How To Give Good Blowjobs
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Confession: I love giving a partner a good blow job.
I know some women hate performing oral sex on a guy, and I get it—having someone's junk thrusting inside your mouth (and ugh, the annoying head push!) isn't everyone's idea of fun. But to me, there's nothing more empowering and exciting than to have full control of over a penis—and by effect, the man attached to it.
"Men love blow jobs because the act feels like sex, but it's a very different experience—they get to relax and receive and just enjoy what's happening in front of them," says Vanessa Marin, a certified sex therapist in L.A. (who makes me feel a lot less anti-feminist, I must say).
"The visual element of watching their penis slip in and out of a mouth gets a lot of guys going."
"The visual element of watching their penis slip in and out of a mouth gets a lot of guys going," she adds. Not to mention, unlike a hand job or even penetrative sex, men can't replicate the sensation of a blow job on their own (obviously). Your mouth is wet and warm, like a vagina (or a lubed-up hand), but your lips and tongue are living, roving, irreplaceable works of art.
But like with any sex act, enjoying the experience yourself (which, if you're going to do it, you absolutely should) typically comes from having some level of confidence in yourself—and that comes from knowing what you're doing.
So here's how to give the best blow job he'll ever have (I swear)—and making it more pleasurable for yourself in the process:
By far the number one rule for giving good head is acting like you want to be giving head.
"The biggest complaint I hear from male clients about blow jobs has nothing to do with technique and everything to do with their partner's enthusiasm about it," Marin says. "Men will have a great time if they know their partner is enjoying it." (Aww.)
That's not to say you should pretend you like doing something in the bedroom if you straight-up don't. (On that vein, never do something you're not comfortable with a sexual partner.) But if you're going to consider going down a guy—which, if you're reading this article, it seems that you are—the best thing you can bring to the BJ party is a good attitude.
A few ways to show your enthusiasm:
A blow job might count as oral sex, but that doesn't mean your mouth has to do all the work. "I like to think of the mouth as providing wetness and your hands as providing tightness," says Marin.
If your jaw starts to feel sore or tired a few minutes into the job, you're likely suctioning too hard with your mouth. So shift some of the work to your hands, counting on them for pressure.
Here's your basic stroke once you've warmed up a bit:
If he's well-endowed (go, girl), you can keep your mouth in one place and move your wet hand up and down separately.
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Then from there, you can mix up your hand technique a bit. Try the Wrist Twist: With your mouth on his penis (this is still oral sex), rotate your firm wrist in clockwise circles as you move your hand up and down.
Bring your other hand into the game once you've gotten your bearings. The best placement? Use it to cup and gently squeeze his balls.
During one of the first blow jobs I ever gave (to a guy I'd been dating for five months, so we were super comfortable with each other), my partner told me to spit on him. It freaked me out for a sec—I remember wondering if spitting was some weird fetish—but then realized he just liked it extra wet.
While every man is definitely different and has his own personal preferences, I've found that most agree that a good blow job requires a lot of saliva. You don't want to go overboard to the point that your hand is slipping all over the place, but try to do some **sexy** spitting (read: make it subtle) whenever his penis starts to feel a little dry.
On that note, keep a glass of water nearby to prevent dry mouth—you'll need it.
When you're blowing him, your tongue provides the warmth, texture, and wetness that he can't get elsewhere.
To maximize its sensation, Marin suggests keeping your tongue soft in your mouth when you're moving up and down (the majority of your blow job), then using the tip of your tongue to trace the head and frenulum—the underside where the penis head (if circumcised) meets the shaft.
Those two areas, especially the frenulum, are packed with nerve endings, so he'll go crazy.
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You can also use the flat side of your tongue to lick from the bottom of his shaft to the very tip and down again, or throw in a few tongue flicks. These are more like little garnishes to sprinkle in—and tbh, a little porn-esque, so call on your inner kink.
At some point during my writing career in women's magazines, I picked up a tip from a sexpert (I wish I could remember who!) that has become my trusty signature move. (I almost hate sharing it, but in the name of better blow jobs for all...)
As you suck on him, try to keep your lips in a slightly fish-face position—pretend you're about to say "purple." The word naturally contorts your lips into the perfect head-giving pout: They're slightly curled and pillowy, which makes them feel wetter and creates ideal suction.
Deep throating—where you take his member so far into your mouth, it's in your throat—is definitely an advanced skill. For two words: gag reflex.
Some women's gag reflex is more easily activated than others, but if you're able to train it—I did by practicing on, no joke, frozen ice pops—you can surprise (and by that, I mean SHOCK) your partner with moments of deep throating.
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Not only does deep throating feel amazing to them (your throat is obviously tighter than their mouth), but guys also love seeing their entire length somehow fit inside your mouth. (Back to that visual thing that Marin talked about.)
A word of caution: Ease into this, and only when you can breathe well through your nose. No penis is worth choking over.
Not all guys like to have their backside touched at all. But some all-caps love it.
If you're into the idea, Marin suggests asking your partner if he likes having a finger in or around his butt, or if he's ever had anyone try. You'll be able to gauge if he's down to experiment, really wants it, or is hands-down against it. (No judgment either way.)
