How To Finger Porn

How To Finger Porn
How to Finger Someone Orgasmically Well Never underestimate the power of amazing hand sex.
How to Finger Someone Orgasmically Well
How to Finger Someone Orgasmically Well
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Hand sex — using hands and fingers to stimulate sexual pleasure — gets a bad rap, like it’s somehow less than other sex acts. But hands are incredibly versatile, intimate tools that can allow you to touch someone in exactly the ways they enjoy. Your fingers also receive a multitude of sensations which allow you to enjoy your partner’s body.
While many of us may have been experimenting with fingering since we were teenagers, that doesn’t mean we know how to do it well . Like any other kind of sex , fingering is a learned skill.
Before stimulating a body, it helps to know some basic anatomy. Everyone is different, so learning anatomy doesn’t get you out of talking to your partner, but it’s a good place to start.
While the clitoris and the G-spot get most of the attention, the entire vulva is a potential erogenous zone. It’s important to pay attention to the whole area, not only because it can feel really good, but because pinpoint sensation on an area as sensitive as the clitoris is often overwhelming before reaching higher states of arousal. It’s really helpful to start slowly at the beginning to allow your partner to relax.
Try placing your hand over the entire vulva and just holding still. This allows your partner to get used to being touched and shows them things won’t progress too quickly. This is also a great time to focus on other forms of intimacy like eye contact, kissing, and touching the rest of their body with your other hand.
Once you’re ready for more, try moving the whole hand to provide uniform pressure. This helps wake up all the tissues and continues to enforce the idea that nothing will happen too fast.
Every time you want to progress to something new, check-in with your partner. For example, you can ask them things like, “Are you ready for your clit to be touched?” and “Are you ready for penetration?” You can also look for non-verbal cues, such as if they are moving your hand towards their clit, or if they are making exciting noises.
While you’re focusing on the entire vulva, you have the opportunity to stimulate the whole CUV complex (clitoral, urethral, vaginal). Properly speaking, it’s all these parts together that provide sexual pleasure, even if you access that pleasure from one pinpointed area.
The part of the clit you see from the outside of the body is just a fraction of what lies beneath. The clitoral legs and vestibular bulbs lie underneath the inner and outer labia and can be stimulated through external and internal pressure.
There’s as much erectile tissue in the clitoral complex as there is in a penis, but most of it is under the skin where you can’t see it swelling. Also, it can take longer to engorge than a penis, so it’s a great idea to spend time on building arousal so you can experience all of the pleasure that’s possible when this area of the body is fully engorged.
When you’re ready to focus on more direct clitoral stimulation, you still don’t want to go right for the head of the clit — that area is often too sensitive even when fully aroused. Instead, use the clitoral hood to your advantage and slide that tissue up and down the clitoral shaft, thinking of it like a tiny handjob on a penis. Especially once someone is aroused, you’ll be able to feel the clitoral shaft and that area is often very sensitive. ‍
As you’re trying touch techniques, you’ll want to check-in and see how your partner feels about what you’re doing and what they might like done differently. While it’s always wonderful to ask someone how they’d like to be touched, not everyone will have the language to explain that. It’s often easier to give a choice between two things, like “harder or softer,” “faster or slower,” “left or right,” etc. Not only does this not require too much thinking right at the moment, but asking for that kind of feedback allows someone to say what they want with less fear of hurting your feelings. ‍
Good fingering doesn’t need to include penetration. Many people find it easier to orgasm from external stimulation. But internal stimulation can also provide a great deal of pleasure if it’s something you and your partner would like to try.
Once you get the go-ahead from your partner, continue the slow pace. Start with just one or two fingers and move very slowly, checking in as you go. If you’re interested in exploring G-spot stimulation, slide your fingers along the anterior wall of the vagina (up towards the belly) until you’re an inch or two deep and you feel a slightly different texture. Remember, everybody is different and there’s no way to find the right spot without talking to your partner and asking what feels good.
What you’re actually stimulating is the urethral sponge, an area of the CUV complex that is often the last to swell with arousal — so it’s best to wait until your partner is really turned on before trying this.
You’ve probably heard the advice to use a “come hither” motion with your fingers. And while that might get you in the right neighborhood, make sure you avoid using the tips of your fingers or fingernails, since they tend to poke and fingernails can cause damage. Instead, focus on using the pads of your fingers to either press upward in a rhythmic way or move in little circles. Again, check-in about what’s most pleasurable. ‍
In addition to your fingering techniques, lube is one of the greatest things you can incorporate to enhance the sensations and pleasure for yourself or your partner. Whether or not there is penetration involved, lube keeps things slippery and smooth and helps avoid too much friction or chaffing which can quickly become uncomfortable. You can start by dabbing a coin sized amount onto your fingertips or hand and then rubbing them together (this just helps bring the lube closer to body temperature as cold lube can sometimes feel a little startling when applied onto the vulva directly out of the bottle). Feel free to add more and more as you go. Some people like just a little extra slide, and others like it really wet! Whatever you do, remember to reapply as needed to keep things slick throughout your sexy time.
