How To Dress Slutty
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How To Dress Slutty
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Sex. Celebrity. Politics. With Teeth
Sex. Celebrity. Politics. With Teeth
There's no insult in the English language like "slut": hurled as abuse, it can have a devastating impact. Being designated a "slut" can be reputation-ruining; however, it can also be taken as a compliment in certain situations, as a signifier of sexual attractiveness. A "good slut" is someone fun, sex-positive, and sexy — such a Samantha! Such a Jessa from GIRLS ! Tequila shots for all my sluts! A "bad slut," on the other hand, is someone who deserves the full force of our collective scorn and disdain. What's the difference, though?
The word "slut" can be used punitively, aggressively, shamingly, chidingly, in seemingly congratulatory manner, jokingly, with complete vitriol, etc. In short, it has no real, clearly-defined meaning. It's a collection of (sometimes contradictory) connotations huddled around an empty set, its only true defining feature being a murky connection to sexual impropriety. According to the dictionary , a "slut" is "a promiscuous woman; especially: PROSTITUTE." (Definition b: "a saucy girl: MINX"). Apparently, it comes from the Norwegian word for "impure liquid," which makes sense, because we sluts are constantly stewing in a collection of impure sauces, like those of the bog from which Grendel emerged.
So, fine, we can all agree that the denotation of "slut" is "a promiscuous woman" — but what even constitutes promiscuity in our era of ever-dissolving sexual prohibitions? Casual sex hasn't been a taboo (or even a source of deep-rooted, lingering shame! Woohoo!) for a long time, now — and, yet, the designation of "slut" lingers on as something we're still permitted, if not tacitly encouraged, to call women who don't have sex the way we think they should.
Enter slutformula.com , a website I came across this morning, that was probably crafted by an angry 15-year-old who lives in the stomach of a Balrog. It claims to contain "the official Slut Formula." Through some sort of complicated algorithm (misogyny x cum-sock/I hate vaginas), the site's author alleges that they're able to calculate your "Sluticity Value." Here's a fun bit of reasoning that accompanies the calculator:
Why the Slut Formula? Why does it only apply to Women? Women can pick and choose who they sleep with while men aren't nearly as picky and must constantly prove themselves while doing the attacking (ex: typically men approach women, not the other way around). Sluticity corrupts, and absolute sluticity corrupts absolutely. With provocative female attire, strict sexual harassment laws against men, and this innate ability to control them via vagina, women are the ones who must accept this responsibility and not abuse the power... if they do they will earn such titles as slut, whore, cock gobbler, etc.
The website, obviously, is a stinking pit of troll-feces that any woman with an ounce of self-awareness would likely know better than to take seriously (case in point: in order to not be a slut at all, at age 28, you can have had, at most: 3 sex partners, 5 kissing partners, and 5 oral sex partners). However, it didn't just hop out of a void, wielding a graph that shows a "linear relationship of sex and slutdom for a female." There are unspoken assumptions and deep-seated values in our society that create an environment in which less blatantly swinish iterations of this line of thinking proliferate.
Last week, Jezebel staff was discussing a recent psychological study that finds that college students who have meaningless sex (which is defined here as "sex with someone the respondent had known for less than a week") are more likely to exhibit "psychological distress." As lead researcher Dr. Melina M. Bersamin told Business Insider , "casual sex was negatively associated with well-being and positively associated with psychological distress." The idea that casual sex isn't always emotionally or physically fulfilling is, obviously, neither shocking nor new. But if casual sex is supposed to be the millennial's playground (no one steal this phrase and use it to name your nightclub because I am having it trademarked), shouldn't we at least be cool with it? Why does it cause us so much distress?
Looking to the lifestyles of twenty-somethings as an indication of what's broken or wrong with our…
The general consensus was that casual sex isn't necessarily easy to be casual about. It involves navigating a veritable minefield of pleasure, expectations, desire, miscommunications, muddled emotions, fun!! (let's not forget), but also of judgment and shame. Taking up the Mantle of Sluticity is not always a simple task, because it's caked with centuries worth of fears and myths and horrible assumptions re: sexually active women. So how does one even go about being successful at casual sex without experiencing emotional consequences? What makes The Perfect Slut?
To be clear, here's a handy list of how to be the Right Amount of Slutty:
The concept is bullshit for a lot of reasons — mostly because it causes women to worry that they're not behaving properly, according to a set of criteria that are both insane and lacking logic or any form of coherence.
