How To Give An Amazing Handjob
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Yup, there’s such a thing as a mind-blowing HJ.
The classic hand job gets a bad rap because they’re often considered juvenile as one of the ~first bases~ towards penetrative sex, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t worthy of your time and attention! Just because they were what everyone was allegedly doing underneath the bleachers years ago, you can still (and should) incorporate hand jobs into your sex life. Giving an amazing handy is not only possible, but thanks to the experts we asked (yes, there are experts on hand play, TYVM), it’s also attainable.
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If you view hand jobs as juvenile, then that’s what they’ll be, explains Malika O’Neill, LPC, sexologist, sex and relationship therapist, and founder and CEO of The Pleasure Collective. Instead, change how you view them, she says. Talk to your partner about if that’s something they’d be into incorporating into your foreplay routine or be spontaneous with a hand job quickie. “Our brains crave newness,” O’Neill adds, saying that by folding handies into your sexual routine, it can be exciting and pleasurable for both partners.
Here are 19 of the best hand job tips out there. Grab a bottle of lotion or lube and get ready to take some notes.
During penetrative sex, the vagina walls may kind of hug the penis, giving it a nice tight feeling, explains O’Neill. When giving a handy, keep this in mind and try to mimic the feeling of a vagina with your hands, by wrapping your hands around their penis and gradually increasing the pressure. Try to use the same pressure you’d use to rub your clitoris, O’Neill says.
How much pressure is too much? Good q! O’Neill suggests communicating with your partner to gauge what feels good to them. You can say something like, “does that feel good?” or “Would you like it tight?” to get the ball rolling.
Don’t overthink it, says O’Neill. There’s no reason why blow jobs should get all the glory when hand jobs can be just as pleasurable. O’Neill recommends setting the mood by starting slow with foreplay or a little teasing, and then gradually rubbing your partner’s inner thighs before working your way up to their penis.
Another tip that’ll help make your hand jobs unforgettably sexy? Lube! Always have lube on hand and don’t be afraid to apply it so you can skip any awkward dryness.
Try some light ball massage if your partner is into it. The amount of pressure will depend on each person, but don’t shy away from touching their balls as it can be super pleasurable for them — and make you feel like a sexual rockstar. Playing with your partner’s balls during a hand job is a common tip O’Neill gives others to improve their handies.
O’Neill suggests using an up and down stroking motion up the shaft of your partner’s penis, and then twisting your hands ¼ either way. Once you can tell your partner is about to climax, focus the pressure more towards the head of their penis. O’Neill also recommends using long “milking strokes” once your partner reaches climax.
Please, if you know of anything worse than cursory oral sex, say so. Just like you don’t like it when a guy goes down on your for 15 seconds and pops up like, you good?, guys don’t generally like it when you give their dicks three rapid tugs and then move on to something else. You can always, always change your mind about what you do and don’t want to do during sex, but if you’re down to HJ, make it a fulfilling moment in your sex sesh. Spend time teasing and massaging the area around the D before jumping in.
Aka your spit. It won’t be as long-lasting or slick as actual lubricant you get at a store, but in a pinch, it’s an economical (and sexy) way to cut down on friction. And there’s no bigger hand-job foil than friction.
The best blow jobs are those that incorporate the hands, and the same goes for the mouth during hand jobs. It helps you accomplish the previous point about natty lube, and it also gives your hands and all their tired muscles (from, you know, holding a phone all day) a rest.
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A huge benefit of a hand job is that it can be done sneakily. We are not condoning or encouraging doing handies in public places, but if you wanted to get a HJ going while you’re sitting side-by-side on the couch, watching a movie, that would be good and acceptable.
Jacqui Oliver, a psycho-sexual relationship consultant, says to get your guy started by getting him to imagine the hot and heavy stuff that’s about to go down. Don’t be afraid to talk dirty! Getting into the right mind-set can turn second base from a pit stop on the way to sex to the actual destination.
Oliver says to make a “V” shape with your thumb and pointer finger to support the base of his penis and adding slight downward pressure. This holds his penis in place as he becomes erect so it doesn’t “bounce” around too much.
Apply some lube in your other hand, and slowly stretch out the length of his penis with your other hand (your thumb should be pointing down towards his balls). Once your lubed hand nears the top of his penis, you can bring your support hand up and repeat the same slow stretch. Repeat until you’re both impressed by your hand dexterity.
Your Real-Talk Guide to Every Type of Lube
Sure, it’s called a hand job, but using your finger pads to create a delicate touch can be super stimulating and unexpected. Antonia Hall, a psychologist and relationship expert, suggests using the pads of your fingers and lubrication to glide up and down his shaft.
Hall explains that the frenulum (under the tip of his penis), the perineum (area just beneath his balls), and the base of his penis are three sensitive spots to pay extra attention to. You’ll want to make sure you stimulate these areas somehow.
Jennifer Rahner, a sex educator, says that watching your partner touch themselves and asking what they like is the most efficient way to become a pro at handies. Whether your partner prefers lots of lube or just a little (uncircumcised guys sometimes enjoy stimulation without lube, says Rahner) or if he likes a light touch or a firm touch, the best way to figure it out is to ask.
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Just because you’ve asked them what they like, it doesn’t mean you can zone out and just phone it in until he climaxes. You’ll also want to pay close attention to his body language during stimulation. “Listen to your partner’s body—their breath, their noises, the way they move,” says Rahner. “These can all show signs that you’re on the right track.”
