How To Give Myself An Orgasm

How To Give Myself An Orgasm
Giving yourself time to explore your body is important.
Selena Gomez's Latest Manicure Color Is Such a 2010s Throwback
Khloé Kardashian's New Look Is Basically the Pumpkin Spice Latte of Hair Colors
Lizzo Showed Off a New Yitty Thong, but It's the Wavy Partial Box Braids for Me
Selena Gomez's Latest Manicure Color Is Such a 2010s Throwback
Khloé Kardashian's New Look Is Basically the Pumpkin Spice Latte of Hair Colors
Lizzo Showed Off a New Yitty Thong, but It's the Wavy Partial Box Braids for Me
Selena Gomez's Latest Manicure Color Is Such a 2010s Throwback
Khloé Kardashian's New Look Is Basically the Pumpkin Spice Latte of Hair Colors
Lizzo Showed Off a New Yitty Thong, but It's the Wavy Partial Box Braids for Me
Zoë Ligon is a sex educator, writer, artist, and the owner of the sex-positive online toy store Spectrum Boutique , which is based out of Detroit. She loves psychological thrillers, saunas, weed, and girthy sex toys.
This $10 Silicone Scrubber Solved My Bacne Woes
If you're still using a loofah, you may want to reconsider.
I Tried the TheraFace Pro That's All Over TikTok
Here's what the much-hyped tool did to my skin.
Dermaflash's New Luxe+ Device Gave Me New Cheekbones
It makes my foundation look flawless, too.
6 Ways I've Made Styling My Hair With One Arm Easier
After I had my arm amputated, I had to relearn lots of things — but styling my own hair was definitely the hardest.
Here's the lowdown on how to subscribe to Allure's print edition for more beauty routines, recommendations, and features.
Masturbation can sometimes feel daunting. Even if you’ve been doing it for years, you may be having trouble orgasming or wonder if your technique could use some fine-tuning. I’m 25 and have only been masturbating since I was 19, which surprises people given that I’m a sex educator who sells sex toys for a living. To this day, I find myself feeling self-conscious about how I can be so “set in my ways” when it comes to solo sex: I cozy up under a heavy comforter, grab my wand and a dildo, and have at it. I also get frustrated by how easily I can get thrown off course, or about how particular I am with my environment.
Ultimately, though, I feel happy to have one reliable way to get myself off. I know from my experience as an educator that there are many, many others who have yet to find a way they like to do it. Perhaps you’re feeling frustrated about masturbation, too, and you’re looking for a way to get into it or enjoy it more. Maybe you already masturbate, but you’re not feeling satisfied with your practice.
The first thing I want you to know is that, wherever you’re at, you're not alone. Take solace in the fact that many of us are still trying to figure out how the heck to pleasure ourselves on our own terms, and that even a “sexpert” like myself needs pointers from time to time. With that said, let’s dive into a few things to remember as we re-acquaint ourselves with…ourselves!
We all like being touched in different ways, and sometimes, we’re not even sure what they are until we feel them. When we take the time to explore on our own, though, both our solo and partnered sex lives benefit. Exhibit A: I need intense pressure or vibration to get off, but my sexual partners for the first five years of my sex life only executed light, fluttery rubs and tickles or suction-y cunnilingus — which I hated . Eventually, through plenty of trial and error, I figured out my love for intensity and bought myself a big ol’ Magic Wand to lovingly smoosh my clit with.
But remember: We're all different. I share my experience to illustrate that you may be frustrated with masturbation simply because you’ve been trying the same method over and over to no avail. No two people like exactly the same things. You might prefer rubbing, pinching, tickling, circular motions, up-and-down or side-to-side strokes, or even light smacking — but you’ll never know until you try them all.
If you know types of stimulation that you don’t enjoy, you’re already on your way to figuring out what you do like. the process of elimination takes courage, determination, and patience, and sometimes it takes a few misses to find a hit. Allow yourself blocks of uninterrupted time to explore your body, and don’t pressure yourself to reach orgasm by the end. If it happens, great! If not, you’re gathering valuable intel about how to make yourself feel great.