Personally, I have always been a terrible slut. In my time at college, the only thing I was worse at than being a cool and fun slut was probably not falling asleep during that CogSci lecture I took by accident. This is because, during my time at college, I was growing up and starting to realize what kind of person I wanted to be. That's a fraught process, and one that almost necessarily involves a lot of insecurity and self-consciousness. A time of great uncertainty about one's own identity, it turns out, is not a ideal time to try and be a fun and carefree casual sexer — I realized this the hard way (i.e., crying under a strobe light at a party while eating a bag of Tostito's).
Having however much sex you want, with people you may or may not know very well, should be enjoyable, it should be easy, and it should never make you second-guess yourself. In other words, it requires that you're comfortable with who you are and what you want, and capable of communicating both of those things. It requires you to have reached a certain level of self-actualization and self-assurance. I wasn't there yet, so I sucked at being casually promiscuous. I projected my anxieties about myself as a person onto the "relationships" I was having, and it put me in a state of mild psychological distress.
What's even more baffling about the Slut Conundrum is that "psychological distress" is caused by pressure on both sides. Yes, negative stereotypes about women who have too much sex abound, but so, too, do stereotypes about women who don't have enough sex. Having had sex with far too few people at a certain age is seen as shameful — maybe in a different way than having had too much sex with too many people is, but it's a real pressure nonetheless. In environments where hooking up casually is the norm, there's a tacit pressure to fit in with one's peers. But when we're not given the right tools — either through a general unwillingness to have frank discussions about sexuality, or through a lack of self-possessed sexual female role models in the media, or through something else entirely — the very desire to "keep up" can be depressing and emotionally draining.
There's a line every woman must walk with her sexual identity. The old, strict, prohibitions around sex have been replaced with a set of nebulous demarcations: yes, you should have premarital sex; you should even have casual sex if you want! But there are certain ways you have to do it and certain patterns of behavior that are acceptable, otherwise you are gross and sad. It's a different type of sexual policing, but it strongly impacts the way we see the world, the way in which we think sex should happen, and what we think should happen afterwards.
I don't think that anyone can pinpoint the fine line between what's perceived as "healthy, sexual woman behavior" and "big slut behavior" (or, conversely, between what's seen as "healthy, sexy woman" and "sad prude"). And that's because it does not really exist. It's just an arbitrary distinction that allows us to malign women as freely — and illogically — as we please.
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I Dress Like A "Slut" And Here's Why
Spoiler alert: it has nothing to do with self-respect.
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On a few more occasions than I'd care to remember, I’ve been accused
of dressing… provocatively (although it's rarely been phrased quite so politely). Call my clothes whatever you want – slutty, whorish, skanky – doesn’t matter, I’ve heard ‘em all. My personal favorite is “prurient,”
though it’s criminally underused. Amidst all this presumptuous slur-slinging, I couldn't help but notice that I've never once been asked why I choose to dress myself this way. So today, for my own amusement, I'll answer the million dollar question no one's posed: why do I dress the way I do?
First and foremost, I like and feel comfortable in my clothes. If they were unpleasant for me to wear, I wouldn’t be wearing them – it’s as simple as that. That being said, while comfort is perhaps the foremost reason I dress like a “hoe,” it’s certainly not the only one, and arguably not even the most noteworthy. Truth be told, I use my wardrobe as a fail-safe against unwittingly surrounding myself with the wrong people - people who would only respect me if I were dressed according to whatever arbitrary standards they themselves personally deem "appropriate."
A common assertion from such individuals is that my choice of attire is indicative of a lack of respect for myself and for my body on my part, leading them to question why they should be inclined to respect me, if even I don't consider myself worthy of such esteem. As much as I hate to disappoint, this claim is erroneous. Having lived with an eating disorder for six years, I know a thing or two about what "disrespecting one’s body" looks
like, and believe me when I tell you that clothes have nothing to do with it. If you ask me, assigning moral value to fabric is more than a little archaic for 21st century America. I
don’t know about you, but I’d say that depriving oneself of vital nutrients and literally running one's body into the ground is far more self-abusive than donning a pair of Daisy Dukes could ever be. Call me crazy.
Another allegation I hear all too often is that I only dress the way I do "for attention." This isn't entirely untrue, and given that I'm a human being, I don't understand the not-so-subtly implied obligation I supposedly have to apologize for wanting people to pay attention to me. Wanting to be noticed doesn't make you any less "virtuous" than anyone else - it just makes you human. Man's craving for attention is actually an auspicious evolutionary adaptation: as infants, we would die without it, and it continues to play an important role in the formation of our identities (as well as the attraction of our mates) as we mature into adulthood, so begrudging one another the desire to be noticed is fundamentally untenable.
