How Not To Cum Fast

How Not To Cum Fast

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By Isadora Baum Published: Jan 17, 2019
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We asked guys for their tried and true techniques.
At some point or another, you've probably been there. You’re in the middle of foreplay and you’re getting really turned on — way, way too fast. Before you know it, you can't hold back, and you're climaxing a lot earlier than you wanted to.
There are a lot of strategies out there for training yourself to last longer in bed , such as kegel exercises and edging. But when you're in the moment, sometimes you have to think fast to make that intense arousal chill out for a few more minutes. Here, we asked men to reveal what they do to slow things down when they're getting a little too excited during sex.
“Sometimes one position is killing it and I am about to orgasm, but I know it's too early because she hasn’t [come], or we just started having sex and I want to keep going for the enjoyment of it. So let's say she’s on top and it’s super good and I'm about to burst, then I'll stop and change to a different position. In that time of transitioning, I get out of the flow a little and can reset and keep going.” —Matthew*
“Plain and simple: take a break. Lie on her or have her on top and just kiss for a bit. Or just cuddle for a minute or so. That way I am still hard because we're kissing or touching, but my penis gets a breather and needs to get excited again to actually finish. Plus, she always likes kissing.” —Samuel*
“I picture myself getting hit by a car or something scary and jolting. It isn’t [so] much [that I] go soft, because there is some adrenaline rush, to a little extent, but it's also not arousing [to] where I’d come, because it’s scary. It is the right little pause that takes me out of the moment of orgasm for a delay.” —Brian*
“Seems dumb, but just order yourself not to come yet. I say like, 'Come on man, you’re not done, keep going.' Or like chant ‘do it for her’ or ‘don’t come, don’t come’ over and over until the moment passes and you know you can keep it up longer.” —Walt*
“I actually have a problem with coming a bit too soon ... and so I keep water by the bed. Then if we're going at it and it's really hot and I know I don’t have much longer, I'll take a sip of the water and it cools me down, but also gives a little break from the position. And it’s a quick sip so I can get back into it.” —Zack*
“If I know I am gonna come ASAP, I get out of the position that I am in and I focus on her to give myself a short break. So I will finger her or go down on her or something for a few minutes so she is still enjoying sex and doesn’t feel like it’s a break, and I can go longer afterwards.” —Ethan*
“A bit gruesome, but it works every time. I think of a dead bird or pigeon on the street or an ugly raccoon or something — nothing too vulgar and bloody, because then I probably won’t want sex at all anymore. But just some dead animal on the street.” —Frank
“I think of my grandma. Works every time.” —Tim
*Some names have been changed to allow subjects to speak freely on private matters.
Isadora Baum is a freelance writer, certified health coach, and author of 5-Minute Energy . She can't resist a good sample, a margarita, a new HIIT class, or an easy laugh. Learn more about her on her website: isadorabaum.com .
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McMahon, C.G. (2007, April-June). Premature ejaculation. Indian Journal of Urology. 23 (2), 97–108. Retrieved from https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2721550/ Crowdis, M. & Nazir, S. (2020, June 28). Premature Ejaculation. StatPearls. Retrieved from https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK546701/ Premature ejaculation: Overview. (2019, September 12). Retrieved from https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK547548/ Byers, E.S. & Grenier, G. (2003, June). Premature or rapid ejaculation: heterosexual couples perceptions of mens ejaculatory behavior. Archives of Sexual Behavior. 32 (3), 261-70. Retrieved from https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/12807298/ Chen, et al. (2009, October). A clinical study on psycho-behavior therapy for premature ejaculation. National Journal of Andrology. 15 (10), 929-31. Retrieved from https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/20112744/ Cooper, K., et al. (2015, September). Behavioral Therapies for Management of Premature Ejaculation: A Systematic Review. Sexual Medicine. 3 (3), 174–188. Retrieved from https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4599555/ Mohee, A. & Eardley, I. (2011, October). Medical therapy for premature ejaculation. Therapeutic Advances in Urology. 3 (5), 211–222. Retrieved from https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3199591/ Premature ejaculation: What can I do on my own? (2019, September 12). Retrieved from https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK547551/ Turley, E. & Rowland, D.L. (2013, March 7). Evolving ideas about the male refractory period. BJU International. 112 (4), 442.452. Retrieved from https://bjui-journals.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/bju.12011 Pastore, A.L., et al. (2014, June). Pelvic floor muscle rehabilitation for patients with lifelong premature ejaculation: a novel therapeutic approach. Therapeutic Advances in Urology. 6 (3), 83–88. Retrieved from https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4003840/ Myers, C. & Smith, M. (2019, June). Pelvic floor muscle training improves erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation: a systematic review. Physiotherapy. 