How To Get Used To Anal Sex
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How To Get Used To Anal Sex
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Plus, a sex researcher explains the four keys to helping her enjoy it as much as you do
More and more ladies are putting a welcome mat by the back door: 36 percent of women and 42 percent of men have tried anal sex , according to a new report from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.
Butt play has been around since the dawn of time, but it’s become more common over the last 20 or 30 years as the stigma has disappeared, says Kimberly McBride, Ph.D., a sex researcher at the University of Toledo.
Now that Maya Rudolph has screamed about anal bleaching on Bridesmaids and thousands of free anal clips are available on PornHub, more people are interested in testing the waters, she says.
Still, not everyone who tries it makes it a regular part of their sex lives. Only 8 percent of women have had anal in the last month, according to a study from Indiana University.
“A lot of women say that it’s a special occasion thing,” McBride says. “They’ll only do it on his birthday or Valentine’s Day.”
But here’s a little secret: It doesn’t have to be a favor on her part.
“The anus is rich in nerve endings,” says McBride. “If you do it right, it can be a really pleasurable experience for her.”
Follow these steps, and she may be the one to ask for it next time.
This may seem painfully obvious, but McBride says she constantly hears from women who say their guys just ram it in, or claim that “it slipped.” If she’s not relaxed and ready (see Step 2), it’ll just be painful for her.
Ask her if she’s up for trying anal—and hash out any concerns—before you hop into bed, McBride says. Of course, if she’s not into it, you have to respect that.
If she’s game, don’t take it as a blanket approval to go for it anytime you’re fooling around. Check in with her in the moment to see if she’s in the mood for anal.
The anus can be an uncomfortable place to be touched at first. To help her get used to it, start with light butt play before you try penetration, says McBride.
For example, one night you can try just putting a finger or a vibrator on the outside of her anus. (We recommend one of this rechargable vibrator from the Men's Health store.) Another night, lube up a finger and gently insert it. Or experiment with butt plugs.
When you’re both ready to try the real thing, there are two things you need to know about the booty, says McBride.
Two: It’s very sensitive to tearing.
These two facts make it absolutely essential to use lube, and plenty of it.
This organic lubricant from the Men's Health store is a great all-purpose choice.
Despite what you see in porn , thrusting too deeply, too quickly, or too vigorously will just hurt her.
Your best bet: Let her control the depth and speed of penetration, says McBride. You can let her climb on top for a dirty variation of the cowgirl position, do it missionary with her hands guiding your hips, or doggy style with her in charge of backing it up.
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Jordyn Taylor
Jordyn Taylor is the Deputy Editor of Content at Men's Health.
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Whether you're a beginner or seasoned butt enthusiast, you're going to want to read this.
So you're into butt stuff. Well, reader, you're not alone.
Maybe you're among the 43% of men who've been on the giving end of anal sex at some point in their lives, or maybe you're down to receive it ( pegging, anyone? ). Maybe you've always wanted to go in through the back door, but haven't had the chance to cross it off your sexual bucket list yet.
No matter your experience level, you might be in search of tips to make your next anal sex experience the best it can be—and who better to guide you than Dr. Zhana Vrangalova , LELO sexpert and NYU professor of human sexuality? With her help, we assembled a guide to anal sex for beginner and advanced practitioners, from the hottest positions to the best toys to add an extra boost of pleasure.
Here's how to have mind-blowing anal sex, whether it's your first or five-hundredth time.
Before you even think about approaching the back door, you need to have "the talk" with your partner. Find out if you're both on the same page about experimenting with butt stuff—and if it turns out they're not into it, do not pressure them .
You're both down to try it? Great! Now, hold your horses: The key to first-time anal sex is going slow, Vrangalova says. (That, and using a lot of lube . The anus isn't going to lubricate itself, people! )
Consider starting with some rimming , or simply pressing on the anal area. Then go in with a finger or a very small butt plug, followed by two fingers or a larger toy. Then, if the receiving partner is comfortable, you can enter with your penis.
