How To Cum On Command

How To Cum On Command

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Imagine not being in control of your own orgasms, you’ve consensually given over that part of your sexuality to your partner. It’s exciting but also scary. Many D/s relationships both online and off have some element of orgasm control to them. One day your Dominant tells you that you are going to learn to orgasm on command. So how do you get started?

I have to start out by saying that I am not an expert on orgasm control and can only write about what I understand and have learned. That said, KnyghtMare and I have been embarking on making orgasm on command work for our relationship and ultimately I know it will happen. It's an exciting journey in itself and I've learned more about myself and how an orgasm affects me that I'm very grateful for the knowledge. Also, this post is about how the submissive female experiences the training, not the mechanics of said training. There are many really good articles about Orgasm on Command from the Dominant perspective. Here’s a short list:

In beginning a training program that involved coming by command I had to be open to it. It wasn't hard at all for me to accept that my Dominant could make me orgasm because he had proven time and again that he was capable and he already had the control of my orgasms. I rarely masturbated even though I had permission and I have always had to ask for orgasms during sex and play. It all starts with your mind as I’m sure you’ve heard people say. As a submissive, if you feel that it just can't happen then it won't. You have to be willing to accept the possibility that an orgasm without physical stimulus is possible and that you want it to happen.

Now, I'm taking some assumptions with this article that you already know how to orgasm and can do it without difficulty. If you have issues coming to orgasm you should look into working on that first (practice makes perfect) before you add the pressure of coming by command. A book that might help you understand and have better orgasms are "
The Elusive Orgasm: A Woman's Guide to Why She Can't and How She Can Orgasm " by Vivienne Cass Ph.D.

Once you are ready to embark on orgasm control it is important to understand what it is. Orgasm on command is a shift from having orgasms, and the anxiety it entails, to NOT having orgasms. The "fear" of not being able to orgasm is replaced by the "fear" that you will orgasm without permission. That suggestion is most powerful. It's a mental conditioning that requires full trust and confidence in your Dominant that he can command you and honest trust in yourself that you will comply without interference or stimulus.

This is where the majority of the training lies.

The first thing KnyghtMare had me do was to give over control of my orgasms. This happened within days of agreeing to be under his control. I have not been allowed to orgasm without his permission since then. I have been asking for orgasms for years, sometimes he says yes, and sometimes he says no or to wait. This rule was hard at first, because we first met online and my sexual desires didn’t always happen when he was available to grant permission even if I asked (being halfway around the world can do that to you) and I really did enjoy being free to masturbate.

I have received many questions over the years about how to comply with this order, especially when the relationship is online or long distance. I’ve had a few novice submissives even suggest that they’d masturbate and just not tell their Dominant. Don’t do this! First, you agreed to obey the rule, and obedience is a cornerstone of submission. If you don’t want to submit, then don’t submit but don’t hold up a guise that you are submitting when you aren’t. Also, when you masturbate without permission you are lying to your Dominant and in many D/s exchanges that is a harsh punishment or an end of the relationship. Hopefully you don’t want that.

And finally, masturbating without permission will break down the orgasm control training. Remember what I said above, that orgasm control is no longer the fear of not having orgasms but of having them without permission. If you override your partner’s wishes and masturbate because you can get away with it, you will not get anywhere in the orgasm control training either. While this, in my opinion is a lesser evil than being disobedient and outright lying to your Dominant, you don’t want the degradation of orgasm control training either.

One of KnyghtMare’s favorite games now is edging. During our sex play, he likes to see how long I can edge before going over. He keeps me on the brink of orgasm for what can feel like ages. When he finally gives in to my begging, the orgasm is quite intense. A personal caveat, however; if I edge too long it has a chance to make my orgasm go away completely and no matter how much sexual stimuli I have it just never happens. Once you learn where that limit is you definitely want to prevent that in the future. Sexual frustration is fun, but there is a limit to it!

There are a couple of games you can play to help you learn when you are at the apex of your orgasm, just before it is uncontrollable and that’s what you need to know heading into the next step of the training.

You or your partner brings you close to orgasm and then your Dominant counts you down from 10 or 5 and at the end of the countdown they tell you to come. Only then can you orgasm. It’s a practice of learning to know when the edge is really the edge and also helps you associate your partner’s command with your orgasm. That is a key step in understanding orgasm on command.

It may come as a no-brainer, but in order to practice orgasm on command you have to have a lot of orgasms and masturbation. Masturbation can be solo or shared, but having a scheduled time daily (or more often) will make your body and mind connect all the dots to sexual excitedness. And it’s fun!

