How Life Private

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A PRIVATE LIFE IS A HAPPY LIFE: 5 REASONS TO KEEP YOUR PRIVATE LIFE PRIVATE
Natasha Adamo is a writer, keynote speaker, influencer, entrepreneur and transformation coach.
Copyright © 2021 All Rights Reserved. Natasha Adamo, LLC.
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A private life is a happy life. Seriously. The older I get, the more I’m able to appreciate the value of privacy, without the associated guilt I used to feel about implementing it.
Here’s what I wish I could have told my younger, way too overzealous and oversharing self:
A woman who retains a sense of mystery. She doesn’t engage in gossip, quietly progresses, and does her thing without the need for an audience.
I used to be one of those people that shared everything with anyone who was willing to listen. Everyone knew “my story” and the drama associated with it. It soon got to a point where the level to which I’d divulge would be so embarrassingly disproportionate to the relationship I had with the person I was talking to, I got embarrassed.
If there was any little speck of drama – a new issue, something to gossip about, heartbreak, or a new accomplishment, I’d be dropping enticing “hints” to anyone with a set of ears. I would enthusiastically plant those seeds of “hints,” hoping that the other person would ask me something… anything so that I could unload from a vault that was meant to be exclusively for MY personal access – not the general public’s.
I had un-dealt with trauma. I was lonely and I felt inadequate. I was situationally depressed and because of that, I let fear dictate my actions (which ultimately, lead to anger because I had no respect for the backbone-less adult I had become). I was living in a self-imposed, emotional jail; completely starving for any little crumb of connection. I just wanted someone to WANT to listen to me and know my story.
Whenever I divulged personal details or gossip to anyone, I felt like I was connecting… just for a moment. And I convinced myself that the pseudo connection was worth the consequences I was sure would never reach me. It was the cheapest kind of connection I’ve ever engaged in.
And the problem with a cheap connection is that you’re basically having unprotected emotional sex. I was divulging information without first, making sure that there was a solid foundation of trust, respect, and love.
I share so much of my life and myself (which are far from perfect) here on the blog, but as far as every little detail and the ups and downs of my everyday personal life goes, I don’t need to go there. I’m very protective of who I’m dating, my family, and my friends. It doesn’t mean that I’ll never post photos of them on social media or that I’ll deny their existence and never speak of them. It just means that I value their privacy because I value and respect my own. Their stories aren’t my stories to tell and they didn’t ask to be a part of this narrative.
And so, because I do share so much about myself, there are elements of my life that I hold that much closer to my heart and that I feel that much more protective of.
I’ve found a way to do this though, without feeling closed off, inauthentic, or like I’m holding back with you guys in any way. I always keep it real and for a long time, didn’t think that being so open could coincide with being such a private person. I couldn’t have been more wrong. I’m actually able to share so much (and feel great about it) because now there’s a balance.
I don’t feel like sharing who I am and what I’ve experienced is costing me in any way; I’m not engaging in any level of self-betrayal. There is now that balance of knowing there are elements that I keep to myself.
I didn’t start a blog to air out dirty laundry (of myself or others), in the name of a tell-all confessional. I created it to make people feel less alone and provide answers to painful ambiguity.
I want to end suffering for every person that I can because I’ve been there and I know how bad it can be.
I want to to help people realize that their healing and ability to bounce back is in their own hands – never anyone else’s.
The older I get, the more I value my privacy and the less inclined I feel to post every damn thing on social media. When I’m in those moments that I would have normally wanted to post, I’m usually too busy ENJOYING myself to take more than a few photos, let alone filter, edit and upload.
Living a private life doesn’t mean that you never let anyone know whats going on in your life and bottle everything in. I consider myself a private person, but I share way more than most.
It’s about being SMARTER about what you share.
When your self-esteem is intact, there’s abundance. You can better assess what you want to share and what you want to keep private because you’re no longer acting from a place of desperation and lack. You are then, able to stop engaging in gossip because it no longer serves you.
Once you accept that there’s not a seat for everyone at the table of your private life, the relationships you have with those who are actually AT the table (number one being YOU), immediately deepen.