105 (2), 235-243. Retrieved from https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/30979506/ Althof, S.E. (2016, August). Psychosexual therapy for premature ejaculation. Translational Andrology and Urology. 5 (4), 475–481. Retrieved from https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5001981/ Arafa, M. & Shamloul, R. (2007, August). A randomized study examining the effect of 3 SSRI on premature ejaculation using a validated questionnaire. Therapeutics and Clinical Risk Management. 3 (4), 527–531. Retrieved from https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2374931/ Mihnas, et al. (2007, April). Can sildenafil treat primary premature ejaculation? A prospective clinical study. International Journal of Urology. 14 (4), 331-5. Retrieved from https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/17470165/ Akdemir, et al. (2017, March-April). Effect of tadalafil 5mg daily treatment on the ejaculatory times, lower urinary tract symptoms and erectile function in patients with erectile dysfunction. International Brazilian Journal of Urology. 43 (2), 317–324. Retrieved from https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5433372/ Atikeler, et al. (2002, December). Optimum usage of prilocaine-lidocaine cream in premature ejaculation. Andrologia. 34 (6), 356-9. Retrieved from https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/12472618/ El-Hamd, M.A. (2020, January 2). Effectiveness and tolerability of lidocaine 5% spray in the treatment of lifelong premature ejaculation patients: a randomized single-blind placebo-controlled clinical trial. International Journal of Impotence Research. 33, 96-101. Retrieved from https://www.nature.com/articles/s41443-019-0225-9 G, M. du. (n.d.). Is there a place for surgical treatment of premature ejaculation? Translational andrology and urology. Retrieved June 2, 2022, from https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/27652223/
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Premature ejaculation is one of the most common forms of sexual dysfunction, with research suggesting that up to 39 percent of men are affected.
If you suffer from premature ejaculation, you may find that you reach orgasm and ejaculate in relatively little time during sex–typically in as little as one or two minutes.
Most cases of premature ejaculation (or “PE,” for short) are treatable, meaning there’s usually no need to worry about this common sexual problem permanently affecting your sex life.
So, how do you get things under control? Stopping premature ejaculation may involve a mix of various behavioral strategies and medications to help you along the way, including:
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Read on to learn more about how each of those methods can work alone or together to keep you in the saddle longer.
Before we get into the specifics of treating premature ejaculation, it’s important to explain the basics of what premature ejaculation actually is.
According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM–5), premature ejaculation is defined as ejaculation that occurs within one minute of vaginal penetration and before the individual wishes it.
The DSM-5 definition also states that premature ejaculation occurs in all or almost all sexual activity (75 to 100% of the time), persists for six months, causes clinical distress and that it isn’t explainable by an external factor such as a medical condition or medication.
Premature ejaculation is often classed as mild, moderate or severe. Mild PE occurs 30 to 60 seconds after vaginal penetration, while severe PE occurs within 15 seconds of sex or even before penetration.
With this in mind, it’s important to understand that there’s a big difference between premature ejaculation and simply reaching orgasm and ejaculating too early.
Thanks to porn, mass media and other sources, it’s common to think that sex needs to last for 15, 30 or even 60+ minutes for both partners to be satisfied.
Of course, this isn’t true. Research published in the book, StatPearls , and research into sexual duration published in the Indian Journal of Urology , shows that the average guy lasts between five and seven minutes during vaginal sex.
It also shows that the overall range of time required for men to reach orgasm and ejaculate is really large. While some guys are totally finished in a minute, others last for more than half an hour on average.
Now, it’s important to keep in mind that this type of research isn’t perfect. Unlike a test of a drug’s efficacy, for example, it isn’t really practical to test the average amount of time couples spend having sex in a perfectly controlled, distraction-free lab setting.
As such, most studies that analyze intravaginal ejaculatory latency time (the scientific term for “amount of time needed to ejaculate”) are done by couples, at home, using a stopwatch.
In short, there’s no “right” amount of time for you to last in bed before ejaculating. The research that we have, which is admittedly imperfect, shows that most guys last for five to seven minutes–hardly the porn star-like performance we might expect.
What’s more, science shows that women seem to be less concerned about this than men. In one study published in the journal, Archives of Sexual Behavior , in 2003, researchers found that women tended to worry less about their partner’s rapid ejaculation (a term for premature ejaculation) than men did about their own time to reach orgasm and ejaculate.
