How To Give The Best Blow Jobs

How To Give The Best Blow Jobs
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They say blowjobs are like flowers for men. While there are many things to dislike about this statement — not all people with penises are men, and we can think of a bunch of more exciting gifts to receive than flowers (chocolate? video games? weed?) — the saying isn't entirely wrong. When given to a deserving partner, blowjobs can be a selfless act of kindness to show your penis-owning lover how much you care about them.
Yes, selfless, because let's face it: While giving oral sex can be a major turn-on for both parties, having a penis shoved down your throat ain't easy. To quote Samantha from Sex and the City : " You men have no idea what we’re dealing with down there. Teeth placement, and jaw stress, and suction, and gag reflex, and all the while bobbing up and down, moaning and trying to breathe through our noses. Easy? Honey, they don’t call it a job for nothing."
Fear not, penis lovers. This is one job you can definitely do, and well. And for all our queer friends — if you can master eating someone out , you can become a blowjob expert with little to no effort. Vulvas are far more complicated. Read on for a few suggestions that will help you give someone the blowjob of their lifetime.
Master communication in your relationship and you'll never have to read another article about sex again. Of course, it's not always easy to talk openly about sexual preferences and desires. But for starters, know that it doesn’t have to sound clinical. ("Hey Brian, before I put my mouth on your genitals, do you prefer circular tongue motions around the penis head, or does vertical shaft strokes done manually work best to aid you in reaching orgasm?" No.) To learn what your partner enjoys best, simply make it sound a little dirty. While in the midst of hooking up, ask things like, "Do you like when I use my tongue like this?" or "Should I go faster, baby?" The word choice is up to you, but by naturally integrating it as part of hooking up, not only will you learn what your partner likes, but you'll further turn them on.
As part of your BJ communication, before your partner is too close to climax to think clearly, decide where the semen is going to go. While oral sex does have a lower STI transmission rate than vaginal or anal sex, it can absolutely spread herpes and HPV. Having an open cut in your mouth and swallowing semen increases the risk for scarier STIs like HIV, so if you feel at all uncomfortable with swallowing, don't. Just ask your partner to finish elsewhere, like on your body or into a towel. Listen up: You're the one giving the blowjob, so you get to make the rules about where the semen goes.
FYI: If someone finishes somewhere you asked them not to, like in your mouth or on your face, it's beyond rude. In fact, some (raises hand) may view it as assault, depending on the circumstances.
If you're giving a blowjob to someone with a penis, rather than role-playing on a strap-on dildo (super fun and safe!) you'll want to get them past half mast to full sail — it's just easier to give oral sex to an erect penis. Luckily, putting a mouth on a penis often automatically has that effect, but to be an attentive partner, don't be shy with the foreplay .
Make out , kiss their neck, play with dirty talk, and gradually work your way down, kissing their stomach and right above their belt line, until they can’t wait any longer.
Not just for the receiver — you should be comfy, too. After all, the more comfortable you are, the more endurance you'll have, and therefore you'll both have a more enjoyable experience. If your partner is seated and you're on the floor, prop a pillow under your knees.
Once you're both comfortable and the penis is erect, let the oral sex begin. A nice way to kick off a blowjob, after kissing down their body to tease and build anticipation, is gently running your tongue up the shaft of their penis, or in circular motions around the head. Try this for a minute or so before beginning full-on oral penetration. For many people with penises, the frenulum, or the underside of the head of the penis, is especially sensitive to tongue action.
After you've tortured teased your partner enough, start sucking. Make an "O" shape with your mouth, and begin sliding up and down along the shaft of their penis. Work on keeping a tight seal with your lips, as you use your tongue to glide up along their shaft. It may take a few bobs, but eventually, you'll find a pace and rhythm that works for you. While it's okay to switch up your technique, as a general rule of thumb, consistency works best when it comes to helping your partner reach orgasm.
The key to giving an A+ blowjob actually has nothing to do with your mouth, it's all about the hands . Imagine that your hand is simply an extension of your mouth. "Make an 'O' with your thumb and index, middle, and ring finger. Pinky stays up because, you know, you're classy! If the cock is huge, though, the whole hand works," said Mal Harrison, sexologist and director of the Center for Erotic Intelligence .
One other bonus: Using your hands allows you to provide your partner the full-touch sensation of deep-throating without the risk of invoking your gag reflex. Using hands during a blowjob also allows for something extremely necessary: coming up for air without disrupting sexual contact.
A blowjob should not be tidy. While moving your mouth up and down over that penis, don't worry about looking pretty. Throw your hair up in a ponytail if it's long, and get sloppy. No one likes dry oral sex; it defeats the purpose. To get extra kinky: Pull your head away and spit directly on the penis.
If you begin to develop dry mouth, keep a glass of water handy nearby and take a break for sips as needed. Don't be scared to add a flavored lube to the blowjob to take some pressure off your saliva glands.
Deep-throating is infamous (pretty sure Richard Nixon never thought it would be part of his legacy, but there you go) but it’s not required. All non-teeth parts of your mouth feel soft and nice. While many people with penises think it’s hot visually to watch someone take an entire penis down their throat, or may even be turned on by the gagging noises associated (because it makes them feel like they're very well-endowed) if you can’t or don’t want to do it, fear not. You’ll still give a top-notch blowjob (and if you add hands, a full coverage one!) — and it's totally your call to forego the deep-throat.
Communicate first, as not all people with penises want their balls sucked or their butthole licked — but many do. If you get the green light from your partner and are into it, include all of their nether regions in your blowjob, from gently massaging their scrotum, to licking all the way from the head of their penis, down the shaft, across the perineum (taint), and ending with a gentle insertion of your tongue into their anus.
There’s a lot of fear-mongering about blowjobs being ruined by too much teeth, but this doesn’t happen that often in real life. When making the air-tight "O" shape with your mouth, you'll naturally find yourself wrapping your lips over your teeth and avoiding any horror movie-esque biting. Be mindful, but don’t stress about teeth so much that you ruin the mood for yourself, because you’re supposed to enjoy this too!
Also, talk to your partner. You could be surprised — it's rare, but some people with penises actually enjoy a little teeth.
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Blow job, fellatio, giving head, going down: whatever you call it, it doesn’t take a PhD in anatomy to understand why receiving oral sex if you have a penis might feel amazing. The warm and wet sensation of a mouth on the nerve-dense shaft and head of a penis, combined with the sounds and visual of the act, can be crazy pleasurable.

