How To Get An Orgasim On Your Own
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How To Get An Orgasim On Your Own
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Cross the finish line every time by taking one ridiculously simple step
What if we told you there was a secret ingredient that could up your odds of having an orgasm ? Get excited, because there actually is. Nearly 50 percent of men and women who have used lube say that it makes it easier to have an orgasm , according to a new study from Indiana University’s Center for Sexual Health Promotion released by Trojan Lubricants.
Since your own natural lubrication is a telltale sign that you’re turned on, adding a little more wetness can get you revved up even faster. Plus, that slippery feeling can give you just the right amount friction (not to mention, the added sensations you get from some lubes can feel pretty amazing). Need more proof that it’s time to invest in the slippery stuff? More than 80 percent of users report experiencing more pleasure when they get wet.
After you stock your nightstand, check out more ways to make the big O even more mind blowing:
Discover the best ways to unlock your orgasm with the Women’s Health Big Book of Sex !
10 Tips For Having The Most Intense Orgasm Of Your Life
3. Insist upon foreplay so you can get super turned on.
4. Get used to being a little bit selfish—not just in bed, but in life.
5. Figure out exactly what your clitoris likes.
6. But don't only focus on your clitoris—make sure to mind your mons .
7. Bring in the G-spot for reinforcement.
9. Don't be too shy to use your hand or a vibrator during sex.
Zahra Barnes joined SELF in November 2015, working on the Culture and Health teams before eventually becoming Executive Editor. She has spent her career as a reporter and editor covering people's lives with a focus on wellness.
Zahra specializes in sexual, reproductive, and mental health, all with the goal of destigmatizing... Read more
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Happy National Orgasm Day! Yup, July 31 is the one day of the year dedicated to praising orgasms. Although fun holidays like this one and others in the same vein—National Margarita Day, anyone?—aren't as established as, say, the Fourth of July, they're still worth celebrating. And when it comes to National Orgasm Day, the best way to celebrate is by hanging out in bed (or in the kitchen, or on the living room rug, or some other inventive locale) and having an experience that redefines the word "climax." Here, experts explain 10 techniques to help your vagina feel like it's Christmas in July.
Touching yourself solo can help you understand exactly what you do or don't like in a way partnered sex can't. "Getting to know your own body and the type of pressure and friction that feel good really sets a template for knowing how to arouse yourself and have an orgasm during sex ," sex therapist and licensed marriage and family therapist Ian Kerner , Ph.D., author of She Comes First , tells SELF.
Fantasies can help you forget about the anxieties of day-to-day life, feel less inhibited, and home in on your pleasure, Jessica O’Reilly , Ph.D., Astroglide’s resident sex and relationship expert, tells SELF. "Thinking about a sex act isn’t a sign that you want to live it out in real life, and fantasizing about people other than your current partner is not cheating," she says.
Kerner agrees. "Don’t underestimate power of mental arousal," he says. If you're not sure what gets you going, O'Reilly recommends reading up on Literotica.com for inspiration.
Foreplay primes your body to have the best orgasm possible. "For orgasm to happen, two processes need to occur in parallel ," says Kerner. One is vasocongestion, or blood flow, to the genitals, and the other is myotonia, or muscular tension, he explains. "You can certainly achieve the minimum amount of these necessary to have an orgasm, or you can push beyond that and generate even more vasocongestion, myotonia, and arousal than usual."
Taking enough time to get as turned on as possible gives your body a chance to maximize these feel-good processes. That extra blood flow increases sensitivity, and the tenser your muscles are, the more likely you'll feel a huge sense of release during orgasm. Kerner suggests thinking of your entire body as an erogenous zone instead of jumping into the wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am type of deal.
"Many of us are so concerned with pleasing our partners that our own pleasure becomes secondary," says O'Reilly. "As you learn to accept help or pleasure outside of the bedroom, you’ll become more comfortable receiving pleasure during sexual activity with a partner."
She recommends tactics like asking your partner for a quick massage without feeling like you always have to return the favor, accepting help other people offer up, and learning to say no when someone has a request that really inconveniences you (and that you actually want to say no to, we're not trying to create a monster here). "Learning to accept help, support, and pleasure is essential to orgasm," says O'Reilly.
Kerner calls the clitoris "the powerhouse of the female orgasm," and for good reason. "Think of the clitoris as the kindling in the campfire that gets the blaze going," he says. Also, as O'Reilly notes, " Research shows that lesbians have more orgasms than women who have sex with men, suggesting that penis-in-vagina isn’t the ultimate path to orgasm." While many women need direct clitoral stimulation to orgasm, that can mean different things to different people. Determine what it means for you, then make sure either you or your partner incorporates that during sex. "Even if you’re having intercourse, you can reach down and rub your clit with your fingers or a vibrator," says O'Reilly. It’s also possible that your clitoris wants less action sometimes—learn to listen to her.
