heck do you go for it? First, talk it over with your partner. Give them the deets on what it is, and why you want to try it (you know: deeper intimacy, passion, more satisfying sex, or just for fun). Once your boo gives the thumbs up, start incorporating the art of tantra into your sex routine with these simple steps.
Get into the mood is by incorporating rituals into sex. That can be anything, such as setting up your space as a sanctuary with candles, pillows, and soft music. What's most important is that you make sex feel, well, special. "You want a sense that sex is something important and distinct from everyday life," say Johnson and Michaels.
Just as with yoga, tantra begins with and centers around the breath. Try this method recommended by Valentine: Take a full breath in through your nose. On the inhale, fill up your belly with air. Exhale. (Are you doing it right? When you place your hands over your belly, you should feel it expand on the inhale and return to normal on the exhale.)
Visualize that you’re pushing the breath down through your pelvis, knees, and floor. Practice the belly breathing technique a couple times before you bring it into sex so that it becomes more automatic, she recommends.
Eye contact will help you two feel closer during sex. Focus on each other. Traditionally, this is by looking into their left eye, but you can look into both if that's more comfortable to you.
Give each other mini erotic massages. David Yarian , Ph.D., a licensed psychologist and certified sex therapist, recommends switching between who gives and receives pleasure. For instance, you might ask your partner to give you a foot rub for two minutes, and then you would do whatever your partner says they’re craving for two minutes.
During your turn, give your partner feedback (for example, “to the left,” “a little more pressure would be great,” etc.). Then, when it’s your partner’s turn, encourage them to do the same. “This is a way of practicing an element of love-making very intentionally as a way to learn—learn how to be the best lover possible for our partner,” says Yarian. And vice-versa, of course.
“Think about what it feels like to move bodies together,” says Yarian. And try not to judge anything you notice or compare it to other experiences you’ve had—just focus on what you’re feeling in the moment (as opposed to, say, thinking about the orgasm you’re hoping you’ll have in a few minutes). “This is a way of putting the brain in neutral and letting go of the thinking,” says Yarian. It’s also a great way to ensure you don’t miss out on all the spine-tingling pleasure that happens before you get to the finish line.
There's a traditional tantric position called "yab yum" that you might want to try to “help align energies necessary for a powerful tantric love connection,” Judy Kuriansky, Ph.D., writes in The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Tantric Sex . Ask your partner to sit on the floor cross-legged. Facing them, climb on top and put your legs around their body. If you need, you can put a pillow under your rear.
That said, you can make any position tantric, so as long as it feels good and you're comfortable. (Awkward positions are distracting. So yeah, no butter churner .)
"Delaying orgasm often intensifies the experience," say Johnson and Michaels. "Remaining in a high state of arousal can also help people experience energetic orgasms, or orgasms without ejaculating," they add.
Delaying an orgasm means you bring yourself to the bring of having one, only to back off and delay it. Called edging , it's best to give it a whirl while masturbating to get a handle on the technique.
Practice getting yourself up to the point of orgasm, then stopping, and starting up again. Then, when you're with your partner, you can take turns getting each other up toward climax, sliding back down, and then going back up again toward orgasm before surrendering to the fireworks finale.