Receiving a blow job is good—but giving head can be gratifying, too. One reason why: while you’re performing oral sex, an erotic interplay of dominance and submission takes place.

“On the one hand, your partner has the power to thrust into your mouth and throat, but on the other, you have all the power, as your teeth are in close proximity to their most sensitive parts,” sexologist Jessica "Dr. Jess" O'Reilly , PhD, host of the Drive Him Wild With Pleasure video course, tells Health . And then there’s the thrill of watching your partner receive pleasure, she says.

Since giving and getting a blow job both have benefits, it pays to pick up some pointers for making blow jobs even more comfortable, exciting, and orgasmic. These are the top tips from Dr. Jess and board certified sexologist Lanae St. John , author of Read Me: A Parental Primer for ‘The Talk.'

You probably know this, but blow jobs don’t literally entail blowing on the penis, say, the way you’d cool off soup—unless your partner likes that. Instead, Dr. Jess tells Health that blow jobs typically incorporate some combination of licking, sucking, kissing, deep-throating, and hand action. “Every person has their own preferences, so it’s less about technique and more about asking what they like,” she says.

If you can come right out and ask your partner about their preferences, that's probably easiest. But sometimes giving a blow job is more of a fact-finding mission, and you have to try things out and gauge your partner's response. Dr. Jess recommends trying this: tuck your lips under your teeth, "clamp down for extra pressure, and then slide up and down the shaft."

Another tip: Flick your tongue against the tip of penis, or along the frenulum—the sensitive notch of skin on the underbelly of the head. Based on your partner's response, you'll be able to see if they enjoy light pressure here, and if it's okay to advance to putting the entire head in your mouth...or if they prefer that you focus more on the shaft.

“There’s a misconception that you have to be able to deep-throat to give an enjoyable blow job. But that’s not true,” says Dr. Jess. “If you’re nervous about gagging, not enjoying yourself, or uncomfortable, this will affect your lover’s enjoyment.” If you are going to try taking the head and shaft in your mouth but are worried about gagging, just go slow, and stop at any point you feel that gag reflex kicking in.

A blow job isn't all about the mouth. In fact, adding hand moves introduces a different level or pressure and sensation, magnifying the pleasure your partner is already feeling. It's also a good go-to if deep-throating isn't your thing. “Using your hands to stroke the shaft while using your tongue and lips on just the tip, will create a similar sensation,” she says. This is also a good tip for when your mouth or jaw gets tired...just switch to making a fist around the shaft and moving it up and down, or cup your partner's balls in your hand gently.

