How To Be A Submissive Sexually

How To Be A Submissive Sexually
© Copyright 2022. All Rights Reserved.

Sylvia Smith loves to share insights on how couples can revitalize their love lives in and out of the bedroom. As a writer at Marriage.com, she is a big believer in living consciously and encourages couples to adopt this principle in their lives too. Sylvia believes that every couple can transform their relationship into a happier, healthier one by taking purposeful and wholehearted action.

There is a widespread belief that women enjoy submissive sex. And, although we will explore this subject in the following article, we should first note that both sexes, and all individuals, for that matter, have a neurological potential of liking both dominance and submission in sex.
That said, it is also the fact that women seem to still enjoy the submissive sexual role. So, let’s see why it is so, from a psychological standpoint.
Both men and women fantasize, that’s not a secret anymore. They both have attitudes about what they like and what not. Both genders have fantasies that they will fulfill at some point and some that will remain just that.
When it comes to the content of these sexual fantasies , what men and women get aroused by can be very similar, such as enjoying a vignette in which there are elements of sexual domination.
Although there are similarities that we wrote about among men and women, there are also very important differences. The most important ones revolve around how socially dominant individuals relate to force fantasies. Socially dominant men seem to also enjoy fantasies in which they dominate women.
However, women don’t differ in how they rate fantasies in which they dominate men based on their social standing. Both powerful women and shy housewives would rate a female domination fantasy similarly. But, when it comes to fantasies about them being dominated, women reveal a significant difference that is associated with their influence in the society.
Women of power or generally dominant women seem to enjoy fantasies of a tad forceful intercourse more than other women.
These fantasies may remain in their heads or play out in real life . They may include rather gentle dominance of their male partner but can go as far as fantasies of rape.
Women’s fantasy of being forcefully taken and seduced is interlaced with the fact that such mate would be probably genetically very well predisposed to give them healthy and strong children.
But, these evolutionary assumptions aren’t really that applicable to modern women anymore. They are especially unsuitable to women who are socially dominant and need no such thing as a big protector and a provider.
So, how would we then explain this experimentally confirmed fact, when previously given explanation doesn’t do much to help us understand this phenomenon?
Interestingly, experiments might reveal the mechanism behind this fantasy of dominant women. And the results reveal a logical, but unexpected explanation.
There are different explanations of why an, otherwise very confident and seemingly strong, the woman enjoys becoming dominated over in bed.
Some psychologists, especially those of dynamic schools of thought, might be prone to explaining this by introducing intricate subconscious tendencies towards self-destruction, things like penis-envy and so on.
Nonetheless, it seems that an explanation of what appears to be a paradox is much simpler than that. It’s not a paradox at all. Unlike how degrading such sexual intercourse might appear to some, to powerful women, there’s an entirely different perspective. Such encounters actually serve to confirm the dominant woman’s desirability.
In other words, a woman that enjoys a man dominating over her in sex actually interprets this behavior as the manifestation of how attracted he was to her .
He couldn’t resist her. She was that beautiful and sexy that he just couldn’t help himself, he had to have her, be it by force.
She’s successful in her career, socially dominant, and now she’s also sexually desirable, as a demonstration of feminine power.
When it comes to the discussion about submissive sex for women, the feminist movement might and usually do protest. The idea of a woman being dominated over by a man opposes the core of feminist philosophy. Women should be independent and powerful in every aspect of their existence, including sex.
However, as we presented above, the lure of submissive sex for women might be actually in accordance with what feminism propagates; or, at least, not in opposition to it. Yes, the man forces himself to a woman. But, there is more to feminine power than sheer physical force.
In other words, what women enjoy about being submissive in sex is actually empowering from the other perspective.
A perspective of feminine desirability and thus female power. This is confirmed by the fact that fantasies about sexual submission excite socially powerful and dominant women the most, and that they interpret male domination as a proof of their irresistibility.
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Gigi Engle
Gigi Engle is a writer, certified sexologist, sex coach, and sex educator.

