How To Have Sex With A Small Dick
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How To Have Sex With A Small Dick
Updated on August 21, 2022 @ 11:22PM
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Maressa Brown is a journalist and astrologer who's a regular lifestyle contributor and resident astrologer for InStyle. She has nearly two decades of professional experience writing, reporting, and editing lifestyle content for a variety of digital and print consumer-facing publications including Parents, Shape, Astrology.com, and more. She is currently based in Los Angeles and completing her first title with Artisan Books to be published in early 2023.
If you had to list all of the traits you're looking for in a male partner , it might read something like, "awesome sense of humor, sexy smile, and a shared love of tacos, hiking, and Ozark ." Penis size is pretty low on the list of must-have characteristics.
Still, plenty of men fear their penis size is below average. So what's that defined as? "In the sex-positive world, we like to use a broader spectrum for penis size," says Amy Baldwin, sex educator, sex and relationship coach, and co-host of the Shameless Sex Podcast . "We consider the average penis size in the U.S. to be about four to six inches long when erect. So a penis of below-average size could be anything less than four inches."
Baldwin also bears noting that different people prefer different sizes and fits. "Penises and vaginal canals come in all different shapes, lengths, and sizes," she notes. "Someone with a smaller vaginal canal may be happier with someone with a smaller penis."
Plenty of moves will maximize your pleasure if your partner's penis falls into the "smaller" category.
If you're a vulva owner, most of the nerve endings you want to hit during sex are located externally — in the clitoris, labia, and the first inch of the vaginal canal, points out Baldwin. "Beyond that point, there are generally fewer nerve endings, except the G-spot and cervix, but those points respond more to pressure," she adds.
For the most part, stimulating these external spots will lead to orgasm, so a smaller penis can easily offer plenty of pleasure to these spots with the right movement and technique, says Baldwin.
For instance, positions in which bodies are more closely connected will amplify stimulation of nerve-ending-rich zones and leave less room for the penis to slip out, notes Shan Boodram , a certified sexologist, and K-Y's intimacy educator.
Finding your go-to, hottest, most pleasurable position will always be a matter of exploration and experimentation to see what works best for you. But Baldwin and other experts recommend giving the following sex positions and techniques a whirl should your partner have a smaller penis.
Porn stars usually bust out a thrusting or pounding motion, but Baldwin suggests grinding instead. "This works well with the vulva-owning partner on top, face-to-face with the penis-owning partner," she explains. "Bring your bodies close together so that you aren't too perpendicular — a smaller penis may slip out if you aren't close enough. The vulva owner can then get comfortable, position their pelvis on the penis, and grind their body against it." Move your hips back and forth or even try some spirals.
Not only will grinding hit the external hot spots of the vulva, but it should also benefit your partner's pleasure. "Because the head of the penis has the most nerve endings, it will get plenty of action even with this adjusted position," notes Baldwin.
Gigi Engle , SKYN Sex & Intimacy Expert , certified sex coach, sexologist, and author, seconds this move and recommends putting a pillow under your hips for a bit of extra lift, which can offer a feeling of deeper penetration. She notes that you can also spread your butt cheek during the ride to engage even more nerve endings and sensations.
2. Bring your knees to your chest .
Rachel Sommer, Ph.D., a clinical sexologist and co-founder of My Sex Toy Guide , recommends lying on your back with your legs wide open, pulling your knees toward your chest. Your partner can then kneel in front of you and enter you from above. "This position allows for a direct approach to penetration," she explains. Plus, it leaves room for clitoral stimulation. If your partner holds your thighs in place, you can add a clit vibe to penetration.
You probably already know that doggy style lends itself to deeper penetration. If your partner has a smaller penis, you can get a greater sense of fullness by altering this position and lying flat while bringing your legs together, advises Engle.
"You can grab your favorite vibrator, and stick it between your legs, under your body, so you're riding it while your partner is riding you," says Engle. (She likes SKYN's Thrill for this.)
If you're a fan of a lot of friction, this move can set you up to achieve an orgasm fast.
4. Try missionary with one leg up — or even two.
Natasha Riley, a licensed professional counselor, and certified sex coach recommends lying on your back with one or both legs on your partner's shoulders. By getting your leg(s) out of the way, you'll set the stage for deeper penetration. "This is a super romantic position that allows for eye gaze and passionate kissing," she explains.
You can also add height to the hips with a cushion or pillow to bring you even closer to your partner, explains Riley.
Egg vibrators, like LELO's LYLA 2, are inserted into the vaginal canal and can sit up near the cervix. Adding one to partnered play can create a shallow space for your S.O.'s penis to move, points out Engle. "This will allow the vagina to feel fuller," she points out.
