How To Have Sex Dreams
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How To Have Sex Dreams
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Dudes get dealt a pretty difficult card in the early waking hours: not only do they battle morning breath and eye crust, but they're also stuck with the added risk of unconscious tent-pitching and, even worse, waking up to a random, sticky love stain on their sheets in the middle of the night.
Wet dreams are a messy reality, and in an effort to find out WHY, we spoke with Dr. Ian Kerner , licensed psychotherapist and sex counselor, as well as Dr. Darius Paduch, associate professor of urology and reproductive medicine at Weill Cornell Medical College. Here’s the inside scoop on sleepytime goop.
“A wet dream, medically called a nocturnal emission, is a spontaneous ejaculation that generally young men entering puberty experience when they are not always masturbating. The wet dream relieves the build up of semen,” Dr. Kerner explains. “They are healthy and normal and not really within voluntary control. Some boys will recall an erotic dream, but most do not.”
“Biologically it is connected to maturity,” says Dr. Paduch. “Ejaculation stems from puberty. A lot of boys will have nocturnal emissions and then begin masturbating around 12 or 13. Nocturnal emissions are associated with REM sleep, which is where we have those vivid dreams, and these dreams don’t necessarily have to be sexual.” Dr. Paduch goes on to explain that on average, younger guys will have one nocturnal emission every two to three weeks unless they ejaculate regularly -- which, let’s face it, isn’t really that tall of an order.
“We don’t really know why it happens. It happens in animals the same way. Evolutionarily speaking, it’s a way of naturally supplying the tissue with blood and sustaining the optimal health of the penis,” says Dr. Paduch.
But wet dreams aren’t necessarily limited to the under 13 set, so don’t take the plastic off those bamboo sheets just yet. Dr. Kerner says it’s not nearly as frequent as it might be for a young, budding teenager, but adults can get nocturnal emissions, too . According to Dr. Paduch, “as we get older and have regular sex and masturbate, then the frequency of nocturnal emissions decreases to probably one in every six to eight weeks. Some men never experience them.”
Wipe that smirk off your faces, ladies, because you too can have wet dreams -- although yours are far less… messy, and frankly a lot more fun. OK, you can keep smirking.
For women a wet dream is called a “nocturnal orgasm,” and it can happen entirely without physical stimulation. Blood flow to the genitals increases during REM sleep, much in the same way it does when a woman is aroused when awake. Paduch says that the amount of natural lubrication in the vagina increases during erotic dreams, and the results can be quite… explosive (yeah, we went there).
A study done by the Journal of Sex Research found that 85% of women had experienced nocturnal orgasms by the age of 21. For women who are lucky enough to be touched by this specific and sexy angel, sleep-gasms can happen multiple times per year.
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Meagan Drillinger is a contributing writer for Thrillist and is VERY excited about going to sleep tonight. Follow her on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook at @drillinjourneys .
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Dreams have long been the center of psychological study and fascination. Dreams can be soothing, comforting, frightening, or confusing. They can also affect your sleep .
We spend an average of two hours 1 a night dreaming but very rarely remember the dreams that we have. While most dreams occur during the rapid eye movement 2 (REM) sleep stage, they can occur during any stage 3 of the sleep cycle.
While adults dream fairly frequently, not everyone experiences sex dreams. Scienctific research stops short of exploring specific sex dreams, but many therapists and psychologists have their own theories about the meaning of sex dreams.
Although the neurological aspects of dreams are fairly well-researched, less research has been conducted to explore the content and meaning of various types of dreams. That said, there are many theories about the role dreams play in the human psyche. Some theorists believe that dreams allow us to act out potential scenarios 4 or help our brain map and store memories. Other researchers suggest that dreams are a way to cope with traumatic or stressful events 5 .
Sex dreams are considered normal. They are also quite common. More than 70% of people report experiencing a sex dream 6 at least once in their life. Even if the content of the dream is unnerving — for example, a dream of sleeping with your boss or cheating on your partner — it doesn’t necessarily mean that something is wrong. In fact, most people dream of those that they recognize 7 , so it is normal to have dreams about people you interact with frequently.
Unfortunately, there’s limited research on what sex dreams mean. Dream meaning can be difficult to study because dreams are subjective to the person experiencing them, and they are not always easy to remember upon waking.