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When you hear the word “punishment,” sex probably isn't the first thing that comes to mind. But in BDSM —an umbrella term that encompasses bondage and discipline, domination and submission, sadism, and masochism—punishment can be a major component of sex. And a pleasurable one, at that.
“Punishment is a behavior modification tool used in some [dominant/submissive] dynamics to train or discipline a submissive when they’ve defied a boundary or disobeyed an order,” explains Charyn Pfeuffer, a sex and relationships writer and author of 101 Ways to Rock Online Dating . “There’s no one-size-fits-all playbook for punishment, and not every kinky relationship uses it.”
Every couple is free to determine the type and severity of punishments they want to use—and the options are essentially endless. For example, if the submissive partner is a "brat" (a sub who enjoys disobeying their dom’s rules), a dom might give you a spanking as a punishment for being naughty.
“Punishment can include spankings, slapping, choking, use of restraints, or (consensually) forcing your partner into sexual acts," says Daniel Saynt, founder and chief conspirator of The New Society for Wellness , a private members Open Love club for the adventurous. "It's really up to you and your partner to set the limits of what's okay for punishment and what's not.”
Like with most deliciously kinky things, punishment is not just about pain, but also pleasure. It’s a dance between the dom and sub that allows them to explore sides of themselves they may not get a chance to express in real life.
“Sexual punishment is when you know there is a part of you that is under-expressed, maybe from shame or fear,” says Kenneth Play , international sex educator and and creator of the Sex Hacker Pro Series . “So, if you feel like you’re being a dirty slut, being punished by your partner allows you to live out that feeling, while also enjoying your 'dirty slut' side.”
IMPORTANT: Before you engage in any BDSM punishments, you and your partner must thoroughly discuss your boundaries and limits beforehand. Despite the connotation of punishing someone, the activity still requires enthusiastic consent from all parties; the punished wants to be punished, and the punisher wants to punish.
This is where you bring someone to the brink of orgasm, only to stop touching them right before orgasm. Oh, the sweet agony.
Put them over your knee and show them what happens to naughty people who break the rules. Just remember to aim for the fleshy parts of the body, such as the butt cheeks and upper thighs.
Or, you could deny them a spanking. “Sometimes a submissive will ‘act out’ to get the punishment that they really enjoy," says Taylor Sparks, erotic educator and founder of Organic Loven , the largest BIPOC-owned online intimacy shop. "One way to punish them is to NOT give them what they enjoy."
Force your sub to agree to keep their pretty little mouth shut. You can go a step further by not allowing your submissive to speak while in a public place without asking permission first.
This would be cruel outside of a consenting dom/sub dynamic, but hot as hell if both parties are into it. “[This entails] getting your submissive dressed up for an event that they really enjoy, but upon arrival making them sit outside on the ground with their hands in their lap and not allow them to come into the event for a specific amount of time,” Sparks says.
Make your submissive walk on all fours with a collar and a leash like a dog. You can incorporate a dog mask designed for kink, like this one , and even take the act outside for the public humiliation factor.
This is a form of public degradation: You make your submissive wear a shirt that literally says "slut" on it.
“Chain your partner to the bed and leave them there to wait for your return,” Saynt says. “Leave your home and decide how long you want to make them wait for you. Come back to them begging you to set them free.” Oh, the fun that can ensue afterward!
This is when you "make" your partner "take" the pleasure, even if it feels like over-stimulation. “Force your partner to have orgasms until they are completely overwhelmed—then keep going,” Play says.
This is when the dom has sex with someone else and forces the sub to watch. Cuckolding is a more advanced activity, and we suggest doing your research before bringing a new person into the bedroom. For a slightly tamer version, the dominant partner can make the submissive watch them get off with a toy.
“Refuse to let your partner pleasure you and make them beg for a taste," Saynt suggests. "Come within a few inches of their mouth, watch their tongue slip out and get just close enough but not quite there. Make your body their prize and make the longing for it the punishment.”
“Grab ice cubes and use them to run along your partner's body while they are restrained,” Saynt says. “Use the ice to stimulate their body and offer a chilling experience.” This can go really well with a blindfold—that way the sub’s other senses, including touch, are heightened.
“What chore(s) does your sub hate doing? Make them do it—meticulously,” Pfeuffer suggests. What better excuse to not have to do the dishes tonight?
If your sub is naughty, take away their table privileges and force them to eat off the floor like a dog.
Tell your sub to get on all fours and act as a stool for you to rest your feet. Dive into a good book and force them to stay still until you’re good and ready to let them get up.
Is your sub being a little brat? “Put your submissive in the corner for a time-out,” Pfeuffer says. “Being ‘grounded’ for a little while can be incredibly effective” in getting them to follow your rules next time.
Dribble hot wax on a naughty sub’s body. Be sure you’re using a body-safe candle (like these from LoveHoney ), unless you really know what you’re doing. You don’t want to cause burns.
“Only allow your sub to pleasure themselves with your permission," Pfeuffer says. "If rules are broken, that permission is revoked." This means you hold the power over whether they experience pleasure or not; their pleasure is a gift you’re allowing them to enjoy in return for good behavior.
Have your sub go to the grocery store, the dry cleaners, or some other ordinary place while wearing a panty vibrator. You can accompany them, if you choose. We love the We-Vibe Moxie , which comes with its own remote for the dom to control.
If your sub breaks the rules, write what they did wrong on their body in permanent marker. Make them wear it around all day so they don’t forget how naughty they were.
Have your sub sit in the shower or bathtub and pee on them. This kind of humiliation play can get messy, so you might want to do it in the nude.
This is a form of “restrictive discipline,” much like giving your sub a “time out” in the corner. If they break the rules, take away something they enjoy as punishment. This could be access to the show they want to watch, their cell phone, or even an orgasm.
This one is taken right out of the old Catholic school playbook. If your sub does something they’re not supposed to, have them write out what they did a hundred times as punishment.
Have your sub wear a collar around. This shows them that they belong to you and you are in control. If you want ideas, we love this one .

