How To Cum During Sex

How To Cum During Sex

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Nicole Beland , Melissa Matthews and Ro White

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Nicole Beland
Nicole Beland is Nicole Beland is a freelance journalist living in New York.

Melissa Matthews
Health Writer
Melissa Matthews is the Health Writer at Men's Health, covering the latest in food, nutrition, and health.

Ro White
Ro White is a Chicago-based writer, sex educator, and Autostraddle’s Sex & Dating Editor.

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Try these moves to bring them over the edge.
"DID YOU FINISH?" Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but if you have to ask your partner if they had an orgasm, odds are they did not. This is especially true if, like the average man, you took between 5 and 7 seven minutes to finish. According to 2019 research published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine , it takes the average vulva-owner around double that time—13.41 minutes—to orgasm during P-in-V intercourse. It's also worth pointing out that the vast majority of people with a vulva can't cum from penetration alone; they need external clitoral stimulation.
All of this contributes to what’s commonly known as the “ orgasm gap ”: the proven fact that straight, cisgender men orgasm during sex significantly more often than their partners do. A 2017 study published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior found that straight, cisgender men orgasm 95% of the time, whereas straight, cisgender women only orgasm 65% of the time. And the disparity has nothing to do with vulva-owners’ anatomy—that same study found that cisgender lesbians orgasm 86% of the time during sex, and additional research shows that vulva-owners have no problem reaching orgasm during masturbation.
Now that you know this, you're probably wondering: how can I make sure my partner orgasms during sex? Fortunately, stepping up your game isn’t going to require any acrobatic moves. Communicating with your partner, making sure they feel safe and comfortable, and learning what they like can make a big difference in their sexual pleasure.
Of course, everyone is different. That said, there are a few ways you can tune into your partner’s pleasure—so if your partner is having trouble getting to the finish line, try these tips from vulva-owners and sexual health experts.
“Try to remember the goal of sex is pleasure, and orgasm is one kind of pleasure that is significantly shorter than all the rest of it,” says Shadeen Francis , LMFT. That’s why Francis recommends slowing down. Take your time with your movements, and don’t focus on the end game. There is a slight irony to it—the more your partner thinks about orgasming, the less likely they will be to orgasm. So take the pressure off of your partner and focus on making them feel as good as possible for as long as possible. ( We refer to this slow-down technique as closing the "pleasure gap." )
First thing’s first: the vast majority of vulva-owners require external clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm. In fact, a study of more than 1,000 vulva-owners in 2017 revealed that only 18% of participants could orgasm through vaginal intercourse alone. So when you're having sex, you want to focus on external stimulation alone or in combination with some form of penetration.
If you want to stimulate your partner’s clitoris during P-in-V intercourse, some sex positions make it easier to do than others. Rachel* is a fan of the coital alignment technique, or CAT : "When a guy is on top of you in the missionary position, have him shift his body slightly forward so that, every time he thrusts, his penis rubs against your clitoris." This tactic is even more orgasmic if your partner’s legs are together and you’re straddling them, says Ellen Friedrichs, M.A. , a health educator who also teaches at the City University of New York's City Tech campus. You can achieve the same effect when they’re on top by propping yourself up on your elbows, which places your abdomen in closer contact with their clitoris.
Unless anal is on the menu, butts are typically sidelined during sex. And that's a shame, because "the buttocks are packed with nerve endings," says Gilda Carle, Ph.D. , an internationally-known relationship expert. To give your partner “a surprising jolt of pleasure,” spread your fingers wide and squeeze their cheeks.
That said, you should ask your partner if they’re into booty squeezing first. If they’re down, be gentle, and take it one step at a time. Yes, of course, there are people out there who crave a good, hard spanking, but that needs to be discussed and agreed on before the butt smacking begins.
As we mentioned above, direct, external clitoral stimulation is the most surefire way to bring many vulva-owners to orgasm—and oral sex is a pretty good way of going about that. Sex therapist Ian Kerner , Ph.D., LMFT, says that using your mouth is the best way to get a sense of what your partner likes at every stage of arousal, including the stage just before orgasm. You’ll know your partner is becoming more aroused if you notice increased vaginal lubrication or if the external portion of their clitoris or their entire vulva swells. The clitoris—including the wishbone-shaped portion that’s underneath the skin —is made of erectile tissue just like the penis, so if your partner’s genitals increase in size, you’re doing a good job!
To find out more about your partner’s preferences, let them take the lead. When you're giving them oral sex, get between their legs and give them a solid base of lips, tongue, and even chin (if you have a clean, smooth shave , that is) to rub against. While your partner does the grinding, note how hard they’re pushing and in what direction. Use that information later when using your fingers or mouth to please them.
Once things get more heated, you might be tempted to focus less on kissing in favor of more X-rated pleasures. But deep kissing is often a must for reaching orgasm, according to a 2017 survey of more than 50,000 adults. The findings revealed that vulva-owners were much more likely to reach orgasm if their sexual encounter included a combination of deep kissing, oral sex, and genital stimulation.
Ask your partner if they have any fantasies they’d like to explore. “Fantasies can increase arousal during a sexual experience,” says Francis. “Finding a fantasy that really turns your partner on can add another layer of pleasure during sex.” It’s also a way to get your partner more psychologically aroused, which is just as important (if not more important) than physical arousal when it comes to having an orgasm. One study found that vulva-owners with lower sexual desire tend to require mental arousal in order to recognize their physical arousal. Try role play or tell your partner an erotic story to kick their pleasure up a notch.
“ Dirty talk ” doesn’t have to include four-letter words. Describe what you’re doing to your partner, or say what you want them to do to you. If you're hesitant, a simple compliment about how attractive you find your partner will do the trick. “Saying something specific about me is sexy while we're in bed,” says Emily*. And if your partner has told you in advance that they’re turned on by specific words and phrases, pepper those into the dialogue, too.
No matter how hot and heavy you’re getting, without adequate lubrication, it's easy for sex to become uncomfortable or even painful for your partner. While lube is absolutely necessary for anal sex (butts don’t self-lubricate like vaginas do), it’s helpful for vaginal penetration and external stimulation, too. "Lubrication increases the comfort and speed with which you can penetrate the vagina and grind against the clitoris," says Friedrichs.
Remember that needing lube doesn’t mean your partner isn’t turned on—some bodies just get wetter than others. Plus, medication, hormonal imbalances, menopause, stress, and dehydration can all decrease the body’s natural lubrication, so there’s nothing wrong with needing a little extra slippery stuff. Using lube makes sex more comfortable for everyone involved. In fact, a 2011 study found that using lube enhances sexual pleasure for vulva-owners. Just remember that if you’re using condoms, you should stick with water-based or silicone-based lube, since oil-based lube can damage latex.
Our necks are highly responsive touch pads: the skin is thin there, and the blood vessels are close to the surface. So it's not surprising that researchers have found that the neck is one of the best places for stimulation using light touch (so no hickeys, please—unless your partner asks for one).
When you're having sex and your partner is clearly moving toward orgasm, brush your lips from their collarbone to their jaw, then give their neck soft, warm kisses to drive them wild.
You can’t build a house without a hammer, and for many vulva-owners, you can’t build an orgasm without a vibrator. More than 50% of vulva-owners use vibrators to help them achieve orgasm, according to a 2009 study, so welcoming pleasure tools into the bedroom should be a no-brainer. If you still need convincing, a 2019 study found that vulva-owners who used vibrators both alone and with a partner reported greater sexual satisfaction compared to those who only used a vibrator by themselves. Now are you ready to reach into your partner’s bedside drawer?
Let your partner hold a vibrator against their clitoris while you penetrate them with a dildo, your fingers, or penis; or operate the toy yourself. Just remember to ask about their pressure and speed preferences: you don't want to start too fast and heavy right off the bat.
Remember when we told you that most vulva-owners have no problem reaching orgasm during masturbation? Let them take the wheel. Encourage your partner to touch their clitoris while you penetrate them or incorporate mutual masturbation into your romp. If your partner enjoys exhibitionism, offer to watch them masturbate with their hands or their favorite toy. Make sure you’re taking mental notes on the ways they like to be touched.
This might sound obvious, but asking your partner exactly what makes them hot is the best way to help them orgasm. In fact, studies have shown that people who are more comfortable talking about sex have better sex, because they feel less anxious between the sheets. Discussing your partner’s fantasies, preferences, and turn-offs (without judgment) will make them feel more comfortable—which will, in turn, lead to more satisfying sex for both of you.
*Names have been changed to allow subjects to speak freely on private matters.

