How To Hands Free Orgasm

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Men have long bemoaned the idea that women can have multiple orgasms, but men can’t. Men, after all, have to deal with the frustrating refractory period—after an orgasm, their penises stay limp no matter how much they try to coax them into action. Their energy levels are depleted, anyway, and they often just want to sleep.
But men actually can have multiple orgasms—as long as they separate their orgasm from the physiological experience of ejaculation. Here’s how to learn how to orgasm without ejaculation.
Orgasm and ejaculation often occur in tandem for men, which leads a lot of men to thinking they’re the same process. But they’re not. It is possible to separate the experience of orgasming from the experience of ejaculating.
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Learning how to separate orgasm from ejaculation takes a lot of effort, determination, time, and practice. It’s not something you’re going to learn overnight. For some men, it may not be worth it. You may also find that focusing so heavily on trying to orgasm in a very specific way takes the fun out of orgasm. But fortunately, many of the techniques you need to use to learn how to have an orgasm separate from ejaculation are techniques that are beneficial in and of themselves.
A lot of people get squirrely about touching the testicles because they’re afraid of hurting the…
Your PC muscles need to be in good condition to help you separate orgasm from ejaculation. Your PC muscles are one of the primary ways you’ll control your orgasm.
If you’ve never exercised your PC muscles before, the first step is finding them. The next time you’re urinating, try to cut off your flow of urine before your bladder is empty. The muscles you’ll need to use to do that are your PC muscles. It will feel like a vague “pulling up” feeling.
The basis of a PC exercise is squeezing, releasing, and gently bearing down on those muscles. You want to make sure you’re not flexing your ab, butt or thigh muscles. Just the PC muscles.
The basic routine that I teach is to practice short pulses and long holds. For the short pulses, you simply squeeze and release over and over in quick succession. 20 in a row is a good number to shoot for. For the longer holds, you slowly squeeze, hold at the top of the squeeze, and slowly release. You want to feel as much control as possible on squeeze and on the release. Over time, practice increasing your hold time up to 10 seconds.
Faking orgasms doesn’t do anyone any favors. It doesn’t feel satisfying for you; if anything, it…
Your breath plays a surprisingly big role in your orgasm. When you get closer to orgasm (or when you’re filled with anxiety that you’re going to orgasm too quickly), you start breathing shallowly and rapidly. This breath can actually push you over the edge into orgasm.
If you want to learn greater control of your orgasm, you have to focus on improving your breath. Most people breathe shallowly in and out of the tops of their chest. Instead, try to direct your breath downward. Some people call this “belly breathing” or “diaphragm breathing.” You want to envision your entire torso expanding and contracting with each breath. You also want to try to slow down your breath. Try counting to seven on the inhale, holding for five, then counting to seven on the exhale.
The next step to developing more control over your orgasms is to increase the amount of time you masturbate for. If you’ve ever read one of my articles about male masturbation, you’ve heard me say that you should aim to create the same patterns in your masturbation as you want to have in your partnered sex life. If your masturbation sessions are two minutes tops, you’re going to have a hard time lasting much longer than that during partnered sex.
Aim to masturbate for about 20-30 minutes every day or every other day. Don’t watch porn when you masturbate. (I wasn’t joking when I said this was work!) You need to be able to focus on the sensation in your body while you masturbate, and porn is often too big of a distraction.
Breasts can be pleasurable to play with for the one doing the playing and the breast-haver alike.…
The trick to separating orgasm from ejaculation is to use your PC muscles to stop yourself from ejaculation right when you’re on the brink. As you masturbate, when you feel yourself getting close to orgasm, stop touching your penis and squeeze hard on your PC muscles. Try to hold for about 10 seconds. Then resume touching yourself. Practice getting yourself closer and closer to the point of no return.
The key is to do the PC squeeze right at the moment of orgasmic inevitability. This is a lot trickier than it sounds. You’re not going to get it to happen the first time (or even the 10th time), but with repeated practice, you should eventually be able to separate your orgasm from your ejaculation. The PC squeeze should stop the ejaculation, but should allow you to continue feeling waves of orgasmic pleasure. You won’t have a refractory period. With repeated practice, you may also notice that your orgasms get longer or more intense.

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Aim to masturbate for about 20-30 minutes every day


I have a pretty wide-ranging sexual appetite, and it occurred to me a while ago that while I'd played with prostate stimulation, I'd never had an orgasm from it alone. I have an Aneros MGX, and their testimonials make me think I ought to try this.

