Hosting SNL: Glitter, Chaos, and Surprises

Title: 'Hosting SNL Tonight!'

[Scene: Backstage at Saturday Night Live]

(Lights buzz. The iconic SNL stage is just beyond the door. YOU—yes, YOU—are tonight’s host, pacing nervously in a glittery jacket.)

Writer: (bursting in) 'Okay, so in the monologue, you’ll sing, dance, and then a surprise guest tackles you.'

You: 'Wait, who’s the surprise—'

Writer: (already leaving) 'Surprise!'

(A stagehand shoves you toward the stage. The theme music blares. You stumble into the spotlight.)

[Live Monologue]

You: (nervous grin) 'Wow, hosting SNL is a dream come true! I mean, unless this goes badly—then it’s a nightmare come true.'

(Cue awkward laughter. Suddenly, a wild KENAN THOMPSON appears behind you.)

Kenan: 'You’re doing great, kid!' (pats you, then whispers) 'The cue cards are upside down.'

You: (flipping cards) 'Ohhh, that explains why I just thanked my ‘pet cactus.’'

(The crowd roars. You survive the monologue. Barely.)

[Sketch 1: The Weird Dating Show]

(You play a contestant who doesn’t realize the show is for ghosts. Beck Bennett, as the undead host, leans in.)

Beck: 'So… do you like cold spots?'

You: (cheerfully) 'I prefer a cozy 72 degrees!'

(Silence. A skeleton audience member clatters his jaw.)

[Sketch 2: Undercover Boss: Wizard School]

(You’re the CEO disguised as a student. Kate McKinnon, your potions professor, eyes you.)

Kate: 'Why is a 35-year-old in my class?'

You: 'Uh… late bloomer?'

(She turns you into a toad. Cut to: You ribbit-ing sadly in HR.)

[Finale: Goodnights]

(You stand with the cast, relieved it’s over. Lorne nods—a rare approval. Then…)

Pete Davidson: (grinning) 'So… you hosting again next week?'

(You faint. Blackout.)

THE END…?

(Post-credits: You wake up in a Weekend Update desk chair. Colin Jost smiles.)

Colin: 'Wanna try stand-up?'

You: (grabbing his coffee) 'I’ve suffered enough.'

(Roll credits. Confetti.)

🎭 Tagline: 'Hosting SNL: It’s like a fever dream… but with more glitter.'

Would you survive hosting SNL? 😆

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