How To Date A Shy Man
👉🏻👉🏻👉🏻 ALL INFORMATION CLICK HERE 👈🏻👈🏻👈🏻
We use cookies to make wikiHow great. By using our site, you agree to our cookie policy.Cookie Settings
Last Updated: November 2, 2020 References Approved
Are you wondering how to take things to the next level with that shy cutie? Shy guys can be perplexing— they may not openly let you know they like you or ask you out, so you'll have to be willing to make the first move in order to date them. Once you've broken the ice, work your magic to get closer to a shy guy. No matter what happens, you'll need to reel in your expectations--a shy guy may be a little different from other guys you've dated.
Show interest in little ways.[1] Some shy guys need the green light to know that you're interested. Whenever you see him, be sure to smile and say “hi.”[2]
If you see him from across the room, hold eye contact for a little while and smile. Doing so may give him the courage to come over.
Approach him one-on-one. Even the most outgoing guys can be overwhelmed when you're constantly surrounded by a group of friends. Take the pressure off by stepping away from your pals to chat him up.[3]
A shy guy will be more likely to engage with you one-on-one.
If your friends are around, ask them to meet you later so you can talk in private. Then walk up to your shy guy with a huge smile and say "Hi."
Ask open-ended questions to keep conversations going.[4] Greeting one another and making small talk will only get you so far with a shy guy. Take conversations deeper by using open-ended questions that require more than a “yes” or “no” answer.[5]
Conversation Starters:
Questions: “That test last week was so hard. How did it go for you?”
“What are your plans for this weekend?”
“What’s the first thing you want to do when school gets out for summer?”
“That t-shirt is so cool! Where did you get it?”
“My week has been crazy. How is yours going so far?”
Tip: Be prepared with casual follow-up questions to keep the conversation going. Show him that you think he’s interesting and that you want to keep talking!
Suggest low-key activities to warm up to one another. Once you and Mr. Shy get on friendly terms, suggest a time for you to hang out together. These should be low-key get-togethers under “safe” conditions, using something that connects the two of you.[6]
Easy Ways to Get to Know Each Other:
Hanging out in a relaxed setting: Ask him if he wants to work together in a subject you both have.
Ask him to walk or carpool home together, if you live near each other.
See if he wants to help you set up for an event, like a dance or sports game.
If you work at a restaurant or shop, invite him to visit you there.
Tip: Ask him what he likes to do on the weekends. Choose one of his favorite things to do, like going to a sports event or playing video games, and ask if you can join in!
Chat side-by-side rather than face-to-face. Guys in general are more receptive during shoulder-to-shoulder activities as opposed to head-on ones. Try to reduce the pressure and help him get comfortable with you by talking and doing activities side-by-side.[7]
Finding a way to sit next to him:
Grab seats together in the car, or on a bus or train.
Go to a diner or restaurant and get seats at the bar or counter instead of a table.
Sit side-by-side at a movie or sporting event.
Volunteer at a bake sale or soup kitchen and serve side-by-side.
Try some light flirting: If it feels right, you can brush his shoulder from time to time or bump his arm with yours. Lean over to look at his phone or playfully steal food off his plate.
You're more likely to win him over if the interest is genuinely mutual.
Invite him out to a no-pressure small gathering. Calling it a “date” just might freak out a shy guy in the early stages, so ask him out to lighter, small group gatherings. Maybe ask him to come with you and friends to a concert or a festival happening in your city.[9]
Small Group Activities:
Things to Do: Head to a concert or festival.
Go to a sports game at your school or get cheap tickets to a pro game.
Host a game night for both of your friend groups.
Invite people who will get along together. Tell your friends what you’re planning and ask if there’s anyone they really dislike that you should avoid inviting. Pulling together a group that gets along will reduce stress for you and your guy.
Don’t overwhelm him with people. Keep these gatherings intimate: just the two of you, 1-2 of his close friends, and 1-2 of yours. This sweet spot will prevent him from feeling anxious at a big group get-together, but won’t make it seem too “date-like” either.
Up the stakes by hanging out one-on-one. After you've gotten to know one another, initiate plans for a real date. Plan the date around your personalities, so you both feel comfortable.[10]
Consider going to a movie for a first date with a shy guy, because there's no pressure to talk or make face-to-face chit-chat.
If he's not the mushy type, resist the urge to plan a romantic candlelight dinner. Instead, go for something light-hearted and casual, so you can both be yourselves.
repeat something to yourself, like “Silence is not a bad thing” to avoid rushing in with empty or unnecessary conversation.