We are sold a very rigid and unrealistic depiction of masturbation by the mainstream media. If “female” masturbation is portrayed, it’s usually off-camera, under the covers, or immediately orgasmic . It’s also hard to find earnest depictions of self-pleasure in mainstream porn. Personally, I love watching femme cammers, as well as performer-made porn . Performer-created content sites like Findrow are also great for watching more realistic depictions of sex.
Solo sex can absolutely involve toys! After all, no human has vibrating hands or genitals. Vibrators use rotary motors to create rumbly, buzzing sensations that can feel delicious internally and externally. They can even stimulate deeper portions of the clit if you apply enough pressure or have a very strong vibrator.
I think of sex toys as being like makeup applicators: Some of us use Beautyblenders, some use foundation brushes, and some of us use our fingers — all methods get the job done, just in different ways, and it’s OK to prefer one method over another if it gets the job done better for you. Unfortunately, there is a lot of myth and stigma surrounding vibrators, for example, that vibrator use will “ruin” sex without a vibrator (not true). At the end of the day, you should absolutely use a toy if that’s the type of stimulation you crave. Dildos and vibes are also self-affirming tools — like physical tokens to both remind you your pleasure is important and to help you get it.
Personally, I used to feel self-conscious about the fact that I couldn’t get off easily without a giant vibrator. But then I realized this didn’t mean there was anything wrong with me; it’s just the way my body happens to work. What’s more, I was getting suckered into believing the patriarchal myth that a dick should be the only thing I need to get off. If toys pique your interest, browse options online or pay a visit to your local sex-positive shop.
No matter what kind of stimulation you like, lube is a must-have. It’s not just for postmenopausal people or butt stuff , as I’ve heard many strangers to lube claim. Even if you self-lubricate in mass quantities, a good lube will allow you to maintain frictionless glide so you don’t feel sore or rug burned after playtime. Water-based lube is compatible with all materials and is mess-free (but will eventually evaporate and need reapplication if you’re in the throes of a lengthy sesh). I recommend Sliquid Sassy : It’s a thick, long-lasting, water-based lube that is hypoallergenic and only has the bare minimum ingredients needed to make it lube-y.
Silicone lube, like Überlube , is a body-safe oil alternative that is compatible with all materials except silicone (liquid silicone can degrade solid). It’s safe for inside and outside bodies, though, as well as for safer-sex barriers like condoms. It also lasts much longer than most water-based lube because it rolls along the surface of the skin and eventually sheds away (water-based lube absorbs into the skin if it doesn’t evaporate). As a sex educator, I find that lack of lube is often the best fix for uncomfortable or painful masturbation (and partnered sex) — so don’t hold back. Douse any and all orifices in lube.
Which part of ourselves should we begin exploring, then? There’s a lot of hype over the sensitive front wall of the vagina, also known as the G-spot. If you have yet to find what your body craves, though, the G-spot isn’t the most intuitive place to start. Let’s consider the clit, the only human organ devoted solely to pleasure. It’s homologous with the penis, but the majority of it is internal — the button-like glans you probably think of as your clit is actually just one small part of the whole structure, which is shaped like a wishbone. (Not that the glans doesn’t pull its weight: It’s got at least 8,000 nerve endings , about twice as many as the penis has).
The spongy erectile tissue of the G-spot is found about two inches into the opening of the vagina, but you may not really be able to feel it before you’re aroused and the tissue swells. You may even have trouble finding your clit when you’re not aroused, for that matter. However, unlike G-spot stimulation, clit stimulation usually produces yummy sensations instantly.
