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Because hooking up doesn't have to be devoid of feelings.
“Now that I have a boyfriend, all I want is to hook up with other people.”
The statistics behind sex on campus will shock you.
The results are in! In a survey last month, Teen Vogue asked readers what it really means to be "hooking up". While some responses seemed to reflect predictable teen behavior, there were, admittedly, a few...
It seems to be the million dollar question: What exactly is "hooking up"? We know you teens have the answers... so tell us! Take the Teen Vogue survey!...
Kissing? Dating? Going all the way? We want to know what's your definition of hooking up. Take our survey and your responses could appear in a future issue of Teen Vogue!Take The Survey Now >>...
The young person’s guide to conquering (and saving) the world. Teen Vogue covers the latest in celebrity news, politics, fashion, beauty, wellness, lifestyle, and entertainment.
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30 Students on Dating and Hooking Up in College
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“Now that I have a boyfriend, all I want is to hook up with other people.”
Last week we spoke to three sociologists who debunked some of the myths surrounding college dating — namely that hook-up culture is more of a subculture, and yes, dating still exists. But what do actual college students think? We interviewed 30 campus co-eds to find out, and asked them whether or not they prefer hooking up to dating or vice versa. Their answers span the entire relationship spectrum, proving that attitudes towards college relationships are diverse and changing.
Commitment is always an issue. Everyone at college is afraid of losing touch after graduation, so taking a chance on keeping someone around in a serious way is scary. But I'm really excited about love and believe in it all. I’d still fall for someone regardless of whether we’re graduating. That's the hopeless romantic in me talking and he'll never shut up. – Aaron*
This semester I realized that I will always love someone who doesn't love me. It was hard to come to terms with it and get over the hurt, but I did get closure in an unexpected and nice way. We're platonic friends now. Moving through different stages with this guy — from heartbreak to dysfunction to honest, real friendship — has taught me more in sixth months than I've learned in years. – Sadie*
Being a hopeless romantic in this hook-up culture is its own special type of hell. When you date someone you get to know them and you form a real connection. Hooking up is superficial and the human aspect is completely lost. – Matt*
I’m happy being single, but I also like the idea that there’s someone out there who likes you, thinks about you all the time, and wants to be with you. Guys don’t ever approach me and people say it’s because I’m intimidating but I literally look like I’m 12 years old so I don’t get it. – Tara*
I’m in my first real relationship ever! It's really nice to have someone always there and interested in my day and who wants to spend time with me. Every once in awhile we do something fun like cook together or go out together but we usually just hang out at each other’s apartments. I definitely prefer it to hooking up because it brings more of a human element back to sex. He makes me feel safe with him. – Kara*
I prefer dating to hook-ups, myself having been in two serious relationships during college, one of which is still going post-graduation. I think college is truly a melting pot. You see all types of relationships, and it just depends on what works for the individual. – Bobby*
I guess I’m a serial monogamist, but I’ve also hooked up a lot. I’ve been in five relationships in my four years of college — one of them was five days so I’m not sure if it counts — and between those relationships, I’ve hooked up with 34 girls by my definition of hooking up. I like being in a relationship better because I like thinking about another person all the time, and I feel like I’m more centered when I’m in a relationship. – Nathan*
I hooked up a lot freshman year — I even hooked up with a guy off Tinder — but now I’m in a relationship and I’m really happy. I do have some anxiety about it though, because it’s been almost two years and he hasn’t said, “I love you.” – Isabella*
I prefer dating to hooking up because of the level of comfort and support you receive from being exclusive. –Stacie*
I love having a cheerleader, someone always rooting for me, being there for me through a long and stressful week, and I love being that for someone in return. – Sarah*
Hooking up does seem fun, but I prefer the consistency and dependability of always having someone who will be there at the end of the day. – Liza*
When I was part of the hook-up culture, all I wanted was a boyfriend. But now that I have a boyfriend, all I want is to hook up with other people. – Anita*
I came in with a girlfriend freshman year, which I ended up regretting. Had a couple of hook-ups, didn’t regret them at all but they weren’t anything special. Then I had a friend-with-benefits who I dated on and off. I wasn’t that into it and I didn’t want to be in a relationship. In the end it’s all about dating, but only if it’s with the right girl that makes it worth it. – Hans*
I’ll do the hook-up thing for a while, get tired of it, get a girlfriend, get tired of being a relationship, and then do the hook-up thing again. – Mark*
I think dating still exists to a degree in college, but it's intermingled with the hook-up culture. I tend to go on dates and hook up at the beginning of a relationship, which seems to work well for me. –Chloe*
