Hot Ex Girlfriend

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Hot Ex Girlfriend
You have an ex girlfriend that you deeply care about.
But you’ve been on this “hot and cold” cycle with her that keeps repeating.
One week she’s eager to spend time with you, and you make future plans.
The next week she goes cold and wants space.
Then she warms up to you again and the cycle repeats.
Now this is overwhelming and it drains your brain. You’re getting tired of the uncertainty. This is not what a relationship is supposed to feel like… so you want closure one way or another.
Now let’s start with the first case of dealing with a hot and cold ex girlfriend… an email from my student Kyle.
I just stumbled upon your website on how to win your ex girlfriend back.
I’ve been searching online for the past 2 years for help on getting my ex back.
I just love her so much… or maybe it’s my pride. She simply brings me happiness with her existence.
Here’s my story: I met this girl and since I laid eyes on her I knew she was the one.
However at first I was scared to act upon it because my last relationship was a total failure and it broke me.
So we were in a camp by the beach and we spent almost 4 days together.
She seemed interested in me so much yet I didnt do anything about it.
After the vacation, she reached out to me and asked to meet me.
We met, and she asked me out, which is very weird in our culture.
I refused and told her that I didn’t want any casual dating anymore. She said that she didn’t want that either, and after a couple of days we decided to be together.
We spent 4 months together… and things were awesome.
– She would talk about how how I should meet her parents… – She would tell me how much she loved me… – And she would say that she’s afraid that I will get bored and dump her one day…
I would reassure her and tell her how much she meant to me and how serious I was.
Until one day, she simply started texting less and less.
When I asked to see her she would say she had to study for her university exams.
But then a few days later she called me saying how much she loves me and misses me and said “don’t ever leave me ever”
The day after that, she asked for a break and said the commitment felt like a burden to her .
Then she started calling me every couple of days saying how much she misses me… yet whenever I ask her to meet she gives me an excuse of why she can’t.
Long story short, this hot and cold cycle kept repeating for the next several months.
During that time, she’s dated two other guys but she always reaches out to me whenever she’s lonely.
She was very close to one of those guys and for some reason it seems like she ditched him a couple of days ago.
Obviously this is what she does, she get attracted to someone, she tries everything to be with him and in a matter of months she leaves breaking his heart.
I always messed up saying how much I love her and want her back. I feel terrible about this and i am helpless.
Then I read your “7 Dangerous Mistakes” eBook and apparently I did all of them for the past two years trying to win her back.
Mistakes like begging, pleading, gifts, committing, everything. I lost my self esteem and my self respect.
I feel worthless and it hurts me so much. I tried being the best most caring and giving man I can be for her. I loved myself more when I was with her, I stopped drinking, played sports, concentrated on my business, started building a good relationship with everyone.
Now i am depressed and desperate, and I am stuck in this place where I can’t think of anything except being with her again. Can you please help me?
It seems like this whole relationship was a big “hot and cold” rollercoaster ride.
And looks like it’s similar with her other relationships.
As you say, “she gets attracted to someone, she tries everything to be with him and in a matter of months she leaves breaking his heart”…
1. First, she gives lots of signals that she is crazy in love with you (or whoever she’s falling in love with).
2. Secondly, those signals are so strong that it causes the guy to also start saying how much she means to him and he gets all “lovey dovey” mushy romantic.
However, this becomes too much and it crowds her space, so she decides she wants a “break”.
Then she goes to the last guy she ditched and gives him attention, because that guy moved on (after she ditched him) and his distance draws her to him.
The takeaway from all of this is to not go overboard when the girl starts getting all romantic with you.
You might get the urge to let go and demonstrate how much you care for her. You might even be planning to do an over-the-top romantic thing for her… but remember that “being romantic” and “showing her you care” isn’t what creates attraction. Romance is something that’s nice when you ALREADY have attraction.
Otherwise you may overwhelm the girl too much with texts, and smother her space.
A woman loses attraction quickly when you make the relationship too serious. Things move “too fast” and it makes her want space.
This girl has the common problem of a guy wanting a relationship “too fast” because she sends strong romantic signals to the guy and it motivates him to get her into a serious relationship.
How should you handle it if you happen to interact with her again?
This becomes easier when you have a purpose .
When you have a “purpose”…like a career, or business to focus on, the purpose becomes your anchor, and your main focus.
So then when a girl stops giving you attention, you aren’t easily “weakened” because your emotions are grounded.
Your purpose, combined with having a life and hanging out with buddies, makes you naturally busy so you don’t have time to call or text her every day, and the gaps in between communication don’t make you worried.
You aren’t just home alone thinking about her, and wanting to send her messages.
There’s a misconception that contacting your girlfriend “more” should be done to make her more attracted… but “doing more” is often the big thing that makes a girl say “I need a break, the commitment feels like a burden”.
When the relationship is young, being too much of a “caring and giving” man is too much for her and she feels the pressure… (she feels the burden).
This is great later on, but not so early!
