How To Do Anal First Time
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How To Do Anal First Time
Some super crucial tips for preparing your body before butt stuff.
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Selena Gomez's Latest Manicure Color Is Such a 2010s Throwback
Khloé Kardashian's New Look Is Basically the Pumpkin Spice Latte of Hair Colors
Megan Thee Stallion Reinvented Cosplay With Her Sailor Moon Hair
Selena Gomez's Latest Manicure Color Is Such a 2010s Throwback
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Zoë Ligon is a sex educator, writer, artist, and the owner of the sex-positive online toy store Spectrum Boutique , which is based out of Detroit. She loves psychological thrillers, saunas, weed, and girthy sex toys.
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Butt stuff is an entirely different type of play from oral and vaginal sex for many reasons. Those who love anal sex are often appreciative of its highly intimate nature and the unique sensation of fullness it gives the receiver.
Almost everyone has an anus, and since the anus has a ton of highly sensitive nerve endings, it’s absolutely thrilling to try anal stimulation if you haven’t explored it before. Having said that, butt stuff should be something you choose to do — not something you do to please anyone but yourself, and certainly not something anyone can be pushy or coercive about doing with you.
While it is fun as heck when done right, there’s a whole bunch of misinformation out there about it. Because everyone deserves to have a beautiful bum experience every time, here are seven tips that will help you prepare for and then enjoy yours.
First things first: Figure out your safer-sex approach. Keep in mind that if you're not using a condom, anal sex is a higher-risk sex act , especially for the receiver. The rectum doesn't self-lubricate and its lining is more delicate than that of the vagina or mouth, meaning you’re more likely to tear something during anal than during vaginal or oral sex, and tears can allow viruses or bacteria to enter the bloodstream. HIV and hepatitis are easily spread this way because they're transmitted through blood-to-blood or semen-to-blood contact.
To minimize risk, you can use a latex condom (like this one from Sustain ) or polyisoprene condom (which is free of allergens, like the Skyn condom from Lyfestyles ) during anal sex with a penis or dildo, unless you can completely sterilize the dildo . You should also utilize dental dams during anal rimming, and nitrile gloves during manual penetration. (Of course, even if you are using a condom, many common STIs, including syphilis and herpes, can still be transmitted by skin-to-skin contact.)
If you're fluid-bonded with your partner — meaning you've chosen to stop using barrier methods, a choice that should be based on the results of comprehensive STI testing — it's still important to avoid transferring bacteria from the rectum to other parts of the body, for example the vagina. Switching from anal to vaginal sex without replacing the condom or thoroughly washing the penis or dildo can lead to a vaginal or urinary tract infection.
Your rectum is not a vaginal canal, nor is it a mouth and throat, so don't expect your anus to work like other orifices. If you’re going to be the giver of anal penetration, don’t fuck an anus like any other orifice. Not only is the rectum a canal that does not self-lubricate as the vaginal canal and mouth do, the entry is also "gated" by two — yes, two — sphincters. This means that you shouldn't dream of having anal sex without a thick water- or silicone-based lube .
It also means you've got to take it easy, at least at first. Pain is the body’s natural way of telling you to slow down or stop what you’re doing. While moments of discomfort may occur when you’re new to all the booty feelings that come with anal, sharper sensations are warning signs that something isn’t happening correctly or that you’re moving too quickly. Some folks combat this by using numbing or relaxing creams, but I urge you to avoid these at all costs. If you can’t feel pain, you won’t know when your body is telling you to stop, and you risk injury to your anal tissues.
Some people with hemorrhoids find anal too painful, but others find it can actually relieve pain (stimulating the butt draws blood to the area, which keeps circulation flowing). Again, it’s your choice whether or not to play with your butt, so if you have hemorrhoids, just do what feels right for your body.
Some people fear that anal sex is going to result in an explosion of poop. These fears are generally overblown, but it's not unusual to encounter bits of poo from time to time. Some people anally douche before doing butt stuff, but many of us don’t and it works just fine. In my opinion, it’s completely unreasonable to put your body through the douching process each time you want to do butt stuff, so unless you really love douching, there’s no need.