Some of the best experiences I have ever had are the ones that I didn’t feel the need to share. Conversely, there’s A LOT that I do share (and upload), but as far as the details of all of the ups and downs… my advice?
Be a book that’s authentically and genuinely open, but always keep them guessing.
“Very private people have mastered the art of telling you little about themselves but doing it in such a way, you think you know a lot.” – Unknown
The moment you face your fears and take the time to truly understand, process, validate, and listen to YOUR personal details is the moment that you won’t need the entire world to do so any longer.
And if you ever want to share your story like I have shared and will continue to share mine, you’ll no longer worry about what anyone thinks because you know that you’re doing it on YOUR terms.
+ If you need further and more personalized help with your relationship, please look into working with me here .
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LOVE LOVE LOVE this!! This is something I’ve been trying to improve and this post helped so much. It is amazingly insightful. Thank you Natasha! xoxo
You are So Incredibly Insightful. You organize the truth in such a way that others can not only understand, but can implement into their own lives. This article is like a Christmas gift for those of us who don’t always know Why we do what we do, but now can understand, and see good reasons to re-access and change certain behaviors. I know that from now on, I will stop being a spewing fountain of my own personal information. I think that if your personal troubles ooze out of you like an overstuffed leaky bag, that the proper person to tell these things to is likely a therapist; not everyone else. Now I’m going to practice what I’ve learned, and quit sharing so much personal information about myself! THANK YOU!!!
YES! Thanks Jen 🙂 Thank you for allowing me to feel less alone in my thoughts, patterns, experiences & emotions. I’m happy that the post helped and could not agree with you more! XO
Awesome? I’ve been loving applying this to my life xx It really is empowering because you feel as though you hold a bunch of mysteries and secrets in you hehe. And only you know them (or you tell them to the RIGHT people that have earned your trust because they won’t run off to tell others). Much love soul sis. xx
Exactly! Love you soul sister 🙂 I’m so proud of you. Thanks for the love xoxo
Love you Natasha so glad I found your blog I will be subscribed for life.. your so nice & helpful and have helped me in ways nobody else could just from reading your posts on this blog I know I am not alone in anything you literally understand and explain so much!!! thank you for being you I have never met you but you have truly helped a lot of women and me around the world just from this blog.. <3
I love you too Nina! Thanks sister 🙂 that means everything to me <3 xoxo
Couldn’t agree more. I used to be such a mystery to people, didn’t open up easily, sometimes still don’t HOWEVER, since my heart was emptied of its blood from some “so called man”, I’d spill my empty heart to anyone who’d listen. I needed to be heard for some reason. Maybe I needed to share the pain in case I fell, they’d pick me up. UGH!!!! And the gossip thing? I work retail with all women and I avoid it and try not to engage. It’s difficult bc there’s a fine line of not engaging and acting like what they’ve said wasn’t heard or agreed with. Make sense? Anyway, LOVED your words and helps with this work and gossip situation. I can easily come off standoff-ish if I act like I’m not participating in the gossip.
Happy it helped & yes, that makes total sense! 🙂 Thanks sister XOXO
This is a refreshing read in a time of over sharing and over emphasis on getting attention
This is SO RELATABLE to me..!! I thought I was the only one who messed up so much in life, but reading this really helped me to know what to do and dont. Thank you Natasha.. everything you shared means a lott
Happy it helped! You are never alone Vipul <3 xo
Just reading this from Nigeria I really love it thank you pretty
Thank you for taking the time to reach out and for being a part of this community ♥️ I’m so happy that the post helped! All my love to you xoxo.
Absolutely loved this post. I too have come to respect my privacy more as I’ve gotten older and have taken many steps over the last few years to lead a more private life (come off all social media, selectively chose/kept people in my life, focused, kept quiet and observed more) and it definitely is a happier life-you’re right. This post re-iterates that for me. THANK YOU SO much Natasha finding you has saved me this year. ? Xxxxxx
I’m happy that it helped! Thanks soul sister 🙂 xx
Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts on this important boundary. You are fabulous- always !
