How To Give A Proper Blowjob

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How To Give A Proper Blowjob
By Marissa Gainsburg , Hunter Levitan and Mackenzie Hall Published: Aug 3, 2022
This content is imported from poll. You may be able to find the same content in another format, or you may be able to find more information, at their web site.
This content is imported from poll. You may be able to find the same content in another format, or you may be able to find more information, at their web site.
Marissa Gainsburg is the Features Director at Women's Health, where she oversees the magazine's news-meets-trends Warm Up section and Love & Life section. After receiving her journalism degree from the University of Florida, Marissa has spent the past eight years in NYC with her dog Bentley, writing and editing fitness, nutrition, health, sexual health, mental health, relationship, and travel content. She's held previous positions at Self, Allure, and Cosmopolitan.
Hunter Levitan is a freelance journalist specializing in fashion, style, culture, sex, and wellness stories, as well as a writer/poet, photographer, and mixed media brand consultant. Her work has appeared in Who What Wear, Cosmopolitan, Women’s Health Magazine, and The Improper Bostonian, among others. She is a graduate of New York University and lives in New York City.
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You're about to get an A+ on this assignment.
The mighty blow job —intimidating for sure, but probably one of the best sex acts to have in your pleasure arsenal. Though taking full control of your partner's penis or strap-on can feel empowering, you may have sometimes wondered if your blow job technique could use a little improvement. After all, how do you give a good blow job anyway? Sex ed definitely didn't cover this.
Well, it really comes down to personal preferences. But for many, just getting a blow job is a huge turn on. "[People] love blow jobs because the act feels like sex, but it's a very different experience—they get to relax and receive and just enjoy what's happening in front of them," says Vanessa Marin , a certified sex therapist in Los Angeles.
Plus, the visual element of watching their penis slip in and out of a mouth really gets a lot of people going, Marin adds. Not to mention, unlike a hand job or even penetrative sex , no one can replicate the sensation of a blow job on their own (obviously). Your mouth is wet and warm, like a vagina (or a lubed-up hand), but your lips and tongue are living, roving, irreplaceable works of art.
It’s definitely not everyone’s thing (reminder: your sexual preferences are only decided by you, and no one should ever make you feel bad about them!), but when you’re really clicking with a partner, a blow job can be a great way to amp up affection.
"Although it may not seem as intimate [as sex] because there isn't as much face-to-face contact, the willingness to do this adds a level of trust and intimacy that is underappreciated," explains Kimberly Resnick Anderson , LCSW, a certified sex therapist based in L.A.
So, back to technique, what else should you know about blow jobs aside from the...uh...basics? Well, here's exactly how to take your oral sex game to the next level, according to certified sex therapists.
By far the number one rule for giving good head is actually wanting to give good head.
"The biggest complaint I hear from clients about blow jobs has nothing to do with technique and everything to do with their partner's enthusiasm about it," Marin says. "Recipients will have a great time if they know their partner is enjoying it." (Awww!)
"There's a big difference between 'they do this for me because I like it' and someone that is actually being turned on by giving oral sex," adds Anderson. "If someone is earnest and motivated to please them, that's 90 percent of it."
That's not to say you should pretend you like doing something in the bedroom if you straight-up don't. (In that vein, never do something you're not comfortable with just because a sexual partner asks you.) But if you're considering going down on someone—which, if you're reading this article, it seems like you are—the best thing you can bring to the BJ party is a good attitude.
A few ways to show your enthusiasm:
A blow job might count as oral sex , but that doesn't mean your mouth has to do all the work. "I like to think of the mouth as providing wetness and your hands as providing tightness," says Marin.
If your jaw starts to feel sore or tired a few minutes into the job, you're likely suctioning too hard with your mouth. So shift some of the work to your hands, counting on them for pressure.
Here's your basic stroke once you've warmed up a bit:
If their penis is larger than average, you can keep your mouth in one place and move your wet hand up and down separately.
