Horny In Hospital

Horny In Hospital
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Almara Abgarian Sunday 14 Oct 2018 2:27 pm
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If, like me, you’ve ever broken a major bone, you’ve probably spent a few days recovering in hospital as an in-patient.
Or if you have a long-term illness that causes frequent overnight visits or even month-long periods in hospital.
Once visiting hours have ended and you’re tired of reading or watching movies, the thought enters your mind – maybe an orgasm will help take your mind off the situation (and pain).
But is it OK to masturbate while you’re a patient in hospital?
Or is it a grey zone; frowned upon, but not against the rules – kind of like joining the mile high club? Although if we’re getting technical, this one actually depends on which aircraft you’re flying with and where it’s registered.
This is not a personal confession of me getting frisky with myself.
Though I will confess I did once fool around with an ex-boyfriend in a hospital toilet. But it was my own private bathroom, and acted as a distraction from the substantial dog bite I had on my lip (all fixed now and now barely noticeable).
Charlie*, 30, stayed in hospital for a few nights after a skateboarding accident that left him with some minor internal injuries.
‘I was only in hospital for a short while, but had my own room,’ he tells us.
‘Only my TV was broken and I was so high on morphine that I couldn’t pay attention to what I was reading.
‘So I pulled out my dick and started playing with it.
‘I was worried someone might come in, so I kept pausing and listening for odd sounds. Maybe the drugs were making me paranoid. However, it made quite a mess and I cleaned it up just in time (moments before the nurse came in to check on me).
‘The following time I slowly made my way to the bathroom and just did it there.’
A quick online search reveals even more on hospital masturbation, including a Reddit thread where people share tips on how to masturbate in a hospital bed.
One user suggests asking for a pair of hospital socks and extra blankets, as well as nifty advice on how to avoid getting caught.
The user said: ‘Yank the call light out of the wall twice, apologise and say it was an accident each time. You won’t be bothered for at least one hour. Wrap discarded sock in blanket, throw it on the floor. They will put on gloves before picking it up.’
At least it’s in a clinically sterile area, right?
‘I will say this, if you’re on a cardiac monitor, don’t do it, because it’ll look like you’re having life-threatening arrhythmia and bring half the hospital in on you,’ said another.
While there’s the how to part to figure out, we’re still left wondering if it’s OK to have a ménage à moi while in hospital.
Livvy, who has been a doctor for eight years, became an unofficial ‘masturbation ambassador’ for a patient who was getting it on with himself so frequently that he was disturbing the nurses and doctors looking after his care.
‘As the patient had such complex discharge needs, he remained in hospital for several weeks when he was essentially healthy, with everyday needs and desires,’ she tells Metro.co.uk.
‘After much discussion and ultimately unsuccessful attempts to stop him (as he had been caught too often) it was agreed that he was allowed time to ‘do himself’ when needed.
‘More importantly to me, this incident changed the way many of the staff talked about masturbating, moving away from disgust to acceptance and empathy.
‘Although I am uncertain of the legality of it, masturbation in hospital does skirt close to many moral boundaries – the chances of being seen are just much higher in an open ward or when staff may check in on you with little warning.
‘In all the discussion of holistic care, this aspect is conveniently forgotten too often. Pleasure can be so healing, emotionally and physically, but until we as a society are more comfortable discussing and expressing our sexuality, I fear this will remain a sordid topic, discussed in hushed whispers and largely ignored.’
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Sex writer and educator Alix Fox also touches on the beneficial side of masturbation, and tells Metro.co.uk that masturbation while recovering can be good for you, if you are in for a long stay.
‘I’ve spoken to people who are hospitalised long-term, e.g. with spinal cord damage, whom nurses have discreetly helped to have private time with their partners to be sexual together on wards,’ Fox said.
‘I also know patients with spinal damage who are encouraged to masturbate in order to get used to how their genitals feel if they’ve been affected by nerve damage, or to try an encourage erections if damage has rendered this difficult.’
From what we gather, it’s OK to masturbate while you’re an in-patient. Just be respectful and do it in a private room or toilet.
But as a friendly gesture to the nurses who are looking after you, skip the extra socks and use paper towels to clean yourself up instead.
We requested comment from the NHS but they declined. Some hospitals have their own policies and it’s better to check with hospital trusts.

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