My clit nearly retracts into my body and hides under the clitoral hood, which is also a really neat tool for varied external stimulation: It feels vastly different to touch the external pea-like area head-on than it does to stimulate it indirectly. (I definitely recommend focusing your attention outside before concerning yourself with the inside — this will only help the internal exploration later on.) Yanking back the clitoral hood and directly touching the external clit can be too much stimulation — just like it can be painful to directly stimulate the “head” of the penis after yanking back the foreskin. One of the many beauties of a clitoral hood (and foreskin) is the ability to indirectly stimulate the glans (another name for the external clit or penis head).
It took me a really long time to figure out that I personally preferred this indirect type of stimulation — but you may love going to town on your exposed clit. Explore until you find a way that works for you. Since hands are the world’s most versatile sex tool, you can experiment with both broad and pinpointed stimulation. Using two or three flat fingers or even your palm disperses the pressure, and separating your pointer and middle fingers and pressing them alongside the vaginal opening can stimulate the deeper tissues of the clitoral legs.
Experiment with back-and-forth, up-and-down, or circular movements, and go wherever your intuition takes you. If you’ve always been a person who masturbates on their stomach, try finding ways to stimulate yourself on your back — or even upright. Sometimes I assign myself the task of simply attempting to keep my eyes open the entire time, or not focusing on the ceiling above me (seriously). I have also set a simple goal for myself of becoming comfortable with masturbating in the tub — until recently, I never bothered to try. Little steps that briefly take you out of your comfort zone encourage your brain to adapt, making you an even more versatile masturbator.
Look, sex is sold to us as being penetration-centric and penis-in-vagina-focused. The thing is, that kind of sex usually does a lot more for the penis owner. Some people with vaginas fear they are “broken” if penetrative intercourse doesn’t do the trick for them, but guess what? Most vagina owners need clitoral stimulation in order to orgasm. Yes, it’s really fun to play with the G-spot and other areas like the anterior fornix (also known as the “A-spot”), a sensitive area nestled between the cervix and front vaginal wall. But many folks don’t fully enjoy these kinds of play unless they’re paired with clitoral stimulation.
Unfortunately, masturbation isn’t something that we’re encouraged to talk about. Even the most comprehensive sex-ed can fail to leave out the actual steps to achieve pleasure . Even if you’re comfortable talking to a parent or mentor about sex, you probably aren’t keen on asking them for their personal tips for solo sex.
Sometimes, our roadblocks stem from something other than a lack of self-exploration, and it’s helpful to speak with a therapist about other things that might be getting in our way. I have found that a sex-positive (and also kink-aware) therapist has been an invaluable resource for me as I pursue a healthy, fulfilling sex life. I always suggest searching for an LGBTQIA+-friendly professional: Even if you identify as straight, professionals who are well-versed in a range of sexuality issues may be more sensitive to your needs and more comfortable talking about sex. If your concerns are more physical, don’t hesitate to consult a medical professional, especially if you ever encounter pain with sexual stimulation.
Most importantly, be gentle and kind with yourself, and move away from goal-oriented thinking in your masturbation. Any form of self-love and exploration that makes you feel good is a wonderful thing.
Here’s what’s wrong with gender norms:
Zoë Ligon is a Detroit-based sex educator, writer, artist, and owner of the sex-positive online toy store Spectrum Boutique . Follow her on Instagram and Twitter .
© 2022 Condé Nast. All rights reserved. Use of this site constitutes acceptance of our
User Agreement and Privacy Policy and Cookie Statement and
Your California Privacy Rights .
If you need help purchasing a product directly from Allure, go to our FAQ .
Allure may earn a portion of sales from products that are purchased through our site as part of our Affiliate Partnerships with
retailers. The material on this site may not be reproduced, distributed, transmitted, cached or otherwise used, except with the prior written permission of Condé Nast.
Ad Choices .