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If you're both game, move a finger or two toward his perineum (or "taint")—the area between his scrotum and anus—and go from there. The prostate lies right under the perineum and is known to be the "male G-spot."
"The holy trifecta of oral sex is mouth on head, hand on shaft, hand on balls," says Marin. "The holy quad would bring the butt into it."
So there you have it—all the tips you need to give a really, REALLY good blow job. Go try them on your partner and wear your invisible crown with pride. You earned it.
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Medically reviewed by Jennifer Litner, LMFT, CST — Written by Ginger Wojcik — Updated on August 31, 2020
You’re in bed with your boo and everything’s going great. You’re all ready to ramp up the foreplay with some oral, but when you come face-to-face with that peen, a whisper of insecurity hits you: Am I any good at this?
Fortunately, an important truth that comes with a blow job is that (as long as both people have given enthusiastic consent) the mouth + penis is a recipe for pleasure: It’s pretty hard to suck at it (as long as you suck on it).
That’s because the penis — especially the head — is covered in nerve endings. It’s super responsive to sensation, especially when there’s lots of lubrication.
The natural wetness in the mouth, along with the variety of textures created by the tongue and lips, makes a really dynamic set of tools for stimulation.
Our first bit of advice is to make sure, beforehand, that the other person is into it.
We agree oral sex feels amazing and is a super common thing to do in bed — a 2018 analysis found that more than 75 percent of people surveyed had given or received oral sex before.Trusted Source But assuming what another person is into, sexually or otherwise, can be presumptuous, particularly with new partners.
Yeah, asking might be awkward. But unless you’ve chatted beforehand about past sexual likes and dislikes, being direct is how you gauge whether someone is ready for it.
You can ask in a sexy way, like, “I really want to taste your dick right now. Can I?” or “Is getting sucked off something you’re into?”
Or not. For some of us, trying to sound sexy is a sure way to sound even more awkward.
Orgasms are great, but pleasure isn’t dependent on one happening. So don’t go in with a goal of making the Big O happen. Not all blow jobs will, or should, end in orgasm.
Plus, if you’re giving a blow job during foreplay to build the excitement, you both might want to prolong the fun by not finishing right away.
It all comes down to what you both want in the moment.
One of the realities of oral sex is that your eyes (and nose) are very close to, well, the show. This can be thrilling or, maybe, a bit overwhelming. But be prepared to get up close and really personal with your partner’s penis.
Each penis has its own unique style. Some bend a little to the left, some to the right. Some are long and narrow, others short and round. Some are circumcised and some aren’t (research suggests as many as 80 percent of folks with penises in the United States are circumcised).Trusted Source
An uncircumcised penis still has its foreskin, the bit of skin that covers the head of the penis.
These two, um, genres of penis look a little different, but whether a penis is circumcised or not doesn’t change much for you.
The same is true of pubic hair. Some people choose to keep their hair fully shaved, while others like it grown out, but that personal choice doesn’t change the mechanics of giving a blow job.
At the risk of sounding like Captain Obvious, bodies have smells. Groins, in particular, have smells because there are more sweat glands down there.
Everyone’s scent is different, and everyone’s scent changes a little from day to day. It might be sharp like an onion or subtly reminiscent of cannabis.
You may be surprised to find you love your partner’s musk. Or maybe not so much. If it’s overwhelming in a bad way, there’s nothing wrong with politely asking them to jump in the shower.
Many STIs can be transmitted through oral sex — even HIV, although the odds are slim. Ask your partner beforehand if they have any STIs and when they got tested last.
The safest route when giving a blow job is to use a condom. Want to spice things up? Use a flavored condom. Banana for their banana? Yes, please!
It’s also a good idea to visually check out a person’s bits before any sexual encounter, especially if you’re not super familiar with one another. This doesn’t have to be exam-like, but don’t be shy about using your eyes to look for bumps or sores.
When it comes to sex, the body is like an engine — it doesn’t heat up immediately. Foreplay is all the work you do to get that engine going.
The time you spend building excitement in the beginning will pay off with more intensity later. The same goes for blow jobs.
Try starting out with a deep, passionate makeout sesh. If you like talking dirty, do it to get the blood flowing. Don’t be in a hurry to lose the clothes. It can be super hot to grind up against each other’s love bits with clothes still on.
Treat the experience like a road trip. The hours you spend listening to the radio and all the sites you stop at along the way are what makes it fulfilling and memorable.
Learn how to use what your mama gave you to make their pleasure ah-mazing.
There isn’t a right or wrong way to use lips on a penis. Pretty much any way is going to feel wonderful.
Wrap your lips over your teeth to get a firmer rim to slide along the shaft. Or keep them puckered and squishy.
Your tongue is a versatile tool for blow jobs. You can make it firm and rigid to apply direct pressure with the tip or keep it soft to use the whole surface to stimulate.
Hold the shaft of the penis with one hand and use the very tip of your tongue to lightly lick the head. Make slow circles or light taps around the circumference. Or use it to stroke the frenulum, an extra-sensitive area on the bottom side of the head of the penis.