Then from there, you can mix up your hand technique a bit. Try the Wrist Twist: With your mouth on the penis (this is still oral sex), rotate your firm wrist in clockwise circles as you move your hand up and down.
Bring your other hand into the game once you've gotten your bearings. "Focus beyond just the penis," says Anderson. "Some people like nipple stimulation, touching their leg...make it a full-sensory experience, beyond just the pelvic region." When in doubt? Cup and gently squeeze the balls.
During one of the first blow jobs I ever gave (to a guy I'd been dating for five months, so we were super comfortable with each other), my partner told me to spit on him. It freaked me out for a sec, but then realized he just liked it extra wet.
While everyone has their own, ahem, moisture preferences, I've found that most agree a good blow job requires a lot of saliva. You don't want to go overboard to the point that your hand is slipping all over the place, but try to do some **sexy** spitting (read: make it subtle) whenever the penis starts to feel a little dry.
On that note, it's not a bad idea to keep a glass of water nearby to prevent dry mouth—you may need it.
When giving a blow job, your tongue provides the warmth, texture, and wetness that they can't get elsewhere.
To maximize this sensation, both Anderson and Marin suggest keeping your tongue soft in your mouth when you're moving up and down (the majority of your job), then using the tip of your tongue to trace the head and frenulum—the underside where the penis head (if circumcised) meets the shaft.
Those two areas, especially the frenulum, are packed with nerve endings, so expect your partner to go crazy.
You can also use the flat side of your tongue to lick from the bottom of the shaft to the very tip and down again, or throw in a few tongue flicks.
At some point during my writing career in women's magazines, I picked up a tip from a sexpert (I wish I could remember who!) that has become my trusty signature move. (I almost hate sharing it, but in the name of better blow jobs for all...)
As you suck, try to keep your lips in a slightly fish-face position—pretend you're about to say "purple." The word naturally contorts your lips into the perfect head-giving pout: They're slightly curled and pillowy, which makes them feel wetter and creates ideal suction.
A huge factor of a blow job is the visual component, Marin and Anderson agree—presentation is everything, people! "If someone is on the bed and you're between their legs, try going to the side," says Anderson. "Think about changing the 'traditional' view." It also allows your partner to take in the full view of your awesome bod, so give 'em a wink and strike a pose.
You can also try placing yourself in different spots around the room—say, having your partner up against the wall and you on your knees in front of them. You can even place yourselves in front of a mirror so they can take in every angle. "Anything a partner can do to make it more visual" will be a win, says Anderson.
Deep throating—where you take the member so far into your mouth, it's in your throat—is definitely an advanced skill. Why? Two words: gag reflex.
Some people’s gag reflex is more easily activated than others, but if you're able to train it—I did by practicing on, no joke, frozen ice pops—you can surprise (and by that, I mean SHOCK) your partner with moments of deep throating.
Not only does deep throating feel amazing to them (your throat is obviously tighter than their mouth), but it’s a turn-on seeing their entire length somehow fit inside your mouth. (Back to that visual thing from the previous point.)
A word of caution: Ease into this, and only when you can breathe well through your nose. No penis is worth choking over.
There's nothing worse than giving a blow job and feeling your neck cramp or your knees bruise from an uncomfortable or unsustainable position. So be sure you (and your partner) are in comfortable positions to make the situation more enjoyable all around. "For givers, if they're on their knees, get a pillow so the knees are supported," suggests Dr. Jenni Skyler , PhD, an AASECT-certified sex therapist and director of The Intimacy Institute . "It's about the positioning of the body, so being between their partner's legs so they can easily cup the testicles and move from their core versus moving from the neck saves the neck muscles."
Trying out different positions can also be a fun way to experiment and ease up the pressure and stress. If one position isn't working, it'll be pretty clear to both parties involved, so laugh about it and try another way! This makes the entire process more enjoyable all around.
