Homemade Portn

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Homemade Portn
This is their recipe for success (and heart-tugging tales).
I'll be a withered husk by the time I'm done playing.
Learn who's the real diva in "Diners, Drive-Ins And Dives."
He's the only member of a Forbes Top Five list with a cringey puppet singing Christmas songs about suicide bombs.
So you just watched Chyna's muscular, pocky heiny get befouled by a greasy little man, and you're pretty confident that you could wrangle up an inebriated girl with five kids and low self-esteem who might want to make a movie too. That's awesome. I've pondered it too but any time I bring the idea up it's generally met with revulsion. Apparently Internet comedy CHUDs just aren't made for film. But the idea is still a good one, right?
Thanks to a string of C-list celebrities and low-budget websites, the idea of a home sex tape is now more reasonable than ever. Who would turn down a chance to hump on camera? Not me. Not you. Not anyone. But let this be a warning to you: Some things do not belong on camera.
For some reason real porn makes us want to make amateur porn. But look at amateur porn. Look at Screech for God's sake. Like a malnourished, shaven orangutan, he brings nothing to the table. In real porn, actors and actresses are chosen from the finest broken homes in the Midwest and given top of the line plastic surgery and full body make up. Have you ever heard of asshole bleaching? Porn stars do that. A porn star is so dedicated to their job that, when given some constructive criticism on set like, "Hey, Starla, I noticed your anus is looking a bit on the dingy side, maybe look into that?" they make a mental note to visit the ass bleaching salon later in the day and have a stranger apply some manner of pigment-reducing spackle to their crapper. Right on the hole.
While their asses look like sparkling puckers of sanitation and delight, fashioned from the finest alabaster and stank, mine looks like the Sarlacc that ate Boba Fett. It has no business on camera and chances are yours will be just as atrocious. You could always bend over in front of a mirror and try to gauge where yours stands, but you'll probably need at least one other present for a comparison. In the end you'll probably just depress yourself.
Other areas you may want to reconsider showing on camera include the underside of your sack, the front of your sack, any parts of you covered in hair and the back of your head if you have one of those weird skin folds. You know those things? It's like a dinner roll of head flesh. Just off putting, that is.
The thing about porn sex is that it's designed specifically to be filmed. Like have you ever noticed how often dudes get into the most horribly uncomfortable looking positions? That's to accommodate a sweaty man with a large camera who wants to perform an unlicensed colonoscopy or some other manner of internal review with a fish-eye lens. So we're given a wide array of shots and angles that necessitate the performers humping around corners and engaging in visually stunning but horribly unfulfilling maneuvers.
True story: Back in aught-6 I was inspired after viewing some adult cinema to try sex standing up. Like the kind where you just pick the woman right up and hold her there like some kind of bag of hump potatoes. What was I thinking? I work at a computer all day, my whole body has atrophied to pudding. To this day my back has not healed and there's still a dent in the drywall from my head.
Porn inspires you to do stupid sex. Sex that doesn't really feel good but we're convinced is awesome because porn stars seem to love it. But you could give a porn star $20 and a sandwich and she'd fake an orgasm over Weetabix. And it'd be wild too. She'd call Weetabix a whore and tell it to spank her. Wish I had some Weetabix...
You break out the camera and you think you're going to capture unchained passion but really you're probably just going to catch your goodie bag jiggling like a cat toy made from bologna.
Some people like amateur porn because of its "grittiness"; which is like enjoying authentic Central American water for the dysentery. Porn has to have some quality for it to be good. Real porn is on a sound stage, or at least some dude's backyard, there's lighting and sound equipment and the camera probably didn't come from the Wal-Mart electronics department.
Have you ever been in a public restroom when an overweight man in a hurry comes in? And you're forced to take the next stall and just sit in silent horror and listen as he tries to both get comfortable and stave off an aneurysm? Why is there is much heavy breathing? And squishing? And then wet plops. That's what homemade porn sounds like.
