How To Finger A Girl Properly
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How To Finger A Girl Properly
How to Finger a Woman (An In-Depth Guide)
How to Finger a Woman (An In-Depth Guide)
How to Finger a Woman (An In-Depth Guide)
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Last week, during a shared lie-in with my partner, I experienced one of the loveliest orgasms I’ve ever had.
To bring me to the brink of ecstasy that morning, my boyfriend didn’t even need to take off his boxer shorts. He prompted my delicious climax using only his hands.
My orgasm that day (and the gorgeous build-up to it) got me thinking about fingering, and how much I rate it.
Sexologists define fingering as “the use of fingers or hands to sexually stimulate the vulva or vagina.”
Personally, I find it one of the most satisfying sexual acts. It’s the most reliable way to get me to orgasm.
Of course, every woman is different — but I’m by no means alone in my love of fingering.
“I think many women would agree that getting fingered feels phenomenal,” says sex therapist Vanessa Marin. “Fingers can give much more focused, deliberate, and intense stimulation than any other body part.”
If you want to learn how to finger a woman, you’re in good hands (pun intended)!
Here are some of my best suggestions to help you maximize your partner’s enjoyment.
I’ll start with the most important takeaway. The best way to finger a woman depends on the woman in question.
For example, fingering feels best for me when my boyfriend focuses on the external parts of my genitals.
Consistent strokes between my labia and circles round my clit will put me in seventh heaven for an hour.
A finger inside my vagina can feel hot, but I’m triply turned on when my partner focuses on my vulva!
But another woman might feel there’s something missing unless her vagina gets attention, too.
Once she’s aroused, she might be the kind of lady who craves that G-spot stimulation.
No two women are the same, explains Laurie Mintz, Ph.D., psychologist and sexuality expert. “Because each woman’s nerves are positioned differently, they each like to be touched differently.”
Communicating with your partner helps you tailor her experience. You’re more likely to satisfy her if you understand exactly what she enjoys.
Plus, taking time to communicate shows you care. Your lady will appreciate knowing her lover is serious about delighting her!
The following strategies will help you learn more about your partner’s needs.
Later, you can use your new knowledge to complement the more general tips in the rest of this guide.
Outside the bedroom, ask your partner how she feels about fingering. Are there any techniques she’s already keen on?
Hey, I came across an article which described how pleasurable fingering can be for some women. I’d love to know how you feel about fingering. Are there any techniques you know you like?
Mintz calls this kind of discussion “a kitchen-table sex talk.”
A neutral environment — like the kitchen — encourages more relaxed conversation. It’s often easier to broach sensitive topics when you’re not already in the middle of having sex.
Additionally, experts have been telling us for years that “sex starts in the mind. ”
Hence, “kitchen-table sex talks” are a great form of foreplay. A juicy chat about your partner’s favorite techniques will likely titillate you both!
You’ll learn a lot if you observe her pleasuring herself.
Here’s another arousing way to educate yourself. Let your partner know how much it would turn you on to watch her masturbating.
Every woman has her own unique way of inducing an orgasm when she touches herself. Your partner likely uses her fingers in the way that works best for her body.
Hence, you’ll learn a lot if you observe her pleasuring herself.
“Create an environment of intimacy and trust,” advises sex counselor Ian Kerner. “Let her know you want to watch because you want to learn more about how to please her.”
If she feels self-conscious or awkward, don’t pressure her. There are other, less intimidating, alternatives.
For example, Mintz suggests “watching realistic videos of women masturbating, and talking about them together.”
You could ask your partner questions like:
“Compared to the lady in the video, what do you differently when you touch yourself?”
“Do you focus on the same areas, or different ones?”
This allows her to describe her proclivities — even if she’d rather not demonstrate them.
Before you get down to business, wash your hands and ensure your fingernails are trimmed.
Like any other sexual act, fingering requires a warm-up. Indulge in foreplay, and go slowly. Spend plenty of time building sexual tension.
Start off with light, teasing kisses. Undress your partner one garment at a time, leaving only her panties on.
Graze her neck and breasts with your fingertips. Fondle her inner thighs. Tell her with your words and your eyes how beautiful she is.
Before you take off her panties, try cupping her whole vulva very gently in one hand. Now keep your hand still! Kerner says stillness can be more arousing than movement, because it builds anticipation.
Next, move your hand gradually up her vulva, pausing at intervals and pressing softly.
“This wakes up all the tissues and allows your partner to get used to being touched,” says Stella Harris, sex coach and intimacy educator.
(I find it incredibly erotic when my boyfriend does this. It’s my favorite form of teasing!)
With your free hand, you could massage your partner’s breast or cradle her face as you kiss her.
Finally, remove her panties and cup her now-naked vulva. Does her slit feel wet to the touch? If yes, that’s a good sign.
Before you move on to the next step, apply lube to your hands to give them extra slip.
Also, get comfortable — you’re going to be playing with her genitals for a while! Choose a position which allows both of your hands easy access.
Personally, I love lying next to my partner while he works on my pussy.