Therefore, while I wouldn't say that I wear what I wear for attention per se, I'm not about to sit here and pretend that I dislike all of the attention I
attract. Some of it I could do without, of course, but I recognize that I don’t
get to pick and choose who will react
to my clothes, or how they will go
about doing so. It’s not my responsibility (nor is it even within my power) to dictate how
other people are going to respond to me. If some sanctimonious soccer mom wants to tell me to pull my shorts down, I can’t stop her. If some creepy dude on the subway wants to
stare openly at my chest, I can’t guide his eyes upward through sheer force of will. The only person I can control is me.
And so, following that logic, I dress how I want, and let the chips fall where they may. My "fail-safe" isn't foolproof; sometimes I attract people (read: men) who hang around for all the wrong reasons. Here's the thing, though: even dressing like a character from Little House on the Prairie wouldn't protect me from that possibility. Case in point: the time I was accosted on an airplane by the man sitting next to me (whose behavior got so disturbing that the pilot was prepared to land the plane early, by the way), I was wearing an ugly holiday sweater and track pants. Sexy, huh?
Bottom line: I can never completely immunize myself against others' unfriendly intentions. I can, however, try to limit the number of toxic people I allow into my life. While I may think you wrong to judge me with so little information at your disposal, you are well within your rights to do so, and I wouldn't deny you that license. And hey, when all's said and done, if you’d prefer to judge me for the clothes I choose to put on my back rather
than for the content of my character... we probably wouldn’t have gotten along
very well in the first place.
Degrading titles in college: are you a slut or just a hoe? Just stop.
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Summer is quickly approaching, and soon the final school bells will sound, pool covers will be drawn back, sunglasses will go on and students everywhere will feel the overwhelming pressure of summer reading assignments. Long has required reading during summer vacation been a hallmark of the American education system. However, as many people know, most students are typically reluctant to read for class during the year, let alone during their breaks. Often, students protest to summer assignments in hopes of reducing the requirements or, more extremely, abolishing the summer reading program altogether. In an age where students are directing their attention more to the screen and less to the page, a question arises: Should schools require summer reading?
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Well, the Fourth of July has passed and now you suddenly realize that summer is practically over, and you didn’t do half of the epic fun things you thought you were going to do. For many of us, summer vacation is anything but a “vacation”. Between the hustle of internships and seasonal jobs, we’ve forgotten to have a little fun too. But it’s not too late! With only a few more weeks left of summer vacation, here are five more ways you can take advantage of the rest of what summer has to offer.
Sex. Celebrity. Politics. With Teeth
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An idiotic new study has shown that when seeking a woman for a one-time fun time, men look for certain qualities — namely, is she stupid enough to have sex with me ? Because the study (and the men involved) have conveniently ignored the fact that ladies sometimes want one night stands, too (also ignored: the idea that women sometimes have sex without being tricked into it), we've broken down the list of 88 traits that researchers found influenced men in their quest for sex to bring you a definitive guide to tricking dudes into thinking that they're tricking you into having sex with them.
Sexual exploitability: observable cues and their link to sexual attraction will be published in this month's issue of Evolution and Human Behavior , which looks to be the sort of publication that pats men on the head for being assholes and tells them that it's not their fault that they're dicks — that's evolution, baby! — and this sexual exploitability study is no exception. It postulates that because reproduction requires less parental investment for men than it does for women (an expulsion of spooj followed by an indefinite trip to the store to pick up some cigarettes versus 9 months of pregnancy followed by childbirth followed by having a baby yelling at you all the time for, like, several years), women must therefore be exploited if men ever hope to get them to have sex with them. The study not only assumes that women are reluctant to have sex because of babies (the Pill never happened, apparently), every high-stakes sexual encounter that a woman has with a man is the result of the man overcoming some resistance in the woman — either via seduction or by force.
So, the weirdos who thought that this sort of thing would make a good, solid study looked to test their sexual exploitability hypothesis on a group of men and determine if a woman's perceived vulnerability made her hotter — and they were right! But first, they had to determine what, exactly, made a woman look DTBTIF (Down To Be Tricked Into Fucking). Lucky for you, horny women of the world, most of these traits are easy to fake. So let's have at it — remember, this is all scientific.
All of these traits were strongly correlated with being vulnerable and therefore exploitable and therefore more likely to trip over something and accidentally fall onto some dud
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