Lighting is one of the most underappreciated aspects of filmmaking. If not for lighting, those pristine, fake boobies that make legit porn so enthralling would look like the decrepit peaks of Mordor. But they don't, do they? No sir, they look delightful. But under your Simpsons novelty lamp they and your ass are going to look flatter than piss on a plate and marred with creeping black shadows.
Probably there weren't a lot of people back in film school learning how to chop and master film reel who were hoping one day to use their talents to string together a series of scenes featuring midgets running a train on a middle-aged lady, but not everyone gets to live their dream. But the fact is they're still working and their work is important.
Thanks to editors, you rarely ever have to watch the action in a porno screech to a halt because someone ate chili last night and now has the wind something fierce.
Thanks to editors, when the lead actress starts weeping, softly at first, and then full on tears of desolation and panic, you're instead treated to stock footage of vigorous thrusting.
Thanks to editors, when the lead actor suddenly realizes his parents never loved him and his willy sinks like the future of a family signing up for a subprime mortgage, you never see it. You just see him when he comes back full of blow and Viagra and is ready to rage hump his abandonment issues away.
And if you had an editor, you'd never have to see the full 10-minute sequence when the camera tumbles off the stack of books you put it on so that instead of hot, enticing coitus, all you filmed was a sideways view of the game of peek-a-boo your hairy ass cheeks play as they bob in and out of frame.
Unbelievable though it may be, someone writes porn. They do all that stuff on purpose. There's a dude who has to wake up every morning, get his coffee, sit at a computer and tap his brain to think up a novel new way for a pool cleaner named Mandingo to work off a debt to a woman with breasts that are actually perfectly spherical.
So a porno has a natural (more or less) ending. The gritty detective humped all the suspects and it turns out they all did it, so they get humped again in prison. Or Humplestiltskin shows up to collect his prize but the woman knows his real name and yells "Humplestiltskin" and then they hump. Or the naked cowboy rides off into the sunset with his trusty sidekick Poke-a-hotass. And they hump.
How do you end your sex tape? There's only one way to end a sex tape, with an awkward moment of post-coital repartee. Like maybe you'll climb off and be all "Cut!" and man will that be hilarious. Or you'll both giggle and look at the camera and rattle off a moist high five. And in that one moment as you shut down the tape it will negate the entire previous endeavor, reducing it to nothing more than a soulless, empty chore, the emotionless puppet of sex, all in an effort to capture a faint glimpse of your own humanity on tape. You poor soul. Plus you have the chance to realize you taped over last Christmas' family get together so you could be going from full-on ugly bumping to grandma pouring egg nog in a span of seconds. That's totally fucked up.
Beyond inspiring you to take Herman to the circus, porn has another goal and that is raking in the fat cash. Do you know how much money porn makes every year? According to my research, it's a fuckload. Both literally and figuratively. So porn is crafted to be cheap, efficient and plentiful when done by the pros. All the women are hot, all the guys are, you know, present, and none of the scenarios require you to think.
But what do you do with homemade porn? Professionals release it to the masses and then have conventions where the creepiest people alive show up to get autographs and only the bravest or most foolhardy dare go to the washroom. If you have designs on becoming a porn star, you could sell it to a production company who will probably give you a few hundred for it, along with the knowledge that anyone you pass on the street for the rest of your life could know what your O face looks like.
You could keep it and hope friends and family never find it, so long as you know they will. Someone always will. You can't keep a mysterious unlabelled video or disc sitting around and not expect someone to stumble upon it and not think "I bet this is homemade porn" because that's what everyone will think. Your aged grandmother, the one who's pouring the egg nog at the end of your home porno? She's going to be going through your cupboards one day trying to dust your shit and see that DVD sitting there and she'll briefly ponder trying to put it on a record player, not even understanding what's going on, just knowing that something in her decrepit, ready-to-be-horrified DNA is insisting she see what's on that disc.
