Hot Wax For Sex
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Hot Wax For Sex
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Hot take: candles are underrated sex toys.
You might already know that the warm, soft glow of candlelight can help set the stage for romance, but there are lots more sexy ways to use a candle in the bedroom.
"People love incorporating candles into their sexual play because candles can heighten the senses and increase arousal," says Shamyra Howard, LCSW , a sex educator and member of the Men's Health advisory board. "This is especially helpful and appealing to people who report they are unable to relax during sex, or unable to stop their mind from wandering."
Consider trying a massage candle, where the liquified wax doubles as moisture-rich massage oil. Just light the massage candle for 15-30 minutes, blow it out, let it cool, and your "oil" is ready to go.
"Incorporating massage candles into erotic massage is a fun way to relax the mood," says Ashley Cobb , a sex educator and influencer. Just make sure you're using a designated massage candle, she warns. Regular candles aren't necessarily made from skin- and body-safe materials—not to mention that they could burn you. "Massage candles are usually made from soy wax or beeswax, which melts at 102 degrees Fahrenheit, slightly higher than average body temperature."
The intoxicating scent of a massage candle can also be a huge turn-on, Cobb adds.
"Another added bonus is the aromatherapeutic benefits," she says. "Essential oils like clary sage, lavender, sandalwood, ylang-ylang, rose, bergamot and ginseng have aphrodisiac properties that will help get anyone in the mood before or during sex."
Wax play—where hot candle wax is dripped onto the skin—is another way to bring candles into your sex life. It's perfect "for people who are a bit more adventurous and like a little pain with their pleasure," Howard says. (If you've never dabbled in wax play before, she recommends reading articles and watching professional videos on the safest ways to do it. If you're playing with a partner, make sure you have a safe word and an aftercare plan in place before you begin. Keeping a first-aid kit nearby can't hurt either, although you shouldn't need it if you study up on safe wax play beforehand.)
As with massage candles, you can't just use any old household candle for wax play. "The safest candle to use for wax play is a soy-based candle," Howard explains. "For extra sting, paraffin candles are your best bet."
Here are 14 sexy candles to use for erotic massage and/or wax play, including recommendations from Howard and Cobb.
Howard and Cobb both recommend this candle. If vanilla isn't your thing, the Lovehoney Oh! massage candle also comes in cherry and strawberry.
These scent-free candles are Howard's "go-to for wax play." They burn at a higher temperature than your average massage candle, so prepare for a little sting (in a good way!).
This soy candle has some classy AF packaging and comes in three subtle scents: vanilla & crème de cacao, snow pear & cedarwood, and black pepper & pomegranate.
It's almost like getting a massage on the beach.
"It's packed with coconut oil, botanical oils, and vitamins A, K, and E, making it an excellent pick for anyone with dry skin," Cobb says.
This warm scent is a little bit spicy, a little bit sweet. A portion of proceeds from Lucky Thirteen Candle Co. go toward charities supporting mental health and social justice .
We're all about the sleek design of this massage candle, including the subtle spout to pour the warm, liquified wax into your palm—or drizzle it directly onto your partner's body.
Cobb recommends this option. This trendy Brooklyn-made candle is vegan (duh) and great for moisturizing the skin as you massage.
At $65, this one's a definite splurge, but consider it as an option for a romantic gift...or for the next time you feel like treating yourself to something fancy. You deserve it!
Howard recommends paraffin candles for wax play, and these babies fit the bill. Prepare to get your kink on.
Get ready to fuck like bunnies. This candle allegedly contains "nature's own attractant pheromones," a.k.a. the chemicals animals secrete to attract members of the same species.
You can't go wrong pairing sex and chocolate. This travel-size candle is perfect for your next trip!
The "3-in-1" means it burns, massages, and moisturizes—similar to the other options on this list. But this one has cannabis in it! Specifically, hemp seed oil, which has plenty of benefits for the skin .
This massage candle has edible wax, so feel free to add your tongue into the mix as you rub it into your partner's body.
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Aryelle Siclait is the editor at Women's Health where she writes and edits articles about relationships, sexual health, pop culture, and fashion for verticals across WomensHealthMag.com and the print magazine.
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But read this before pulling out your pumpkin spice Yankee.