If you’re doing this for a while your fingers are likely to get tired. It can help to work with the larger muscle groups like the upper arm and shoulder. To do this, hold your fingers and hand steady and pull upwards from those larger muscles. This will often be more sustainable and may also allow you to provide more intense stimulation for folks who enjoy that.
Keep in mind that some people experience squirting or ejaculation from this kind of stimulation, so it’s a good idea to lay a towel down first so you don’t need to worry as much about clean up.
The most important thing about any kind of sex is that the people involved are enjoying themselves. So while there are techniques you can try, remember that whatever feels good to you is the right thing to do.
Also, don’t forget that it can take time to learn new things, not just for the giver of touch but for the receiver. Our bodies learn over time what pleasure looks like, and it can take a while to get used to a new form of stimulation.
Just experiment and have fun, and make sure to keep an open dialog about what’s working best for both of you. ‍
Stella Harris is a Certified Intimacy Educator and Sex Coach who uses a variety of tools to guide and empower her clients and she teaches everything from pleasure anatomy, to communication skills, to kink and BDSM. Stella speaks at venues and conferences across the USA and Canada while maintaining a private practice in her adopted hometown of Portland, Oregon. Stella’s first book, Tongue Tied: Untangling Communication in Sex, Kink, and Relationships was published by Cleis Press in September 2018. You can also find Stella’s sex column in Portland’s Willamette Week.

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Ro White is a Chicago-based writer, sex educator, and Autostraddle’s Sex & Dating Editor.

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Zachary Zane is a Brooklyn-based writer, speaker, and activist whose work focuses on lifestyle, sexuality, and culture. He was formerly the digital associate editor at OUT Magazine and currently has a queer cannabis column, Puff Puff YASS, at Civilized.

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“Fingers are the sex toys we always have on us.” Amen.
Whether it's part of foreplay or the main event, fingering can be super pleasurable for people with a vulva—as long as it's done well. Bad digital stimulation isn't just a huge turn-off; it can also be incredibly painful! Fortunately, if you study up on vulva anatomy and communicate with your partner, you can improve your fingering technique.
First, let’s get clear on what exactly fingering is. “Fingering” can refer to any form of digital stimulation in or on a partner’s genitals, but when most people talk about “fingering,” they’re referring to digital vaginal stimulation. There are plenty of ways you can stimulate a partner’s vagina, but according to sex educator Tuck Malloy , fingers are your best tools.
“Many of us have more control over how to use our fingers than a toy or penis,” Malloy explains. “They are full of nerve endings, which makes them very good at feeling where things are and touching [vulvas] in specific ways.”
Every vulva is unique, and there's no one-size-fits-all method when it comes to fingering. Still, there are a few universal pointers that could help you literally take your partner’s pleasure into your own hands.
As sex educator Luna Matatas says, “Fingers are the sex toys we always have on us.” So put them to use! Here’s how to get better at fingering.
Let’s start with a brief anatomy lesson. The vulva is made up of the pubic mound, the inner labia, the outer labia, the clitoris, the vaginal opening, and the perineum. These areas are all sensitive to touch, but there are a couple of pleasure centers that respond particularly well to digital stimulation: the clitoris and the G-spot.
The clitoris has around 8,000 nerve endings , which is roughly double the number in a penis, and it’s probably larger than you think. Most people are familiar with the tiny nub at the top of the vulva (that’s the clitoral glans), but most of the clitoris is actually underneath the skin. The full structure runs along the sides of the vulva and extends up to five inches inside the body. You can stimulate the clitoris externally by stroking the glans or by gently pressing against the vulva, or you can stimulate it from inside the vagina by finding the G-spot.
According to a 2022 editorial published in the Sexual Medicine Reviews Journal, the G-spot is a pleasure center where five different structures meet: the clitoral crura; the clitoral bulb; the peri-urethral glands; the urethra; and the anterior vaginal wall. This area is about two inches inside the vagina on the front of the vaginal wall. You can find your partner’s G-spot by inserting one or two fingers when your partner is aroused and curling them towards the front of your partner’s body. If you feel a bump or a spongy texture, you’re in the right place!
The clitoris and the G-spot are the most well-known pleasure centers for vulva owners, but each person’s body is unique. Your partner might respond best to deep penetration, indirect clitoral stimulation, nipple stimulation, or something else. The best way to find their sweet spots is to pay attention to their physical and verbal cues.
Now that you know your way around your partner’s vulva and vagina, you’re ready to start fingering!
No one wants your Dorito dust in their vagina! Before you start fingering your partner, wash your hands. “The vagina has its own bacterial ecosystem,” Matatas explains. “We want to reduce external bacteria the best we can.” Make sure your nails are trimmed and filed to avoid causing cuts or abrasions.
“It's always beneficial to start a sexual encounter with a check-in about any specific desires or limitations,” Malloy says. Even in the context of a long-term relationship, your partner’s body might crave different sensations on different days.