That way, I can kiss him, run my hands through his hair, and bury my face into his neck as I’m getting close to climax.
However, you may prefer to lie between your lady’s legs, or kneel between her knees.
The entire vulva is a potential erogenous zone.
Want to give your partner an outstanding sensual experience? Don’t rush to sensitive areas like her clitoris or G-spot.
Going straight to those regions can produce overwhelming or even painful sensations.
Plus, as Harris reminds us , “the entire vulva is a potential erogenous zone.” Lavish attention on every crevice to intensify your partner’s arousal.
If you’re not sure where to begin, I’ve outlined some suggestions below.
Once again, not every woman likes the same kind of stimulation. As you try different touch techniques, note your partner’s responses.
Be willing to adapt as you learn what works for your lover!
I go crazy when my boyfriend splays my labia and strokes between them.
His touch feels even more electrifying when he wets his fingertips with my juices. There are few things hotter than feeling him spread my moisture in the valleys between my lips.
For some women, soft squeezes and playful pinches of their labia can feel tantalizing, too. But as with all sensitive areas, remember not to overdo it!
The front commissure is the smooth area above your partner’s clitoral head and hood.
Tap this region delicately with your fingertip. I’ve found that ten seconds of rapid tapping here is a surefire way to excite me and engorge my clit!
Your partner may also appreciate you rubbing this area. Tenderly move your finger up and down, side to side, and in circles.
As you do so, watch her face and listen for changes in her breathing. This will help you identify which motions and speeds work best for her body.
As Kerner explains, your partner’s frenulum is the point “where her inner labia meet at the top. It’s above her vaginal opening, but just below her clitoral head.”
Since it’s rich in nerve fibers , her frenulum may respond well to your subtle taps, strokes and rubs.
“This area is so sensitive that even your breath can do good things to it,” writes sex educator Emily Nagoski.
(Side note: never blow air directly into the vagina. In rare cases, doing so can cause a fatal air embolism . Blowing lightly on your partner is fine; blowing into her is not.)
Another hot zone is your lady’s fourchette. It’s a tiny ‘lip’ located below her vaginal opening, where her inner labia meet at the bottom.
With well-lubricated fingers, try stroking from fourchette to frenulum, and back. But be careful. Nagoski advises that if your partner has given birth, the fourchette may be scarred or torn, which can make it sore.
The pubic mound is the squishy region of tissue just above the pubic bone. (It’s where pubic hair usually grows). Massaging this region has been my go-to masturbation method for years.
“This area is connected to the hood of the clitoris,” says sexologist Jess O’Reilly. That’s why touching the pubic mound can feel so sensual.
For example, “gently pulling the skin in an up-and-down motion can stroke the internal shaft of the clit .”
To vary the sensation, press down with four fingertips. Then move the skin of the pubic mound in circles.
Once you’ve warmed up your partner’s vulva, turn your attention to her clit.
Nagoski describes this organ as “the center of a woman’s erotic world.”
It’s also “exquisitely sensitive” — so you should never begin by touching by the glans. But following sufficient arousal, a lot of the magic happens here.
“86.5% of women pleasure themselves by focusing exclusively on their clits,” says Mintz. Simply put, the clitoris is “the key to many women’s orgasms.”
Be warned: some women’s clits are so sensitive that they only respond well to indirect touch. Talk to your partner first to see if this applies to her. Communication is key!
Below is a list of clit stimulation techniques my partner regularly uses on me. Though I’m a sucker for them all, your lady might strongly prefer some over others.
Try the following and see how she reacts:
Trace tiny circles onto the head of her clitoris, applying hardly any pressure.
Trace wider circles around her clitoral hood, applying a little more pressure.
Repeat the two steps above, replacing the circles with up-and-down movements instead.
Switch back to circles, and speed up for a while. Slow down, then gradually speed up again.
Tease her! Slide your wet finger away from her clit, down to her fourchette, and back.
My boyfriend tends to use the middle finger on his dominant hand to stimulate my clit. With his ring finger and index finger, he keeps my outer labia parted so my clit remains exposed.
That works best for him — but you may find another method easier!
As you try different types of stimulation, check in and see how your partner feels about each one.
Sometimes her moans of “yes! Right there!” will tell you all you need to know. At other times, you might need a clearer breakdown of what’s working and what isn’t.
Not everyone feels comfortable giving detailed sexual feedback. Hence, Harris suggests asking your partner simple questions like: “harder or softer?”,“faster or slower?”, “left or right?”, and so on.
Giving your partner two options can make it easier for her to request the adjustments she wants.
Good fingering doesn’t always involve putting fingers into the vagina, Harris reminds us.
Many women find external stimulation more satisfying than penetration. I’m one of them!
Yet despite my love of vulva-focused touch, I do enjoy some internal stimulation, too. And for plenty of women, penetration is a key part of the fingering experience.
Below are a few penetrative techniques for you and your partner to try. But take heed. She must be highly aroused and lubricated before you put your fingers inside her!