You can reduce your chances of encountering poop by choosing to do butt stuff when you know you’re not still digesting food. For the most part, though, you won’t see any poop unless you’re about to have a bowel movement. Feces are stored in the colon, which is where the rectum highway leads. Poop only passes through the rectum as it exits the body; otherwise, it just chills up in the colon.
If you find that longer phalluses that go inside you anally have a bit of poop at the tip when they're pulled out, that’s probably because they've entered the colon. It’s no biggie, but it is something to be aware of, and you definitely want to be more gentle the deeper you go.
Clockwise from top left : Tantus ProTouch $40 ( Shop Now )/ LifeStyles Skyn Condoms Lubricated Non-Latex $6 ( Shop Now )/ Sliquid Sassy Water-Based Anal Lube $8 to $20 ( Shop Now ) / Fun Factory Bootie Plug $35 to 45 ( Shop Now ) / Sustain Ultra Thin Condoms $14 ( Shop Now )
By now you know that lube is non-negotiable for butt play. A good sex toy, meanwhile, is an ideal tool for getting accustomed to the sensations of being anally penetrated. Even if you’re looking to achieve penetration with a penis eventually, it’s wise to start out with fingers or an anal-safe toy — and, again, so much lube .
A toy is safe to put in your butt if it has a flared base or another stopping point. That's because the rectum can suck things inside the body like a vacuum (unlike the vaginal canal, which ends with the cervix). The last thing you want is to end up in the ER with a vibrator lost up your ass.
Starting with small toys will help you become familiar with how your rectum feels as things go in and out of it so that you’re prepared for a larger thing, like a strap-on dildo or penis. For a great starter toy, check out Fun Factory's Bootie Plug (in the small size) or Tantus' ProTouch . Note: Keep in mind that you shouldn't use silicone lube with silicone toys since it can degrade the material.
While we can clench and unclench our outer sphincter consciously (try it right now), the inner sphincter cannot relax unless you are super duper chilled-out inside. If you’re the receiving partner, calm your mind, steady your breathing, and try to identify and let go of any tension you’re holding inside of your body. You or your partner should begin by slowly massaging the outer ring of the sphincter and surrounding areas until you feel the anus relax. Don’t jump the gun — you have plenty of time to get to the main event.
Your breath and mind are crucial parts of successful booty play. If you’re anxiously forcing something into your body, you’re just going to clench up more. Take deep belly breaths and let the residual tension go with every exhale. See if you can identify what I call a “tension cord” in your midsection: Some of us notice that this cord releases during the insertion process, and once it does, that's when the fun begins.
If you find yourself repeatedly tensing up, take a break and pick things back up if and when you feel ready to try again. If your partner isn’t attuned to your body's cues, it’s especially important to vocalize what does and doesn’t feel good so they can respond accordingly.
You might think that whatever you’re putting in your butt should enter head-on, perpendicular to the body, but this may actually make insertion more difficult. Approach the sphincter at a 45-degree angle to the body, and if you aren’t using your fingers as the insertable object, use an index finger to put pressure against the tip of the toy or phallus to guide it in at an angle until it “tips” in.
Once you’ve got a centimeter or so in, pay close attention to the way your body feels receiving and the way the sphincter is interacting with the insertable. If the fit feels too tight, ease out. If you feel your butt opening up and accepting what you’ve put against the entryway, slowly continue ease in. You can make subtle in-and-out motions if that feels comfortable, or slightly wiggle side-to-side to massage and relax the anus.
Anal penetration can directly stimulate the prostate if you have a penis. If you have a vagina, anal penetration can indirectly stimulate its sensitive front wall, which some call the G-spot. Both the prostate and this front wall are typically located about two to three inches inside the body on the belly side, so angle the insertable up and toward the belly at a medium-to-shallow depth to stimulate them.
Short strokes are ideal if you’re using a dildo or penis, and “come hither” or side-to-side motions work great if you're using fingers. Be sure to not prod or poke at this area, especially if you’re stimulating the prostate because it can feel incredibly uncomfortable for the receiver.