Don’t forget to maintain communication during sex, too. “Affirm that feedback is great, and show your enthusiasm for getting to discover how their body is going to respond,” Matatas says.
This is also a great time to check in with your partner about safer sex practices. If fingering is the only sex act on the menu, the risk of spreading or contracting an STI is low, but it’s not zero. If you have multiple partners, if one of you lives with a chronic STI, or if it’s been a while since either of you has been tested for STIs, wearing latex or nitrile gloves will ensure the safest possible fingering experience.
Going right for your partner’s clitoris or vagina might be a turn-off. “Lots of people find this to be a bit of a shock to their system,” Malloy says. Take some time to kiss and caress your partner before you get down to business. The more turned on your partner gets, the more sensitive their vulva will be.
If your partner is a life-long vulva-owner, then their vagina might get moist when they’re turned on, but a little extra lubrication might make fingering more comfortable. “Lube inside and outside can reduce friction, which reduces stress on the vulva skin and vaginal tissue,” Matatas says.
A 2011 study found that in addition to making penetration easier, using lube actually enhances sexual pleasure for vulva-owners. Just make sure to check in with your partner about their lube preferences and allergies to specific ingredients before you lube up.
Remember that if your partner needs lubrication, it doesn’t mean they’re turned off by you or by the sex you’re having together. Medication, hormonal imbalances, menopause, stress, and dehydration can all decrease the vagina’s natural lubrication, and vulva-owners who have had gender confirmation surgery might produce very little lubrication or none at all. Plus, people with tight pelvic floor muscles or vaginal scar tissue might find that penetration is painful without additional lube. Some bodies just need a little help to slip n’ slide, and there’s nothing wrong with that.
Before you dip into your partner’s vagina, focus on their clitoris and vulva. Of course, you can use your mouth if your partner enjoys oral sex, but your fingers might offer a little more versatility.
“Fingers are nimble—you can get into crevices, like the sides of the clitoris and labia, and you can adjust pressure and speed really easily,” Matatas says.
Gently stroke your partner's labia, run a finger in circles around their clitoris, or provide direct clitoral stimulation if your partner wants a more intense sensation. You can also let your part grind against your palm or thigh to engage the crura, or the “legs” of the clitoris, which run along both sides of the vulva.
Once your partner is ready for vaginal penetration, be gentle and start shallow with a single finger. You only have to insert your finger about two inches to reach your partner’s G-spot.
“Start with sliding one finger in slowly with the pad of your fingers rubbing along the front wall of the vagina towards the belly button,” Matatas says. Feel for tissue that’s spongy and firm. Once you’re in the right area, Malloy recommends pressing your finger towards your partner’s pubic bone in a “come hither” motion. Add more pressure, more speed, or more fingers if your partner asks for that, or try some gentle thrusting.
Consistent G-spot stimulation might facilitate squirting , which happens when vulva-owners release fluid through the urethra. If your partner already has experience with squirting or wants to try it out, throw down a towel and go for it. And remember— it’s not pee !
Some bodies prefer shallow stimulation, but if your partner craves a fuller sensation, use your longest fingers to thrust deeper. Deeper penetration might stimulate your partner’s anterior fornix, or A-spot , an erogenous zone about four to six inches inside the vagina on the front of the vaginal wall.
To find your partner’s A-spot, move your fingers a few inches past their G-spot and gently press against different parts of their vaginal wall. If your partner physically or verbally responds with pleasure when you stimulate a specific area, stay put and keep going! If you’re having trouble finding your partner’s internal pleasure centers, Matatas recommends holding your fingers still while your partner thrusts against them.
If your partner likes lots of pressure and girth, you can also try giving them your whole hand . “Fisting can successfully stimulate many different sensitive areas in the vaginal canal at the same time, leading to intense, full body pleasure,” Malloy says.
If your partner wants to try fisting, make sure they’re adequately warmed up (a.k.a. you two have been going at it for a while) and use lots of lube. Press all of your fingers together in a “duck bill” shape and slowly insert them inside your partner’s vagina. It’s important to communicate with your partner the whole time and stop as soon as something hurts. If you can only insert your fingers, that’s fine! Your partner’s body will show you what it’s up for, and the added girth of four or five fingers might be all they need. If you’re able to insert your hand past the knuckles, you can then curl your hand into a fist. Allow your partner to thrust against your fist or gently move your wrist to provide rhythmic pressure against the front of the vaginal wall.
When your partner is ready to end the fisting session, uncurl your fingers and remove your hand slowly while your partner uses their pelvic floor muscles to help push your hand out.
For many vulva-owners, fingering feels best in combination with other forms of stimulation. In fact, a 2017 study published in the journal Sex and Marital Therapy found that only 18% of vulva-owners can orgasm from vaginal penetration alone.
“Many people enjoy oral stimulation to their vulva or anus while they receive fingering,” Matatas says. “Engaging nearby hotspots can increase intensity of sensations and levels of arousal.” Matatas also recommends pairing fingering with kissing, anal penetration, nipple play , dirty talk , or sex toys that can provide clitoral or
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