Stay in touch
MetroUK
@MetroUK
@Metro.co.uk

Almara Abgarian Friday 1 May 2020 12:43 pm
See All
To the woman with gorgeous blue eyes and dark blonde/brown hair with a… To the beautiful, moderately tall woman with dark blonde-ish hair, on the…
'I can't stand up for longer than three minutes without feeling faint, being sick or passing out.'
'We had to pay a year's worth of rent up front.'
You could be missing out on thousands of pounds of help with your childcare (yes, really!)
Tips for ensuring a terrific Tuesday.
The findings were the same regardless of whether participants added milk or sugar to their tea.

Woman with one big and one small boob embraces looks and has 10k subscribers on OnlyFans

The cost of living crisis could see a rise in cheating – with financial stress pushing people to infidelity

My wife and I live in different countries – our long distance marriage is perfect

The psychology behind our attraction to the ‘bad boy’ or ‘bad girl’

The Big Happiness Interview: How to create a happy relationship with ‘radical loving’

Thug punches woman in the face at Notting Hill Carnival

Giant slide shut down hours after opening for 'catapulting' children into the air

BBC Breakfast presenter accidentally flashes NSFW picture live on air

Vladimir Putin grips desk while general tells him Ukrainians support invasion

It’s finally May and you know what that means: Masturbation Month .
The celebration of all things self-love comes around every year to highlight why we should make ourselves climax more often.
Ironically, we’ve all got plenty of time to get frisky now that we’re stuck in lockdown, so this is the perfect opportunity to explore new ways to orgasm.
The challenge: to make yourself climax without using your hands.
How can you do this? Let us help (with advice, not our own hands – stop being so filthy).
Surely this is cheating, because you still need your hands to move the sex toy, right? Wrong.
There are actually plenty of toys on the market that are completely hands-free.
For instance, you could try the Lelo Tiani 3 , which lets you penetrate, vibrate and control the sensations with a remote control.
(OK, so the latter requires your hands to swap vibrations – but once you’ve done that, you’re good to go).
Or hand the remote over to your self-isolation partner, if you have one, and just lie back and enjoy.
Other hands-free delights include suction dildos that you can attach to the floor or shower wall, and ‘ride’, with multiple vaginal and anal options to choose from Lovehoney.
If you fancy the popular rabbit-style dildo, the Wall Banger Suction Cup Vibrator , offers ‘shivering ears’ so that your clitoris is stimulated at the same time.
There’s a plethora of other choices – the (sex toy) world is your oyster.
While you’re doing all those workouts in lockdown, try a core-based exercise for an added benefit, a so-called coregasm .
According to a study from 2014, published in the journal Sex and Relationship Therapy by the University of Indiana, you can give yourself an EIO (exercise-induced orgasm) by engaging your abs.
Try the ‘captain’s chair’ (padded high chair with no seat), climb poles and ropes, take a spinning class or do weight lifting to bring on the desired climax.
Female participants from the study also revealed what type of exercise they had been doing when they got their coregasm:
OK, so you can’t really bring on a sleepgasm yourself, it just sort of happens or it doesn’t.
But to help your subconscious along, try watching porn, masturbating (without climaxing), reading something naughty or having a make-out session with your partner before bed.
There are no guarantees, but it might help.
And if it doesn’t, there’s nothing stopping you from masturbating in the morning anyway.
Delve deep into your mind and explore your filthiest fantasies.
Do a sexy meditation, as such. You can also voice your thoughts out loud to your partner (or to a new lover, over the phone) if that works better.
Apparently, flooding our minds with dirty thoughts can bring on an orgasm without us doing anything else.
The theory was explored in a study in the early 90s, when Rutgers University studied 10 women who claimed to be able to orgasm with nothing but their thoughts.
And they had some success, with findings revealing that their ‘genital self-stimulation generated significant increases in systolic blood pressure, heart rate, pupil diameter, pain detection threshold and pain tolerance threshold over resting control conditions.’
If thoughts alone aren’t enough, try turning on your favourite porn and watch it while you conjure up your filthy thoughts.
Noticed how dogs hump pretty much everything when they’re frisky?
Whether you rub yourself off on your partner’s leg, a pillow, the edge of your couch or something else, giving yourself clitoral stimulation in this way could make you orgasm (it’s also why many women orgasm while on top during sex).
It’s a classic, though it does require one hand.
Hold your shower head on your clitoris, and let loose. Just be careful with the temperature, so that you don’t injure the delicate skin – and don’t spray the water directly into the vagina. It can upset the balance of healthy bacteria or introduce air into the vagina, neither of which you want.
Or turn on the tap of the tub, and let the water shower over your vulva.
The cost of living crisis could see a rise in cheating to escape financial stress
Harry Styles is wrong: Hollywood needs more gay sex in film – tender or not
Men and women reveal their biggest turn-ons - from sex with an ex to freshly-washed sheets
Again, be very careful with the water pressure and temperature so that you don’t harm your precious parts – spray the shower externally only.
Top tip? Do both at the same time, see what happens, thank us later.
Join a tantric workshop to learn techniques on how to give yourself stronger orgasms and tune into your body’s desires.
Your new-found skills might help you do some of t
Malin Akerman Upskirt
Georgia Cole Nude
Baywatch Nude

How To Give Myself An Orgasm

Report Page