Hotwife Kink

Hotwife Kink

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#1

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Feb 28, 2018

My husband brought up trying this new fetish out. I have never been the type to sleep around, and I was perfectly happy with monogamy. I was living in my bubble thinking my marriage was great. He told me he was happy but wanted more. So after a few months of him not giving it a rest I agreed. I tried it and tried to make myself like it. I wanted to be the woman he wants. During this time he was all over me and I loved it. I loved the husband he was, he was surprising me all the time, cuddling, getting sweet I love you letters. But when I finally had enough of him asking when, where I was going to try to meet a new guy, I blew up and confessed I hated sleeping around. I tried to "fake it til you make it" .
After everything I can't see him in the same light. I have tried so hard to get my husband back, but all I can see is him asking what the other guy did and how he did it and my husband trying to be like him. In my eyes that's weak. I feel like he isn't the "alpha" even though that fetish was suppose to make him even more the alpha, supposedly.
Has anyone else gone through this? I love him and don't want to lose him, but at the same time he showed me who he really was as long as I was doing what he wanted. Advice on saving my marriage??
How can a man that loves you want to share you? It’s idiotic! A man’s number one purpose is to PROTECT his wife and family. Not exploit it.
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SentHereForAReason

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Number 1 question/concern .... hope you don't have kids?

I have never been the type to sleep around, and I was perfectly happy with monogamy. I was living in my bubble thinking my marriage was great.

He told me he was happy but wanted more.

I tried it and tried to make myself like it. I wanted to be the woman he wants.

I blew up and confessed I hated sleeping around. I tried to "fake it til you make it" .

After everything I can't see him in the same light.

I feel like he isn't the "alpha" even though that fetish was suppose to make him even more the alpha, supposedly.

That broken thing you keep trying to put back together can't even compare with that beautiful thing that's waiting to be built
perfectly happy with monogamy....

So how was the marriage back then? Sounds like it was fine as you didn't mention anything.

If you want to save it, ask him to go to counseling in an effort to get over it.

I don't agree with your husband coercion to get you to try it but seems like your handling that end well with no self doubt...or am I wrong?

Getting his alpha back in your eyes could be a tough one after this mess.

My husband brought up trying this new fetish out. I have never been the type to sleep around, and I was perfectly happy with monogamy. I was living in my bubble thinking my marriage was great. He told me he was happy but wanted more. So after a few months of him not giving it a rest I agreed. I tried it and tried to make myself like it. I wanted to be the woman he wants. During this time he was all over me and I loved it. I loved the husband he was, he was surprising me all the time, cuddling, getting sweet I love you letters. But when I finally had enough of him asking when, where I was going to try to meet a new guy, I blew up and confessed I hated sleeping around. I tried to "fake it til you make it" .
After everything I can't see him in the same light. I have tried so hard to get my husband back, but all I can see is him asking what the other guy did and how he did it and my husband trying to be like him. In my eyes that's weak. I feel like he isn't the "alpha" even though that fetish was suppose to make him even more the alpha, supposedly.
Has anyone else gone through this? I love him and don't want to lose him, but at the same time he showed me who he really was as long as I was doing what he wanted. Advice on saving my marriage??

When someone says it’s not the money it’s the principle,it’s always the money.

I loved the husband he was, he was surprising me all the time, cuddling, getting sweet I love you letters.

Right next to you in a direction you can't tell.
If I was in your shoes, and thankfully I'm not, I'd divorce my spouse. For me there would be no coming back from something like that. For my wife and I we choose monogamy because that makes what we have together very special and exclusive to just us. If either of us were to have any type of intimacy with anyone else then that special exclusive thing we have together evaporates instantly and I'd rather move on and find something special with someone else in the future.
It's a common fetish, like the cuckold fetish. I don't understand it, myself, but have known a few couples who were into it. One of them, like you OP, tried it but didn't want to continue it, and eventually they broke up. He is what he is, and needs what he needs, but if he can't be happy with you and treat you as you enjoyed without it, then you are not compatible. You both need to discuss this to see if there is a way forward without this fetish - and he needs to realize that few women will even consider trying this, much less like it or sustain it long term.
Love is an ideal thing; marriage is a real thing; a confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

There is a cure for ignorance, but not stupidity.
I really debated posting here but will because I am so sorry that you are in this situation. You basically put his need before yours, which is often but not always admirable in a marriage, but it was something you didn't want to do, don't want to do, and now your marriage is changed forever.

I've known two couples who tried this lifestyle. The only reason I found out was that both of the wives came to me after things went poorly, and as the unit commander, I had to take action out of concern for their safety. I will share one story.

