How To Control Horniness
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How To Control Horniness
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Real guys share their tried-and-true strategies.
There are few feelings more all-consuming than horniness. When you’re horny, you can’t focus on anything besides gettin' it on. That's a good thing when it comes to your sex life, but sometimes, being horny isn't exactly ideal. You can't be popping boners in the middle of class, or while talking to your crush at the gym. And you can't be daydreaming about what it would be like to have sex with that hot stranger you saw on the subway when you're on deadline for a project at work. You need to stay focused, my man. But how do you just stop being horny?
If you're tired of being horny all day, every day, try making a sex schedule, says Shan Boodram, certified sexologist and K-Y’ s intimacy educator. It might help curb your constant sex cravings to know there's an orgasm waiting for you at the end of the day. “Implement a sex routine so that it doesn't preoccupy your day,” Boodram says. Otherwise, you’ll find yourself rock hard at your desk when you’re supposed to be working on those TPS reports.
Masturbating more frequently can also help if you're horny all the time. If you're not sure when to do it, Boodram suggests using it as "a reward activity after doing something that you know you need to knock out daily (e.g. after a workout, shower, after reading a chapter of a book, after doing one errand you've been putting off).”
But what do you do if you're plagued by sudden horniness and need to put a stop to it ASAP—besides rushing to nearest cold shower? We asked seven guys for tips on what they do when they're horny at the wrong time. Here's what they said.
“I learned in high school that if you clench your calves intensely (as if you’re on your tippy-toes) for 10-15 seconds then the blood rushes to there and can help alleviate an inconvenient boner. Has worked for me without fail!” — Adam, 28.
“When I'm horny and there’s a build up of a lot of sexual energy, I combine meditative breaths with a visual practice to disperse this energy throughout my body, following the flow of my chakra. By the time I’ve finished this process, my sexual energy becomes [regular] energy and I feel less horny.” —Dame, 29.
“You just run to the bathroom and quickly jerk off. Next question.” — Sean, 23.
“Focus on something else. Usually, I’m horny because I’m looking at something or someone. It’s not completely random. I just shift my focus to something else that is going on.” — James 33 .
“I think of my Grandma. That does the trick.” — Daniel, 29.
“Close your eyes and take a few deep breathes to clear your mind. If that doesn’t work, just excuse yourself and jack off in the bathroom.” —Alex, 24 .
“I scroll through Twitter and look at the news, and then I’m no longer horny. Just depressed.” — Fred, 30.
There you have it! Tips to prevent unwanted horniness and tips for when you’re horny in the moment. Oh, and apparently, there are a lot more guys jerking off in public bathrooms than I realized. The more you know!
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Get out of your current environment. Try to step away from any environment where you feel it's difficult to control your urges. If you are at home and feeling a compulsion to masturbate , for example, try taking a quick walk to the store. If you can’t leave your current environment (if you’re at work, for example), try talking to another coworker or taking a break.
It might also be helpful to have someone to help keep you accountable, such as a trusted friend or even a therapist .
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Keep a to-do list in your pocket. Write down all the tasks, errands, or things around the house you need to do today. If you are feeling the need to engage in a compulsive behavior, look at your list and distract yourself with another activity.
If you think it is unlikely that you will be able to do something productive when you experience a strong sexual urge, then try to keep an easy distraction on hand, such as a good book or a puzzle you can work on.
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Postpone your behavior until a later time. Putting off the compulsive behavior makes you think about your behavior before committing to it. It also helps you tolerate uncomfortable feelings and distress. [1]
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Set a time goal for yourself. Try telling yourself, "I’ll watch porn in an hour," or whatever the largest amount of time you can commit to postponing may be. You may only be comfortable postponing your behavior for one minute. That’s okay, give yourself one minute.
After your allotted time is up, you can choose to postpone again, or engage in your behavior. But choose to postpone whenever possible, even if it is just another minute.
After a while, you may be able to extend the amount of time you go without feeling the need to engage in the behavior.
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Make a list of all of the negative consequences of your behavior. Making a list of all the risks or negative consequences associated with the behavior may help to stave off sexual urges as well. Write down all of the risks and potential consequences of acting on your behavior. Carry the list with you at all times and review it when you experience a sexual urge.
