How To Hands Free Ejaculate
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How To Hands Free Ejaculate
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Men have long bemoaned the idea that women can have multiple orgasms, but men can’t. Men, after all, have to deal with the frustrating refractory period—after an orgasm, their penises stay limp no matter how much they try to coax them into action. Their energy levels are depleted, anyway, and they often just want to sleep.
But men actually can have multiple orgasms—as long as they separate their orgasm from the physiological experience of ejaculation. Here’s how to learn how to orgasm without ejaculation.
Orgasm and ejaculation often occur in tandem for men, which leads a lot of men to thinking they’re the same process. But they’re not. It is possible to separate the experience of orgasming from the experience of ejaculating.
Learning how to separate orgasm from ejaculation takes a lot of effort, determination, time, and practice. It’s not something you’re going to learn overnight. For some men, it may not be worth it. You may also find that focusing so heavily on trying to orgasm in a very specific way takes the fun out of orgasm. But fortunately, many of the techniques you need to use to learn how to have an orgasm separate from ejaculation are techniques that are beneficial in and of themselves.
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Your PC muscles need to be in good condition to help you separate orgasm from ejaculation. Your PC muscles are one of the primary ways you’ll control your orgasm.
If you’ve never exercised your PC muscles before, the first step is finding them. The next time you’re urinating, try to cut off your flow of urine before your bladder is empty. The muscles you’ll need to use to do that are your PC muscles. It will feel like a vague “pulling up” feeling.
The basis of a PC exercise is squeezing, releasing, and gently bearing down on those muscles. You want to make sure you’re not flexing your ab, butt or thigh muscles. Just the PC muscles.
The basic routine that I teach is to practice short pulses and long holds. For the short pulses, you simply squeeze and release over and over in quick succession. 20 in a row is a good number to shoot for. For the longer holds, you slowly squeeze, hold at the top of the squeeze, and slowly release. You want to feel as much control as possible on squeeze and on the release. Over time, practice increasing your hold time up to 10 seconds.
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Your breath plays a surprisingly big role in your orgasm. When you get closer to orgasm (or when you’re filled with anxiety that you’re going to orgasm too quickly), you start breathing shallowly and rapidly. This breath can actually push you over the edge into orgasm.
If you want to learn greater control of your orgasm, you have to focus on improving your breath. Most people breathe shallowly in and out of the tops of their chest. Instead, try to direct your breath downward. Some people call this “belly breathing” or “diaphragm breathing.” You want to envision your entire torso expanding and contracting with each breath. You also want to try to slow down your breath. Try counting to seven on the inhale, holding for five, then counting to seven on the exhale.
The next step to developing more control over your orgasms is to increase the amount of time you masturbate for. If you’ve ever read one of my articles about male masturbation , you’ve heard me say that you should aim to create the same patterns in your masturbation as you want to have in your partnered sex life. If your masturbation sessions are two minutes tops, you’re going to have a hard time lasting much longer than that during partnered sex.
Aim to masturbate for about 20-30 minutes every day or every other day. Don’t watch porn when you masturbate. (I wasn’t joking when I said this was work!) You need to be able to focus on the sensation in your body while you masturbate, and porn is often too big of a distraction.
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The trick to separating orgasm from ejaculation is to use your PC muscles to stop yourself from ejaculation right when you’re on the brink. As you masturbate, when you feel yourself getting close to orgasm, stop touching your penis and squeeze hard on your PC muscles. Try to hold for about 10 seconds. Then resume touching yourself. Practice getting yourself closer and closer to the point of no return.
The key is to do the PC squeeze right at the moment of orgasmic inevitability. This is a lot trickier than it sounds. You’re not going to get it to happen the first time (or even the 10th time), but with repeated practice, you should eventually be able to separate your orgasm from your ejaculation. The PC squeeze should stop the ejaculation, but should allow you to continue feeling waves of orgasmic pleasure. You won’t have a refractory period. With repeated practice, you may also notice that your orgasms get longer or more intense.
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For people who struggle with using their hands to masturbate — or who simply don't enjoy it — touching oneself can take a toll. Here's how to grind, squeeze, and jet your way to an orgasm, according to Allure columnist and licensed sex therapist Vanessa Marin.
Vanessa Marin is a licensed psychotherapist and writer with over 20 years of experience specializing in sex therapy. Her goal as a coach and as a journalist: To help you stop feeling embarrassed and start having way more fun in the bedroom. She studied human sexuality at Brown University and has been... Read more
Sex should be fun, but it can also be complicated. Welcome to Sexual Resolution , a biweekly column by sex therapist Vanessa Marin answering your most confidential questions to help you achieve a healthy, joyful sex life. Here, she answers a question about hands-free masturbation.