Lube matters. And it's a game-changer in all types of sexual activity. Obvi, moisture is a huge component of blow jobs – but generating enough saliva can be hard, "especially if you're dehydrated or live in a drier climate," says Skyler. A dry mouth isn't enjoyable for both parties. Incorporate some lube to increase wetness and pleasure.
If you like the taste of coconut oil or prefer an oral lube, there are plenty of lube options to choose from that can change your blow job game. "I always say have lube, why not, let it help you, and it can taste good," adds Skyler.
As a giver, really knowing what you desire or need at the ejaculation process is key. "If ejaculation in your mouth and swallowing is no big deal, okay," says Skyler. "But if it is, what are the workarounds that you need to communicate ahead of time."
How you handle the ejaculation piece of a blow job is personal preference. If you don't like ejaculate in the mouth, ask your partner to let you know when the point of coming is, remove your mouth and continue with your hand, suggests Skyler. "Or if they don't mind the cum but they don't want to swallow it, they can spit," she says.
Teeth and blow jobs don't exactly go together. But considering teeth are a (big) part of mouths, it's all about knowing what to do with them during a blow job. "Covering your teeth loosely with your tongue helps you move up and down the shaft," says Skyler. Another tip is to use your lips to avoid canine contact by slightly wrapping them around your teeth.
A technique Skyler recommends is to think about how you're licking an ice cream cone. "Top to bottom licks are good," she says. Take your time moving your mouth and tongue along the shaft. Build up to putting it fully in your mouth; the suspense will drive them crazy.
Bring the heat, with ice. Yup, using ice cubes during a blow job is actually extremely arousing. This unconventional method sounds like blow job urban legend, but a mouth full of crushed up ice delivers a tingly sensation, and the contrast between the warmth of your mouth and the cool ice can be refreshing.
With your partners permission, play around with ice. Try sucking on an ice cube right before you go down on them. Fill your mouth with crushed up ice and go to town. While you might feel like a chipmunk, the combo of cold and melting ice makes for a wet, good time. Trust, just try it.
No one thinks about wearing a condom for a blow job, but they protect against STDs! And practicing safe sex is v important. Good thing there are flavored condoms and lube that can make the experience more pleasant.
Take time to explore with your mouth. "Every penis is different," says Skyler, "Feel with your mouth the texture, the shape, and how it fills your mouth. Go into it with a curiosity."
You don't have to rush into a blow job and go straight for the deep throat (unless that's your thing, then more power to ya). Avoid clamping down, and instead,"ask yourself, 'How can I create a tighter envelope around this penis with my mouth?'," suggests Skyler.
Remember: Let go of the pressure of giving an orgasm. If you're hyper-focused on getting that, it can actually sabotage the pleasure. Instead, "focusing on the journey of pleasure, both in receiving and giving, is a key piece of satisfying your partner," says Skyler.
There's no one way to know you gave a good blow job, because it's entirely subjective to what your partner likes and what the end goal is. Making your partner cum is not the only sign of a good blow job—you can give an excellent blow job "whether the blow job is just to cultivate arousal or to create an orgasm," says Skyler. "If the body feels pleasure and exhibits contentment, then you know you're probably doing the right thing."
It's important to note that "orgasm and ejaculation are not the metrics of a good blow job," says Amanda Pasciucco , LMFT, an AASECT-certified sex and relationship therapist."Usually, the person receiving the blow job will let you know, 'Oh wow that was amazing.' If it wasn’t good, chances are they would have asked you to stop during it."
Communication—before, after, and during—is also helpful to giving a good blow job. "I always joke but it's the truth: It's easier to have sex than to talk about it," says Skyler. "Talking about it during and after is a key piece of emotional vulnerability that only feeds your sex life."
Ask your partner open-ended questions, like 'What did you like about that?' or 'What was your favorite part?'. Another one could be, 'If we could do something differently next time, what would that be?' or 'What's one thing you really want me to make sure I include next time that you really like?'.