You're going to kill your grandmother.
Ian Fortey spends five days a week bleaching assholes over at FunnyCrave.com
We've got your morning reading covered.
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You can eat ice cream whenever! Wake up, people!
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Dylan Efron Takes Us On An Adventure

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Hey, it’s easy to flirt with people online, right? And everyone you know says you’re the hottest person they know. You could also really use the money and the flexible hours and all!
But do you know how to sell homemade porn online in 2022?
Since everyone else seems to be getting in on the amateur sex scene lately, why not you too? Hey, all you really need to make money doing homemade porn is: 
But we’re not talking about knowing special people up in the California adult industry.
You don’t have time for all that networking!
We’re going to show you how to find all your “connections” online, from all the coolest tube sites and OnlyFans pages that can help, to the basic equipment that all amateur porn stars have.
Finally, we’ll talk about that extra “edge” you need to stand out from all the other amateur stars out there and actually succeed in this line of work. 
Selling amateur porn isn’t as easy as it looks!
Let’s start by listing all the things you need before you get serious about branding yourself the next OnlyFans superstar. 
Your followers don’t have to be “fans” – just friends. You can find lots of buddies and followers on social media just by providing PG-rated photos on sites like Instagram, Facebook, Twitter , and the like.
Use sex-related hashtags and follow some pages/people producing adult content!
As your fan base grows, you can then start posting sexier content on Pornhub, Xvideos, Xhamster, and other tube sites. You could even do Skype shows, or Chaturbate , or BongaCams .
The point is not only to attract attention but also to provide social media links so followers can keep in touch with you. Don’t give away for free what people are willing to pay for. 
Post “free” stuff that is a teaser for the higher quality buys. 
It’s very important to take after the smart porn stars of old and actually run your escapades as a business, not just a hobby. Think of your shows and your showbiz personality as a “brand”, a company name. 
When you start a new company you have to think about the fundamentals of business and turning over a profit.
Pricing, marketing, and branding are crucial!
You don’t need to be the next Steve Jobs, but it’s good to learn some business 101 if you want to start selling homemade porn videos.
First, consider how much the average porn star makes, then scale it down a bit to what you need to make on a weekly basis. Porn star paychecks vary greatly, from $1,500 to over $15,000 per month. 
Many believe that joining a web cam model site is the only real option for beginners. When you work as a webcam model you receive “tokens” and then pay a commission to the company that sponsors you. 
The commission rate usually starts at about 50% of your earnings , so don’t forget that 50% of those earnings are going to the platform and then an additional percentage is going to taxes!
Get more tokens by doing private shows, or spy shows. What you’re actually stripping for is tokens not just attention. Your goal then is to earn as much as possible during the hours when you’re online. 
Once you find an audience that likes you, it’s time to sell pictures, video clips, and other multimedia content. You can start receiving residual payments for a monthly membership fee or unlock special clips or photos unavailable to the general public.
Original homemade porn videos tend to sell for $1.00 per minute , though you could certainly raise the price for custom content. 
Tokens themselves are not equal to dollars.
On average, one token costs approximately 10 cents , depending on the site. Once your balance hits a certain amount (usually about $50) you can convert tokens to money and receive it via direct deposit, or various ePayment vendors.
Every site does it differently, so make sure you check the rates before you set your prices as a webcam model.
Look for niche fans, rather than general fans.
General fans watch lots of free porn and hardly remember it. Niche fans look for something specific and that’s where you can stand out – by reaching for those niches. 
Niches and fetishes include things like:
It’s better to have a dedicated cult following than a broad following that will likely lose interest and go elsewhere after a while.
The secret to marketing in the adult industry is to view the web cam sites as a stepping stone to selling unique video content, where you can set your own price and get numerous clicks for membership and unlocked porn videos, drastically increasing your payout. 
A brand is not the same thing as a company.
If you (and only you) want to try selling your porn online (and not employ other people) you will be spared the paperwork of starting a company. Lucky you!