No doubt, falling into a bedroom routine can make things kinda stale—reverting to a go-to sex position again and again while your Netflix binge of choice plays in the background isn't exactly hot. But you know what is? Wax play.
If you’re looking to *literally* add some heat to your next romp, wax play might be just the ticket to taking your sex life to the next level.
A practice made popular by BDSM and the kink community , wax play involves dripping candle wax onto your partner, having your partner drip it onto you, or dripping it on yourself. "It's a type of sensation and temperature play," says Neil Cannon , PhD, a kink-competent sex therapist in Denver.
Wax play is typically used as a power tool for partners who take on sadist and masochist roles. But even if your sex preferences are more of the vanilla variety, Cannon says wax play is a practice you can adapt simply to make sex more exciting, enjoy doing something "naughty," or experiment with a little pain-as-pleasure for an evening (or three). After all, you won't know if you like it until you try it.
Because wax play involves candles, which, duh, involve fire, the first step is educating yourself about how to keep things safe. So, here's how to do that—plus how to make wax play even sexier (and less messy, too).
You can tweak it so it fits your needs but, in most situations, wax play calls for lighting a candle (not just any candle! but I’ll get to that later), letting the wax pool for a bit, and dripping the melted wax onto skin.
You can experiment by pouring the wax from a distance near the skin for a sharper sting or pouring from further away, so the wax has a little more time to cool off, says Cannon. For some, the feel-good sensation doesn’t even come from the warmth of the wax on their erogenous zones—their backs, chest and breasts, neck, penises or vulvas—but from the sensation of having the wax slowly peeled off those areas once it’s hardened and cooled down. Yep, that's all part of it.
For others still, wax play is all about pouring layer upon layers of wax onto various parts of their partner’s bodies and treating them like a human canvas during the experience. Some also like to bring in a blindfold, for the surprise element. "Having their eyes covered can help the person on the receiving end fantasize and lean into role play more easily," says Cannon.
If that sounds like too much, you could also try alternating between hot and cold, by bringing ice into the mix and running it over the skin after or during wax play. There are no wrong answers here.
Let’s face it, wax is messy—and if you don’t properly prepare for playing with it, hot wax can even be legit painful (not the hurts-so-good kind).
Now that you have all of your materials, let's Marvin Gaye and get it on.
There are three tenets of wax play: dripping, pouring, and trading, says Tara Suwinyattichaiporn , PhD, sexual communication and relationship expert, and professor at California State University, Fullerton.
Let’s break them down one by one, shall we? Dripping can make things super slow and sensual, says Suwinyattichaiporn. It is exactly what it sounds like: a slow dripping of wax on your partner that helps build up the desire during foreplay. "This is a great time to play with your dirty talk," says Suwinyattichaiporn. "Ask your partner how it feels, how badly they want you, all of that!"
Pouring is more so intended for a massage. And less is more here, warns Suwinyattichaiporn. For the love of all things holy, do NOT just dump out a candle’s worth of hot wax on your partner—especially not their sexy bits. The pouring method can be great for massages and rubbing all of the erogenous areas on your partner. Is your person super into a little back and booty massage? Well in that case, pour on some (warm, not hot) wax and get in there.
Trading pours is another option. Face each other and take turns dripping or pouring on one another. Your boo may start with a little drip on your leg, and you hit them back with a more generous pour on their thigh.
Oh, yeah. Once you get into the wax play itself, keep the candle at least 15 inches from the body at all times so you don’t burn yourself or your partner. (That's not the goal here.)
But make sure you don’t pour from too far away either, so you can avoid hot splashes of wax from landing on unintended areas of the body and bed. And even when you’re pouring from a safe and agreed-upon distance, consider blowing out the flame just in case. You can always relight it when you need more wax.
If at any point the wax starts getting uncomfortable, tell your partner immediately so you can stop. Communication is top priority during wax play and all sexual experiences—not just those that fall into the BDSM camp, says Cannon. The best way to communicate that the sensation or pain is too much for you is a with a safe word other than "stop," he adds. Try something random that you’d never say during sex, like "purple" or "sledgehammer," so you both know playtime has come to a definite end. Once you hear it, listen for what your partner needs—it might just be a request to slow down, or they might need a first-aid kit.