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Get closer to your partner than ever before.
So, you and your partner have done your research on tantric sex , and have decided you want to try some tantric sex positions in the bedroom. (If you don’t have any idea what Tantra is, you might want to read the Men’s Health explainer on tantric sex before you proceed!)
Need a little refresher? “Tantric sex is a system of combining breath, sound, movement and focus to create longer, more intense orgasms, more intimacy, deeper connection, altered states of reality and transcendent experiences during sex,” says Sarrah Rose, founder of the sex coaching platform Tantric Activation . That’s why Tantra is a way of having better sex, no matter what position you’re in, Rose explains.
Now, many people confuse Tantra and the Kama Sutra —but they're different. “The Kama Sutra teaches advanced sex positions and Tantra can give you ways to move and expand your energy when you're in those positions to make them feel even better,” Rose says.“With all tantric sex positions , use a connected inhale and exhale and take deep breaths in and out to activate your nervous system and create a flow state.” This can help “quiet the mind” so you can be more present. “Use your focus to expand the sensations in you and your partner’s body,” Rose says.
Even though Tantra is more focused on the way in which you have sex, rather than specific sexual positions, there are few configurations that are more commonly used in Tantra. Here are some great tantric sex positions to try with your partner!
How to do it: In this position, the insertive partner lies on their back. The receptive partner squats over the penis-owner, with their feet flat on the ground. In essence, it’s cowgirl position .
What it’s great for: “You can easily keep eye contact and the person on bottom can lay back and enjoy the gorgeous goddess that's riding them,” Rose says. “By inhaling in and out of your mouths with a connected breath, you can get into a primal, ecstatic flow.”
How to do it: The insertive partner lays on their back and has range to lift and lower their pelvis similar to a bridge pose in yoga. The vulva-owner rides their partner and can be in a dominant position of “swinging,” hence the name.
What it’s great for: “This is ideal for the partner on top to feel in control,” says Candice Leigh , Tantra coach and founder of Naked Yoga Therapy . “The person riding can control penetration depth and speed while also stimulating their own clitoris.”
How to do it: The receptive partner lays down with their legs in the penetrative partner’s hands. Penetrative partner is on their knees and directs themselves inside the receiving partner. (A pillow or sex wedge under the receptive partner’s hip can be helpful for this position!)
What it’s great for: This position is great for a number of reasons including, “anal sex, deep vaginal penetration, creating more space in the vulva, self-clitoral stimulation, great vantage points from both partners, eye contact, and shared breath,” says Leigh.
How to do it: This position is similar to Yab Yum, but the couple isn’t as close to one another. The lovers' legs are entwined in “V” shapes, sitting across from one another. Each partner has their hand on their partner’s ankles for leverage and stability.
What it’s great for: This position is perfect for “a more shallow and subtle penetration, eye contact, intimate whispers, full-body view of one another, deep emotional intimacy, sharing breath, and foreplay,” Leigh says.
How to do it: The Tiger is a slight variation of the spooning position. There’s more space between the insertive partner’s chest and the receptive partner’s back. To get into this position, lie down next to one another—both of you on your sides.
What it’s great for: “It’s a tantric sex position that requires a bit less energy and stamina than others. Slow and deep thrusts are great for this position,” Leigh says.
How to do it: To enter this position, the insertive partner (person penetrating) will sit down with their legs crossed. The receptive partner (person being penetrated) will sit on their partner’s lap with their legs straddling their partner. From here, the insertive partner can put their penis into their partner’s vagina, and hold each other while rocking back and forth.
What it’s great for: “This is a classic tantric sex position that shows up over and over, and it's as good as its hype,” Rose says. “It's often used in images of tantric gods and goddesses that show them in a tantric embrace.” She continues, “This position is amazing because it's close and intimate and you can do the tantric practice of eye gazing, and being close makes it easy to synchronize breath.”
How to do it: The receptive partner will lay on their stomach with a pillow under their hips to raise them. Their legs will be straight and slightly spread with their arms in front or by their sides. The insertive partner will lay on top of their partner, resting their forearms on the bed to prop themselves up slightly.
What it’s great for: You can play with the bottom’s hip positioning to find the optimal angle to hit the spot, Rose explains. “You can feel the front of the top’s heart connecting to the back of bottom’s, and both partners can inhale and exhale out of their hearts and focus their energy there for extra connection,” she says.
How to get into the position: It’s missionary , you guys. You know what to do. One partner lies on their back while the top partner inserts themselves.
What it’s great for: “Begin by looking into each other's eyes; inhale and exhale together at the same time,” says Rose. “As you start to feel the sexual energy moving through your bodies, inhale that energy up your spine and into your brain and out through the point between your brows,” she says.

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Mention the word 'tantra' and, if you come from a Western European background, you likely imagine marathon sex sessions, like those mentioned by various celebrities over the years (cough, Sting, cough.) The reality of the practice, though, is a lot more complex, spiritual and profound than this.
'Tantra is difficult to explain to someone with no knowledge of it at all, as it has a big meaning. It’s a religion, culture, way of life, way of being. In a nutshell, it is a spiritual practice, with the aim of becoming a better human, to cultivate compassion, kindness, helpfulness and peacefulness,' explains Mal Weeraratne , a certified Tantra Educator and the founder of Tantric Journey – School of Healing and Awakening.
'Sex is only one seventh of tantric practices (and you need to look at this as sexual energy, rather than sex itself.) It's an important part, but there are other components: about living in your truth, about awareness and consciousness. Most people spend their lives imagining the future or the past, and miss the moment, this is something Tantra seeks to correct,' he adds. It should be noted that there are four schools of Tantra, each with different specific practices. As such, it's a complex matter – making broad generalisations hard.
As to its origins? These are derived from certain Hindu, Buddhist and Jain advanced practices, which often focus on connection between the masculine and feminine energies within all of us. 'Tantric sex has its roots in the ancient philosophies and teachings of Tantra, from before the 6th century, which originated in [South East] Asia', says Stella Anna Sonnenbaum , Somatic Sex Coach and Educator. 'Tantra does not need to be a sexual path, and what we refer to as 'Tantra' in the West are actually sexual practices from Neo-Tantra.' The latter is a Western school of practice which does have some roots in classical Tantra practice, but which is often fused with other New Age elements. Some critics argue that it is free from the spiritual framework of its fore-bearer.
Classical Tantra encourages practitioners to live with awareness, whatever they’re doing — not unlike another form of meditation that's come to the wellbeing forefront, mindfulness. Tantra is focused traditionally on study, dedication, meditation, rituals, like mantras and visualisations, breath-work and sex, but the latter was a small part of the holistic practice and only for advanced students.
'If depends on one’s definition of Tantra. Ask many different people who practice Tantra and you will get a different answers, much as how no-one agrees as to where Tantra originated from, as there are so many lineages,' explains Sanjay, a Certified Tantric Educator . 'In my opinion, Tantra is the conscious use of one’s energy. Classical Tantra is focused on the Tantric Texts (which hardly mention sex) and yoga practices. It also considered more Eastern practices such as Satsang [spiritual meetings] and meditation. Although Classical Tantra can include Buddhism... there are many different philosophies involved.
'Neo-Tantra is a Westernised interpretation of Tantra that adds in sexual energy as well as using tantra practices that can bring us into presence and connection such as meditation, yoga, energetic work. One form of using sexual energy is utilising massage and touch.'
'Tantric Sex can enhance both self pleasure and love-making with our partners, by conscious breathing, awareness of energy flow, visualisati
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How To Have Tantric Sex

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