However, you can still create a “brand” for your services by: 
Even if you don’t think of yourself as a “brand”, that’s how you need to treat your amateur porn career if you want to get paid and be taken seriously.
Practically every cam site and porn site requires that you be over the age of 18 and have the ability to provide name, date-of-birth, and other identifying information (such as Social Security Number for tax purposes). 
DO NOT sell porn if you’re underage.
Selling adult content is largely about the tease and the virtual foreplay that comes before the orgasm(s).
That’s why many performers spice things up with sexy lingerie, an attractive bed for the background (not to mention decent furniture and set decor), and the most innovative chat-interactive sex toys. 
Go for variety when shopping for outfits. But when choosing sex toys, buy the top-selling toys that web cam sites recommend.
If you spend time of camming sites, you’ve probably seen bright pink sex toys hanging out of camgirls and camboys – but what are they?
Lovense and OhMiBod offer interactive sex toys that let viewers pleasure the performer using either tip amount-controlled vibrators or sound-activated vibrators. 
Popular toys include: Lovense Lush 3 , or the competing OhMiBod Esca 2 , which targets the G-spot. 
The Lovense Nora is a rabbit vibrator that offers both clitoral and G-spot stimulation while the Lovense Domi 2 focuses on clitoral stimulation. 
The Lovense Hush is an anal toy and the ShockSpot Fuck Machine is exactly what it sounds like – an automatic rapid-fire dildo machine for those who want it rough. 
While there are a number of HD cameras to buy, it’s equally important to learn the very basics of filming porn. Soft lighting is the most flattering and many porn stars actually use softboxes which are like cheap, studio-imitation lights . 
3-point adjustable stand lights lighting systems work best. 3-point systems give you two lights on each side and one in front, which is basically the industry standard.
Don’t put lights in view of the camera!
For making sex videos or cam chat, you must buy a high-quality HD camera, preferably with Digital Single Lens Reflex (for better visual clarity) and a minimum of 1080p resolution. Choose a camera that connects to a tripod for better camera shows. 
Make sure your PC has at least 2.4 GHz of processing speed, a minimum of 4 GB of ram , and at least 300 GB of hard drive space. 
You might not even think about stuff like a mouse or keyboard but visitors do like to chat. Get a quality wireless mouse and a portable keyboard so you can answer (the best) users when they ask questions or make flirty comments. 
Finally, don’t forget unlimited internet at the highest possible speed.
Whether you’re camming or selling your content to dedicated fans, here are 5 sites that are perfect to sell your content and make money in 2021!
OnlyFans is the most popular site because it lets performers lock content from the general population, give content to regular subscribers, and even unlock special video/photos for a price.
As you can imagine, it’s a great site to use when you’ve already established a following. That way, you don’t have to pay high commission fees in tokens. 
Chaturbate is one of the top cam sites online, with 1000S of users online at any given time in a variety of niches.
Nonetheless, there are also small rooms with just a few viewers if you want a more intimate chat. Chaturbate is also the easiest site to use , as well as one of the most fun! 
LiveJasmin operates like Chaturbate, with live shows and a lot of competition from models.
However, experienced cam girls like LiveJasmin the best because of the lower commission rate, sometimes letting performers keep up to 60% of tips.
They also offer private shows, gifts, and a high amount of traffic. 
ManyVids has a distinctly homemade look to it, with girl next door types, some live cam shows, and a variety of X-rated activities for sale.
For the videos, the price for viewing the show is shown immediately, letting viewers pick according to budget. Shows may be as little as a dollar or as high as $19.99, depending on the content.

Bongacams offers a higher percentage of gross to the cam girls, from 50 to 70 percent .
Girls next door and amateur performers can find work and it’s the best place to work if you don’t want to compete with the “perfect-looking girls” at LiveJasmin.
The best way to make money is to start selling videos on-site and get a break from
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