Thanks Dea! I’m glad it served you 🙂 You are a gem. XOXO
This is the best thing I’ve read in a long time xox
Happy it helped! Thanks Sophie 🙂 xx
Thank you for writing this post. it os so true. In fact the moment I decided to become more private my whole life literally switched from being full of drama to positive vibes.
Hi Vanessa! Same here 🙂 I couldn’t agree more. Thank YOU for the love, support and sisterhood. BIG love and hugs to you. xxx
Love reading this confirmation. Privacy is key. ??
I’ve committed this mistake many times. But I stop right now. Thank you.
So have I. To the point that I was crippled with shame. And if I can get back up and turn it around, so.can.you. Thank you for being here and for taking the time to share. All my love to you.
This tops all the blogs that I’ve read in so far in 2019. Thank you for this post. You have no idea what this means to me.
Wow! Thank you Petuela 🙂 I’m so happy to help!
“Your power lies in retaining an element of mystery” This hit hard for me! I gave away so much control – that I was constantly frustrated over losing – willingly just to have someone hear me but not see me. In the end, I would feel powerless and empty. I gave away parts of myself leaving me depleted with no energy to focus on me. Acknowledging that the information you share about yourself is a PRIVILEGE is a complete game changer and is a strength. Thank you for this article Natasha, it was exactly what I needed to start valuing myself and private life.
I’m so happy it helped! 🙂 Thanks for being a part of this tribe Amina. All my love to you, sister.
You got this <3 If I can do it, so.can.you. XOX
Today is my 29th Bday and I came across this article. It enlightened and helped me realize many things in life.
Thank you so much. knowing that there’s someone who feels the same way in life like mine is comforting. Love you from Philippines! 🙂
I am so happy that the post helped! Thank you for your love, support, connection, and for being a part of this tribe.
All my love to you, soul sister… all the way from Los Angeles. XOX
This is inspiring it helped me to gain more knowledge on how am living my life of privacy
I am so happy it helped! 🙂 Thanks Bernard.
Thank you very much, well written and very real! time matters and we must use it wisely!
Thanks Bobby! I’m glad that the post served you 🙂
This just gave me so much hope! Thank you for sharing this with everyone.
Happy it helped! Thanks for being a part of this tribe Kanisha 🙂 xo
Hi Natasha, Thank you for writing this masterpiece on “Happy Life”. I have read your blog posts and I must admit that I have always found them really useful and insightful. Along with loads of useful information, I also like your style of writing! Thanks!
Thank you so much for this, I’m taking a new turn in my life and this will go a long way to help me. Thank you, sincerely.
You got this Esther! I’m so happy that the post helped. Thank YOU for your love, connection, and support. It means everything to me.
I believe in and love you sister. You can do this. xox
I just want to say that every single piece of this post resonates with me because I see myself doing exactly these things and it’s grounded me down to the point where I’ve got to start again and start a fresh. I have kept this post to hand for the past year since I first stumbled upon it and have just re read it again and it has struck a chord in a different way than before. That’s why I thought I’d leave a comment for you.
You truly have a way with words and you are an inspiration. Thank you for being so open, genuine, authentic and honest in sharing you’re own experiences. It takes a lot of courage to open up and it is very encouraging to know that I’m not the only one going through these experiences. I’m going to use this post each day to help me on my way to becoming the person I want to be. Thanks again Natasha you really are wonderful. Best wishes, good health and love from England. Rik
You are seen, heard, understood, backed, believed in, and never, EVER, alone. From the bottom of my heart, thank you so much for taking the time to share and for being a part of this tribe. I live to give everything that I wish I had.
I’m happy that this post helped. All my love to you and Happy New Year. I hope that this finds you and your loved ones healthy and safe. xx
Hey Natasha Loved this piece, could definitely relate and has further confirmed I’ve made the right necessary changes to live a life of abundance
Privacy provides a sense of inner peace
Yes it does! Thank you, Maria. So happy that the post helped!
Thank you for being a part of this tribe. Keep going my sister, you got this. xo
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https://thoughtcatalog.com/justin-demarco/2015/08/5-ways-to-keep-your-personal-life-private/
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