How To Do The Cowgirl

How To Do The Cowgirl
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Instead of you doing all the moving around, have your partner do some too. Ask them to meet you halfway and thrust from below, says certified sex educator Alicia Sinclair , founder and CEO of The Cowgirl Premium Sex Machine. It changes the whole dynamic, plus gives you a little break. And if they want to do all the thrusting, hi, yes, that’s cool too.
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Jill Hamilton is a contributor for Cosmopolitan.com and writes the blog In Bed With Married Women.

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Getting on top during sex when you’re the receiving partner—aka cowgirl position—can be a little daunting if you’ve never done it before. And to be fair, it does come with a whole new set of questions: What do you do with your hands? What do you do when your legs get tired ? Do you have to dress up like a cowboy, or are costumes optional? (Lol, kidding, kind of.)
But the truth is, the cowgirl sex position is popular because it’s good , and most of the time (read: when you get out of your head!) it’s v easy to pull off. “The beauty of the position is that you're the one in control,” says certified sex and relationships coach and clinical sexologist Elaine S. Turner . When you hop on top, you get to be in complete control of the speed, depth, angle, and motion of what’s going on, and all that can be super helpful if your goal is to have an orgasm .
Now, before you embark on your Big Mission To Own The Cowgirl Position, there are a few important tips and tricks to know. (And even if you consider yourself an expert rider, you can always learn a new thing or two!) In no particular order, here’s what to keep in mind.
Yes, hi, remember how I said “no particular order”? I was lying. This tip is number one for a reason. If cowgirl isn’t making you feel freaking fantastic, you might be among the majority of vagina owners who do not orgasm with penetration alone . Yes, I said majority —it’s super normal! So make sure your clit is getting the attention it needs and don’t be afraid to give yourself a hand.
“Angle your hips for your clit to rub against your partner or play with your clit while riding,” suggests erotic rom com writer Liv Arnold . You can also delegate clit duties: “Lean back a bit and have your partner play with your clit using their fingers or your favorite bullet vibrator or wand massager ,” says resident certified sex therapist at SexualAlpha , Aliyah Moore , PhD.
If you’re riding a strap-on , you can ignore this one, but if you partner has a penis, this is crucial. “Cowgirl is one of the positions most likely to lead to a broken penis ,” says Turner. “If you're going up and down on them too fast, they can slip out, leading to a rough landing. Avoid the awkward hospital visit and take your time.” Yes ma’am!
Even if you’re on another form of birth control , bust out a condom to help prevent STIs , recommends Jasmine Akins , a sexual health educator at CAN Community Health . (Psst, here’s a secret tip for the condom-adverse .)
Now, ready to saddle up? Take some of these cowgirl sex positions out for a spin.
If you want an easy and comfortable ride, try leaning forward slightly, suggests sex expert Mayla Green , co-founder of TheAdultToyShop.com . Not only will you get the stimulation your clit craves, but you can rest some of your body weight on your hands.
Instead of bouncing up and down (see above: penis breaking), do a slow grind against your partner. Apply some CBD-based lube and grind against their pubic bone. Spread your legs extra wide to get more friction across your entire vulva.
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Switch up the depth of penetration and speed to maximize the stimulation you’ll both be getting. If you need a template, try four quicker, shallower thrusts, then on the fifth thrust, sink slowly all the way onto your partner. That deep fifth thrust will feel so amazing to both of you.
Feeling shy up there? “The best way to overcome it is with practice and showing off,” says Turner. “Grab your favorite bullet or wand vibrator and get it involved while you're on top. Or you can grab your partner's hand and show them where you want them to touch you.” When you’re really into it, you forget about being self-conscious, fast.
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“Putting a blindfold over your partner's eyes or tying them up to the bed can be a massive turn-on,” says Turner. “Incorporating sensory deprivation means focusing on the sensations and maximizing their enjoyment.” (If you feel vulnerable and exposed when you’re on top, a blindfolded partner can help you feel less inhibited.)
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You know how when someone’s holding your legs you can magically do sit-ups better? Harness the same principle by tucking your legs under your partner, suggests Sinclair. (Just slide your feet under their butt.) This move can help stabilize you and keep your thighs from tiring out, she says.
Make cowgirl instantly more intimate by having your partner sit up instead of lying on their back. "This can help take some of the pressure off your thighs, switch up the rhythm, and allow you to hold onto them for support," says Sinclair. It’s also excellent for sweet kisses and eye gazing.