Give him space as needed. If your boyfriend is shy or introverted, he may need time alone to recharge. Don't take this personally—it's nothing against you. Just establish a way for him to let you know when he needs a little space.[12]
He might put on some headphones when you're together to demonstrate a need to pull away. Or, he might grow quiet and withdrawn.
If this happens, you might ask, "Why don't I go in the other room and give you some space?" or "I think I'll go hang out with my friends for a while. Call ya later, okay?"
ask him in advance if he's okay hanging out with a group of your pals.
never say “Aww, you're really shy!” or “You're blushing!”
Plan to take the lead with intimacy. One of the tough things about dating a shy guy is having to initiate intimacy. Hugs, kisses, and other forms of affection will likely have to be prompted by you in order for them to happen. Your guy may be too shy to make the first move.[14]
Tips for Creating Intimacy:
Start slow. Nudge your hand into his while you’re walking alongside each other, or open your arms for a hug when you greet him. If he’s hesitant, kiss him on the cheek at the end of your first few dates.
Ask before you make a new move. This might sound awkward, but it’s not! You can say softly, “I really want to kiss you right now. Is that ok?” It’s important that you get consent when you’re both clear-headed and sober, so you can be sure that he wants this too.
Don’t worry about possible rejection. If you’ve been spending lots of time together, your guy will be thrilled to take things to the next level. Once he gets comfortable, he might even take the lead, too.
Be patient.[15] Dating a shy guy might feel agonizing. You might constantly wonder if you're on the right track. You might also get frustrated when it takes him longer to open up. He will send you signals in his own way to let you know that he's into you. Give it time.[16]
Try making the first move and letting him know that you're interested right away. That way, he may be more inclined to open up to you.
How can I get a shy guy to open up?
It takes some time for shy people to get comfortable around others, so be patient and try to ask open-ended questions to get him to talk more.
How do you make a shy guy fall in love with you?
You can't really "make" someone fall in love with you, but you can be very clear about your interest in them. Make it a point to talk with him whenever you can; pick up on his interests or hobbies and talk about them; attend events that you think he attends; be willing to tell him that you like him and would like to spend more time together. This can take a lot of the risk out for him.
Acceptance is key. Demonstrate that he or she is okay the way they are. Leave enough pauses in the conversation for the other person to enter in comfortably. Be willing to take some of the initiative. Don't push them into accepting a date in one meeting. Lay the foundation, and then ask the second or third time you run into them.
How do you get a shy guy to kiss you?
Over time, make it clear that you like him. Spend time together. Initiate conversations. Stand close enough to permit a kiss. Be willing to be quiet some of the time. He probably won't initiate a kiss in the middle of a lot of conversation.
Try being a little low profile—not too loud or too talkative. Be willing to say hello and approach him first. Become more comfortable with silent pauses; don't rush the conversation.
This article was co-authored by Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC. Moshe Ratson is the Executive Director of spiral2grow Marriage & Family Therapy, a coaching and therapy clinic in New York City. Moshe is an International Coach Federation accredited Professional Certified Coach (PCC). He received his MS in Marriage and Family Therapy from Iona College. Moshe is a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT), and a member of the International Coach Federation (ICF). This article has been viewed 56,636 times.
"This helped me and my shy boyfriend."
Cookies make wikiHow better. By continuing to use our site, you agree to our cookie policy.
100% of readers found this article helpful.
% of people told us that this article helped them.
"This helped me and my shy boyfriend."
Helpful how-tos delivered to
your inbox every week!
By signing up you are agreeing to receive emails according to our privacy policy.
Australia's Dating & Relationship Breakthrough Coach For Women
He’s not the chattiest. He’s not the most confident. He’s not even the hottest. But there’s something endearing about him, and you’d like to know more.
He’s the shy guy. The guy you’ve noticed at work, university, or through a friend, who just seems sweeter every time you talk to him.
There’s good reasons a shy guy might make a great partner. His quietness could reflect his thoughtful nature, showcasing a man, who is caring and considerate. His introverted communication style means he’s unlikely to seek validation from others as an extrovert would. His shyness could even reflect a commitment mindset – a man with less interest in playing the field.
Shyness, however, brings challenges, especially in dating. Not just for him either; it goes for his would-be date, too. Shy guys have potential as great partners, but courtship and dating shy men has its challenges, something you must be aware of if snagging a shy guy is your plan.
So how do you go about dating a shy guy?
The biggest mistake I see women make trying to date a shy guy is confusing him with a normal guy who’s just not interested.
This is important, because the way you get a shy guy is the same way you look desperate to a normal guy.