A young woman who worked for me came in one morning looking horrible and very shaken. She asked to speak to me privately and what I heard shocked me. Basically, for a long time, her H wanted her to sleep with other men, but she didn't. She finally gave in and did it a few times, and her H would ask her to leave her phone on so he could hear. Then he wanted her to do it with a woman, and she did once but hated it. Then he wanted her to do it with someone of a different race, and he found the partner for her and she did. It came to the point where he wanted to set up a "fake rape" in their house at a time when she had no idea, but she put her foot down and said no. Well, her H set it up anyway and let the guy into the house. At first, she thought it was her husband but when she figured out what was going on and started screaming, the guy freaked out and left. She was a mess. I took her to the provost martial's office, got his command to issue a temporary protective order, and her husband was removed from their quarters. They divorced and she is now happily married with two adorable children (we've kept in touch over the years).

I think it is shameful that your husband expects you to do something like this that you don't want to do, and it is sad how it has affected your marriage. I'm not saying that things will escalate like they have above, but if he expects you to cross this significant of a boundary now, where will it lead? You have a lot of hard thinking and tough decisions ahead of you.

PS. The other story: Wife did it twice and wanted to stop. Her H agreed but one of the two guys she slept with kept wanting to sleep with her again and became obsessed. He started stalking her and her H. Her H was in my unit and I knew the couple. She came to me with the story and begging for help. It was heartbreaking.

SentHereForAReason

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Premium Member

When you two divorce do you have any proof that he asked you to sleep with other men.Otherwise he can claim serial infidelity on your part.
Any man who encourages his wife to sleep with other men needs his ass kicked every day.
And twice on Sundays !

Discussion Starter
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#12

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Feb 28, 2018
(Edited)

We have 1 kid together. We have been together since we were teenagers and I'm now 29. I just hate the idea of throwing it all away. How can love him so much but be so unhappy with the situation? How do i know others won't be like this?

Discussion Starter
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#13

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Feb 28, 2018

Lol. Thanks for lifting my spirits!!

How can a man that loves you want to share you? It’s idiotic! A man’s number one purpose is to PROTECT his wife and family. Not exploit it.

We have 1 kid together. We have been together since we were teenagers and I'm now 29. I just hate the idea of throwing it all away. How can love him so much but be so unhappy with the situation? How do i know others won't be like this?

Your husband pimped you out for his own gratification. That is objectification to the nth degree. That is the opposite of love. He is disgusting. Why would you want to stay married to him?

We have 1 kid together. We have been together since we were teenagers and I'm now 29. I just hate the idea of throwing it all away. How can love him so much but be so unhappy with the situation? How do i know others won't be like this?

Don't get distracted by the gender BS. There are plenty of alpha men who have kinks. The issue is that YOURS is also a JERK who does not care about YOU.

How do i know others won't be like this?

Lots of people have fantasies. That's fine, it makes life more exciting. Not everyone has the same fantasies. I see nothing wrong with asking your partner about a fantasy, BUT you have to recognize that it may not be something they want to do and to absolutely respect that.

The internet and porn has increased the visibility of a wide variety of fantasies. The great majority of people are not into hot-wives, but someone who is can find huge numbers of videos, and discussions on the topic and get the impression that its very common. (Its a classic internet "information bubble".

Once someone has the mistaken idea that their fantasy is common, the can feel frustrated / rejected that their partner turns down this thing that "lots of people" are doing. Its an unreasonable response, but unfortunately it happens.

The great majority of people do NOT want to bring other people into the bedroom, and for those who try it, it often ends very badly. I'm not knocking the small minority of couples for whom this works - please enjoy yourselves, but for most people its a bad idea.

It was OK for him to ask, but he absolutely should have accepted your initial rejection.