Feel like you’re not quite getting the right angle? Try a sex pillow or wedge . “Giving the partner on top a little more leverage and aligning genitals a little better for comfortable insertion makes a huge difference in terms of making this position both more comfortable and more pleasurable,” says co-founder and editor-in-chief of Kinkly , Tara Struyk , who recommends the Liberator Wedge and Ramp Combo.
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“People think cowgirl is all about lots of movement and activity (with an occasional shouted yee-haw),” says sexologist Anka Grzywacz , certified sex coach at Good Sx Coaching . “Add some pelvic muscle squeezes and deep breathing to that, pause, and see what happens.” Spoiler: Good stuff, that’s what happens.
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By Alyssa Girdwain Published: Mar 1, 2022
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*Tyra Banks voice* You wanna be on top?
The wild, wild cowboy aesthetic might be trendy right now, but one thing that never goes out of style? The cowgirl sex position.
Even if you haven’t given it a spin in the bedroom, you’ve likely heard of it. It’s one of those popular, classic positions—one that actually gives vulva owners a chance at orgasm, says Jill McDevitt , PhD, resident sexologist at CalExotics and author of Sex Positions for Every Body. That’s because you—the rider—has more control over the pace and angle, so you can cater to your own sweet spot.
Cowgirl is also super versatile, McDevitt says, which should alleviate some of the intimidation that being on top might bring. No matter your gender or body, or your partner’s, it’s a spicy position in which you can explore your pleasure, embrace your sexiness, and even try something new. Plus, it comes with its fair share of cheeky innuendos—which is just plain fun.
But, I get it. Being on top can make people self-conscious sometimes, especially if you’re not used to it. Like, not only are you in the driver’s seat, but you’re also way up close and intimate with your partner. That’s why, with the help of a sexologist, I'm laying out the how to’s, tips, and tricks to the cowgirl sex position to help you lasso your next orgasm. Let’s get in the saddle and take the reins, shall we?
In cowgirl, the penetrating partner lies on their back while the other person faces them and straddles them in a squat on top. True to its name, the position looks a bit like riding a horse, McDevitt says.
One word: orgasm . When you’re on top, you’re in control of the depth of penetration, speed, and angle of your body, so you can move in the way that feels best for you. And you can definitely use this vaginal and clitoral stimulation to your advantage.
“There aren’t many positions that truly provide the ability to grind the clitoris against the pubic bone for stimulation during the natural motions of sex, and cowgirl is one of them,” McDevitt says. For many people who have a clitoris, this kind of stimulation is *clutch* to reach orgasm.
McDevitt also says cowgirl is one of the recommended positions for people who are pregnant , since the belly has lots of room.
McDevitt splits up sex positions into two parts: how the bodies are formed (like you see in sex position illustrations) and how the bodies move. “The same position can have different movements that totally change the experience,” she says.
For cowgirl, this might look like squatting with feet flat on the bed or floor and bouncing up and down for deeper penetration (and a workout, TBH). Or, if it’s feeling too deep, opt for pillows under your knees to lift you up.
For shorter strokes and more clitoral stimulation, you might kneel and grind your hips against your partner’s pubic bone, or lean slightly forward so your chests are closer together. And when in doubt? Reverse your cowgirl . It’s basically the same position, but the person on top turns around to face away from their partner.
Pro tip: McDevitt suggests playing with a vibrating ring you put around your partner's penis or strap-on to grind against and *elevate* the cowgirl experience.
Feeling tired? Use your partner! They can have some control, after all. You might ask them to thrust from below, use their hands for more leverage or tuck your legs under your partner’s for a bit more stability. The person on the bottom can also sit up, giving your clitoris a closer connection with the pelvis.
It might take some experimenting to find your perfect rhythm, so don’t be afraid to try out different speeds and angles to find what works for you. Happy trails to you! (*Wink*)
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Medically Reviewed by Dan Brennan, MD on June 28, 2021
Many people describe the cowgirl position as mutually satisfying, yet also empowering for the person on top. This sex position is popular among some people with vaginas , as they might find it easier to orgasm .
This position may be best known as the cowgirl position, but it can also be called the cowboy, rider, or cowperson position for people of all gender identities.
The cowgirl position requires a partner. It's generally described by experts as a position for two people, including one person with a penis and one person with a vagina . However, with the right accessories, any gender pairing could work.
The position requires the person with the penis to lie down with their legs straight, while the person receiving penetration kneels on top with their legs out to either side of the person lying down. The partners face each other.
Reverse cowgirl and horizontal cowgirl are variations of the traditional cowgirl sex position.