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Identify the triggers for your sexual urges. Spend some time thinking about your behavior and what leads you to have sexual impulses. Think about triggering stimuli, the time of day, as well as the environment in which you tend to have these urgings. See if there are any patterns that emerge in your behavior.
If you have discovered a pattern, figure out how you can break the cycle with new behaviors or lifestyle changes. For example, you may notice that you feel most overwhelmed with sexual urges in the evenings and on weekends -- when you are not working and don’t have anything to do. You may decide to take up a new hobby in order to keep your mind off sex.
Perhaps you are triggered by stimuli in your environment. If you find yourself aroused by steamy love scenes in movies, for example, it may be best to watch other kinds of non-romantic films until you can get a better grip on your urges.
Consider keeping a journal of your actions and behavior leading up to sexual urges. A journal can help you identify triggers and patterns.
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Avoid pornography. Pornography has turned into a billion-dollar industry, and viewing it is more acceptable than ever. This makes pornography difficult to ignore, but as it rewards sexual urges, it is best to avoid viewing it if you are prone to troublesome sexual urges. [2]
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You may wish to put browser extensions or parental controls on your computer to make it difficult to access pornography on your computer. You could even have a friend or your partner install it and not inform you of the password.
Throw away any pornographic magazines, books, or movies you may have.
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Consider avoiding masturbation. You may wish to avoid masturbating for a set amount of time to help you get your sexual urges under control. For some people, abstaining from masturbation may be more important than for others. You may wish to get suggestions about what would be appropriate for you from a therapist. [3]
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For example, if you feel you masturbate compulsively, it may be a good idea to commit to abstaining from masturbation for a set amount of time. This may also be appropriate if you have a porn addiction.
For other people, masturbation may help you improve intimacy and improve your sexual health. [4]
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Abstain from drugs or alcohol. Drugs and alcohol can cause you to lose your inhibitions, including your sexual control. Stay away from parties and scenarios you think might be problematic.
Being under the influence of drugs and/or alcohol makes it more likely that you will engage in risky sexual activity. [5]
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Trustworthy Source
PubMed Central
Journal archive from the U.S. National Institutes of Health
Go to source
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Find effective methods to control your thoughts. Look for mental techniques you can use to help "change the subject" in your brain, when you begin to feel overwhelmed by sexual urges. You may wish to talk to a therapist about ways to manage obsessive thoughts. Some techniques may include:
Clearing your mind through meditation or mindfulness . Don't give up if this is very challenging at first! It is for most people. Have faith that it will get easier with practice. If you have a spiritual practice, you could also try prayer to help you focus your mind and get spiritual support.
Shifting your attention back to your present task. Acknowledge your sexual urges by telling yourself something like, "These are only thoughts. Right now they are not helping me, but hurting me." Then take a few deep breaths and shift your focus back to your current activity.
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Minimize stress. Sometimes obsessive thoughts tend to creep up on you when you are feeling overwhelmed and stressed . If you find this to be true for you with your sexual urges, figure out ways you can live a less stressful life. [6]
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For example, you may find yourself obsessively thinking about sex on days when you are running late for work. Experiment with earlier wake-up times or allowing extra commute time to see if your thought patterns change.
Make a list of various responsibilities you have and see what you can eliminate or delegate. Try to work smarter , not harder.
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Keep yourself busy. Staying busy helps keep your mind preoccupied and focused on things other than sex. Take up a new hobby or fill your social calendar with activities with friends. [7]
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Channel your sexual energy into a creative project. Working through difficult emotions through one’s imagination is a form of sublimation, or taking a "negative" or unwanted emotion and turning it into something more positive or useful. [8]
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Find a hobby that takes you away from triggering stimuli. For example, if you have a tendency to view porn at home alone, find a hobby that takes you out of the house and surrounds you with people, so that you are not in a triggering environment.
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Exercise. Physical activity is one of the healthiest ways to control and manage a range of feelings and emotions, including the urge to have sex. Exercise regularly to combat sexual energy, or head to the nearest park or gym as soon as you start experiencing these feelings. [9]
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Consider setting a fitness goal on which to focus. For example, you may decide to lose weight , lift a certain amount at the gym, or train for a race or long-distance bike ride. When you are not working out, you can spend time researching how to achieve your particular fitness goal, rather than be distracted by sexual urges.
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