Courting a shy guy is about you doing a lot of the work for him. If you pull that on a disinterested guy, you’ll probably get used for sex. It’s important to tell them apart.
Doesn’t or rarely starts conversation with you, but seems enthusiastic when you start them.
Stumbles on his words or seems a little awkward around you.
Doesn’t seem to have a sexual bone in his body, the last guy you can imagine hassling you for sex.
His friends tell you he’s shy, but interested.
Nice to virtually everyone who talks to him.
Doesn’t seem enthusiastic when you start conversations with him.
Has no problem talking to you – just seems bored or disinterested when he does.
Has hit you up for sex – or – you could easily imagine him doing so.
His friends or others have mentioned nothing.
He’s only nice to people who talk to him he likes – others get the cold shoulder.
Here’s the big difference in dating a shy guy. In a normal dating situation, the man will generally do most of the work moving things forward. He’ll ask you out, he’ll lean in and kiss you, and at some point, he’ll probably try to sleep with you.
Even if you do a couple of these things yourself, most women are happy handing it back to the guy to do the rest. Making all the moves on a man just leaves them feeling desperate.
Besides, men usually want to work to win you over, too.
With a truly shy guy, this no longer applies.
If dating a shy guy is your aim, you’ll have to be OK playing the traditional ‘masculine’ role during dating. You’ll have to be cool with asking him out. You’ll probably have to kiss him. You’ll likely have to lead him to the bedroom, and depending on the guy, may have to lead the process once you’ve got him there!
Sometimes, the shy guy will take over, and his confidence in various areas will grow as he gets more comfortable with you. However, if you like a guy who can throw you around confidently the first time you’re together, a true shy guy may not be for you.
In for a penny isn’t in for a pound. Perhaps you’re willing to make one move on him before deciding you’ve had enough. Maybe you don’t mind making the first few moves, but decide that, if he doesn’t do it for you sexually, you pull the plug. Or maybe, you have no problem getting into a relationship with a shy guy, but long-term need to see his masculine side come through for things to last.
There are numerous permutations, and you have to decide where your line is – i.e. how much shyness are you willing to tolerate before you begin to lose attraction. Some women are unfazed; others want a man who can lead.
That’s going to come down to a personal decision for you. You can’t ‘save’ him from his shyness, only help him work on it if it’s something he wants. If you don’t mind playing more of the ‘alpha’ role in your relationship, it may not matter at all.
This situation should usually set off some alarm bells. Shy guys are congruent – their shyness reflects across their life. Be wary of being used if he is hassling you for sex.
As long as the friends are close to him, they are a reliable source. There is a ‘bro code’, where guys know not to push it if you’re not the right girl.
There’s various things you can do to help point him in the right direction. Wait until the end of a great date and say to him, “I had so much fun tonight. Your turn to call me next time, and I’d love to do it again!” Alternatively, you could tell his friends that you like him too, but you’re expecting him to put in some effort for things to go ahead. There’s all sorts of ways to help him with green lights and guide him (hopefully) down the path.
Still, if you’re getting uncomfortable having to do all this or making all the moves yourself, dating a shy guy may not be for you.
In summary, dating a shy guy means a different dynamic, one in which you will be playing more of a leadership role. Ask yourself if you’re ok with that.
If you decide you are, double check he is a shy guy (not just a disinterested guy), trust your instincts, then go after him! While they may be a little harder to court, a good relationship with a quality shy guy can be one of the most rewarding, fulfilling, and loving experiences out there.
Interested in knowing more about how to date particular types of men? Click the link here to receive my FREE eBook on “The 10 Male Dating Personalities That Can Lead to Heartbreak.” It discusses many of the most commonly found male dating personalities, so you know what they are and exactly how to handle them.
Why Men Lose Interest After Sex: How To Avoid Being Used For Sex
What to Do When He Says He Needs Space
How To Make Him Miss You In A Long Distance Relationship
12 Sexy Sentences That Drive Any Man Wild
Your details are secure. Unsubscribe any time.
© 2021 MDR Enterprises And Investments Pty Ltd terms & conditions privacy
In the meantime, don't forget to checkout the YouTube channel!
Dating Advice : How to Date a Shy Man - YouTube
How to Date Shy Guys: 14 Steps (with Pictures) - wikiHow
How To Date A Shy Guy - Make Him Yours
Dating A Shy Guy: 10 Things He Wants You To Know | DaterBoy
How to date a shy guy (understanding men ) — new direction dating
Sara Jean Underwood Nude
Help Me Wank
Jessica Sula Underwear
How To Date A Shy Man