While your partner lies on their back, you can slide onto the penis while facing their feet, advises Riley. If you bring your legs closer together, you'll have more control over penetration depth. "This position is visually appealing for the man and allows for the woman to have easier access to stimulate her clitoris for heightened pleasure," she explains.
Your partner can also place a cushion or pillow under the small of their back to create a tilt and lift of their pelvis, which results in a greater feeling of fullness.
Consider this one next-level missionary. "Instead of having your legs spread apart, put them over your partner's shoulders," explains Engle. "They can lean into your body for great depth or hold onto your ankles for more support."
No matter how you and your partner get it on, you'll want to prioritize comfort, control, and creativity, says Boodram. "Comfort because if you are preoccupied with pain or fear of the pain, it's difficult to focus on pleasure; control, because great sex is intentional and having the ability to add a hand or toy in the mix, can make all the difference; and creativity because the brain gets excited when something feels new," she explains.
But when it comes to pinpointing the ultimate position that checks all these boxes, there really is no such thing as one size fits all.
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If your partner has a micropenis — one that's 2 ¾ inches or less when erect — it's very possible they've felt shame or embarrassment about it at some point, even though it in no way means a satisfying sex life is out of the question. "Sex should be more than penetration, and satisfaction can come so many ways," sexuality educator Julian Wolf points out. "Between oral, hands, grinding, penetration, and toys, a good time can be had by all involved, regardless of genital configuration."
"I feel the same desires as guys who are better-endowed," Cosmopolitan.com's micropenis-having source J.F. adds. "Penis size is so often conflated with human worth by both men and women ... While many men with small penises report mentally crushing experiences, it doesn't have to be that way." If your partner is less than well-endowed, there's no shortage of tips for better hookups — read on and see.
1. Have an orgasm *before* the penetrative sex even begins. "If the penis-having partner is worried...then helping their partner orgasm before penetration ever takes place can help insure that there's less pressure on penetrative performance," sex educator and coach Stella Harris tells Cosmopolitan.com. When you prioritize the pleasure you get from your partner's hands, mouth, use of toys, or a combination of a these, penetration becomes the icing on the top instead of the make-it-or-break-it main event. And the pleasure can go both ways at once: "I find that 69ing with someone who's below average is a fabulous use of time," Wolf says. "When I don't have to worry about gagging/breathing as much, I can focus on doing all sorts of neat things with my tongue as they stimulate me."
2. If your partner slips out, give them a lip job. If you've never heard of a lip job, that's because it's the term I just made up to describe this move from Koomah: "Enjoy rubbing and stroking his penis head or the shaft up and down in your vaginal lips," Koomah says. "Try a grinding or rocking motion along with working your pelvic floor muscles." Even if you're comfortable with your partner, it can be awkward if they slip out of you, and immediately scrambling to reinsert can make it even more so. A lip job keeps the action moving with a "we totally meant for that to happen" vibe.
3. Get on top and squeeze. As Koomah , an intersex-bodied, LGBTQI-inclusive sex educator, tells Cosmopolitan.com, girl-on-top and reverse cowgirl set you up to tighten your pelvic floor muscles to grip the penis inside more firmly. They also allow you — or your partner — to rub your clit. Score.
4. Make missionary more satisfying by resting your ankles or calves on your partner's shoulders and tilting your pelvis up. Nicole Rosenthal, a human sexuality education student at Widener University, once dated a man with a near-micropenis. When they had sex with him on top, she'd put both of her ankles on one of his shoulders so that her pelvis was tilted up and he had maximum access to her. For positions in which you're on your back or your partner is, you can also place a pillow or a sex accessory like the Liberator Wedge under your hips to elevate them: As Erin Basler, brand manager at The Center for Sexual Pleasure and Health , points out,"This changes the angle of the hips, allowing for deeper penetration and a more precise angle for stimulating the front wall of the vaginal canal," which is super sensitive.
5. Have your partner insert their penis and a finger at the same time. "If you are on your back, I recommend having their thumb inserted and applying pressure downward toward the anus," Koomah says. "This gives the vagina the sensation of being filled even more and creates a nice sensation on his penis as well."
6. Doggy style is another winning position. Positions that fit your genitals together as snugly as possible, like girl-on-top and doggy style, minimize slippage risk and maximize penetration depth. Koomah says that you shouldn't get too hung up on depth of penetration, though, since "the clitoris, vaginal opening, and first internal inch or so are the most sensitive" parts of your genitals. Small penises shine during doggy style especially because they can hit the sensitive front wall of the vagina directly.