Put simply, there’s no “ideal” time. Although anything less than a minute might be classified as premature ejaculation, it’s just as normal to have sex for five minutes as it is to last for 30.
Thankfully, there are several ways to stop from coming as fast.
If you suffer from premature ejaculation, you may not need to use medication to increase your time to ejaculation.
In fact, many men can gradually stop premature ejaculation and increase their time to orgasm with behavioral therapy techniques.
In one study published in the National Journal of Andrology , men suffering from premature ejaculation were treated through a six-time course of behavioral therapy, two to three times per week.
After the treatment, the men were able to last longer before reaching orgasm and ejaculating during sex.
And the men who took part in the study and their partners reported higher levels of sexual satisfaction.
The men in the study also reported lower levels of sexual performance anxiety and nervousness–factors that can often contribute to premature ejaculation and other sexual performance issues.
Several different behavioral techniques are used as treatment options to prevent premature ejaculation, including simple techniques that can be performed during sex.
One of the oldest and most effective ways to prevent premature ejaculation is through the use of the “stop-start” strategy during sexual intercourse.
The stop-start strategy is exactly what it sounds like. As you feel that you’re about to reach orgasm and ejaculate during sex, stop for a moment and let the sensation pass, and then repeat the process until you’re ready to ejaculate.
Most books and studies that reference the stop-start strategy advocate stopping as soon as you feel ejaculation approaching.
As simplistic as the stop-start strategy sounds, research shows that it’s a relatively effective way to treat premature ejaculation in the short term.
For example, a scientific review published in Therapeutic Advances in Urology noted that 45 to 65 percent of men with premature ejaculation report benefits from this technique.
However, long-term results on the stop-start technique aren’t as well studied, with relatively little data available.
Since the stop-start strategy doesn’t involve any medications or costly treatments, it’s a helpful first option for stopping premature ejaculation.
You can practice the stop-start technique with your partner or by yourself. As you feel yourself approaching orgasm, stop the stimulation and take a break to let yourself recover.
Once you’ve felt the sensation pass, try repeating this process until you feel more confident in your ability to control your orgasm and not cum too fast.
Another common behavioral technique used to manage premature ejaculation is the “squeeze” or “pause-squeeze.”
Just like the stop-start strategy, the squeeze method is exactly what it sounds like.
During sex, as you’re approaching orgasm and ejaculation, you firmly squeeze the area between the shaft and glans of your penis to stop yourself from ejaculating.
Although there’s no exact amount of time that you should squeeze your penis, most resources suggest around 30 seconds. It’s okay for your partner to do this for you.
By using the squeeze technique, you can delay orgasm and ejaculation several times, allowing yourself to stop from cumming too fast.
Like the stop-start technique, the squeeze technique is generally effective, but also has certain downsides.
Since it results in a stop in your sexual activity and pleasure, it may become an annoyance for both you and your partner.
During the brief stop in sex, you may develop a weaker erection–something that might affect your sexual performance and enjoyment if you’re prone to erectile dysfunction .
Sometimes, the easiest way to increase your time to ejaculation is to simply masturbate shortly before you plan to have sex.
While there’s no scientific evidence to support this method (not surprisingly, finding a group of subjects willing to participate is a challenge for researchers), many men find that masturbation shortly before sex is an effective way to delay orgasm and stop premature ejaculation.
The idea behind this approach is that during the refractory period (a recovery phase that occurs after orgasm), most men won’t be able to orgasm for a little while.
There’s some debate published in the journal, BJU International , about the male refractory period in the sexual medicine community, and the approach is largely unproven.
Still, it’s a simple, inexpensive and low-risk method you can try to slow the process of reaching orgasm and prevent yourself from ejaculating too soon.
Research shows that kegel exercises, which strengthen the pelvic floor muscles, can help increase ejaculatory latency and treat premature ejaculation.
For example, a 2014 study published in Therapeutic Advances in Urology found that men who performed pelvic floor muscle exercises for 12 weeks developed greater control over their ejaculatory reflex and increased their average time to ejaculation during sex.
Other research published in the journal, Physiotherapy , has found that pelvic floor muscle exercises may help improve other sexual performance issues, such as erectile dysfunction.
Our detailed guide to kegel exercises lists techniques to train your pelvic floor muscles for better sexual function and performance.
As discussed in our guide to the causes of premature ejaculation , psychological factors such as anxiety or guilt about engaging in sexual behavior may contribute to PE.
If your premature ejaculation is related to your m
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