It's hard to predict how long it'll take to get there. "There's so much individual variability in terms of how tight people are," Vrangalova says. "I've known people who've never had anything up their asses and on the first time things go up right away."
Other people's anuses may be slower to open up—in which case, you may want to adjust your penetration technique.
"People often think they need to make these small in and out movements...[but] often that doesn’t feel good to the person being penetrated," she says. "What they would instead want is to have the penis or strap-on enter a little bit and then just stay there for 10, 20, 30 seconds until the sphincter can get used to that and relax, and then push it a little more and stay."
The biggest takeaway here? Talk to your partner the whole way through about what feels good.
"It's super important to have a constant communication line open between the two people, and go with the speed that the person being penetrated [is comfortable with]," she says.
There are lots of great positions for anal sex beginners. Receiving partners often find it easiest to be on their back, on their stomach, or on all fours.
"For some people, being on top gives them more control," Vrangalova adds. "Physicaly, it might be a little more difficult to relax, but psychologically, it gives them more of a sense of control."
Well...that's too bad. "Shit happens, literally, when you play with anal," Vrangalova says. "People need to be prepared that there might be some."
That being said, as long as your partner has gone number two recently—and they're not in the midst of like, a violent diarrhea spell—you probably don't need to worry about a sudden poop explosion (or "poop-pocalypse," as Vrangalova calls it). "If you know you went to bathroom that morning, and it feels like you don't need to go, it shouldn't be a problem," she says.
If a little poop make an appearance, don't be a dick about it. Your partner might be embarrassed, so let them know it's no big deal. "Try to deal with that in as kind and compassionate way as possible," she says. "Don't say, 'Oh my god, this is gross.' Have paper towels nearby that you can use."
So you've mastered the basics of anal sex, and now you're looking to take your skills to the next level. (Remember: Get consent from your partner every time you do anal—or any sex act, for that matter. Just because they were cool with it once, they're not necessarily in the mood for it tonight.) If you're both down to ramp up your anal game, read on.
If you have always have anal with the receiving partner on their hands and knees, try switching it up. As Men's Health previously reported, one easy option is a position known as The Matterhorn , which involves the receiving partner kneeling and leaning on a stack of pillows or piece of furniture at a 45-degree angle.
"There's a whole world of possibilities out there when it comes to toys," Vrangalova says.
Here's something relatively easy to try: If the receiving partner has a vagina, they can try using a vibrator on their clitoris to make the anal sex experience even more pleasurable. (Clitoral stimulation may also help them relax—not to mention achieve an incredible orgasm.)
Here's something a little more advanced: double penetration. "Whether you have two toys for vaginal and anal [penetration], or you have a penis and a toy in either hole, it's a great way to play around," Vrangalova says.
For the super-duper advanced, there's even the possibility of double anal penetration—i.e., a penis and a toy in the anus at the same time. You can work up to it by using bigger and bigger toys, or a fist . "If you can fit a fist in there, you can prob fit an average-sized penis and an average-sized toy in the anus, more or less."
Here are some LELO toys Vrangalova recommends:
"It's good for manual manipulation," Vrangalova says. Use your hand to insert it and hold it in there, or move it in and out—whatever feels good.
If the receiving partner has a vagina, they can wear it during anal penetration. "It's easy to fit it into pretty much any position," she says.
You could "have the wand on clit and then either a penis or another toy anally," Vrangalova recommends.
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Despite there being a healthy renaissance for butt play in recent years, backdoor entry is still a deal-breaker for many women — a no-way, no-how, entirely off-limits scenario. Still, more than a third of women (36.3 percent) surveyed in a 2015 study from the Journal of Sexual Medicine reported having tried anal sex ; 13.2 percent reported having had it within the past 12 months.