When it comes to fingering the vagina, staying shallower is often better than going deeper. “The outer third of a woman’s vaginal canal contains the most nerve endings,” explains Marin.
With your palm facing upwards, slowly insert your index finger about 2–3 inches into your partner’s vagina. Keeping your fingertip flat, push against her vaginal ceiling.
You may feel an area where the texture’s slightly different. That’s your lady’s G-spot, “ a cluster of nerves and tissue that engorges when she’s aroused .”
Your partner may find the steady, upward pushing of your finger stimulates her G-spot well. To boost this sensation, press down on her pubic mound with your free hand at the same time.
“The pressure from above will complement the pressure from below, increasing sensitivity,” explains Kerner.
Here’s another way to stimulate the G-spot. Curl your index finger slowly back toward yourself, grazing your partner’s vaginal ceiling as you do so.
In this way, you’re stroking her G-spot and stimulating her clitoral network.
“Be careful not to poke or scrape with your nails,” says Harris. “Focus on using the pads of your finger.”
If your partner enjoys it, you can repeat this finger-curl along her vaginal walls and floor. Focus on the sensitive areas nearest to her entrance.
To intensify her pleasure, use your free hand to stimulate the head of her clitoris at the same time.
If she’s responding well to penetration, play with other techniques.
For example, you can press your index finger and middle finger together, then slide them slowly in and out of her in unison. If she asks you to go faster, oblige her.
Try this playful alternative to penetrating your partner with your index finger.
Kerner suggests inserting your thumb just inside her vaginal entrance. Although it’s shorter than your index finger, it’s wider. Hence, it can stimulate plenty of nerve endings in the sensitive outer third of your lady’s vagina.
I’ve had great experiences with thumbing. The first time my partner thumbed me, it felt so amazing I made a note of it on my phone!
Fingers are one of the most underrated yet effective tools at a lover’s disposal.
For me, getting fingered often feels even better than receiving oral sex. That’s because the stimulation is so direct and intense.
With enough practice, fingering can become one of the most powerful skills in your sexual repertoire. You can use it in conjunction with other intimate acts, or you can dedicate whole sex sessions to it.
Either way, if your lady is keen, why not apply what you’ve just learned? Put the suggestions in this article to work to make her writhe in exquisite pleasure.
I wrote this post for Intimately . It’s a publication for people who want to improve their relationships and sex lives.
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This article was originally published in Sexography on Medium .
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How To Finger A Girl Right (Because You’re Doing It Wrong)
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How to finger a girl 101: Our clitoris is not like the rapid fire button on your PS4 controller.
We learn almost nothing about pleasure, the role of the clitoris or masturbation. As far as our school curriculums are concerned, sex is for procreation only.
It’s unsurprising then, that studies show significant numbers of women are having incredibly unsatisfying – and often painful – sexual encounters.
It’s not entirely men’s fault. After all, your main point of reference as a dude is porn, and that’s about as reliably realistic as a Sandra Bullock movie. Needless to say, most men tend to fall desperately short when it comes to foreplay – often rushing it, or leaving it out altogether.
Here’s the thing though, guys: Despite what the women in porn would have you believe, us gals need lots of foreplay. One of the best ways to warm a woman up for sex, second only to kissing and telling her what a goddess she is, is fingering. Done right, a pussy fingering can do wonders for getting us ready to hit O-Town by the time you finally insert your love wand into us.
Unfortunately, most of you are doing it wrong. Oh-so wrong.
Guys, the clitoris is not like the rapid fire button on your PS4 remote. It does not respond well to aggressive flicking and rubbing. It doesn’t like being rushed, or pressured. It prefers long, slow gentle fingertip strokes.
And while we’re at it, it prefers to be wet. Like, really wet. Rubbing a dry clitoris in the hopes of getting your lady friend fired up for the night is about as effective as refreshing the checkout screen in your ASOS cart, hoping the terrifyingly high price will change.
Add some saliva or lube there. But don’t make it the flavored kind, unless you want us to get a yeast infection ( more on that here ). And go back and forth and in circles. That’s how we like it best. Don’t rush to get to our vagina. Stick to the clit for a good few minutes to get us positively desperate to feel you inside us.
We’re like ovens. Turn up the heat to full and you’ll end up with a burnt-but-still-frozen pie. Turn it up slowly and you’ll pull a tantalizing treat with a soft, warm center ready for devouring out a half hour later.
Here’s how to finger a girl right, in five easy steps:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7bp7RX1HlMQ&t=35s
Want more advice on pleasing women in the sack? Subscribe to Nadia’s YouTube channel, HERE .
Images and media via tumblr.com and youtube.com .
BEST LUBE: Sliquid Organics Natural Silk Hybrid Lubricant
BEST FINGER VIBRATOR: GLUVR Rechargeable 6 Function Finger Vibrator
Comment: Do you know how to finger a girl right?
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Megan Wallace (they/them) is Cosmopolitan UK’s Sex and Relationships Editor covering sexual pleasure, sex toys, LGBTQIA+ identity, dating and romance.
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