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Sex. Celebrity. Politics. With Teeth
Sex. Celebrity. Politics. With Teeth
Fifty Shades of Dick : The Best Crotch Shots in Mainstream Film
Biden Manages to Say Abortion in Speech About Abortion
Pharmacies Are Refusing to Fill Prescriptions That Contain 'Abortifacients'
Biden Manages to Say Abortion in Speech About Abortion
Pharmacies Are Refusing to Fill Prescriptions That Contain 'Abortifacients'
The sad news that Fifty Shades of Grey will not feature any full-frontal has left many of us devastated. Fear not, however! Jezebel is here to pick up the rubble and distract you with the 50 best (theme, you see?) peens you can see on-screen. Trust us, these pictures will make your mood rise.
As a former video store clerk (with the smug, "unimpressed by your choices" attitude many have come to love and expect from people working minimum-wage jobs that others aren't cool enough for), I have a great fondness for letting people know all about the accidental and not-so-accidental genitals they may see in a movie of their choice. I was never shy about letting customers know if the movie they were renting had an excellent dick shot of a beloved celebrity or an especially good butt scene. I used to do that with porn, too, but stopped after I noticed that one of my customers became visibly agitated when I started talking about how awesome the camera work was in Trunks 2, an excellent pornographic feature all about dudes who love other dudes who love speedos and also taking them off and fucking butts that have just been in speedos.
This is a compendium of the most important bulges and full-frontal peen that one can see in films that are available on Netflix and at their local Redbox. Some I knew, some my Jezebel colleagues helped me with, and some were complete and delightful surprises.
The biggest surprise was that this took me more than four hours to put together.
Please note that the following are not in particular order (except number one, which is self-explanatory), but the photos do tend to get a little more hot the further down you go. Isn't that always the way?
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46. Llan Mitchell-Smith, Weird Science
39. Steven Weber, Single White Female
34. These Unhappy Strippers, Magic Mike
33. Mark Wahlberg's Prosthesis, Boogie Nights
31. That One Football Player, Any Given Sunday
29. A Whole Nude Beach of Dick, Euro Trip
25. Some Random Dude All Up In John C. Reilly's Face Tyler Nilson , Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story
24. Giant Dangling Penis, Hall Pass
22. Viggo Mortensen, The Indian Runner
21. Matthew McConaughey, Magic Mike
13. Edward Norton, American History X
12. Heath Ledger, Brokeback Mountain
11. Whoever This Gentleman Is, Goltzius and the Pelican Company
1. Marco Dapper , Eating Out 2: Sloppy Seconds ( Call me, Marco! Also: You can see more of his work here .)
Did I miss anything important? Please post photos in the comments.
Image credits in text, top illustration by Jim Cooke.

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