Another biggie is being 100-percent present for your partner, which also means being sober. If you’re on the receiving end, drugs and alcohol can increase your pain tolerance, making it difficult for you to know when you’ve reached your actual limit. And if you’re in the dominant position and pouring the wax onto your partner, alcohol will slow down your faculties, meaning you might not stop as soon as your partner says the safe word. Not okay.
Aftercare, aftercare, aftercare. This involves cuddling and talking through the experience with your partner to gauge how they’re feeling and figure out which parts they enjoyed and which they'd rather not repeat. This vulnerability after an intimate experience like wax play helps build trust and can even strengthen your relationship. It’s also the time to apply tangible aftercare—as in, aloe or unscented lotion to soothe the areas of the skin that might still sting from the wax, says Cannon.
When you're ready to clean up the sexy scene, first let any wax on objects cool down and dry, since the hardened stuff is easier to clean off sheets and other surfaces than when it’s sticky and warm. As for your bodies, wipe yourself (or each other!) down with a wet towel and wash any residue off in the shower with a gentle cleanser.
If you’re using a massage candle, cleaning up will be pretty easy, says Suwinyattichaiporn. When melted, this wax can be spread out and absorbed into the skin like a lovely little moisturizing treatment. And, make sure you grab a towel. In fact, Suwinyattichaiporn recommends having a dedicated sex towel for such occasions. That way you’re not too worried about making a mess, and can toss that bad boy in the wash afterward!
If you do end up with a little wax art on your body after the playing is done, you can use a warm cloth, baby oil, or aloe to help coax the wax off you. For some, though, the removal of the wax is half the fun. So make sure you check in with your partner on what they have in mind.
And remember, if your experience doesn't go well the first time (perhaps you spilled wax on your favorite throw pillow, burned yourself, or found it kinda awkward), don't write it off for good. If you think you might like it under smoother circumstances, it's worth another try. Like most things, wax play can take a little practice...and that's half the fun.
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Paisley is sex & relationships editor at Cosmopolitan UK, and covers everything from sex toys, how to masturbate and sex positions, to all things LGBTQ.
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While temperature might sound kinda scary if you haven't tried it before, it's actually super easy. You don't have to own a entire dungeon's worth of expensive toys and accessories to do it either. And honestly, it'll make foreplay even more fun and introduce you to new sensations. There are some more extreme forms of temperature play using fire such as cupping , or streaking, but let's just dip our toes into the ocean for now.
A recent survey by Lovehoney showed that 37% of couples have experimented with temperature play at some point in their relationship - see, it must be something special. Sex expert Annabelle Knight shares how beginners can try out temperature play for the first time.
Put simply, it's a technique often used (but not exclusively) in BDSM as well as 'vanilla' foreplay that uses heat or cold to stimulate the skin and provoke a sensual reaction. Temperature play is often combined with blindfolding and/or bondage to increase the sensation.
The main aim of temperature play is to provoke arousal by using the skin's neuroreceptors. Stimulation through heat or cold gives the body a rush of sensations that, during foreplay, is translated into arousal. Temperature play is especially fun for the receiver when hot and cold are combined together in unpredictable patterns.
To get the most fun out of temperature play, it's good to combine hot and cold. So don't just limit yourself to ice cubes, ice cream or strawberries and cream from the fridge - warm liquids such as molten wax (make sure you use candles designed specifically for sensual play as household candles have varying melting points, meaning you could get badly burned), melted chocolate, chocolate syrup or edible oil can all be added to the mix to make it more enjoyable.
As well as everyday items like the fruit and foods mentioned above, sex toys can be incredible tools for temperature play. Objects that retain temperature, so those made of metal or glass, can be used after they have been chilled or heated.
As cliché as it sounds, ice cubes really are amazing DIY temperature play tools. Put one in your mouth and let it melt a little. The chill of the ice cube will provide extra stimulation wherever you like.
If your partner has a penis, ice cube hand jobs can be a lot of fun. You can hold an ice pack in one hand and leave the other at body temperature. By switching hands while you give a hand job, it'll give a great variety of sensations. It's really not as complicated and ridiculous as it sounds, promise.
When planning a weekend away, call your hotel and ask them to leave an ice bucket in the room. They'll probs assume it’s for the prosecco you’re bringing, but you can actually use it to cool down your glass dildos . The icy touch of the smooth glass will heighten sensations to any body part it touches.
If you're trying temperature
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