Don’t try to be the best “boyfriend”… instead be her “LOVER”.
If instead you create SPACE in between your interactions, then the face-to-face meeting will have a bigger impact because the gap of space in between dates actually makes her feel more attracted.
The cycle you have experienced with her over and over again is that…
1. She goes hot… 2. but then she goes cold… 3. and then she reaches out and goes hot again.
Adhere to the following guidelines to avoid her going “cold” again.
This is how you keep her longer this time…
Next time she reaches out, be playful, and say, “I assume you want to see me”, and invite her to meet up.
When you contact her again and when you hang out with her again…
That’s how you deal with a hot and cold ex girlfriend and avoid the “cold” spell.
Because the minute you get too romantic and start talking about “getting together” again, or if you pressure her into making the relationship more “serious”… that’s when she’ll go COLD again and fade away.
Ok now let’s move on to another question regarding the elusive “hot and cold” ex girlfriend.
How to Deal With a Hot and Cold Ex Girlfriend?
Ok here goes nothing. Frankie I’ve been following you for a while and you’re amazing.
I’ve also been wanting to write to you but my situation is such a mess and hard to explain and also I don’t know if you will reply.
I have been dating my girlfriend on and off for about 5 years.
We have bickered often and always seem to argue about stuff.
We have gone out a few times, and when we do, we have a complete blast and almost always end up sleeping together…
…but almost inevitably she then tells me she’s not ready for a relationship because she has had her heart broken a few times. It’s really confusing.
This weekend I was so worried because she told me she was busy all weekend so you can imagine my brain went nuts wondering what she did… and if there was another guy involved.
She also told me she was having Friendsgiving on Sunday and I felt so hurt I wasn’t invited.
Sometimes she tells me she wants nothing to do with me and I should stop having hope.
Other times we talk about the future.
What I see here is that she has these cycles where she wants to see you, so you hang out, have a good time, and sleep with each other… and that’s GREAT.
But… something then happens and she fades away, which really confuses you, and she acts like she wants nothing to do with you.
Now I have a feeling that the main problem is somewhere in how you act after you see her and have a good time with her.
And this is a very common mistake or “trap” men fall in.
See, when things go great with your ex, you feel like you have a chance to make her your girlfriend again, so you start talking about the future, and you try to convince her to get the “relationship label” back.
You start doing these things and get into “trying to get her back” mode.
But all of these things then start pushing her away, because she feels like she’s losing her freedom. She wants to have fun with you and have sex with you, but when she feels like she’s going to get “caged” into a relationship, so she loses the attraction.
That’s why I think she becomes distant.
You’re getting some things right, but only half right. When you you go out, have a complete blast, and sleep with each other, you’re doing something RIGHT to make that happen. And that’s great!
But now, here’s the mindset shift I want you to have:
Only focus on having a good time and hooking up.
Don’t focus on trying to make her your official girlfriend.
Think of it this way: Don’t get into serious relationship mode or “boyfriend” mode.
Because when you start asking questions about the future of “us” or you start asking her when are you two getting together again… that’s what ruins the attraction and pushes her away.
Keep the conversation away from having a “serious talk”… and keep things fun, playful, and in the moment.
To actually get the “official” relationship back again, adhere to the following rules:
Don’t overtext her in between dates. Use texting mostly just for making plans to go out.
The gaps of not texting in between dates creates mystery and creates space for her to miss you.
And finally, when you’ve done all this correctly… while going out, having fun, and not being needy afterwards… then her attraction level will be high enough… and she’ll be the one asking the relationship questions of “so, what are we?” or “when are we going to be a couple again?”
I write about this situation in these articles:
Hey Frankie, I just read your “7 Dangerous Mistakes” report . Fucking solid advice. I can relate.
I’m in the same situation, I received a message from girlfriend after a few days of her not replying to messages as frequently:
“Hey sorry I’ve been out and about. Sam. I’m going to need a break I’m sorry. I’m feeling really overwhelmed with how things are progressing, and need a few days to clear my head. I’ll be in touch to chat x”.
While it’s not the worst “I need space” message. I feel she still wants something.
The night before I slept over her place, we didn’t have sex, but she was extra cuddly and gave me very long kisses and hugs in the morning, that afternoon I received the text.
I replied with “Alright. Thanks for your honesty Sarah” and left it at that.
Now I’m waiting for her response. I really like her, and I believe that I fell for a couple of the mistakes mentioned in your report… and now I’d like to get her attention back towards me.
That was a good text, because you didn’t panic. 
Girls can often act hot and cold, but often they sugarcoat things and act all sweet.
It makes you feel like everything is going just fine… until 
A pattern that I notice in cases when a girl fades away is that
2. Yet she “sugarcoats” her loss of attraction by being extra cuddly, or acting sweet… which gives you a false sense of security right before she hits you with the “I need space” text soon after.
When that happens, give her the space and let her come to you.
I notice you got into my newsletter through this article:
Which is perfect for your situation.
Don’t do anything until she reaches out again.
