How Common Is It For Brothers And Sisters To Experiment
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How Common Is It For Brothers And Sisters To Experiment
Written by Juanita Agboola on June 2, 2021
in Relationships , Wellbeing
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In this blog post, we are going to discuss why brothers and sisters experiment. We distinguish normative sexual behaviours and problematic sexual behaviours amongst siblings, and also how they can lead to sexual assault and exploitation. At the end of this blog, you will also understand how professionals can help teens and adolescents understand what appropriate sexual behaviours are and how caregivers can help.
One of the most common reasons why they experiment could be because of what they saw on television , or what they may have accidentally seen their parents or other family members do. People as children may experiment with their siblings because they are trying to learn and explore their idea of sexual identity.
Experimenting plays a huge role when it comes to learning about ourselves and our environment. It is commonly referred to as the “trial-and-error” process. Children may start experimenting as a result of curiosity, they are curious about gender and sexually related roles.
It starts with children looking at each other’s private parts and wanting to explore them through touch. If they’re at a very young age, they hardly go beyond touching. Fondling and touching are the most common activities in all age categories. Although, sometimes it is more than just touching and fondling.
Brothers and sisters experimenting within certain limits can be considered as normal sexual/exploratory behaviour. Such type includes behaviours that:
Sex play often takes place amongst children who know each other well, are of the nearly same age and have the same abilities. It hardly ever occurs between children who do not know each other at all. Therefore, making brothers and sisters an example in this case because it often occurs between the same sex and could involve siblings.
It is a common occurrence in childhood where children may show their private parts to each other and touch them in an exploratory way. Normative sexual behaviours and sex play do not include more adult-like sexual behaviours that go beyond touching.
Brothers and sisters’ casual experiment which is normative can become problematic when it includes more advanced sex activities, and this may be defined as illegal by family or cultural norms or state/federal laws. It becomes problematic when these experiments and experiences are quite often, one-sided, and coercive. It leads to exploitation and sexual assault. And such sibling assault experiences are hardly ever reported or investigated.
It may have started as casual sex play and turned into something coercive and one-sided. They might feel vulnerable, confused, insecure, and blame themselves for how things have turned out. It is difficult for a child/adolescent to talk about this with their parents or any other adult figure in their life. They may strongly feel uncomfortable or highly embarrassed, as they believe it is taboo.
Problematic sexual experiments between brothers and sisters, or siblings/cousins of the same sex may be identified through a continuum – from typical to concerning, to problematic.
These behaviours can be identified when you notice that these sexual acts occur frequently or more than frequently, there is a gap between the two of them (age-gap, developmental gap, intellectual gap, etc). You may also notice that there are strong/upset feelings, it is forceful by nature and may involve threats or aggression. Problematic sexual behaviours include actions such as:
Such problematic behaviours can lead to sexual exploitation and sexual assault. These problematic behaviours don’t need to be always caused by having been sexually abused. Although, sexual abuse and violence between siblings are more common than people know of or talk about. It is underreported and parents may sometimes not know how to deal with it even after it is reported.
If your sister abuses you, you probably hate your sister.
Sibling Sexual Abuse (SSA) involves a brother and sister, two sisters or two brothers. The most common form of SSA takes place between older brothers abusing younger sisters. People are generally very close to their siblings and due to the close relationship and physical proximity between siblings, sibling sexual abuse is considered to be an opportunistic form of abuse.
The problematic behaviours mentioned above are commonly seen in abusive siblings. On the other hand, siblings who are victims or have been abused do not usually disclose their experiences because they fear not being believed, fear upsetting parents, and are confused about their role in the abuse.
Sibling sexual abuse can often induce trauma -related symptoms such as intrusion, hyper-arousal, disassociation. It also leads to feelings of insecurity, lower self-esteem, mental health and adjustment issues into adulthood, and parenting issues. It may also impact families and their relations with one another.
Therapeutic interventions, sex education, and seeking help from a professional or someone you trust can help you avoid being sexually exploited, or engaging in problematic sexual experiences between siblings.
Educating yourself about sexual habits/practices, appropriate behaviours, and consent is very important. Therapeutic interventions or even interventions provided by care-givers can help you have an understanding of sexual development. Parents and caregivers should seek help with interventions from mental health professionals who know about sexual development, childhood and adolescent development, and research-based interventions.
While conducting these interventions, mental health professionals often look at environmental conditions of the child or youth, parenting style, family values and attitudes, social factors, etc. Each brother and sister experiment or siblings experiment experience is different. The treatment and intervention may vary from case to case.
Two major and commonly practised research-based therapies are Trauma-Focused-Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (TF-CBT) and Problematic Sexual Behaviour-Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (PSB-CBT).