Speaking of testicles, it’s understandable if most of your attention is on the penis. But don’t forget about the other erogenous zones nearby, like the balls, perineum, and anus.

“The testicles are incredibly nerve-dense,” says Dr. Jess. Try creating a sucking sensation against the delicate skin with your mouth, or using your hand to massage the balls to wow your partner, she suggests.

You can also lick or caress the perineum, the area between the testicles and the anus. (Not everyone likes action here, so ask first or go very slowly.) Applying pressure here with your thumb or the flat edge of your tongue can stimulate the prostate, which is often called the male G-spot because of how intense stimulation here can feel. “Try using a vibrating toy against this spot,” suggests Dr. Jess.

You can also stimulate your partner's anus while you’re giving a blow job by using a finger or tongue, says Dr. Jess. Some people get squeamish about having their anus played with, so get explicit permission before incorporating rimming or anal fingering. But if your partner consents, trust, you’ll blow their mind.

There's more than one way to give a blow job besides on your knees or with your partner lying flat. Your partner can lie back with their legs up or with bent knees. Or have them lie on their stomach with their hips up and legs out slightly, as you crouch behind them and treat them to a from-behind blow job.

Dr. Jess recommends "the giraffe," which entails you lying on your back with your head hanging over the bed and your partner straddling you from a standing position. You can also try "facesitter," she says, which has you lying on your back and your partner kneeling over your lips.

For mutual pleasure try classic 69, or even sideways 69—so you’re both on your sides but facing opposite direction.

It’s a myth that spitters are quitters. “There is zero pressure to swallow if that’s not something you want to do,” says Dr. Jess. Maybe it's because you don’t like the taste of semen; maybe you find it hotter for your partner to orgasm somewhere else on your body. Any reason is a valid reason, she says.

If you don’t want to swallow, you have a few options. You can tell your partner where you want it (for example, “I want it all over my chest” or “I want to see you finish in your hand"), you can catch the semen in your mouth and then spit it into a towel, or you can ask your partner to wear a flavored condom.

If you do want to swallow, Dr. Jess has a few suggestions to enhance the experience. “Take the penis deep into your throat and when they come, gaze seductively into their eyes,” she advises. Or when your partner tells you they’re close, suck only on the head, so you can control how much you swallow at a time.

Mutual pleasure is always a win in the bedroom. While giving a blow job, ask your partner to turn you on, too: have them talk dirty to you or tell you what they're feeling, or suggest bringing a vibrator or vibrating ring into the mix, which you can press against your clitoris or put in your vagina so you're both moving closer to orgasm.

And above all, always follow the number one rule of blow jobs: only give one when you want to and your partner wants you to. “You are not obligated to give anyone a blow job or perform any act you don’t want to,” St. John tells Health . Any partner who makes you feel obligated to give one probably isn’t a keeper. “There are plenty of other acts and activities you can engage in to experience (mutual) sexual pleasure,” says St. John. True that!

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In researching my story The Number One Thing He Wants in Bed , the majority of women I talked to wanted to one thing: How to give a guy the best blow job. Some women and guys were eager to offer their best tips.
Speak up. "The first thing I do to give the best blow job is compliment him by saying 'You have a humongous penis.' He's feeling so confident and manly by then that anything I do after is gold." —Jodi, 29
Slooow down. "So many girls just want to pop it in and get it over with, but if you really want to make your man's toes curl, pretend the tip of his penis is a lollipop and do the same thing you would if it was: lick it!" —Jonathan, 26
Use your saliva. "It's a natural lubricant—the wetter the better," and that makes things much more pleasurable for him. —Brian, 30
Focus up top. "Most girls assume you have to work the whole shaft, but I have found that the tip is supersensitive. You can drive them crazy just by playing with it a bit." —Vanessa, 33
Reach up. "While you're downtown, pinch a nipple. It's a multi-sensation tactic that gets guys going." —Brian, 35
Swivel your hands. "As you put the top of the penis in your mouth, use your hand to stroke the shaft of the penis up and down, clockwise and then counterclockwise in a fluid motion." —Rosemary, 29
Play with the boys. "Put pressure on the seam of his balls and run your tongue up it until you reconnect with the penis. You can also take a ball into your mouth—very gently!" —Joanna, 27
Bring him closer to orgasm. "Rubbing or pressing his perenium [the super-sensitive area between his balls and anus] will derive more pleas
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