Another practice is to tell your partner when you are preparing to orgasm.This is especially helpful because they can see how your body prepares for orgasm, from how flushed you get, rigidity in limbs, changes in your clitoris and vaginal walls and so much more. After all, your job in this exercise is to try to not orgasm without permission, but theirs is to learn every nuance of your sexual arousal and orgasm so they can manipulate it and you. That’s not an easy task until they can see it in action and learn from it.

These are the first tentative steps and the most common for people into orgasm control like we are. We've been at this stage for years. And then we went to a presentation on orgasm on command at a local convention and listened to the presenter's methods. It not only provided us with our next steps, but helped us learn even more.

In the next article in this series, I share with you what I learned in the class and the process of mental conditioning in
Orgasm on Command Training - The Process for the Submissive .
Every month I'll update you on the latest from Submissive Guide and you'll get first access to new resources, offers and events.

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Riding off the wake of my feature about how to last longer in bed , I received a volley of questions about how to “finish” when you're ready.
For lack of a better phrase (and one I'll be using for the rest of this article): How to come on command.
It's a problem that a lot of men suffer from. Having sex for so long, but never being able to finish — it's a weird spot to be in, that's for sure.
And it's a problem that can extend past the walls of your bedroom if it's not taken care of.
I, too, remember the days when my problem wasn't getting with women or lasting longer… but instead, lasting too long. At first, I remember thinking:
Well, if there's any problem to have in bed, it's this one… right?
However, it was having a serious effect on my sex life and my confidence outside of the bedroom.
But not anymore — so today, I want to show you how to come on command so you can finish when you're ready.
Being able to come on command is an awesome skill — women have even referred to it as my “sexual superpower.” (Not kidding.)
Now, for those of you who have had the chance to read and watch my feature about lasting longer in bed, you may notice something strange:
The idea of being able to finish on command is taking a lot of the ideas I wrote about before and flipping them on their heads.
However, there's more to it than that.
As I've mentioned before, longer sex does not always equal better sex. The counter to this, then, is that shorter sex can be fun and convenient — but it may not be fulfilling for everyone involved.
(I know this can get kind of confusing, so if you want to know how to give a woman the kind of sex she craves, just check out this cool little video. )
So once you know how to come on command, make sure you're still engaging the woman you're with. Her pleasure is important too.
Enough of this, though — let's get down to brass tacks. Here's how to come on command in 6 easy steps.
Like I said in my last feature, the muscles in your midsection are the driving force during sex. So you'll want to make sure that you're straining them as much as is appropriately possible.
The places to focus are your glutes (the muscles in your butt) and your PC muscle, which I'll get to in a second.
Your body acts as a container for sexual arousal, and once enough of it is focused to your penis, then it's time for the “big show.”
Things should naturally be moving in that direction during sex, but you can bolster that feeling by clenching your glutes as you thrust forward. This allows all of the arousal to be focused in your genitals.
Simply put, you want to squeeze those muscles because it forces all of the sensation to your d**k — clench your muscles like you're shooting a missile.
Imagine that the harder you flex, the harder you're going to ejaculate. This idea that you're launching forward will help your body react appropriately.
On top of that, your PC muscle can really help move things along if you flex it, but that carries a different meaning in this scenario.
Some of you may be wondering where and what the PC muscle is — and I know, I'm getting a little ahead of myself here. So first, let's talk about that.
Your PC, or pubucoccygeus (see the diagram above) muscle, controls the flow of urine when you pee.
So when you push to enable waste to leave your body, it's your PC muscle that responds.
(Now don't you wish you had been listening in science class all of those years? Pretty crazy, right?)
Mr. PC is also in control of when and how you ejaculate. It's the floodgate that opens wide when you're ready to break the dam (so to speak).
Now is also as good a time as any to mention that the PC muscle is one of your greatest allies in life, and you should treat it as such.
One of the ways that you should do that is by exercising it frequently.
Your PC muscle, while very helpful during sex, is also the traffic controller for the liquids that leave your body.
A strong PC muscle can help fight off incontinence as you get older (and I don't think I have to begin to describe how beneficial it is to fight that off for as long as possible).
Another feather in the cap of your PC muscle is that it can defend against erectile dysfunction when it's properly taken care of.
So consider your PC muscle your friend, because the stronger it is, the stronger your sex life will be.
Here's how you exercise your PC muscle:
Kegel exercises. Yup, they're not just for women.
There's a whole set of Kegel exercises catered specifically to men that will help keep this muscle strong and responsive. (You can check 4 of the best ones out right here. )
To flex this helpful muscle is your mind's way of saying that you're ready to come, and your body should respond accordingly.
And if that's not enough to get you to the finish line, don't worry — I've got a lot more to cover. 🙂
