How To Give A Great Handjob

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How To Give A Great Handjob
By Marissa Gainsburg Published: Jun 22, 2019
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"A lot of women get overly complicated with technique, which can be a little too much for him."
"It's perfectly possible to use a hand job as the main sex event rather than just foreplay."
Marissa Gainsburg is the Features Director at Women's Health, where she oversees the magazine's news-meets-trends Warm Up section and Love & Life section. After receiving her journalism degree from the University of Florida, Marissa has spent the past eight years in NYC with her dog Bentley, writing and editing fitness, nutrition, health, sexual health, mental health, relationship, and travel content. She's held previous positions at Self, Allure, and Cosmopolitan.
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Out of all the go-to skills in your sex repertoire, giving a hand job is likely not one that you whip out often. Not because you're totally clueless about how to handle his penis, but because sometime after high school, the good ol' HJ lost its luster.
"The hand job definitely doesn't happen enough in adult bedrooms," says Vanessa Marin , a licensed sex therapist in Los Angeles. "It’s a huge shame because a hand job is a great way to bring pleasure to your partner."
The reasons are two-fold: One, he gets the opportunity to watch his sexy partner (you) take the reins on something he typically does himself. And two, when you do something that you don't engage in often, the act becomes infinitely hotter. Simply because it's novel.
"Our brains crave newness," Marin says—even for something that's totally old-school.
So here's how to give a good hand job, in case you (a) forgot, or (b) skipped that step on your way to be becoming a full-blown sex goddess...
Good sex starts with knowing what you and your partner want—and being able to talk about it. The hand job, despite its "basic" nature, is no exception.
"The easiest way to find out what works for him is to ask him how he likes to touch himself," says Holly Richmond , PhD, a certified sex therapist and licensed marriage therapist with practices in L.A., New Jersey, and Portland, Oregon. "Have him show you what he does when he's on his own, and really watch."
Not only will you get a general idea of the speed and motion he uses, you'll also likely be turned on.
"For many women [and men], watching their partner masturbate is a huge turn-on," Richmond adds. And getting in the mood to give a good handy is half the battle (amirite?).
Every man and every penis is different (obvs), but for hand-job purposes, you can divide them into two camps: circumcised and uncircumcised .
Circumcised penises (a.k.a. ones that have had the foreskin removed) are used to being touched at the tip, so you may want to spend extra time on that area, Richmond says.
Uncircumcised penises, however, can be extremely sensitive around the hood (because they're not usually exposed). So with this type, you definitely want to see how aggressively he tugs on himself before you jump in. He may not pull the foreskin down much, so take note.
If you haven't figured out by now that lube makes everything better, maybe you will now.
"When you're using your hands instead of your mouth or vagina, which are wet in nature, you need lubricant to minimize friction from skin-to-skin contact," Marin explains. "The hand job will become much, much smoother and easier for you and much more enjoyable for him."
Of course, you don't have to be a total traditionalist with your hand job. "There's no reason you can't use a little bit of spit to add moisture," adds Richmond. Just know that whereas spit dries/evaporates quickly, a good lube won't.
"A big 'issue' that comes up from men is that women are too delicate with the penis," Marin says. It's not really your fault: "Since the clitoris is really sensitive, we tend to approach the penis with more sensitivity than necessary. You can be a lot firmer than you think."
Of course, you don't want to squeeze your guy so hard that his eggplant actually turns purple. So a good way to tell? "When your partner is hard, wrap your hand around his penis and gradually increase the pressure. As you do so, have him tell you when it’s too much," suggests Marin.
You'll very likely be surprised by how much pressure he actually wants.
Chances are, your guy is used to getting himself off with a pretty straightforward up-and-down motion. (I mean, he's been doing this since, what, age 11? He's got it down pat.)
So when you're giving him a hand job, simple is better. "A lot of women get overly complicated with technique," Marin says, "which can be a little too much for him."
Her advice: Switch things up a bit every minute-ish. That doesn't mean stop what you're doing and restart with an entirely different type of touch, but "make a slight tweak, like using a little more pressure or going a little slower or faster," she says.
Have two or three different techniques that you can alternate, and gradually transition between them.
For example, try cupping your whole hand around the base of his penis and doing a slight twisting motion (again, with lube!) as you move his shaft up and down. Then switch to sliding just your thumb and pointer finger (imagine the "okay" hand signal) up and down his penis, faster.
Speaking of technique, one way to make him finish fast (that is sorta the goal when your arms get tired, right?) is to bring both hands to the penis party.
"He's most likely used to just using one main hand when he masturbates, so if you use two, you're adding excitement and stimulation right off the bat," Richmond notes.
Plus, using two hands shows you're really, uh, invested in giving a good performance. "He will be much more into the hand job if he can easily tell that you are, too," says Marin. (True words.)