For some women, like me, anal sex can be a mind-blowing addition to the bedroom . Until recently, I’d never had an orgasm from anal sex alone. Anal sex has always been a welcome precursor to vaginal penetration and other below-the-belt play. The most intense orgasms I’ve had — ever — have involved some combo of simultaneous vaginal penetration, clit stimulation, and ass play.
The key, for me, is to have a patient partner — one whom I trust. Oh, and plenty of lube. The anus isn’t self-lubricating, and the sphincter needs to be relaxed before you insert anything into it. For me to engage in anal sex, I need to be fully relaxed, lubed, and ready. And even then, sometimes the equipment isn’t, umm, compatible. Usually, I’d say you can never have too much of a good thing, but size can be an issue.
Anne Hodder, ACS, a multi-certified sex and relationships educator, says a successful anal experience is most often the result of communication, relaxation, preparation, lubrication, and (at least initially) gentle stimulation. “Anal is something you and your partner should discuss and plan for while sober and clothed,” she says. “Discuss expectations and concerns.”
Here are my top 25 tips on how to enjoy anal sex :
It needs to be a “hell yes.” Like anything in life, if the idea of anal sex doesn’t inspire an enthusiastic “hell yes” you probably shouldn’t do it. If someone has to convince you to do something, say no.
There needs to be a solid level of trust. For me, anal sex requires a higher level of trust than vaginal sex. I’ve rarely had painful vaginal penetration, but there have been a few less-than-memorable mishaps with an overzealous penis and my ass. I’m not letting a penis or strap-on get near my backside unless I trust that you’ll wield it responsibly.
If you “accidentally” slip it in, you’re an asshole. There are these concepts called consent and communication. Accidental anal is not OK.
Let go of any expectations. Instead of immediately focusing on full penetration, try to be as present as possible, and enjoy the buildup and arousal. Sometimes, it takes a few tries to make it happen. And sometimes, anatomy doesn’t fit, or it’s painful for the receiving partner.
Your butt is beautiful. If you’re going to let someone stick their dick or strap-on in your backside, you’re going to have to relax about how it looks. It may not be your most favorite body part, but the reality is that someone will be looking at it, they may be licking it, and if all goes as planned, penetrating it. All butts are beautiful.
Relax. I know, I know — this is easier said than done. If you’re nervous, take a few deep breaths. Like you mean it deep breaths. A calm mind will hopefully set your ass at ease.
Slow and low is the tempo. I cannot emphasize this enough. Go as slow as you need. And if something doesn’t feel quite right, it’s OK to stop and start again. I’ve learned things go more smoothly the slower I go because I’m not triggered to clench or clamp down from worry or discomfort.
Start small. Instead of going for the biggest dildo in your bedside arsenal, start with something small, like a single (lubed) finger, and work your way up.
This bullet vibrator’s small and compact shape makes it a great toy to use as you start out.
Communication is key. Your partner may be fan-freaking-tastic, but they are by no means a mind reader. It helps to have a conversation before you have butt sex for the first time. And if you’re in the throes of it, if you want more or less of something, use your words and speak up.
Use silicone lube (and don’t skimp). The anus is much tighter than the vagina, and it doesn’t naturally self-lubricate like the vagina does — no matter how turned on you are. Thick, silicone lubes tend to be longer-lasting and make for a smoother sailing backdoor situation. The wetter, the better. Always.
Unless you’re using silicone toys… This is a pretty simple rule of thumb: If you’re using silicone toys, use a water-based lube, since silicone-based lubes can break down toys and make them gummy and gross (like material doesn’t like like material).
And definitely, don’t use a numbing lube. Desensitizing lubes aren’t inherently harmful, but the anus consists of thin, sensitive tissues, so tears and irritation are more prevalent. I want my body to be able to signal if something isn’t right.
Go shallow at first. Whether it’s with a toy or finger, go shallow at first when penetrating someone’s anus. I know, the impulse is to get in there — all the
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