Housewife Fingering

Housewife Fingering
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Finger banging is an underrated art. When done right, it's incredibly hot. But whether you're new to sex or an unofficial vagina expert, fingering can be incredibly intimidating — everyone has different preferences, and hey, anatomy is complicated.
They say sex is like pizza: When it's bad, it's still good. We beg to differ, especially when it comes to sex with your hands. For the most part, dry, fast, and furious fingering does not feel pleasant. But wet, built-up, and conscious use of hands on pussy? Oh yeah.
If you're new to this type of sex, it's important to choose partners that are understanding and supportive of your hand virginity. Be honest that this is new to you to create an atmosphere of communication and understanding. And no matter how many times you've done this, it's still important to replicate this environment with each new partner (like we said, everyone's different). That said, it's also helpful to establish a baseline of fingering skills. So here are nine tips on how to finger someone in a pleasurable manner.
Fingering can be uncomfortable if the receiving partner is not properly aroused, since vaginal lubrication is key to comfortable penetration. While everyone (and every situation) is different, tantric sex coach Devi Ward says to give those with vaginas 20 to 45 minutes to reach full arousal.
So while foreplay (sex acts before penetrative sex) often includes fingering, to be an expert at sex with your hands, think of fingering as another form of penetrative sex, and tack on the foreplay before inserting fingers. Kiss, caress your partner's breasts, touch their inner thighs, or do whatever works for them to create a state of arousal.
Foreplay can get someone wet, but there are many factors that affect vaginal self-lubrication. Women going through menopause experience vaginal dryness due to hormone changes ; anti-estrogen medications used to treat endometriosis can also create vaginal dryness ; and some report vaginal dryness as a side effect of anti-anxiety medications. Vaginas can be finicky. Sometimes, even with no medical explanations, they just don't get as wet as you (or your partner) would like. Thankfully, you don't need to rely on natural lubricant, because there are plenty you can buy.
Of course, there are people out there who stigmatize lube based on an unrealistic expectation that all vagina-owners should be able to lubricate naturally at all times. But here's the truth: Lube makes sex more pleasurable for lots of women , regardless of their age or medical status. So if you or your partner needs it, get some and enjoy. Getting over your own fear of lube is worth saving your partner from a chaffed vagina.
Prior to penetration, break out your DJ-ing skills and take two fingers (your index and middle) and flatten them like a DJ would on a turntable. Then, gently use your fingers to rub your partner's clitoris in circular motions, increasing speed and intensity gradually.
In addition to the hand motion, an Usher greatest hits playlist probably isn't a bad idea, either.
After your partner is turned on, properly lubricated, and had their clitoris nicely rubbed, it's time to proceed with penetration. Start out small, with just one finger, and slowly insert it into their vagina. Use whatever finger you (and your partner) feel most comfortable with, but the best bet is the index finger or the middle finger. Think of the first finger as part of the intro to fingering, and slowly glide in and out while increasing in speed to tease your partner.
When your partner is ready (the best way to tell is to ask them), and the vagina is wet and opening readily with one finger, move on to two fingers. Using your index and middle finger, stroke your partner's anterior vaginal wall (the front wall of the vagina). While in-and-out motions (like the kind a penis does) can feel wonderful, you can also chill inside there for a bit and try out different motions. Make sure to ask your partner what they like and don't like.
You don't have to stop DJ-ing once the penetration begins. After you've gotten both the DJ and penetrative motions down, try them in combination.
While moans are usually a sign your partner is enjoying the digital sex, there's only one sure-fire way to know: Ask them. Get specific. Is one finger enough? Do they want more? An entire hand even? Are you DJ-ing too hard or too soft? Is the clitoral stimulation becoming too intense, or are they close to orgasm? Communication is key to successful sex, so make sure to check in with your partner throughout your fingering journey.
Once your hands are inside of your partner, you don't need to be actually fingering them or rubbing their clit for the entire sexual experience. The vaginal walls and clitoris are sensitive, and your partner may want a break. (But again, communication is crucial, because if they are about to come from having their clit rubbed, you don't want to jerk your hand away.)
Sometimes, pulling fingers out of a vagina, and taking a moment to put them back in, can feel super good, as it creates arousal in a hey, I want that back sort of way. While rubbing your partner's clit, try taking your other hand out of their vagina and reaching up to caress their breasts or pinch their nipples (depending on what they're into).
It's good manners (and more importantly, good hygiene) to wash your hands before placing them inside somebody. Plus, shorter nails just tend to feel better on vaginas . To avoid cuts and abrasions, keep your nails trim and tidy. This is especially important if you plan on following fingering with sexual activity that involves the exchange of bodily fluids, since vaginal tears can increase the risk of STI transmission (lube can help here, too).
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Priscilla Fleming became a licensed massage therapist in 2019 to help people. What she didn’t expect was sexual harassment, which she says began almost instantly. “At that point I now had to process this traumatic experience while also navigating a brand new industry that put me alone in a dark room with strangers. So I really contemplated just leaving the industry all together between the vulgar messages and then trying to navigate that. I wasn't sure if it was worth it, but I stuck it out, “ says Fleming. In response, Fleming launched the ethics course, “Safety & Solicitation: Gaslighting and Power Dynamics” to help other therapists recognize threatening behavior from clients. She’s also on a mission to combat harmful stereotypes that plague the massage industry. The dangers facing massage therapists made headlines last month, when NFL quarterback Deshuan Watson was suspended by the Cleveland Browns for 11 games and given a $5 million fine after he was accused of sexual misconduct by 24 massage therapists. Allegations included Watson exposing himself and manipulating therapists into touching him in an inappropriate manner. Two of the women also accused Watson of pressuring them to perform oral sex. While Watson has repeatedly denied the claims, 23 of the 24 civil lawsuits have been settled. In an interview with Sports Radio 610, Watson’s lawyer, Rusty Hardin, claimed that a ‘happy ending’ was not a crime unless extra money was paid for the service. “I feel as though he single handedly put a lot of us at risk to be assaulted,” says Fleming. “The NFL is a very large, well known industry and there is a very large fan base. So by his lawyer making these allegations, I'm afraid that this is going to empower that fan base to come and seek what Dashaun Watson was receiving.” With her ethics course, Fleming spends considerable time educating other therapists about gaslighting and grooming tactics used by predatory clients. Gaslighting involves manipulating someone by sowing self doubt in what they are experiencing, and grooming is a process of seeing how far a predator can push past a person's personal boundaries. Fleming notes that in the therapeutic relationship, the licensed therapist is granted the power to lead the dynamic in a professional setting. She says that when that power dynamic shifts, therapists may find themselves operating in threatening territory.
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Published on March 4, 2022 @ 10:00AM