O'Reilly suggests stimulating your pubic mound (aka mons pubis), too. "That fleshy area above your lips is primed to help you enjoy orgasm," she says. "As you grind against it—use your hands or rub it against your partner’s pubic mound depending on what position you’re in—you simultaneously tug on the hood that covers your clitoral head and shaft." It can create a kind of stroking motion that she likens to a penis getting a hand job. And beyond the pubic mound, definitely explore toying around with your labia , too.
Many scientists think the famed G-spot is actually an internal extension of the clitoris, but all that really matters is that paying it attention feels really good for some people. The easiest way to tap into that pleasure is by inserting your index finger (or having a partner insert theirs) a few inches into your vagina, palm up, and curl your finger in a come-hither motion.
"Combining clitoral stimulation with G-spot stimulation can give you the feeling of that blended orgasm ," says Kerner. It may feel strange to mix those types of stimulation at first, but if you're intrigued, remember that practice often makes perfect.
"If you normally have sex on your back, flip over onto your stomach to discover new sensations," says O'Reilly. She notes that a small 2011 study published in the Journal of Sex Medicine used MRI imaging with an interesting result: "The research suggests that the pleasure pathways related to the clitoris and G-spot are different," she explains. Experimenting with different sex positions and the parts they stimulate might change up, and even amplify, your pleasure.
This can be the key to wait-what's-my-name-again kind of orgasms, but you might be apprehensive about using one while you're with a partner. "You can use a vibrator to enhance sex without being dependent on it," says Kerner. One way to make both of you feel more comfortable is by starting to use it before intercourse begins, if it's on the menu, and even using it on your partner to show them the light (especially helpful if you're having sex with a guy). You can also use a vibrating penis ring or couple's vibrator so your partner feels more included.
We've said it before and we'll say it again: The pelvic floor muscles are the most important muscles many women forget to exercise . Kegels give your pelvic floor a workout, which can potentially lead to better orgasms. Here's the right way to do Kegel exercises , plus a few tips for a regimen you can use regularly so your pelvic floor actually gets stronger.
You may also like: Try These 8 Things To Have Better Orgasms
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Whoever said there were no good short cuts in life?
If you're able to orgasm, that's pretty damn fantastic by itself. But if you are just an incredibly busy person who's looking to speed up the process a little, you're in luck : "The more you learn about your own body's responses, the more adept you'll be at ith Your Ex. Here, experts share their best tactics for orgasming FAST. Used individually or all together, they'll help you get there in record time.
To hasten your orgasms with your partner, first spend a little extra time giving yourself one. Pay attention to your body and mind right before you climax — where you're touching, how much pressure you're applying, which muscles tense up — says sex educator Dorian Solot, coauthor of I Love Female Orgasm. Then re-create those same moves during sex for a faster orgasm.
It's also important to cultivate an exciting mood. "Every woman is unique in what she needs to feel — and stay — in a sexual mind-set," says Susan Crain Bakos, author of The Orgasm Bible. "It could be candlelight and soft music, deep breathing, or even porn playing in the background." So figure out what atmosphere works for you, then set that tone before jumping in to sex.
One way to ensure faster climaxes with your partner is to prime yourself before you even see them. "Building excitement throughout the day will keep you in a heightened state of arousal," says Fulbright. Fantasize about what you guys will be doing later that evening, visualizing every detail. "Your body responds to stimulation more quickly if you're already turned on mentally," explains Bakos.
Speaking of stimulation, masturbating just to the brink — but not allowing yourself to finish — ensures that you'll be bursting with excitement before you're even read to bone. When the two of you hit the sheets, "your body will quickly return to the level of buildup you've already achieved, and your guy can finish you off in a hurry," says Solot.
Woman-on-top is probably the easiest pose to get you off because you control the angle, depth, and speed and can easily touch yourself. To get clitoral stimulation, grind against his pubic bone. Varying the move may crank up the heat faster. "Gyrate your hips in an oval rather than up and down," suggests Bakos. "You'll tease your clitoris every time you circle forward."
"Doggie-style is another quicker-climax pose," says Fulbright. Your partner is angled in a way that brings you deep penetration. Plus, if you get self-conscious during sex, facing away from your guy helps you tune out your nerves.
To up the ante even more, squeeze your PCs (the muscles you contract to stop the flow of urine) during intercourse...no matter what position you're using. "Flexing these muscles pulls on the clitoris and vagina, creating more intense friction, which helps give you an easier, stronger orgasm," says Bakos.
Zeroing in on the major erogenous areas is crucial, but to hit your high note even faster, multitask. "Anytime you can stimulate more than one spot at the same time, you'll up your allover excitement, which can push you over the edge sooner," says Fulbright. For example, while he's going down on you, ask him to insert two fingers and do the "come here" move. Or spin around into reverse cowgirl. You'll have the back wall of your vagina stimulated at the same time that you can touch your clitoris. Have him touch you all over during: Rubbing your breasts, inner thighs, neck, etc., adds to the orgasm-inducing sensations.
It's the best! Adding a dollop of lubricant seriously reduces painful friction.
It's simple math: Vibrators offer more strokes per second than hands do. If you're worried about your partner's ego, try a finger vibe that slips over one of his digits and enhances, rather than replaces, manual moves.
This post was originally published in 2011 and has been updated.
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