Presenting information on delicate topics like these calmly will help the child understand the concept in a better way and the child will feel less awkward. Children feel easier to seek help when they know they can trust you and talk to you about it openly.
In this brief guide, we discussed why brothers and sisters experiment, what are normative sexual behaviours and problematic sexual behaviours. We also learned about what is sex play and how sometimes it can turn into sibling sexual abuse. Towards the end, therapeutic interventions were discussed and we gave some guidelines for caregivers to keep in mind when child-rearing practices come into play. Please reach out with any questions or comments about this article or related subject matter.
A UK-based study shows that most commonly 10% of males and 15% of females have been involved or have experienced and/or experimented with some type of intimate contact with their siblings. The most common behaviour in such type includes the stroking of genitalia.
The intimate attraction between siblings or cousins who are related is very uncommon in most cases, due to a hypothesis known as Westermarck Impact, people who are living together through their initial developmental years may become desensitised to each other where sexual interaction is concerned.
Although, it is also known that family members who are separated at birth may feel intimate attraction, as they have always lived apart.
It is also possible that brothers and sisters who live separate or rarely see each other, may develop such an attraction, and also in the case of step-siblings where the parent is not the same.
There are several cases observed when sisters do feel attracted to their brothers, but this is not always the case. As mentioned above, brothers and sisters sometimes when they live separately, grow apart, and later when they meet there is a chance they may feel attracted towards each other. Sometimes the reason behind this could be that they think they understand each other well because they have similar traits, which may make them believe that they have found their ideal partner.
Experiencing arousal and desire at a very young age is normal as we humans are sexual beings, (most of the time). Our body is naturally designed to feel such attractions. Brothers are often the first members of the opposite sex that sisters come across, which is why there are chances to develop sexual curiosities about them.
Although, your feelings will not necessarily last a lifetime, and you can get rid of them. You need to become aware of your feelings and let yourself get over them politely in an unhindered manner.
Marriages amongst cousins are legal in most countries, avunculate marriages are also legal in many countries. But sexual relationships are considered incestuous and taboo or illegal almost universally. Sibling marriages are illegal in most countries around the world, but sometimes siblings do get married, and in society, they are frowned upon as it is considered incest and taboo. Society never accepts such marriages.
Yes, incest can cause birth defects. Incest or inbreeding in humans can cause an increase in the risk of disorders that are caused by recessive genes. This happens because incest leads to homozygosity, and the offspring can get affected by deleterious traits. The biological fitness of the offspring can be compromised in this case. It also leads to deformities, certain congenital defects, and genetic diseases.
Adler, N. A., & Schutz, J. (1995). Sibling incest offenders. Child Abuse & Neglect , 19 (7), 811-819.
Interventions for children and youth with sexual behavior challenges . (n.d.). VLS. https://www.virtuallabschool.org/focused-topics/sexual-development-behavior/lesson-7
National center on the sexual behavior of youth. (n.d.). National Center on the Sexual Behavior of Youth. https://www.ncsby.org/content/normative-sexual-behavior
National center on the sexual behavior of youth. (n.d.). National Center on the Sexual Behavior of Youth. https://ncsby.org/content/problematic-sexual-behavior
Stathopoulos, M. (2012). Sibling sexual abuse . Australian Institute of Family Studies.
Tiwari, D. (2019, September 26). I experimented with my brother (5 things to do next). Optimist Minds. https://optimistminds.com/i-experimented-with-my-brother/
Tiwari, D. (2020, September 16). How common is it for brothers and sisters to experiment? (A guide) . PsychReel. https://psychreel.com/brothers-and-sisters-experiment/
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Home » Wellness » Relationships » I experimented with my brother (5 things to do next)
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In this brief guide, we are going to discuss the statement “ I experimented with my brother “
We are going to talk about a topic which is not usually discussed but its occurrence is well known.
Yes, it is normal for siblings to experiment sexually, especially before puberty, because this is the time when the children are just learning about the nature of sexuality. It may seem very taboo but it is actually normal for children to engage in sexual exploration. There is also research that shows that sibling sexual experiences among children is common.
If you have ever sexually experimented with your brother, stepbrother, or half brother than this post is for you.
The first thing you should know is that you are not alone and you aren’t weird or unusual or crazy.
A lot of siblings actually experiment with each other.
They may experiment because of what they saw on TV or maybe on youtube and some may experiment based on what they saw their parents doing by accident.
Regardless of how you got to the point of experimenting with your brother or experimenting with your sister, you’re not alone.
If you experimented with your brother and either of you were much older than the other then there are serious issues here as it may be clear that one of you should have known better.