By this, I mean (mostly) his balls.
"Don't leave the balls out of it, unless you know he's not into ball play," Marin says. Balls are usually pretty simple: "Either cradle them softly in one hand, rub your fingers around them, or lightly stroke the area in between the two testicles, which is super-sensitive."
You could also try spreading your hand so that you grasp his balls between your fingers (do. not. squeeze.) or grazing a finger from the top of his ballsack down, she adds.
And don't stop there: "The area between his penis and anus, the perineum, has tons of nerve endings, so you can touch there, too," Richmond says. He could also like a little butt action —but always ask first. Never ass-ume (heh).
For circumcised penises, stroking the area where his head meets his shaft, as well as the very tip, can be extremely stimulating for him, as well. Again, focus your attention where he does himself and you're good.
When one (or both) of you is naked, verbalizing when something doesn't feel good can be awkward, if not downright awful. But communicating about what you don't like is super important—especially in the case of a hand job, when you could actually cause him some pain.
Ideally, your partner will tell you when he's uncomfortable or just not into something, but either way, "pay attention to his body language, which will tell you everything about how it feels," says Richmond. That includes his facial expressions, (happy) moans, pace of breath, and—the obvious—strength of his erection.
In case you were wondering, "it's perfectly possible to use a hand job as the main sex event rather than just foreplay," Richmond continues. "We all want to be touched—it creates an opportunity for a whole new level of intimacy."
So there you have it, folks: A good hand job is finally in your, ahem, hands...and hopefully will be for the rest of your adult life.
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Here are some fun ways to switch up your handjob technique, including the “waterfall” motion and adding a few sex toys.
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Vanessa Marin is a licensed psychotherapist and writer with over 20 years of experience specializing in sex therapy. Her goal as a coach and as a journalist: To help you stop feeling embarrassed and start having way more fun in the bedroom. She studied human sexuality at Brown University and has been... Read more
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Sex should be fun, but it can also be complicated. Welcome to Sexual Resolution , a biweekly column by sex therapist Vanessa Marin answering your most confidential questions to help you achieve a healthy, joyful sex life. Here, she answers a question about becoming a handjob pro.
DEAR VANESSA: I have the handjob basics down, but I'm looking for some advanced techniques to take it to the next level. What do you suggest? — Needs a Hand With Handjobs, 24
DEAR NAHWH: I'm so glad to get this question because I think handjobs are criminally underrated. So many people have this idea that a person can touch their own penis better than anyone else can so bothering with them is useless, but that’s a silly reason to avoid what can be one of the most pleasurable techniques in your arsenal. Once you’ve mastered the basics, there are plenty of fun ways to take it to the next level.
First, I recommend experimenting with new hand motions. The basic up-and-down movement can work pretty well when you’re first getting started, but once you’ve figured out the pressure and speed that your partner enjoys, it’s time to explore new techniques. Here are a few to try:
You may also want to get other parts of your partner's body involved. Most people go straight for the shaft of the penis, but you can try paying attention to other areas as well. Try playing with the testicles — take them into one hand and very gently squeeze, or try very gently pulling the entire scrotum away from the body. Lightly scratch your fingertips against the skin of the scrotum. (Notice how I keep using the words “gently” and “lightly”? You want to be careful with the balls.)
You can also try playing with the perineum, which is the strip of skin between the balls and anus. This area is super sensitive, so your partner might enjoy some light stroking or pressure with your knuckle. If they're game, you may also want to try incorporating some anal play . You can gently press a fingertip against their anus or slide a finger up and down the butt crack. If they want more, make sure to add lube to your finger before gently sliding it in. Go slow and keep checking in about what feels best.
Speaking of lube, that can be another way to up your handjob game. I think lube is nonnegotiable for handjobs, but the reality is that most people just don’t use it. If you don’t already use lube, start now. It will make the act so much more enjoyable. If you already use it, try experimenting with different lubes. Silicone-based or even anal-sex-specific lubes can feel awesome with a handjob.
Another idea is to use a toy to assist with your handjob. If you have some sort of regular relationship with your handjob recipient, you could try investing in a male masturbator together. Even though these kinds of toys are called “masturbators,” they’re still a lot of fun to use together. Check out Tenga's Flip series or egg series .
In case you're still looking for a few other ideas, it's helpful to remember that the sky is the limit. For example, you could blindfold your partner while you give them a handjob — not being able to see what you’re doing can make the experience that much more exciting. Additionally, you should try edging. Get them right to the edge of an orgasm (you may have to ask that they let you know when they're close), then stop until they cool down a bit. Then get them right back to the edge. Repeat as many times as they can stand.
Roleplay during handjobs can also make them much more fun; pretend to be a master or a servant, or see what other scenarios you can come up with. And above all, have fun with each other.
