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Thanks for the Mammaries: The Best Breasts of 2012
From Kate Upton's particularly generous assets to Kristen Stewart's rookie topless performance, this year was all about the fairer sex showing us their lovely breasts. Here, for your viewing pleasure, are our favorites for 2012
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Technically eligible because of Titanic 's 3D re-release, Kate Winslet has to win the award for most pronounced PG-13 breast display ever. And you've got to love a girl who is willing to strip for the scruffy underdog in order to piss off her asshole boyfriend. It's timeless.
Olivia Munn has said in interviews that her topless scene in Magic Mike was no big deal. Tell that to all of the G4 fanboys who nearly suffered pulmonary episodes because of it. Credit to her and Soderbergh though, it was a welcome surprise for all of the unsuspecting men who were dragged to the movie by their wives and girlfriends.
It took 9 episodes for the second season of Homeland to get to the important stuff: Morena Baccarin's boobs. Thankfully though we were finally treated to a topless shot of super-milf Jessica Brody having yet another dalliance with hubby substitute Mike Faber. Here's hoping that season three will do better at cutting to the chase.
There may have been a prohibition on liquor in Lawless but nudity was strictly within the rulebook. Thank God for small favors. Ms. Chastain's pert pair make their appearance courtesy of a love scene with Tom Hardy's gangster moonshiner Forrest Bondurant. A perfect union of lusty and badass if ever there was one.
5. Kaitlyn Leeb (the Three-breasted Woman), Total Recall
It seems pretty safe to say that the only reason this awful remake happened was that some Hollywood producer really wanted to see an updated three-breasted woman. There have been worse reasons to green light a project. And Kaitlyn Leeb is a definite upgrade over the original. Although one can't help but wonder what the lovely Miss Leeb would look like sans prosthetic mutant deformity.
In the world of magazines there are great covers and then there are great covers. Not to toot our own horn but Kate Upton on the cover of our July issue in a bikini top is pretty much legendary . Of course most of the credit has to go to Kate and her spectacular endowments. Here's to the issue voted most likely to reside beneath a teenage boy's mattress for 2012.
7. Jennifer Love Hewitt, The Client List publicity campaign
Last February the streets of New York City became a very dangerous place for its male (and some female) inhabitants. Splashed across buses, posters, and subway platforms were enormous shots of the already ample cleavage of one J. L. Hewitt, courtesy of what can only be called the greatest ad campaign of all time. While many of us may not have actually watched The Client List , we appreciated the fact that our last moments in life before being hit by that cab were spent gazing into the almost mythologically perfect breasts of Jennifer Love Hewitt.
You kind of get the feeling by episode 9 of the 5th season of Californication that the writers aren't even trying to come up with reasons for women to get their kits off. When Sarah Power bursts into Hank Moody's trailer on the set of Santa Monica Cop and whips out her ladies, only the thinnest of plot points is used as an explanation. Fortunately we don't really care. Why bother with all that storytelling when there is a voluminous and very lovely pair of breasts to exhibit? Thank you Sarah Power for taking what is normally the provenance of the casting couch and putting it up on the screen.
8. Camilla Luddington, Californication
Ahh the nanny fantasy. A true classic if ever there was one. Only in the highly fictional TV universe of _Californication _would a woman as beautiful as Camilla Luddington's Lizzie engage in sexual congress with a man as unpleasant to behold as her employer Charlie Runkle. But thankfully she did, and so we the lucky viewers benefit by gazing upon her lovely English globes. And Mary Poppins fantasies everywhere were given a fresh breath of life.
11. Alison Pill of The Newsroom accidentally tweets a topless photo
Well that's a fine how-do-you-do! If only more actresses were this inept at technology, social media would be so much more enjoyable. Although the question is still out on whether this really was an accidental tweet by Alison Pill, no one is going to argue when a perfectly nice pair of breasts pops up on their twitter feed. Better than pics of someone's breakfast.
10. Jamie Lynne Grumet, breastfeeding mom on the cover of Time
If ever a cover inspired some seriously complicated feelings, this was the one. For most of us of the male persuasion, our minds were pinballing between the fact that we were looking at a lovely breast and the fact that there was a 3-year-old kid attached to it. Grumet is a hottie, no doubt about it, and her perkiness is impressive, but there is something just way too Oedipal about this whole operation. Ditch the kid and then we'll talk.
12. Michelle Williams and Sarah Silverman, Take This Waltz
On paper this seems like a great idea: two beautiful women completely naked in the shower? Sign me up. In practice, not so much. Both Silverman and Williams are perfectly fine breast-wise, but there is something so utilitarian about the scene that it is stripped of anything that could be considered sexy. We appreciate the effort, but it's sort of like, oh hey look at that, a couple of lovely ladies in the showe...oh, god no, she's pumicing her bunions.
There is a moment in every young actresses life when she seeks to shed the PG-13 image of her teenage self and embrace her now fully formed womanhood. Some do it by digging deep and pouring themselves into their craft, hoping that through an intense amount of effort they can generate a performance that will be thought of as truly profound. Others just show off their cans. Thank the good Lordy our gloomy little Kristen is the latter as Neal Cassady's girlfriend in this long awaited film version of Kerouac's novel.