THURSDAY, April 21, 2016 (HealthDay News) — Despite what's often portrayed in movies and on TV, most women can't orgasm with penetration alone during sexual intercourse.
And simple anatomy is to blame, a new evidence review suggests.
Each woman's ability to orgasm during sex depends almost wholly on physical development that occurred while she was still in the womb, according to the review authors.
During gestation, the clitoris begins to drift up and away from the vaginal opening, the researchers said.
But among women whose clitoris drifted too far up, it may be very difficult or even impossible to have an orgasm during sex, because traditional lovemaking doesn't provide enough friction to stimulate the clitoris, said Dr. Maureen Whelihan. She's an obstetrician and gynecologist in West Palm Beach, Fla., and an expert with the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists.
"It's not her fault. She was born that way," said Whelihan, who was not involved with the research but reviewed the findings.
The researchers said they have figured out the distance between a woman's clitoris and her urinary opening that can predict whether she will be able to orgasm during sex, without any additional stimulation.
The "magic number" is 2.5 centimeters—slightly less than 1 inch, said Elisabeth Lloyd, who was not involved with the new study. Lloyd is an affiliated faculty scholar with the Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender and Reproduction at Indiana University-Bloomington.
"It's so strong a correlation that if you give us a woman who has a distance of 3 centimeters, we can very reliably predict she won't have orgasm with intercourse," Lloyd said. "Women can do this measurement themselves or with their partner, to help explain their own sexual experience."
Other factors, such as penis size, the skill of the sexual partner or the intensity of desire "might have some effect, but it really is the anatomical distance that seems to be predictive," Lloyd said.
Exposure to male hormones in the womb increases the amount of drift, Lloyd said. "If she's exposed to a lot of androgen, the clitoral bud migrates far away," she said.
Between 70 percent to 90 percent of women are unable to achieve orgasm with penetration alone, Whelihan said.
"Of those that claim they can have purely vaginal orgasms, 90 percent of them say they have to be on top," she added. "Guess what? When you're on top, sitting on the partner's erection and grinding on his abdomen, it's really not just a vaginal orgasm. You're rubbing your clitoris on his abdomen or pelvis."
Nine out of 10 women in her practice have had an orgasm during their life, Whelihan said, but nearly all needed direct clitoral stimulation to achieve it.
What about the G-spot, the erogenous area purported to exist inside the vagina? Autopsies haven't consistently supported the existence of the G-spot, the evidence review said.
A majority of sex experts don't believe there is such a thing, Whelihan said. "According to most of the experts, we believe if the G-spot exists then it only exists in a few women," she said.
Couples determined to achieve female orgasm during intercourse should start paying more attention to the clitoris, Lloyd and Whelihan said.
Couples can use positions where the female is on top, which allows the woman to get more friction against her clitoris. Or they can use a sexual position that allows either the man or the woman to rub the clitoris during sex, either with fingers or a sex toy, Whelihan said.
"There are many ways to have an orgasm where she's having hers while he's having his," she said. "Couples should not focus on something that will never change anatomically, and instead find ways to allow for some type of clitoral stimulation during penetration."
However, couples also should remember that orgasm with intercourse is not necessary for a woman to have a healthy or enjoyable sex life, Lloyd added.
"I think this approach is traditional, and it's very common, but it's problematic. We've learned in our research there are so many women who do not have orgasm with intercourse on a regular basis," Lloyd said. "To put this banner of healthiness as having orgasm with intercourse kind of stacks the deck against these women who, because of their anatomy, cannot have orgasm with intercourse."
The evidence review was conducted by Leslie Hoffman of the department of anatomy at Indiana University School of Medicine, and colleagues. The report was published online April 4 in the journal Clinical Anatomy .
SOURCES: Elisabeth Lloyd, Ph.D., affiliated faculty scholar, Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender and Reproduction, Indiana University-Bloomington; Maureen Whelihan, M.D., obstetrician/gynecologist, West Palm Beach, Fla, and an expert for the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists; April 4, 2016, Clinical Anatomy , online
Copyright © 2016 HealthDay . All rights reserved.