Then when she does reach out, and you’re in contact with her again, don’t get into the old patterns of texting every day or getting too romantic and serious (if you’ve been doing it).
Make sure you see her only about once a week… and in between dates you keep contact to a minimum. Create space in between the get-togethers, and save the interaction for the date.
Okay, let’s say you messed up… you have an ex girlfriend that used to be “warm” but now she’s cold.
Here’s how to deal with a hot and cold ex girlfriend and how to get her back:
The “Exfactor” program lays out a simple series of steps you can take… starting right now… to “re-attract” your ex girlfriend and change the way she feels about you. (I review the Ex Factor here)
“Ex Girlfriend Acting Cold and Distant” Articles
The ex girlfriend you’re trying to get back shoots down your hopes by saying she needs a break from dating. This hurts because you’ve been wanting to get her back…
A girl who deeply has no interest in you, is stringing you along on a ride to nowhere. She gives you signs that she’s interested, yet when you try taking…
Is your ex girlfriend sending mixed signals? When she dumped you, it was sad, and it gave you a lot of pain. Then you semi-recovered for a while… and slowly…
Whenever a student emails me saying “my ex girlfriend blocked my number”…the series of events that led to that situation sounds very familiar. Step 1: Girl becomes distantStep 2: Boy…
You have an ex girlfriend that you deeply care about. But you’ve been on this “hot and cold” cycle with her that keeps repeating. One week she’s eager to spend…
Whenever a student emails me saying “my ex girlfriend won’t talk to me!”…I immediately give them the strategy I will shortly reveal to you. When your girlfriend breaks up with…
Your ex girlfriend broke up with you, and you are devastated. It feels like part of you is gone… like getting your leg chopped off… and you really miss her….
Moving on from your ex girlfriend can be tough. Whenever a student emails me saying “I can’t stop thinking about her!”… I immediately give them the moving on from your…
An ex girlfriend you can’t stop thinking about wants nothing to do with you… and this drives you NUTS! This is driving you crazy because… If you can’t get her…
“Why is my ex girlfriend acting cold towards me?” Your ex girlfriend is acting cold and distant towards you and it’s driving you crazy. The truth is, there’s a reason…
Students often write me asking what to do when an ex girlfriend just wants to be friends. In other words, how do you get out of the “ex girlfriend friend…
When your girlfriend breaks up with you. You can’t help but feel angry, hurt, and confused. Not only is the girl you love not yours anymore, but she has completely…

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When a guy gets broken up with, but still loves his ex and wants her back, the first thing he’ll usually do is try to convince her that he’s changed some of the things that turned her off, so she will then give him another chance.
For example: A guy might remember that most of the arguments he had in the relationship with his ex girlfriend were about him lacking ambition and being too laid back about his future.
So, to convince her that he’s changed, he might tell her that he’s busy looking for a better job, or that he’s thinking about enrolling in classes to improve his qualifications so that he can advance in his career, or that he’s applied for a promotion at work.
Then, when his ex girlfriend sees that he’s taken her feelings and concerns into consideration and is actually making an effort to better himself, she might begin thinking things like, “It looks like I eventually got through to him, even though I had to break up with him for it to happen, but at least he’s finally making some positive changes in his life that will result in him progressing and having a better future.”
She then naturally starts to feel more respect and attraction for the new man that she now thinks he’s become and she starts to respond to him in a more positive (i.e. she acts hot) way.
Yet, over time, she may begin to realize that even though he’s saying that he’s moving forward in his life, nothing really seems to be happening.
Basically, he’s always talking about going to do apply for a promotion or, going to look for a better job, but it never actually happens.
As a result, she starts to feel like he’s messing with her and only saying those things to make her take him back and she may think things like, “He’s been pretending that he’s changed, but deep down he’s still the same lazy, unmotivated man I broke up with. I can’t believe I fell for his lies! He’s not really making progress in his life. Instead, he’s just saying that he is to reel me back into a relationship with him. What a jerk!”
Naturally, when she begins thinking that way, she responds by acting cold, disinterested and possibly even annoyed and hostile towards him.
This is why it’s so important for you to truly change and improve before you interact with your ex.
That doesn’t mean you have to become perfect to get her back, but you do have to genuinely make some improvements to yourself so she can see that you’re better now than you were before (e.g. more confident and self-assured, more emotionally masculine, more focused and goal oriented, more manly).
Remember: Actions speak louder than words.
When she sees the result of the changes you make to yourself, rather than you telling her about them, she won’t be able to stop herself from feeling drawn to you again in a way that feels good to her.
Then, she will automatically act hot all the time, because she feels respect and attraction for you again.
On the other hand, if you only pretend to change just to get her back, she will stay cold and then getting her back becomes a lot more difficult for you.
Another possible reason why your ex girlfriend acts hot and cold is…
Genuine self confidence is one of the most attractive qualities a man can have.
It doesn’t matter if he’s not very good looking, doesn’t have a lot of money or drives a small car, when he’s confident, he automatically becomes more attractive in a wo
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