Sex and relationship expert Emily Morse, host of the Sex With Emily podcast, explains. First you’ll need a really good silicone lube because duh = more movement, more lube. Morse recommends SKYN Maximum Performance which is silicone-based and long lasting. We’re also big fans of Lelo’s lube as it feels luxe AF and comes in the most beautiful bottle ever. Once you’re lubed enough, try seamlessly bringing your hand from the base of his shaft up and over his head, squeezing gently on his head, and then working your way back down. Feel free to use your other hand for stimulating yourself and putting on a bit of a show for him.
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If you’ve exhausted the one-hander, you can still get all fancy with two hands. Morse says to try the two-handed twist, which is when you stack both hands on his shaft, one on top of the other. Twist your hands slowly in opposite directions, taking time to vary the pressure so you’re also gently stroking and squeezing.
Go ahead and reapply your lube here, because you want things very lubed up when you’re stimulating his head. Morse says to use one hand to stroke him from the base of his penis to his head, and then using your other hand, gently squeeze and play with the head of his penis. Ask him what he likes! Does he want it stronger or lighter? Faster or slower? The only way to know is to ask.
No good partner wants you to get a weird cramp in your wrist, and you’ll enjoy yourself way more as the giver too if you know that you don’t have to stay glued in one position until completion. He might be soaking it all up, but you’re the star of the show here. Morse suggests playing around with your own positioning as you pleasure him so he can see all of you at different angles. “You can have him lie down while you sit up and pleasure him, or you can have him stand up while you sit beneath him.” She says. “There are an infinite amount of positions to try, and don’t forget the art of the tease!”
Carina Hsieh Sex & Relationships Editor Carina Hsieh lives in NYC with her French Bulldog Bao Bao — follow her on Instagram and Twitter • Candace Bushnell once called her the Samantha Jones of Tinder • She enjoys hanging out in the candle aisle of TJ Maxx and getting lost in Amazon spirals.
Hannah Smothers Hannah writes about health, sex, and relationships for Cosmopolitan, and you can follow her on Twitter and Instagram.
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How To Give A Man The Best Hand Job Of His Life In 6 Steps
There is a right way and a wrong way to go about giving your man a great hand job.
I want to explain the best tips on how to give a handjob that's not not just the right way, but the perfect way to go about it.
Thankfully, brushing up on foreplay techniques and ideas to try isn't rocket science, and it's a practically a guaranteed avenue to have a better, more exciting sex with your boyfriend, husband or partner.
If you concentrate on just getting even few of the following moves right, and your man will be in heaven when you put your hands on his penis — and you won't have to feel awkward about it at all.
Rather than just grabbing his penis and giving him a hand job as fast as you can, you'll find that it's way hotter to slowly build up to it with what I like to call "hand job foreplay."
Start by kissing him like you normally would. While kissing him, slowly lower your hand toward his crotch outside his clothes. Slowly brush past his groin area and start to softly rub the inside of his thigh.
After doing this for about a minute, slowly move your hand over his penis while still outside his clothes, and start to gently grab and massage his penis.
At this stage, you should hear him starting to groan and sigh.
Now, it's time to slowly unbutton his pants and slip your hand inside his underwear to slowly hold grab hold of his penis. But there's no need to speed up just yet. Do everything very slowly and sensually so that you give your man time to enjoy each and every one of your touches.
If you're not getting too caught up in the heat of the moment, then you can make hand job foreplay last for up to 10 minutes.
Many women never properly learn how to give a good handjob and as a result, they end up only using one technique. This is what I call "The Claw," where you simply grab him and keep tugging it up and down, non-stop, at the same speed until he orgasms without ever changing your grip.
This isn't absolutely terrible, but it is quite boring (and often very tiring).
A very easy way to change things up when jerking him off is to alternate between using one hand and using two hands on him. When you do this, you'll be able to stimulate both his shaft and the top of his penis. You'll also find that he thoroughly enjoys it when you switch between hands while giving him a hand job.
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It goes without saying that your man's testicles are incredibly sensitive. In fact, they are the last place your man ever wants to get hit, because they are so sensitive. The good thing is that you can exploit this sensitivity when giving him a hand job.
Midway through your hand job, give your hand a rest and slowly slide your fingers down toward his testicles. Now, start to slowly and softly fondle them between your fingers. You can also cup them in your hand and gently squeeze them, too.
As you move back up toward his penis, use your nails to scratch his testicles, but make sure to do so with a minimal amount of pressure.
The most sensitive part of your man's penis is ... the top! It's where you'll find the highest concentration of nerve endings on his entire body. So, giving the top of his penis lots of attention is a high priority.
The easiest way to focus your hand job on the top of his penis is to make an "O" shape with your index finger and thumb and put it over his penis. Then just slowly move it up and down about an inch or so. You really don't need to move it that much, just enough to stimulate the top.
For a lot of guys, another highly sensitive part is a tiny patch called the frenulum. The frenulum is on the underside of his penis. It is the piece of flesh that joins with the shaft on the underside. Just lightly running one finger over the frenulum is incredibly stimulating for your man.
The best way to rub his frenulum is to take a break from using one of my other hand job techniques on his shaft and just spend 20 to 30 seconds rubbing his frenulum with a minimum amount of pressure before switching back.
When you first start learning how to give your man a hand job, you may feel like speeding up as he starts to orgasm. The funny thing is that he will prefer it if you actually slow down and release the pressure as he is reaching orgasm.
You see, when he reaches orgasm, he will become incredibly sensitive to touch to the point where it actually feels painful for him when you touch it.
Sean Jameson is a sex expert and founder of the Bad Girl's Bible website, where you can learn advanced techniques to improve your sex life.
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