DEAR VANESSA: I have a medical condition that makes it difficult for me to use my hands for extended periods of time. I’ve never had an orgasm before, but I would love to have one. I have tried masturbating before, but my hands get tired so quickly. I can’t do it for more than a few minutes, and it has never led to an orgasm . Do you have any tips for hands-free masturbation? - Tired Hands, 23
DEAR T.H.: First and foremost, it’s awesome that you don’t want to let your medical condition get in the way of you exploring your body and bringing yourself pleasure. Fortunately, there are tons of ways to masturbate hands-free. Here are some amazing ways to explore making masturbation less taxing on your body.
Your bathroom has a whole world of hands-free pleasure opportunities for you! You can try lying down on your back in the tub, and letting the water from the showerhead fall down onto your labia and clitoris. If you want more pressure, try the tub spout. Or, if you can comfortably hold a hand-held shower hose for a few minutes at a time, that can deliver even more pressure.
If you’re lucky enough to have a Jacuzzi (or a bathtub with jets), scoot on over to the edge and position your clitoris in front of the jet. Just be a bit careful at first, as some devices can be quite high-powered, and make sure not to aim the jets into your vagina.
A vibrator might be much easier for you to use since it does the majority of the work for you. It still needs to be held in place, but you don’t necessarily have to be done so with your hands. In general, a bigger, sturdier vibrator like the Magic Wand might be easier to be kept in position. (I’ve had a bunch of clients with mobility issues who were able to hold the Magic Wand in place, but again, this may not work for your unique situation.)
With some vibrators, you may even be able to clench it between your thighs to hold it in place. Another trick to try is to straddle the vibrator, so you rest your weight on it, instead of having to press it against your body with your hands. You can also use props like pillows to prop it up and get it in the right position for you.
There are also a few hands-free vibrators on the market. Check out the Bi Stronic Fusion , which provides both internal and clitoral stimulation. (It can also work anally, though it’s important to note that it’s quite girthy.) The toy actually thrusts inside of you while providing clitoral stimulation.
There’s also the We-Vibe Moxie , which can fit inside of your underwear, and operates via Bluetooth. Another interesting pick is the Love Arc , which attaches to a toy so you can grind or rock away to your heart’s content.
Speaking of grinding, a lot of people masturbate by using this technique. You can it by putting something between your legs and rocking your hips back and forth against it. Most who use this technique like either soft objects, like pillows, blankets, or sheets, or hard objects like a TV remote or hairbrush handle. Do this on your back or on your stomach. If you’re on your back, you’ll have to hold the object in place with your hands, which may or may not be too tiring for you.
An erotic book or movie won’t necessarily make you orgasm on its own, but they can be great when combined with one of these other techniques.
Alternatively, you may have to brace a bit of your weight with your hands if you try this out on your stomach. If that’s too much pressure, you can move over to the edge of the bed so you can rest your weight on your feet. You may even like grinding up against the edge of your mattress.
Another great technique is to squeeze your together legs to induce an orgasm. Hold your thighs as close together as you can and try pulsing the muscles. You can also combine this with pulsing your PC muscles. Your PC muscles drape across your pelvic region like a hammock and are highly connected to orgasm. To find these muscles, wait until the next time you’re on the toilet. Start urinating, then try to cut off your flow of urine before you’re done. The muscles you use to do this are your PC muscles.
You can also try crossing your legs and squeeze or pulse them together. This trick can work especially well with jeans. If you get the seam of your jeans lined up just right, you can often grind your clitoris against the rough fabric.
If you’re flexible enough, sit cross-legged and bring the heel of your foot up so it rests against your clitoris. Grind up against your heel. If this feels too intense, you can do it while you’re wearing pants or underwear, or you can even put a towel in between your foot and crotch.
An erotic book or movie won’t necessarily make you orgasm on its own, but these things can be great when combined with one of the aforementioned techniques. A little extra visual or auditory stimulation can make an orgasm happen a lot faster. (Podcast lovers may find their new favorite erotic resource in Quinn , an audio porn site geared toward female listeners that just launched in April.) You may even find that you’re able to orgasm using your hands fast enough if you have that extra stimulation.
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Vanessa Marin is a licensed sex therapist based in Los Angeles. You can find her on Twitter , Instagram , and her website .
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