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Maressa Brown is a journalist and astrologer who's a regular lifestyle contributor and resident astrologer for InStyle. She has nearly two decades of professional experience writing, reporting, and editing lifestyle content for a variety of digital and print consumer-facing publications including Parents, Shape, Astrology.com, and more. She is currently based in Los Angeles and completing her first title with Artisan Books to be published in early 2023.

When it comes to satisfying your partner's sexual desires, enthusiasm and a willingness to experiment will usually get you pretty far. But it also helps to constantly be brushing up on your core skill set, and if your partner happens to have a vulva, those skills should include knowing how to finger them.

And knowing what not to do is just as important as knowing what to do. "Remember that fingering someone's vagina isn't meant to look or feel like a jackhammering penis — unless your partner specifically asks for that! — so the fast in-and-out rigid finger thrusting we often stereotypically associate with fingering likely won't be the way to go," says Anne Hodder-Shipp, an American College of Sexologists (ACS)-certified sex educator. "Remember that your fingers have joints and can curl and bend."

Here, Hodder-Shipp and other experts share their 10 best tips for ensuring your next fingering — aka hand sex — session is a steamy hit.

It might seem rather basic, but Hodder-Shipp encourages anyone prepping to finger their partner to be sure their hands are clean, and their nails are trimmed and clean.

In fact, it might be fun for someone to exfoliate and moisturize their hands before playing with their partner, advises Jamila Dawson, LMFT , an interdisciplinary sex therapist.

If you have longer nails or a special manicure: Hodder-Shipp recommends taking a nitrile glove and putting a cotton ball at the tip of each finger, so when you wear it, the cotton creates a cushy barrier between the manicure and your partner's body.

Porn would have us believe that when it comes to any kind of penetration of the vagina, deeper is better, but that's not always the case. The majority of a vagina's nerves are located in the first one-third of the vaginal canal, points out Hodder-Shipp, so going super-deep isn't really necessary unless that's the sensation you would like.