I've used the Aneros as well as a Rude-Boy a lot in conjunction with "vanilla" masturbation, and it definitely enhances the experience, but I've never experienced the qualitatively different orgasms the Aneros testimonials describe. If it doesn't happen, it doesn't happen, and I'm not going to get bent out of shape if it doesn't, because I've already had a lot of fun along the way. But I'm interested in advice from people who've been there, like this:

* I'd like to do this while laying down so I can be more relaxed, but it seems like using the Rude-Boy while sitting could give stronger stimulation (the Aneros's handle makes it difficult to sit with it in). Is that worth a try?

* How long do you need to go between ejaculations to "refill" your prostate to the point where you can do this kind of thing? Three days? I usually masturbate to ejaculation at least once a day, but I guess I could hold off.

* Am I barking up the wrong alley here? That is, would a different method, such as erotic electrostimulation, be more helpful? I've wanted to play with e-stim and violet wands and the like for a while, but the initial outlay makes me a bit nervous--advice about getting into electrical play on a budget is welcome.

(I don't think it matters, but I'm 29 and heterosexual. I live in the Bay Area if you want to recommend local resources. Throwaway email: pulvinarjusto at gmail dot com.)
I usually masturbate to ejaculation at least once a day, but I guess I could hold off.

Yeaaah, this is too much. There's a reason these are often used in conjunction with chastity devices in BDSM. Depends on the guy, but I'd try waiting at least 4-5 days.

Re: ero-stim - I haven't seen or heard about guys getting off from it alone. I suppose it's possible, but I'm surprised I haven't heard about it if it is.
posted by desjardins at 2:44 PM on January 1, 2010
Use your fingers, or someone else's for that matter. It's the only way I know to reach orgasm by stimulating the prostate alone: the mechanical devices you mention do not have the necessary fine-grained massaging abilities that our finger digits have.

Also note that exclusive prostate stimulation makes for a *very slow* orgasm build-up, much slower even than e.g. massaging only your frenulum, and the result although quite unique is not "explosive." You may be in for disappointment if you expect intense orgasms.
posted by knz at 2:54 PM on January 1, 2010 [1 favorite]
That is, would a different method, such as erotic electrostimulation, be more helpful? I've wanted to play with e-stim and violet wands and the like for a while, but the initial outlay makes me a bit nervous--advice about getting into electrical play on a budget is welcome.

I don't know if EES would be more helpful or not, but if you're looking to try it out on a budget, there are "starter kits" that include a TENS-like unit and sticky pads for less than 100 bucks. They're not the greatest things, but will give you a good idea if you like this type of sensation at all, without spending a fortune to find out.

It doesn't sound like a violent wand is what you're looking for. Those tend to be enjoyed more by people who like a certain amount of pain, whereas the TENS-like devices can feel quite nice once you figure out what works for you. As a very rough approximation of the difference, I find violet wands feel more like static sparks, whereas a TENS unit or similar is closer to a vibration sort of sensation.
posted by FishBike at 3:04 PM on January 1, 2010
Re: ero-stim - I haven't seen or heard about guys getting off from it alone. I suppose it's possible, but I'm surprised I haven't heard about it if it is.

Not to make this chatfilter-y, but since it's relevant to the OP's question: it's possible, but takes some experimentation to figure out the right equipment and techniques to get it to happen. (This is from first-hand, so to speak, experience.)
posted by FishBike at 3:08 PM on January 1, 2010
and the result although quite unique is not "explosive." You may be in for disappointment if you expect intense orgasms.

I have had a few gentleman callers who would flat-out disagree with you on that score. Of those I've been with who can do the hands-free thing, they have universally agreed that the orgasms are significantly more intense, largely due to the long buildup.

You may wish to investigate a partner to assist with this. In your case, she'd need a strap-on, but I'm guessing that openminded girls are not exactly in short supply in your neck of the woods.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 3:34 PM on January 1, 2010
An interesting/amused/curious/open-minded partner willing to assist would be a great help, mine is.
posted by Blasdelb at 6:30 PM on January 1, 2010
The instructions that come with the Aneros are a bit... well, crap. They make it sound like you have to lay still and meditate with this hunk of plastic up your butt in order for it to work.

This guy (for Science!) didn't get much out of laying on his side as per the instructions, but laying on his back worked.

And here's an alternative user guide. [PDF]
posted by CKmtl at 7:46 PM on January 1, 2010 [4 favorites]
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