7. Experiment with a female condom. "For smaller than average penises, a smaller sized condom — look for 'snug fit' or 'tight grip' on the label — can work well," sex educator Sarah Sloane advises. "Another great option, especially for folks that don't like traditional condoms, is the FC2 female condom , which is worn by the person being penetrated and therefore works great for all penis sizes.
8. You might want to skip the lube. This one depends on how wet you get, but lube reduces friction, which is a plus with some penises but can make it harder to feel smaller ones. And if you get really wet on your own, consider wiping some of that natural lubrication off before penetration.
9. It's easier to get adventurous with anal play. If you're new to butt stuff, a smaller penis can honestly be a blessing. "Try anal on your side in a spooning position," Koomah says. "Your partner can reach around and rub or use a vibe on your clit for extra stimulation." Also consider experimenting with double penetration with toys like dildos (including strap-ons) and butt plugs, which "can be less intimidating with someone who isn't large," Wolf says. "A butt plug and vaginal intercourse, or vibrator and anal intercourse, make for some deep orgasmic play."
10. Using a penis extender can be fun for both of you. "You may want to go beyond your local adult toy store and use the Internet to seek out some custom prosthetics such as those specifically designed for transmen — they also work great for people with micropenises," Koomah says. The problem with many extenders is that they don't stimulate the wearer very much, sex educator Kelly Shibari points out — as a rep for the sex toy company Perfect Fit Brand, she recommends its penis extender for the toy's interior ribs and nubs, which are designed to make the wearer feel great too. Sloane advocates body-safe, semi-rigid extenders that loop around both penis base and scrotum to keep them in place. "Once a bit of lube is added to the inside, the snugness and suction make it feel as amazing to the wearer as the firm penetration does to the receiver," she says.
11. Give the frenulum extra love with thumbs. If your entire fist seems to dwarf your partner's penis, target specific areas of it with your fingers — especially the frenulum, the ridge of sensitive tissue under the head of the penis. Try placing your forefinger and thumb over the frenulum on either side of the penis and moving them back and forth and up and down.
12. Vibration is great and cock rings are THE BEST. Rosenthal says that the best things her partner did for pleasure were to get amazing at manual and oral sex and at using toys on her: "Penetrative sex with his penis became secondary to focusing on my pleasure through other means." Cock rings are magical because they "keep the blood flow in the shaft of the penis, heightening sensation for your partner and providing a very stiff piece of 'equipment' for you," sex educator Scarlette Cyn says. Shopping for one with your partner can be foreplay in and of itself. Only about 25% of women consistently orgasm from vaginal intercourse no matter the size of the penis (or dildo) involved — you need direct clitoral stimulation, and cock rings are designed to provide it.
13. Don't lie about your partner's size. "I feel confident in saying that most guys who have experienced a woman lying about their size take it like a jab to the ribs, only the pain lasts a lot longer," J.F. says. "Such a lie, however well-intentioned, infers that there is genuinely something wrong with having a small or tiny penis." Better than telling your partner is penis is normal or big is to say that you like it — and your partner — the way they are, and that you're excited to explore all kinds of sex with them. "If the guy seems insecure at first, just try to give him time to feel accepted," J.F. adds.
14. Think of sex as more ( way more) than penetration. The most important advice for people with smaller-than-average penises and their partners may be to expand their sexual diets. Rosenthal adds, "Because [my partner] didn't focus on his penis or penis size as the primary source of his sense of masculinity, nor the primary source of sexual pleasure for me, he was able to focus more on actual sensation and really get into what we were both feeling" — and that is what sex should be about.
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When it comes to having great sex, penis size really doesn’t matter.
It’s not the size of the wave, but the motion of the ocean, after all.
And yet for many people, it’s very much still a thing – so we understand why, if you have a small penis, you might have worries.
The good news is that if you are feeling a touch insecure, there are tweaks you can make to boost your confidence and everyone’s pleasure
Madalaine Munro , a sex expert, says: ‘Your ability to give someone pleasure is not dependent on the size of your penis.
‘Given the prominence of porn and objectification of the penis size, it is totally understandable if it is an area of your body that brings up insecurities.
‘The size of a penis doesn’t create great sex but communication , connection and presence do. The best sex is a co-creation; it requires two people being honest about what they want and sharing this with each other.’
Ness Cooper , a sex consultant, says there isn’t one set position to work with – but there are plenty that can help with deeper penetration.
She says: ‘Communicating with your sexual partner that you would like to try different sex positions can help you become aware of different sensations you can feel during sex – remember sex doesn’t have to be orgasm focused and this applies to those with penises too, as long as it’s consensual and feels good that it importan
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