Regardless of if you are the victim, feel like a victim, or the perpetrator or feel like the perpetrator, or if this was done by mutual consent or assume it was done by mutual consent, you should report it yo your parents immediately or at the very least to a mental health counsellor at your school, tell an uncle, an aunt but whatever you do don’t let it be a secret you keep to yourself as this could come back to haunt you further down the line.
If it doesn’t hurt you then experimenting with your brother or sister could hurt your brother or sister.
In many cases, you won’t be there to see them suffer or be there to see them go through a very difficult time.
Bringing this incident to the attention of your parents or family members is very important.
You should forget about what trouble you could be in or how bad of a thing you assume you have done.
This will be very irrelevant as to the effects this could have on you and your brother.
We will discuss “How common is it for brothers and sisters to experiment?”.
Some may say it is common for brothers and sisters to experiment sexually with each other, some may say it is rare this could happen, there is no consensus.
This is mostly related to the fact that there are no official numbers or statistics on the subject since this type of relationship is considered taboo .
However, a survey of 796 undergraduates at sex New England colleges and Universities indicated that 15% of the females and 10% of males had some type of sexual experience involving a sibling.
One of the most common experiences reported was fondling and touching of the genitals and “One-fourth of the experiences could be described as exploitative either because force was used or because there was a large age disparity between the partners.”
In addition, there are divided opinions in terms of the possibility of having consented sexual interaction, especially as early as 10, 11, or 12 years old.
The development of sexuality starts very early, even when we are in the womb and continues throughout infancy, childhood, adolescence, and adulthood.
Adolescence can be divided into early (10-13 years), middle (14-16 years) and late (17-19 years), where it is normal to experience physical, hormonal and emotional changes, which sparks our sexual interest and need for experimentation.
It is normal for adolescents to explore their sexuality and it doesn’t “occur in isolation, rather in the background of the family, society in a defined culture, which significantly influences the adolescent sexuality.”
When specifically talking about intimate relationships with their family members., siblings that may have suffered trauma, neglect, or lack of affection may say they found in each other the love, support, and emotional connection they couldn’t get from their parents/carers.
If you find that you have continuously been experimented on by your brother or that you are continually experimenting with your brother then this is something you should certainly seek help about as it is not normal and may cause significant damage to you or your brother down the line.
You shouldn’t accept this type of behaviour and it isn’t normal although a lot more people than you may imagine experiencing these same things.
More often than not, people just never report the issues and even when they tell their parents that they have experimented with their brother or sister, the parents don’t seem to do much about it.
Mutual experimentation can almost be forgiven and ignored by parents as long as it is made clear it isn’t right but so many parents simply ignore the issue and move on when one sibling seems to be exploiting and potentially raping the other sibling.
Sibling abuse is such a vile thing that we must be brave enough to confront.
If you report the issue to your parents and your parents don’t do anything about it then go to the police or your mental health counsellor.
In some cases, your mum or dad may have experimented with their brother or sister and hence they aren’t so sure what to do in this instance, how to make sense of any of it or what advice to give.
In so many ways they almost become the victims too, with their silence.
Most siblings sexually experiment with themselves and then years down the line have memories of experimenting with their brothers or experimenting with their sisters and have no one to talk to.
In most cases, they don’t even know why these memories come up and how to deal with them.
The mind is unique and usually, when odd events such as this occur, we usually suppress the thought, even though it may have been a confusing, enjoyable or curious experience.
The mind will usually tuck away these experiences far far away and we don’t tend to have any recollection of them, not when we are with the other party and not normally.
Every now and then the thought may come up and we begin to wonder if what we did was right, if we should confront the other party, discuss it with the other party and how we should do that.
The first thing to note is that it is normal for memories of you experimenting with your brother or experimenting with your sister to suddenly come out of the blue.
Usually, there is a reason for these thoughts but you may not be able to place your finger on it.
You could spend weeks, days, months and even years wondering if the memory is even valid or if it is simply in your imagination.
Did I experiment with my brother? Did I experiment with my sister?
Did I really or am I just imagining things.
If you start feeling like this and are unable to work out where the emotions came from or how you have found yourself feeling this way then there are many things you can do.
The first thing is to seek help from a mental health counsellor.
A mental health counsellor may be able to help you untangle these difficult memories and realised if you’re did experiment with your brother or if you did experiment with your sister and how these actions have affected your life since the events took place.
The first thing you should say to the mental health counsellor is “ I experimented with my brother “.
This will break the ice and allow them to begin exploring further.
Dealing with issues such as experimenting with your brother or sister is very difficult and great care is needed from an expert to help you through those difficult moments.
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