In the reverse cowgirl position, the person on top straddles the person with the penis while facing their feet. According to Ian Kerner, Ph.D., as quoted in Men’s Health, this should be done slowly as the angle in this position is slightly unnatural. This position gives the person lying down a view of their partner's buttocks.
According to certified sexuality educator August McLaughlin, as quoted in Shape, if the traditional cowgirl position is too deep or painful for you, try reverse cowgirl with your partner's knees propped up so that you have something to hold onto.
The horizontal cowgirl position starts with the person with the penis lying down with their legs straight while the person on top straddles them, like in a regular cowgirl position. The difference is that the person on top then slowly lowers themself until the partners are chest to chest.
The Person on Top Does All the Work
The person lying down during the cowgirl position doesn't have to play a passive role. They can help lift the hips or thighs of the person on top to support them. They can also lift their pelvis and thrust. Doing this also means that the person on top won't tire as easily.
Another way for the person on bottom to play a more active role is by having the person on top lean on their forearms, curve their belly under, and hold this position. Their partner then lifts their pelvis to thrust.
It Pleasures the Person with the Penis More
In a study, researchers found that 75% of women are unable to have an orgasm with just sexual intercourse, and 83% usually need clitorial stimulation to orgasm. The clitoris is sensitive tissue that can be stimulated when someone with a vagina is aroused.
There are a few ways to adapt the cowgirl position so that the clitoris gets more stimulation. One way is by having either person stimulate the clitoris while in this position. The person on top can also lean forward so that their clitoris rubs on their partner's pelvis.
Another way is by using sex toys like vibrators or penis rings.
Cowgirl position takes some concentration to make the experience safe and enjoyable. Partners should talk to each other about what they’re comfortable doing and watch out for potential injury risks.
Talk to Your Partner about Trying the Cowgirl Position
Sex is psychological, says certified sex coach Layla Martin in Cosmopolitan. Being on top puts the person with the vagina in a vulnerable position, so it might be intimidating for some people. It's important to communicate with your partner about trying new positions.
You could also discuss trying the different variations — traditional, reverse, or horizontal cowgirl — to see what feels most comfortable to you. The person on top might say that they feel more comfortable with reverse cowgirl as it takes away the eye-contact.
Someone who is self-conscious about their chest or stomach may also prefer reverse cowgirl since it allows them to face away from their partner, certified sexuality educator Ellie Chase says in Shape.
In the cowgirl position, there is potential for the penis to slip out and push against the partner's pelvis or buttocks, causing possible injury. There is a higher likelihood of this happening in the reverse cowgirl position.
A study in Brazil found that about half the number of people with penile fractures had sustained the injury while in the cowgirl position.
A penis has no bones, but when erect, it has two cylinders of erectile tissue that fill with blood. If an erect penis is bent forcefully, the outer lining of these cylinders can tear, making a popping or cracking sound along with swelling, bruising, discoloration, and pain.
To keep this from happening, the person with the penis can hold onto their partner's hips to help control penetration. The person on top can also focus on grinding or rocking instead of bouncing up and down.
If this position is new for you and your partner, take it slow and first and communicate to minimize the risks and maximize your enjoyment.
Advances in Urology : "Mechanisms Predisposing Penile Fracture and Long-Term Outcomes on Erectile and Voiding Functions."
Cosmopolitan: "7 Sex Acts That Could Actually Break a Penis."
Cosmopolitan: "16 Things to Know if You Want to Make On-Top Sex SO Much Better."
Cosmopolitan: "Here’s How to Master Reverse Cowgirl."
Marie Claire: "What to Do If Cowgirl Position Isn't Working for You."
Mayo Clinic: "Is it possible to fracture your penis?"
Men’s Health: "How to Make Reverse Cowgirl Even Hotter."
Shape: "How to Nail the Cowgirl Sex Position (and a Few Variations to Try)".
The Family Planning Association: "Orgasms in UK Women - an Online Survey."
Women's Health: "10 Hot-As-Hell Sex Positions For Short Women And Tall Men."
Women's Health: "Here's Exactly How To Do One Of The Best Sex Positions Ever: The Cowgirl."
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WebMD does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.

Medically reviewed by
Dr Roger Henderson and words by Rosie Saunders

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Dr Roger Henderson is a Senior GP, national medical columnist and UK medical director for LIVA Healthcare
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Whether you're in need of some extra support or looking for a little extra stimulation, these expert-approved sex tips have you covered.
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