Outside of just saying, “OK, brain, flex these muscles,” you may be facing some mental barriers that are hindering your ability to truly let loose.
There's one overarching message that I have tried to relay through these features that I can't emphasize enough:
You've got to be confident in your own mind before your body can “come” along for the ride.
Just like getting too far inside your own head can cripple your ability to talk to girls or last in bed… so will it have a crippling effect on your ability to orgasm.
Usually, not being able to come can be whittled down to an insecurity about doing so with your partner.
Whether you're overthinking something about yourself or about her, your mind ends up overtaking your urges and your pursuit of pleasure.
It's why so many men either have to fake it or take care of themselves:
Because they're not confident enough to let their body reacts the way it wants to.
For those of you who have experienced this before (and I’m one), do you remember the red alarm going off in your brain?
You know — the one telling you that the sky is falling and it's because you can't orgasm?
The voice in your head goes a little something like:
Well, like with so many other things in life, nobody benefits from overthinking and rushing through something. In fact, it can even hurt you.
You're going to need to allow your brain to get to that point of focusing on the pleasure you're experiencing. It's not just about the mechanics of how it all happens (at least for the most part).
So stop overthinking it, and remove the stress from the fun experience.
I know, I know — it's not that easy. So here's something that can help:
What you can do is imagine scenarios that will help you release.
Of course, you don't want to overthink this either… but sometimes it's helpful to think about urinating to make the orgasm occur.
I mentioned earlier that special “push” every man uses to start peeing. Well, that's as easy as one, two, three, so why can't you employ the same method for having an orgasm?
You don't have to imagine yourself at some urinal in a locker room, but do imagine yourself releasing like you were urinating.
Even as I type this, I imagine some of your faces on the other end. I know, I get it.
And, to ease any stress or concerns you may be having, no, you cannot urinate during penetration. So don't worry about that.
It'll just be the release of what you intend.
Another good way to release any mental blocks you might have is to focus on something specific.
Unlike my advice to last longer, focus instead on her body — or even your own.
What's the one thing about her that drives you absolutely wild? Something that, when you think about it, you feel motivated to have sex with her.
That thing has helped you get this far, so surely it can help you get the rest of the way there too. This “thing” doesn't have to be physical, by the way.
Many people, myself included, find that actions can be major motivators for wanting to sleep with a certain woman.
Maybe she's assertive when she needs to be, for example. Or perhaps she has a laugh that could make your no-nonsense landlord smile.
Is there a look in her eyes that makes you want to take her to the bedroom right then and there?
Focusing on these things will really help, and it's also very healthy for your relationship with her.
I mentioned above that you can focus on your own body as well.
If you're proud of your toned stomach or the size of your d**k, then mentally, go ahead and pat yourself on the back.
To focus on your d**k is to focus on the one thing that's capable of giving you the release you desire — so watch what you're doing, and soak in the pleasure that's being directly channeled into your penis.
It's going to be incredibly difficult for any mental barriers to withstand that sensation — trust me. You'll be coming in no time.
However, one thing I do have to recommend against is focusing on someone else.
One of my buddies told me he thinks about past girlfriends or hot celebrities when he's ready to finish — and this is a huge red flag.
I'm not saying it's evil to think about someone else during sex — in fact, there may be some innocence to it. But I can't see how that could possibly be beneficial if you're serious about getting better at sex.
If you're always thinking about another woman when you orgasm, it's going to make it really difficult for you to bring yourself back down to a normal thought process the next time.
Imagine you're with the girl of your dreams in bed, but your brain is hooked on a hot actress that you're picturing naked — it's muddying the experience.
In the same vein as honing your focus on your penis, you'll want to make sure that you're finding your “perfect stroke” as well.
This concept is a little more abstract than the other two, but it's actually the most effective one in the long run. (I'll explain more about that in a bit.)
Your “perfect stroke” is related to speed and position primarily, among other things.
Think about what makes you come the quickest — maybe you already know what it is.
For example, when it comes to speed, some guys get off from having sex at a super fast pace. On the other hand, some men can get there quicker from going slower.
Finding the speed that works for you is key to helping yourself come on command, as you'll be able to adjust that speed when you're ready to finish.
One thing I need to mention: A lot of men think that faster sex is always better. Not true!
Maybe it's something you picked up from porn or masturbation, but faster sex is not always the easiest way to achieve orgasm.
You may be pounding away, thinking that you're going to be able to come so quickly… and that it's having an amazing effect on your partner because she's getting f***ed so hard… but you may actually be betraying your own orgasm by doing so.
So if a slower stroke is what sensitizes the tip of your penis the quickest, then you should be playing to that and not just doing what you've seen done before.
Then there's your position, which is an entirely different animal.
If you're having sex, it's no secret that there is a variety of an
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