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Sophie Saint Thomas is a New York-based writer originally from the Caribbean. She is Allure ’s resident astrologer and the author of Finding Your Higher Self: Your Guide to Cannabis for Self-Care (Adams Media), a guide to self-care and marijuana, and [*Sex Witch: Magickal Spells for Love, Lust, and... Read more
The term "fetish" may evoke images of black bodysuits and complicated sexual contraptions , but you may already be acting out some of the most common examples. ( Spanking , anyone?) What defines a fetish isn't what the activity or object of desire is so much as the role it plays in someone's life. "A fetish is typically referred to as behavior that someone cannot get sexually aroused without. Fetishes can also be a term people use to describe sexual arousal that is coupled with a typically non-sexual object," says sexologist and psychologist Denise Renye .
While people often use the terms "fetish" and "kink" interchangeably, a kink means an activity or behavior that someone enjoys that exists outside the "norm" of "traditional" sex, such as incorporating handcuffs or even balloons . Think of the differences this way: If someone's kink is bondage, they probably get incredibly excited when they're tied up. If someone has a bondage fetish , their entire sexuality may revolve around restraint. (There's also the category of turn-ons: things that simply arouse a person.)
When we think of kink, we often think of BDSM, which involves an erotic power exchange through dominance and submission. BDSM is kinky, but not all kinks fall under the BDSM umbrella. Renye adds that people often have more than one kink or one fetish, and there is often overlap: For instance, someone may engage in spanking as part of a role-playing scenario in which one partner is dressed up as a schoolgirl and the other like a professor. In such an instance, the scenario would involve role-play, impact play, and even age play.
Research suggests that perhaps half of us are interested in sexual activities outside the "norm," so if you're interested in trying any of the following, rest assured you're not alone. And of course, with any type of sex, acting on fetishes or kinks should always involve enthusiastic consent from all parties and safer sex practices, such as the use of condoms , to prevent unwanted pregnancies and STIs. You never have to try anything that's not attractive to you, but please refrain from kink shaming others. Remember, we're trying to dismantle sexual shame .
Ready to dive in? Here's a list of some of the most common fetishes and what they entail.
Impact play means spanking, flogging, paddling, and other forms of consensual striking. Spanking is often an easy and safe BDSM entry point that leads to exploring more, such as purchasing a crop to use with a partner. Impact play can range from a light slap on the bum to a crack of the whip.
As with any kink or fetish, it's important to negotiate boundaries beforehand. "Safety and comfort are the most important aspects of kink," says Renye. Do your homework before practicing impact play. Discuss the level of intensity you enjoy (or your partner enjoys), choose a safe word to shut down the action on a dime if need be, and learn what parts of the body are safe to impact. Stick with the meatier areas, like the ass and thighs, and avoid less protected areas where organs live, like the lower back.
You don't have to stop playing make-believe when you grow up. Role-playing means acting out a sexual fantasy with your partner(s), either once or as part of an ongoing fantasy. While it can be a fetish or kink within itself, it's also a healthy way to act out other fantasies. For instance, if you have a medical fantasy and are aroused by doctors, you probably don't actually want your doctor to get sexy with you, because that would be creepy and abusive. The beauty of role-playing is that you can have your partner dress up as a doctor and indulge your fantasy consensually in your own home.
A foot fetish involves a desire to worship feet through acts such as massage, kissing, and smelling. As professional dominatrix Goddess Aviva previously told Allure , it's an extremely common fetish. If your partner shares that they have a foot fetish, it may be initially jarring, but it's an opportunity for you to discuss a potentially exciting new part of your sex life together. (And, if you're into it, just think of all the foot massages headed your way!)
You don't need to have an anal fetish to engage in anal sex, but plenty of people do specifically get off on butt stuff. Anal play can range from adding a finger in the ass during penetrative vaginal sex to using butt plugs to having anal sex with a penis or a dildo.
While anal sex can be safe and wonderful, there is some prep work involved. Since the butthole is not self-lubricating and harbors bacteria that can lead to infection if transferred to the vagina, it’s important to stock up on lube and read up on ass etiquette before engaging in anal play. That includes safer sex precautions such as condom use . Start small and go slow, using fingers, anal toys, and plenty of lube before moving up to larger objects such as dildos or a penis.
Renye says that one of the most common fetishes centers on something that may be sitting inside your dresser right now: lingerie . "[This] may show up in sexual play between and among individuals who may not even consider themselves kinky or to have a fetish (or two or three)," she says. Again, while many people get aroused by sexy underwear, lingerie becomes a fetish when someone needs it to be present in a sexual scenario in order to fully engage or get off.
Group sex is getting it on with more than one person. If you've ever swiped on Tinder, you're likely aware that many couples are searching for a third, although group sex can mean more than just a threesome. An orgy is when a group of people of all genders have sex, while a " gang bang " typically refers to one person having sex with more than two members of another gender (while the term can have violent connotations, it's also used in the kink community to refer to consensual scenarios).
Sensation play can refer to a huge range of activities based on the receiving or withholding of different stimuli. For instance, one partner may blindfold the other to deprive them of their sense of sight, a form of sensory deprivation, or they may drag an ice cube along their skin, a form of sensation play known as temperature play.
Edging, in which the submissive partner is brought to the brink of climax and then forced to stop — often done repeatedly — is an example of orgasm control. The idea here is that for as long as you like, you let your partner take the reins and determine when and how you come. As with all of the activities here, anyone can engage in orgasm control regardless of their genitalia.
Bondage is when one partner restrains the other. You can bind your partner using objects you already have around, such as a belt, or purchase specialty kink items like handcuffs or hair accessories-turned-wrist ties. To engage in restraint play safely, establish boundaries and a safe word, emphasize consent and communication at every step, and start slow.
Some of the most intense sexual play takes place in the mind. Renye refers to psychological power play — a type of BDSM — as "mind control." Psychological play involves implementing a sexual power exchange: Humiliation play, for example, might involve a submissive partner getting off on being called names. Consensual threats are an example of psychological play; one example is a domme warning a male submissive with a foot fetish that he'll have to lick her feet if he doesn't fall in line and do exactly as she says.
Voyeurism — or obtaining sexual pleasure from watching others who are naked or having sex — is more common than you'd think. Of course, as with every other fetish, engage in voyeurism consensually, for example at a sex party where a couple has given you permission to watch; watching someone without their permission is never acceptable. The flip side of voyeurism is exhibitionism, which means achieving sexual pleasure by allowing others to watch you. It's the sexual enjoyment of showing off. If you like to get down at a sex party, in public spaces, or even at home with the curtain
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