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This is a list of common submissive wife rules. The first four are based on the 4D’s and I recommend that you all follow these four rules.
Rules 5 -10 rules should be followed where applicable
1: Respect – show respect at all times
2: Honesty – always be truthful never tell lies
3: Obey – Obey your Husband/HoH without question
4: Do not put yourself in danger – speeding, not taking medication, etc
5: Be available & willing when you husband/HoH has physical needs
6: Complete household tasks, keep the home clean & tidy
7: Make sure all meals are ready on time
8: Take care of yourself, so you remain healthy
9: Follow the dress code if you have one to follow
10: Stick to the family budget
This is not a comprehensive list of rules to follow, but I believe it is a good starting place for most couples to start with. A relationship must have love, respect, and honesty to grow following some simple rules will help define your relationship. You will be more relaxed you will both know your place in the relationship, living within the boundaries set by your rules will add stability to your relationship, you will spend less time arguing and more time enjoying your partner’s company.
Read the rules and adapt them to suit your relationship. If you think I have missed an important rule, then let me know.
It does not matter what stage your marriage is; these rules apply to newly weds or couple who have been married for 25 years or more, it is never too late to make some changes to improve your marriage.
If you would like help living this lifestyle, I am available for one on one counseling and mentoring sessions. I have been happily married for over 20 years, and my experience does not come from a text book but experience living the lifestyle.
"Because I am timid in asking for help and worried what others will think that I am so happy I could message you and get your tips to help me become a better submissive wife were very helpful and I will not hesitate to ask for more help. I am so thankful for you and this site" this was from a wife I have been helping

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People have different preferences when it comes to sex. Some men like to be the dominant type, while others like to be submissive and let the woman take over. So what are some things submissive men like in bed? We surveyed our male readers to bring you 9 things submissive men want their dominant partners to do in bed.

“It gives me goosebumps when a girl says offensive things to me or calls me out in offensive ways.” Rough, dirty talk hits the spot for submissive men. During your session, keep talking down to him, rudely, and this should get him even more excited.

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