How To Edge A Guy

How To Edge A Guy

Let's face it… dating can be awkward and nerve-racking, especially when it comes to first dates.

The two of you arrange to meet in a public setting to casually feel each other out and see if you want to continue spending more time with each other past the original meeting.

You can stumble in to...

“How can I improve my emotional intelligence?”
I’ve had three clients ask me this question over the last week, and whenever something pops up that frequently, I usually take it as a sign that it needs it’s own article.
What is emotional intelligence?
How does having it improve your life? Is it something...

Seriously. That’s it. From today onwards, you're making a vow...
No more settling in your love life.
No more settling for partners that don’t inspire you.
No more settling for partners that you don’t truly respect.
No more settling for partners who you don’t absolutely love having...

*All identifying information has been significantly altered to protect anonymity*

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In my last ten years of working with coaching clients 1-on-1, I’ve been fortunate enough to see a lot of amazing things take place.
I have helped people go from anxious, shy, and single, to marrying the...

Something’s happening… and I’m pretty sure you’ve noticed it too.
The role of relationships in our lives, and the reasons that people get married have shifted. Slowly at first, and now more rapidly.
I believe that the primary reason that people have gotten married over the last 150 years has transitioned...

Take The Leap
I am three hours away from leaving my hometown on a one-way ticket to Asia. My small carry-on, sitting in the corner of my bedroom, has been packed for weeks. I told my girlfriend that I had packed it because I was so excited to leave, but if I'm being honest with myself,...
Are you looking to develop your masculine edge?
Do you sometimes feel like you lack passion, fire, or courage in your life?
Do you find yourself feeling lacklustre, being boring, or overly nice?
Do you find it difficult to stay motivated in your career path, attract romantic partners that you’re deeply compelled by, or find the determination to follow through on your commitments?
Then, chances are, you need to cultivate your masculine edge, pronto.
A masculine edge is the un-fake-able energy that any man who has done his work naturally carries.
A man who carries a masculine edge is not to be trifled with. He is never unnecessarily aggressive. He never engages in displays of false bravado. He is able to show his metaphorical sword without ever having to use it.
Imagine standing toe-to-toe with a man who is able to unflinchingly stare into your eyes. He faces you dead on, without using a hint of overt intimidation. He is unfazed by your physical proximity. When you look into his eyes, you see a deep, dark ocean of life experience and healed pain. There is a simultaneous wildness, and calm sense of rootedness in his energy field.
By meeting his intense, direct gaze, you immediately feel grounded, calm, and simultaneously inspired to step up in your life.
This is what it feels like to be in the presence of a man with a fully developed masculine edge.
By cultivating the specific elements that cumulate into a masculine edge, you can expect to experience the following benefits, and more:
– More deeply aligned and fulfilling friendships/relationships
– More ease with getting into romantic relationships
– A more deeply fulfilling sex life
– More consistent energy and passion for your life’s work
– More compassion for yourself and others
– More courage and confidence day to day
– More honest conversations and relationships throughout the entire spectrum of your life
For how rare of a quality it is in modern Western society, developing your masculine edge is more straight forward than you might think it is.
Without further ado, here are the nine highest leverage things that you can do to develop your masculine edge more effectively.
Above all, a man with a masculine edge is present.
A man who is dripping with presence can see, hear, and understand someone completely simply by observing them. A present man can give his full attention without being distracted. A present man is the embodiment of pure consciousness.
Your ability to be present with others is ultimately a by-product of the health of your personal boundaries.
If you’re constantly allowing external sources (events, people, etc.) to tap into your energy, then you’ll always feel exhausted and will struggle with your presence.
On the strategic/life level… get used to saying ‘No’ to things, events, and people that you don’t want to invest your energy in. Cut energy vampires from your life. Spend time around people who lift you up, challenge you, and inspire you.
On the behavioural/granular level, make solid eye contact with people as you listen to them, and have it be a mix of soft and strong. Use your eyes to observe and react, not to intimidate or judge.
– Go for walks without any technology on you
– Practice regular meditation or yoga
– Physically de-clutter your environment, and own less stuff (physical clutter equals mental clutter)
– Take baths, walk barefoot on grass, or do anything else that compels you to slow down and/or connect more directly with nature
One of the fastest ways to lack a masculine edge is to have a personality completely void of passion or intensity.
What do you burn for? What makes your soul light up? What values would you give your life to protect?
If there isn’t anything in your life that stokes the fire in your belly, then you will have a flat and disengaging character.
Figure out what it is you burn for, and then live for it.
The essence of masculine energy is a sense of direction.
It is archetypically masculine to see a potential romantic interest and go directly towards them with an energy of, “I am aware of what else is out there… and I choose YOU.”
It is archetypically masculine to find a career that aligns with your values, abilities, and passion, and say, “I am going to give this mission everything that I have. I will contribute to the world with all of my might, and I will make the world a better place for having done it.”
It is archetypically masculine to decide to sculpt a better, healthier body, and to dedicate time, energy, and resources to make that a reality. Nothing stands in your way. It’s raining outside? You’re going for a run anyways. Difficult to stick to your diet while travelling? Good thing you came prepared. Someone offers you a drink on a night out? Doesn’t align with your goals… hard pass.
Lean into your directionality in life. Go after what you want. Set goals, honour them, and let nothing stand in the way.
It is so common for modern men to speak out of both sides of their mouths. To stretch truths. To fabricate realities in order to signal to others how they want to be perceived.