Here's How to Make a Woman Cum During Sex

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Crid Lee |

Submitted On August 12, 2010

Every man will love to make a woman cum during sex. However, many men under perform in bed and fail to do so. According to a recent survey, 33% of women fake orgasm during sex just to keep their men ego in check. The primary reason why these women can't cum is because their men reach orgasm before they do (also known as premature ejaculation).
Putting the issue of premature ejaculation aside, there are ways to make a woman cum easily during sex. In this article, I will share with you 3 tricks to bring her to orgasm heaven:
1. Don't rush into penetrative sex. I can't understand why some men love to rush into penetrative sex. Foreplay is such a wonderful experience. It builds up the anticipation and excitement, which always results in mind-blowing sex later (at least for me). So don't rush to enter your partner. Focus on foreplay to make her hot and wet. You must show her your aim to pleasure her.
2. Don't start thrusting at a fast pace too quickly. When you finally get into her, don't go rocking like a rock star immediately. Start with slow thrusts at various depth and angles. While you are thrusting, listen to her moans and see what kind of thrust speed and angles she likes. Then do only the things she likes during intercourse.
3. Don't only focus on thrusting. More than 81% of women don't cum through penetrative sex. While you are thrusting, use your hand to stimulate her clitoris at the same time. This will increase her pleasure and make it easier for her to cum.
The 3 tips above are not going to work if you ejaculate as soon as sex begins. Premature ejaculation is more than a bedroom problem... it will affect your relationship or your marriage. From a recent poll, we discovered that 80% of women asked, who admitted to being unfaithful to their husbands or boyfriends, said they betrayed their male partners because of their inability to satisfy them in bed due to premature ejaculation.
Premature ejaculation is not a permanent condition, and you can stop it naturally. If you want to stop premature ejaculation permanently and enjoy sex like every man should, check out the bonus tip below:
If you want last 30 minutes longer in bed and stop premature ejaculation permanent
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How To Cum During Sex

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