Even if you’re already familiar with "G-Spot" stimulation, you might find this new method of indirect stimulation even more delicious than stimulation via the vaginal canal (and I know many folks who prefer it, in fact). And remember that just because you're focusing on the booty doesn't mean you should neglect other parts of the body: Stimulating the clit with a hand or toy during anal penetration can make for a delightful combo.
At the end of the day, when it comes to anal sex, do what makes your body feel good. And don’t give up if your first attempt isn't immediately wonderful: This type of play can have a bit of a learning curve, so go at your own pace, communicate with your partner, and enjoy the ride.
Now, watch Rachel Bloom's delightful song about orgasms:
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Let’s be real. Even for those of us who have a generally open-minded, been-there-done-that attitude about sex, the thought of anal sex can still seem a little intimidating if you haven’t gone there before. For one reason or another, anal penetration is frequently a final sexual frontier — and there can be a whole lot of buildup (and nerves) that comes along with it.
But our greatest fears often lie in anticipation, and once you give anal a go, you might just find that you’ve been missing out on something that can actually be really hot and satisfying . After all, some studies have found that mutual satisfaction was high across the gender orgasm gap in a sexual encounters that included anal, as FiveThirtyEight’s Mona Chalabi wrote in 2015: “100 percent of men and 94 percent of women say they orgasmed during encounters in which they received anal sex.” This could be because anal is something that requires a bit more foreplay and preparation to execute well or that the people who are having anal sex are maybe a bit more concerned with getting their partner off.
We checked in with some experts and asked them to take the mystery out of anal sex for beginners , and they schooled us on some positions that can help ease you into your first time to actually make it an enjoyable experience.
Arm yourself with these tips and a lot of lube, and you’re on your way to one kick-ass time.
In the traditional cowgirl position, your partner lies down while you mount on top — yeehaw! As the partner on top, you can ease into anal penetration by moving up or down as needed. Pro tip: Make sure your bottom partner does not begin to thrust until you’re good and ready.
Certified Master Sex Expert and Educator, Sex Coach and “So Tight” Sensual Fitness Personal Trainer Nikki Ransom endorses the cowgirl position for anal newbies. She explains, “This position will allow you to control the pace and depth that his penis goes inside of you. Remember to go at an easy pace and stay relaxed. It helps to have had an orgasm already and be highly aroused.”
Jessica O’Reilly (a.k.a. Dr. Jess, Ph.D.) , author, international speaker and PlayboyTV’s sexologist, offers an alternative to the cowgirl in her book The New Sex Bible , “If she doesn’t like the sensation of deep penetration, but he desires more stimulation against the base of his shaft, she can reach backwards with a warm, wet hand to grasp the lower half of his shaft. Her hand becomes an extension of her butt while providing a physical buffer to ensure only shallow penetration.”
This position is most often associated with anal because it has major advantages. As the partner on the bottom, you can stay loose as you control penetration to increase pleasure. Getting busy on all fours may be your best bet if you have attempted and found anal painful in the past.
Patricia Johnson and Mark Michaels , co-authors of Designer Relationships, Partners in Passion, Great Sex Made Simple, Tantra for Erotic Empowerment and The Essence of Tantric Sexuality , recommend doggy style for first-timers and those who may have had an unpleasant experience before. The couple says, “Anal sex should never be painful. Always use plenty of lube and proceed slowly and gently.” Ransom adds, “Rub and stimulate your clitoris too to make it even more pleasurable.”
In The New Sex Bible , Dr. Jess has a different take on doggy-style anal sex. She recommends the modified doggy to give the receptive partner more control, support intimacy and provide the opportunity for double penetration. Dr. Jess explains, “She assumes a kneeling position with her butt cheeks on her heels and her knees spread wide open. She places her hands on her knees or the bed for support. He assumes the same position behind her and adjusts his height so that the head of his [penis] rests below her bum. He remains static as she lowers herself onto his head and takes a few deep breaths before sliding farther down his shaft. She drives her butt and hips up and down at her own pace as he reaches around to fondle her breasts or rub her cli
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