"Lube is an absolute must during hand sex," points out Gigi Engle , ACS, a certified sex educator and author. "The fingers against a clitoris — or inside a vagina — require a barrier and some extra lubrication to not feel like sandpaper pushed up against your nether regions. Always generously lube up your partner's fingers and the clitoris before moving forward."

Dawson advises using a high quality water-based lube like Pjur or silicone-water-based hybrid like Fuck Water.

"Keep in mind that the vagina 'tents' and elongates when aroused," explains Hodder-Shipp. For that reason, you'll want to be sure your partner is especially aroused and receptive to penetration before inserting a finger — or anything else, for that matter.

One sexy move to try as you're working on getting your partner hot, bothered, and ready for more: "Cupping the vulva to let the heat of the hand transfer to the vulva can be very sensual," advises Dawson.

In general, it's ideal to go slow anytime you start a new sexual activity, says Hodder-Shipp. That way, you can see how it feels and get into the groove of it. Not to mention that, at times, fast movement in the vaginal area can feel uncomfortable, especially as you get started, she notes. All of that said, be sure to ease into penetration of any kind.

As you begin to ramp up the intensity of the act, Engle advises "definitely focusing" on the clitoris — especially the outer part at the top of the clitoris. "This organ is the only one in the entire human body whose purpose is pleasure," she notes. "It has 8,000 nerve endings in the external glans alone, which is double the nerve endings in the glans of the penis."

She continues, "Much like with oral sex, hand sex will most likely deliver an orgasm when your partner moves in a consistent motion over the glans clitoris ." However, unlike oral sex, you'll want to be a bit more gentle when you're using your fingers. "If you press down too hard, it can become uncomfortable," she says.

The giving partner should use their pointer and middle fingers to make clockwise circles around the clitoris, advises Engle. Then, they can try moving the fingers up and down, side to side, or in a figure eight.

If you're the receiving partner, listen to your body, and don't be afraid to ask for something else if it isn't working for you, she says.

Although the clit is often essential for reaching orgasm, you'll also want to stimulate the very front of the vaginal opening, as it's packed full of nerves, explains Engle.

"The bottom of the opening, called the fourchette, is an excellent place to tease and touch," she says. "Try pressing your fingers around the vaginal opening. Perhaps slip a finger inside. Don't stop there, touch and tease the labia. Perhaps you'd enjoy some gentle tugging. Your labia cover the internal legs of the clitoris. Try different things and see what works for your body."

"If you're the one doing the fingering, your partner is really the one in charge," says Hodder-Shipp. "Only they know how it feels and what adjustments they might need for it to feel pleasurable, so it's essential to be present and ready to receive feedback and pay attention to what your partner's voice and body language sound and look like."

Although some people make noises and will say exactly what they want — or don't — it's important to bear in mind that not everyone feels comfortable making vocal noises as they receive pleasure, says Hodder-Shipp. So while quiet isn't necessarily a bad sign, it's a sign to check in and ask things like, "how does that feel?", "do you like that?", or "want some more lube?"

And don't be nervous about switching things up in the moment in order to find your groove. Kristine D'Angelo , a clinical sexologist and certified sex coach, says, "While stimulating the clitoris, switch between using your fingertips, full length of your fingers, and even the palm of your hand," she recommends. "Ask your partner, 'More pressure or less pressure?' Some people need light pressure while others like a lot of pressure."

Though you might be looking for a go-to cadence that's guaranteed to leave your partner breathless, there is no one "best" rhythm to follow, notes Hodder-Shipp. "Every vagina responds to finger and hand simulation differently," she explains.

Still, once you find a rhythm that seems to be working — either because your partner is moaning and saying "yes, exactly like that" or their hips are lifting and moving along with the motion of your fingers — do not switch it up. "Keep that rhythm until your partner says they're done or orgasm happens," says Hodder-Shipp.

When it comes to penetrating your partner with more than one finger, D'Angelo recommends trying this variation: "Make a V with your index and middle finger," she advises. "Twist those fingers as if you're crossing your fingers for luck but keep both fingers fairly straight as they curl. Use your crossed fingers to penetrate the vagina, and begin to slowly twist your wrist creating a swirling effect."

If, as the receiving partner, anything hurts or feels uncomfortable or unpleasant, or it feels like your partner has to push their fingers inside, take a break or stop and do something that you enjoy better, advises Hodder-Shipp.

If you're the giving partner, keep communicating. As Engle notes, "Always remember that if you're not sure if something is working, simply ask: 'Does this feel good? I want to make sure what I'm doing feels good to you.'"

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