Become a master at speaking your truth.
Easier said than done. Most people go their entire lives running away from that which is true for them.
The truth can hurt, but it can also liberate.
“I find you immensely intriguing and I would love to take you out on a date this Saturday night.”
“I’m not in love with you anymore.”
“I hate this career path, and I want to change what I’m filling my days with.”
“It is not acceptable when you treat me in this manner. This stops now.”
In speaking your truth, you come into greater alignment with your desires, your goals, and your mission in life.
Get into the habit of speaking your truth regularly. A life of half-truths and fabrications will only lead you to an enduring sense of emptiness and an underlying lack of fulfillment.
One of the fastest ways to give up your personal power is to put other people’s perceptions ahead of your own perception of yourself.
You are the ultimate authority in your life. Stop seeking approval from others and impress yourself instead.
If you aim to please everyone, you will end up pleasing no one… least of which yourself.
If you are chronically selfless, giving, and aware of others, make sure that you swing the pendulum into healthy selfishness. Put your own needs first. Ensure that your own cup is full, so that you give to others from an authentic place of overflow and abundance.
Many modern ‘nice guys’ have a challenging time facing tension… whether that shows itself as a reluctance to approach a woman they find attractive, having a lengthy conversation with a role model, authority figure, or celebrity, or simply keeping a straight face and taking themselves seriously.
On the behavioural level, you may betray your discomfort with social tension by unconsciously having a permanent smile on your face… or laughing away social tension… or constantly having your eyebrows raised as a means of giving off a happy-go-lucky “I’m not a threat!’ vibe to others.
You may do this by never disagreeing with others… or incessantly checking in with your lover to make sure they’re enjoying themselves… or waiting until others give their opinions on a matter first, so that you know it’s safe to give your opinion within the context of theirs.
Allow yourself to become comfortable with situations that you used to find uncomfortable. The greater tolerance you have for sitting in tension, the more of a masculine edge you will cultivate.
Lean into your fears. Have challenging conversations. Ask out that person you find so attractive. Drop the tension and/or perma-smile on your face while in conversation with others.
For every unit of courage that you deploy in your life, you will be rewarded with an equal or greater number of units of authentically earned confidence.
Modern men are too top-heavy. They’re all head, and no heart.
Do you consider yourself highly analytical? An intellectual? Smarter than most people? These things might be so… but if you go through your life as a walking head with hands, then you will be ultimately ineffectual.
It is essential that you connect to your heart, gut, and your emotional body.
You might have been raised to believe that you were only allowed to experience or express specific emotions as a man (most often: happiness, anger, pride). You were likely told, overly or covertly, that sadness was off limits to you (i.e. “Boys don’t cry”).
You are allowed to experience the full spectrum of emotions. In fact, your authentic happiness depends on it. You can’t cut yourself off from certain emotions without negatively impacting your ability to fully feel all emotions.
Get in touch with all of your emotions – by crying, raging, feeling joy fully.
For more information on how to do this, read this article on feeling your emotions fully , and/or this article on getting in touch with your anger .
Something magical happens when we spend dedicated time exclusively with others of our gender…
We heal our relationships to our fathers, as we further learn how men work.
We have a sense of fire ignited in our bellies, as we are challenged and called out by men that we respect.
We feel deeply supported by our brothers, and truly have a sense of others having our back.
Whether it’s a weekly sports team, men’s group , poker night, book club, or anything else that appeals to you, regularly spending exclusively in the company of men will charge you up in ways that you can’t imagine.
Spend dedicated time with just men. Make this a regular practice. Ideally at least once per week.
Last night, one of the men in the men’s group that I lead asked me the question, “How do you stay motivated?”
“Remember that you are going to die.”
Death gives life meaning. We all know this on an intuitive level.
When a friend or family member dies, it reminds you to take inventory of how you are living your life. Questions such as, “Am I living as the most authentic version of myself?” arise.
Everything that you create for the world is a sandcastle in front of a wave. This can either feel disheartening, or freeing. I choose to feel freed by it.
I’ve written a countless number of things on the internet that friends and family members have questioned (“Don’t you think that’s a little bit too personal to post online?”). I know that I am going to die one day. And whether I get hit by a bus next week, or die at 120 years old on a comfy death bed surrounded by loved ones, I know that I will have regretted not sharing my truths with the world. In other words, I let my impending death inform the way that I live.
Ask yourself, “what would I spend my time doing if I knew that I was going to die in a year?”, and then live that way. Pay attention to the discrepancies of how you would live versus how you are living, and then put in the work of bridging that gap until you are in full alignment.
At its core, developing your masculine edge is all about killing off your ‘ nice guy ‘ tendencies, living in greater alignment, accepting everything that currently exists in your life, and being fine sitting in discomfort without losing your cool.
If you enjoyed this article, I would strongly recommend you check out any or all of the following articles:
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Medical Author:

Shaziya Allarakha, MD

Medical Reviewer:

Pallavi Suyog Uttekar, MD

Benefits

What are the benefits of edging?

How to Do It

What happens during edging?

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How Many Times Should You Edge? Sexual Health Center

Image Source: iStock Images
ISSM. What is “edging” and why might it be employed? https://www.issm.info/sexual-health-qa/what-is-edging-and-why-might-it-be-employed/
InformedHealth.org [Internet]. Cologne, Germany: Institute for Quality and Efficiency in Health Care (IQWiG); 2006-. Premature ejaculation: What can I do on my own? 2019 Sep 12. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK547551/

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