To make sure your tongue can carry its weight in bed, give it a workout beforehand with tongue push-ups and pull-backs. No gym required.
Some people love the feeling of having a penis deep inside their mouth and touching their throat. Others, not so much.
The ideal BJ depth is the depth that’s most comfortable for you. Go only as deep as you want (and can handle without gagging). You can still deliver an earth-shattering orgasm without going all the way in.
Try holding the penis about an inch below the head while you wrap your lips around the top of it. Then, using plenty of saliva, gently suck and lick the head of the penis.
The mouth may be the star of the blow job show, but the hands play important supporting roles. Like you hold an ice cream cone while you lick, use your hand(s) to hold on to the shaft of the penis and the testicles while using your mouth.
Also bring your hands into the mix to switch up the type of stimulation. And, if your partner is into this, your hands are there to explore other erogenous zones nearby!
The ideal position is whatever feels most comfortable — whether that’s on your knees in front of your standing partner, leaning over them while they lie on the bed, or any other variation you can think up.
That’s where your hands come in, well, handy. Give your mouth a rest by applying some sliding action with your magic fingers.
Coming face-to-face with that unexpected flap of skin might make you wonder, “What do I do with this thing?” Consider it retractable and just slide it on down to expose the head.
Some people absolutely love locking eyes during oral. It’s a whole new and intimate (not to mention sexy) way to connect with a partner. But it’s also not for everyone, so don’t feel obligated if it’s not your thing.
Don’t be afraid to skip the eye contact
Eye contact can be intense in an uncomfortable way, especially for the giver. If it’ll make you feel more at ease, avoid eye contact altogether. Plus, depending on the position you’re in, it might not be physically comfortable for your neck.
It’s important to get the rhythm right. Too slow and your partner might fall asleep. Too fast and it’ll be over before you’ve even gotten going.
Start slowly and then ramp up the intensity. Keep things interesting by toying with different speeds throughout. And if they seem ready to come, try slowing things down to prolong their pleasure.
Nothing will spoil the mood faster than sounding like you’re about to spew. To avoid triggering your gag reflex, relax your throat muscles.
Or just don’t go as far. Most of the sensation is in the tip anyway. Go only as deep as you’re comfortable with, and let your hands do the rest of the heavy lifting.
Unless they’re a big talker during sex, don’t expect to hear a play-by-play. Instead, look for signs like grunting, heavy breathing, or hip thrusting. If you hear/see those, trust us, you’re doing it right.
If you’re insecure about your oral sex skills, go ahead and ask whether it feels good. Chances are you’ll get a big “hell yeah” in response.
With edging, you stop yourself from finishing when you’re right at the brink of orgasm. After giving yourself a breather, you repeat the process multiple times.
The idea behind edging is that by building up the arousal in this way, the eventual orgasm will be stronger and more satisfying.
This technique can be super exciting during oral. But make sure to ask/tell your partner first. It can be jarring to stop so close to orgasm if they’re not expecting it.
If your mouth is sore, give it a rest. Switch to your hands, ask for your turn on the receiving end, or switch over to full-on penetrative sex.
No jade eggs. Just real tips and ways to make health matter.
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There’s a tendency to get laser-focused on the penis during oral, so here’s our reminder: Stimulate other yummy spots on the body too!
Everyone likes different areas to be caressed, though, so it’s extra important to ask your partner what they like. The body has lots of erogenous zones. Here are a few common ones.
If you’re trying out ball play, start by gently cupping them in one hand and asking your partner if it feels OK. If they want more, use your fingers to massage the balls and move the sack around in your hands.
Using lube will help you avoid accidentally pinching the skin.
If they want some butt action, start by using a lubed finger to tease the rim of their butthole.
If they’re craving penetration (and you’re up for it), stick your finger a couple of inches into their anus to find the prostate (BTW, only people assigned male at birth have prostates).
The perineum is the area of skin between the ball sack and the anus, and many people love having it touched. Try tickling or pressing this area with your fingers while you’re giving them a blow job.
The skin on the inner and upper thighs, including right below the booty, can be super sensitive to touch. Try licking this area as a way to tease them. If they’ve expressed an interest in biting, this is a great place to (lightly) use your teeth.
You can read all day about how to give a blow job, but nothing will prepare you like actually watching one (*ahem*) go down. And if you’re a visual learner, this might be the best way to learn.
The internet has no shortage of blow job videos, as they’re a super common type of porn. While you can jump on any old porn site to find one, we recommend paying a little bit for a site that makes ethical, sex-positive porn.
These sites are more likely to pay and treat their employees well, and their content is a lot more inclusive.
Or, for real lips-on experience, take a BJ class online or in person. (Yes, that’s a thing.)
Position is crucial for BJs. If you’re in an uncomfortable position as the giver, a blow job can start to feel tedious, which no one wants. And who says you shouldn’t get some pleasure of your own while you’re at it?
There are so many great positions for getting off while you give head. Here are three of our faves.
This position is best done in bed. As the giver, you lie with your head propped up against pillows while the receiver kneels over you, straddling your upper body and positioning their pen
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How To Give Good Blowjobs