Catch up on Sexual Resolution's latest columns:
Now check out 100 years of periods:
Vanessa Marin is a licensed sex therapist based in Los Angeles. You can find her on Instagram , Twitter , and her website .
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How to give a woman a (great) hand-job
How to give a woman a (great) hand-job Tracey Cox 19th October 2018 22nd January 2021

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Given the popularity of a blog I wrote a few weeks ago called ‘How to give him best hand-job he’s ever had’, I thought a female version was in order.
Men are usually better at giving ‘hand-jobs’ to women because they’ve had more practice: all that time at ‘second base’ as a teenager, trying desperately to turn your girlfriend on so she’ll finally give in and go ‘all the way’ paid off.
If you want a quick takeaway, some of the best hand-job advice ever given to men is to “do everything half as fast and twice as softly as you think you should”.
Keep this as your hands-on mantra, combine it with the following and you won’t go far wrong.
If you’re a woman giving a woman a hand-job, you may already know lots of what I’m about to talk about. But have a whiz-through anyway, a refresher course never did anyone any harm!
Before you even think about paddling toward the little man in the boat (the clitoris, in case you’re wondering), try cupping the whole vulva (genital area) through her clothes and gently applying even, circular pressure.
The usual (lazy) position involves reaching one hand down while kissing or lying beside her.
A far more practical one is to sit facing her between her open legs, while she’s either sitting or lying back with her knees up. Try her positioned on a chair/the side of the bed/kitchen counter, with you kneeling or sitting in front.
One by one – fingers splayed and trailing up her inner thighs then over her vagina but not lingering – then use both hands to stroke up both thighs simultaneously. Keep going until her legs open wider and wider and it’s obvious she wants you to centre on her genital region.
Start by holding your fingers against her closed labia and pay attention to how she positions herself and grinds against you. This is your clue to where she wants you to concentrate and how much pressure she requires.
At all times, her hip movements – how fast/slow and how furiously/gently she grinds against your hand – are your guide to the pressure and speed she’s craving. If she’s not grinding against your hand at all, you’re either doing it perfectly (gold star!) or she’s unsure of how you’ll react if she gives you feedback. All the more reason to….
While reading her hip movements helps, if you think she’s up for it, far better to ask her to show you how she masturbates herself. The usual lesson you’ll learn from this, if she obliges: it’s better to run your finger around the clitoris than stimulate it directly.
While we’re on the topic, just as you hate her grabbing straight for the crown jewels, it’s also a really bad idea to ignore the labia lips and rush straight for the main attraction: the clitoris. If the clitoris is stimulated too early, too hard or too soon, the reaction you’ll get is more likely to be pain than pleasure.
OK, now we’re ready to (ahem) dive straight in there. But first, test how lubricated she is by gently running one finger along the crease of the labia lips.
Don’t be put out if she’s not sliding off the bed already. It could mean you’re not turning her on or need to prolong foreplay but everything from the taking the Pill to a yeast infection can also affect how wet she is.
Quite often, the lubrication is there, it’s just trapped inside. If you gently insert a fingertip inside the vagina, you can spread the lubrication around (but not directly on) the clitoris.
Remember the ‘cupping’ you did as a warm-up? This is a variation.
Place your palm over her pubic hair and bend your middle finger so it’s angled to touch her clitoris. Cup her pubic area and use your finger to rub her clitoris up and down or in circles. Slide the two fingers next to it alongside so they stimulate the edges of the labia. Next, use your middle finger to make circles or figures of eights around the clitoris.
Your main stroke now involves touching and rubbing the shaft of the clitoris – the bit behind the clitoral hood (the skin which protects and covers the clitoris). Although most action does centre around the clitoris, it’s a rare woman who can cope with direct and prolonged stimulation on it.
Rule No 1: DON’T change technique, especially when she’s heading straight for the ‘OhmigodI’mabout to stage. You think showing off an infinite variety of hand twirls will result in her saying, “Wow! You know so many ways to use your fingers!”
She’ll fix you with a look of rage and/or frustration (probably both) and say ‘What were you trying to prove? If you’d just kept on doing it the one way, it would have worked. Why did you have to be such a show-off?”.
The only thing that should interrupt the flow is if she’s not wet enough: the one thing she won’t mind you stopping for is to lubricate the area. In case That’s Rule No 2: use lube to keep things wet. It’s impossible for her to be too wet, but oh-so-easy to be too dry. Use lots and the minute you feel lubrication starting to dry up, add more.
Women don’t usually masturbate by thrusting a finger in and out of their vaginas, so not much point you trying to make them orgasm by using the same technique is there lads?
That’s not to say she doesn’t get dead excited and loads of pleasure from being penetrated. She might well strain toward you and want you to push your fingers further inside while you’re touching her.
It’s just that it’s unlikely to tip her over the edge as a solo technique, so make sure you combine it with cl
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