"Have conversations about preferences so that the other person feels seen, felt, and heard by you," says Pasciucco. Not everyone likes the same techniques, and every mouth is a little different.
TLDR; let go of the pressure, focus on the pleasure.
"No," says Pasciucco. As with any sexual interaction, you should only do something if you want to and are comfortable doing it. There's no quid pro quo to oral sex (or any sex). Communicate openly and overtly before sex on what both partners want from the experience. "Have the discussion of 'does everything need to be equally given and received' in this partnered sex," Pasciucco adds. Make sure you both are on the same page before you begin. You should never feel forced to do anything in a sexual situation.
"I am a fan of making sure both people enjoy the experience, but that could look really different," says Skyler. If you both enjoy oral sex, great! If you prefer another kind of stimulation, like a sensual massage, but your partner wants oral sex, come to an agreement or understanding where you both experience the pleasure you want.
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By Zachary Zane Published: Mar 23, 2021
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Try these 12 blowjob positions: The Best Blowjob Positions
Zachary Zane is a Brooklyn-based writer, speaker, and activist whose work focuses on lifestyle, sexuality, culture, and entertainment. He was formerly the digital associate editor at OUT Magazine. His work has been featured in Rolling Stone, Washington Post, Playboy, and more.
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Here's everything you need to know about giving a life-changing BJ.
Giving a blowjob can be a little intimidating if you’ve never done it before. And even if you are a seasoned blowjob pro, you can still get jitters when your partner whips it out. There are a ton of questions that can run through your head: What if they don't like it? What if their penis smells weird? What if it tastes weird? What if I get pubic hair in my mouth? What if they want me to deepthroat and I can’t?
Since there are certain variables you can't control, like smell and taste—although that said, you could politely suggest a pre-sex cleaning routine —you should focus on the things you can do to ensure that it's a good experience for all parties, like learning about various positions, techniques, and sex toys for giving a blowjob. (This won’t just make it great for your partner, it’ll also make the BJ experience more enjoyable for you!)
Before we get into the nitty gritty of how to give a blowjob, it's important to note that everyone is different, and what may feel good to one penis-owner might not feel great to another. Besides, the psychological aspect of having someone’s lips around your penis is what makes blowjobs so enticing for many folks.
“When men talk to me about missing blowjobs or not getting them, they're not usually talking about the physical pleasure; they’re talking about the psychological pleasure and what a blowjob means to them erotically,” says Ian Kerner, Ph.D., LMFT, sex therapist, and author of So Tell Me About the Last Time You Had Sex . That’s because “the physical pleasure of fellatio is fairly straightforward and in a certain sense, a guy could give himself the same sensations with his own hand and some lube.”
There are elements of power, dominance, and submission involved in a blowjob, but also trust. This person has your most prized possession in their mouth and could easily do some damage with their teeth.
“A partner brings their own sense of presence and creativity to the blowjob experience,” Kerner says. “The giver brings their own sense of play and psychological themes—that's what makes it feel good.”
Even though blowjobs are often about the psychological thrill, there are still many universal dos and don’ts of giving a great BJ. And the more tools you have in your BJ toolbox, the more things you can switch to in case you get a feeling that your partner isn’t enjoying it as much as they could. (You also don’t want to tire yourself out, so it’s good having various techniques to switch things up.)
In this explainer, we’re going to provide all we can to help you give the best damn blowjob ever. In addition to speaking with Kerner, was also spoke to Michael Ingber , MD, a urologist and urogynecologist at Garden State Urology and Ashley Cobb , Lovehoney’s sex toy educator. With their tips below, you’ll be giving earth-shattering, toe-curling blowjobs in no time.
When you’re watching porn, you may notice that often, the person receiving the blowjob starts completely erect and the blowjob giver immediately downs his penis, sucking as hard as possible.
“Even if he's hard at the commencement of fellatio, don't assume it's a full erection,” Kerner says. “This means going slow and li
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