When faced with a topless and beautiful but crazy stalker in your home, what do you do? Matt LeBlanc just kicks her out, but I'm sure there are those among us who would think twice before such a hasty action. And did I mention she also bakes cookies? Tough call.
The 2012 award winner for best breasts covered in blood. It's just, you know, vampires and sex and shit. No explanation needed.
17. Ésme Bianco, Natalie Dormer, and Carice van Houten, Game of Thrones
Come on guys, it's Game of Thrones. We'd expect nothing less.
16. Anna Hutchison, The Cabin in the Woods
It just wouldn't be a good year if there wasn't a horror movie where a bunch of young friends go to a house/cabin/Mexican beach/abandoned carnival and sleep with each other and then get slaughtered. Fortunately for us 2012 was a good year. A big shout out to super hot New Zealander Anna Hutchison for unveiling her perfect breasts, mounting a dude in the woods, and then satisfying our latent blood-lust.
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Eva Mendes have been showing off her rack of late. She appeared topless this year in Vogue Italy and caused controversy in a commercial for a Calvin Klein perfume that was deemed “too hot for television” and subsequently banned. Catch the commercial below.
Sara Jean Underwood was last year’s Playmate of the Year and is soon to star in Spike’s new digital series “Ask a Playmate.” The petite 24-year-old with a 32B bust was born and raised in Oregon and has the distinction of being both a Playboy Playmate and being all natural…a rare and impressive feat
Monica Bellucci is incredibly sexy. The Italian movie star has flawless milky white skin and bosoms to match. In 2004 she appeared naked on the cover of Italy’s Vanity Fair whilst pregnant to protest against Italian laws that prevented the use of donor sperms. She has appeared topless in many films and is probably best known as a topless vampire in Bram Stocker’s Dracula .BTW – I put Uranus on her breasts. (now say that out a loud)
Kim Kardashian is a voluptuous woman best known for her “stolen” sex tape and appearing in her own reality show. Her breasts are as big as her backside, which is a good thing as they help balance her out. In 2007 she posed for Playboy and, more recently, she wrestled Carmen Electra in Disaster Film, her first film role.
Scarlett Johannson has amazing breasts. The 23-year-old actor, singer and political activist does not believe in monogamy – which doesn’t bode well for impending marriage to Ryan Reynolds. Scarlett is also a cheese freak, saying it’s her main vice. This may help explain her wonderful milk jugs
Halle Berry recently gave birth and it did wonders for her cleavage. Berry is one of the world’s highest paid female actors and will take off her top for a price. She appeared topless in Swordfish and here’s hoping she’ll do it again.
It’s hard not to notice Jessica Simpson’s breasts. They are clearly her best feature. The pop singer / country music “star” recently ruffled the feathers of PETA activists when she wore a t-shirt that read “Real Women Eat Meat”. In response Pamela Anderson called her a “b**ch” and a “whore” – which is a bit of the old pot calling the kettle black.
British actress and model Kelly Brook has two vices – dating bald men and appearing nude on film. The British media are obsessed with her 36DD breasts and who wouldn’t be? She was recently voted the woman most British men wished to date.
This year’s Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition cover girl Marisa Miller began her career appearing topless in Perfect 10 magazine. She transitioned into more mainstream modeling after being noticed by a photographer on a Californian beach. Marisa’s all natural 34D breasts are why guys eagerly anticipate Victoria’s Secret’s annual catalogue.
Keeley Hazell has the most astonishing breasts on the planet. She has made a career out of showing them off. Every week she appears topless in some magazine and it never, ever gets old. Her 32E breasts are magnificent and will leave you at a loss for words. Kudos to you Ms. Hazell – you make the world a better place.
Without seeing them hanging and swinging free there is no way to judge them.
None of these even make the top ten in the city of Kiev, Ukraine.
Bullshit.. Sara, Kim & Halle ALL have bolt-ons
Yep!! If you look at really old photos of Kim, Halle, Marissa, etc., they were all very tiny-busted. Your article is not accurate….
Hilarious. You must be kids. Women’s breasts ‘Grow’ as they age and they are not skinny 22 year olds any more. Child birth changes the size forever practically.
Salma Hayek was a C cup in her 20s, and now and F cup in her 50s.
Kim K’s boobs have grown as much as her ass after having children.
all that is very useful information, especially from a lady
Well.
Those are certainly all breasts to be proud of but not one of the above would make it in to my top 1,000.
There’s ‘good’, then there’s ‘utterly spectacular’, and there’s more than enough of those to ‘fill out’ a list like this 1,000 times over.
All of ’em about 5 times too big to be even close to attractive. Why is it most people think “bigger is better”. It ain’t.
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Who doesn't like a little underboob?

What is underboob?
Underboob describes the curved underbelly of the breast, usually shown off via inexplicable-tan-line-causing swimsuit tops or extra, extra cropped T-shirts. Sometimes, the underboob is paired with some traditional cleavage. Sometimes, it stands on its own.

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