Psychologists and researchers have theorized about sex dreams since Sigmund Freud in the early 19th century. Freud believed that dreams were the conscious and subconscious 8 parts of the mind organizing themselves during sleep. While there is no clear answers on what sex dreams mean, there are a few common theories.
Although everyone experiences dreaming differently, there are a few themes that are commonly present in sex dreams.
It is common for those who are in a relationship to dream about current or former partners 9 . These types of dreams may be part of processing a current relationship or grieving a past one. Single people who are seeking a relationship are less likely to dream of people they have dated.
Dreaming about sex with a stranger may simply be a sign of a healthy libido and normal sexual arousal. If you or a partner dreams of sleeping with a stranger, it is not necessarily indicative of cheating or a desire to cheat.
While dreams that include infidelity may not be a direct reflection of your waking life, they could correspond to feelings of jealousy or a lack of intimacy 10 in your current relationship. It may be helpful to discuss potential concerns with your partner.
Whether you dream of your professor or your boss, a sex dream about a person in authority over you may indicate that you are seeking approval from someone in charge.
Analyzing your dreams can offer insight into your everyday life. Journaling about your dreams may help you recognize patterns and process different emotions.
Danielle writes in-depth articles about sleep solutions and holds a psychology degree from the University of British Columbia.
Dr. Wright, M.D., is an Anatomic and Clinical Pathologist with a focus on hematopathology. She has a decade of experience in the study of disease.
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Danielle writes in-depth articles about sleep solutions and holds a psychology degree from the University of British Columbia.
Want to read more about all our experts in the field? Learn About The Editorial Team
Dr. Wright, M.D., is an Anatomic and Clinical Pathologist with a focus on hematopathology. She has a decade of experience in the study of disease.
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Posted August 13, 2019
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“Does this mean I want to do this in real life?”
“Does it mean that I am really gay/ bisexual /straight?”
“Should I try to enact it in real life?”
“What does this dream/fantasy say about me?”
“How can I make this fantasy come true?”
Although it has been about 15 years since my last “Ask Isadora” column where I answered readers’ questions, I still get questions like the above at least once a week, sometimes more often, usually through email but occasionally in the mail. Perhaps if I answer them here, we’ll all be better off.
What does a sexual dream or fantasy mean? It means you’re human! How often do you (or anyone) dream that you’re late for class or for an important exam? No matter how many years school is in your past, this is a common anxiety dream.
How about dreams where you’re naked or have a clothing mishap that leaves you exposed? That’s very common too, and it certainly doesn’t mean you want to lose your pants at a party. So no, dreams usually don’t express a desire, but often do express something you’re feeling, such as anxious or afraid of being laughed at.
We are all sexual beings, so to dream sexually about men if you are a lesbian or about a threesome if you are monogamous only means that you are human. Do you want actually to act upon whatever your dream or fantasy was? That’s up to you. The dream or fantasy does not mean a desire to act upon it necessarily. It’s usually a passing sexual thought, no more.
Should you try to act out your sexual vision? Your choice, your life. Some sexual fantasies , such as riding bareback on a unicorn, are clearly fantasies only. Others, like throwing yourself at your boss, are just not a good idea for anyone. Many fantasies might be doable, might even be legal, but after some waking thought, would you really want to?
What does a dream or fantasy say about you? Again, usually no more than you’re human with a curious mind.
If it is a repeating dream or recurring fantasy, you might want to examine it more calmly in the light of day and ask yourself is this something you would like to try to make come true. Is it legal? How might you do this? What are the possible outcomes? Then make your decision about any actions in the cold light of day. A dream or fantasy, even one that’s frequent, does not say anything about you that you don’t already know.
Lastly, how do you make a fantasy come true? Years ago, I had a counseling client who fantasized about having sex in a swimming pool with his wife dressed in evening clothes. He asked her to, and she refused. It seemed too “weird.” He came to see me about how to make his dream come true. He didn’t want to hire a sex worker to do it; he wanted his wife. Their shower or bath at home wouldn’t do.
I asked to see her in my office to explore her objections. Would she prefer he acted out his fantasies with another woman? No. Would she prefer he wanted to enact a fantasy potentially harmful or illegal? No. This was harmless and within the boundaries of monogamy .
I strongly urged her to reconsider for the sake of her loving husband. She eventually did. No, she never got as into it as he did, but it wasn’t terrible for
Bruce Ventura
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Girls And Dogs Having Sex