I met this guy through a mutual friend and we started hooking up. It satisfied both of our needs without the pressure of a relationship. But soon, he got abusive, saying he wanted nothing to do with me sober and then asking to have drunken sex. It made me feel like I didn't matter. I think that friends-with-benefits can work, but you have to treat each other like friends. – Alison*
I find that what I want is a friend-with-benefits relationship, but guys are so bad at sticking to the rules. My rules are: either person can end it whenever, no harm done, no questions asked. Don't lie to one another about relationship-y things. No feelings — if someone gets feelings, we need to either end things or both need to take a step back and reevaluate. No awkwardness when it ends — including not being an jerk to one another. It'd be nice to have someone consistently there for me in my life, yes. But I'm honestly pretty selfish and don't want to put in the work to find someone right now. If a relationship showed up one day I certainly wouldn't say no. But I don't feel like I have time to go searching for one. – Mary*
I usually end up dating people who are my friends first and then I guess developing a deeper relationship. – Dana*
I really just don't do relationships. It's not that I don't want to date, it's that I'm actually just not stable enough as a person — I feel like I should wait another 5 years. I tend to engage in self-destructive behavior a lot and casual sex works out better for me. I wouldn't be able to invest in a relationship. – Mike*
I’m in a relationship now, but I find my life is more exciting when I’m single. You get ready to go out, and the night is full of possibilities. What’s weird though is after I hook up with a girl, I’ll ask her to hang out the next day, and she’ll say no. My current girlfriend said yes. – Pete*
As a woman of a certain age and sexual appetite I find myself hooking up frequently. I will not say that men are to blame, but I do believe that they're the ones that create it. I’ll get approached by an attractive guy but I’ll immediately feel as though I’m obligated to sleep with him because otherwise he won’t be interested. I want a relationship more than anything, but the men I find always "ghost" me. They get bored or freaked out and stop talking to me. What is so scary about admitting that you like a person and spending time with them? – Kaye *
For a hot second when I studied abroad, I enjoyed hooking up with random people — it felt really empowering. But while I was experimenting, I met someone who I’m still in a relationship with. (It’s been almost 2 years!) He and I lived in the same apartment complex and while the first hook-up was initiated for the novelty of telling people I made out with a hot foreigner, we fell in love and we’ve been together ever since. While I felt like I didn’t have a lot of luck with American guys, it makes perfect sense to me now that the person I connected with is one who shares my values — mostly, feminism. – Camille*
I only really started dating after college. – Ken*
I seriously hope that traditional dating still exists because I am not into the hook-up culture. Being a victim of sexual assault, I’m still pretty uncomfortable with the idea of hooking up after a party where alcohol is involved. I would prefer to date someone, but I haven't found the right person yet. – Lucille*
I think we would all like to date, but college makes hooking up easier. I personally prefer dating, and am kind of surprised that I haven't found more guys who want to date, too. – Callie*
My biggest issue with dating has been finding a relationship where both people are on the same page and want the same thing. My current boyfriend and I went on a few dates our sophomore year but it didn't end up going anywhere, then a year later we starting talking again and almost immediately we were together. – Nina*
There's this one particular case where I was interested in a guy and he seemed interested too — he would say things like "you're worth the wait" and "I can't wait to hang out with you" and other stuff like that — but it turns out that he only wanted to hook up and was saying the exact same thing to six other girls. – Maya*
I always dreamed of losing my virginity to someone I loved but I ended up drunkenly losing it on the floor of my dorm to someone who wouldn't speak to me outside of when we hooked up. I thought this was normal. It shouldn’t be. – Hannah*
I was in a long-distance relationship for two years and found it pretty stressful because I would always have to work my schedule around talking to him and planning trips to see him. – Marisol*
I say I’m happily single, but I would like a relationship of some kind. I think I’m more interested in having a connection with someone — like being with someone who gets me — and sex would be nice because I don’t do the random hook-up thing. It’s frustrating because I make new girl friends all the time by making plans to hang out, but guys get weirded out. Dude, don’t flatter yourself. Coffee doesn’t mean I want to get married. – Elizabeth*
*Names have been changed to respect privacy.
The young person’s guide to conquering (and saving) the world. Teen Vogue covers the latest in celebrity news, politics, fashion, beauty, wellness, lifestyle, and entertainment.
© 2021 Condé Nast. All rights reserved. Use of this site constitutes acceptance of our User Agreement and Privacy Policy and Cookie Statement and Your California Privacy Rights. Teen Vogue may earn a portion of sales from products that are purchased through our site as part of our Affiliate Partnerships with retailers. The material on this site may not be reproduced, distributed, transmitted, cached or otherwise used, except with the prior written permission of Condé Nast. Ad Choices

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