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Taylor McCloud
On 12/22/21 at 11:51 PM EST
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Reddit users sided with one man who said he told his stay-at-home wife that she is responsible for the majority of the housework at the couple's shared home.
In a viral post on Reddit 's r/AmITheA**hole, u/egyptian_siphon asked the subreddit's nearly 3.4 million members if he was wrong to tell his wife that she will be taking care of the house while he is at work. Explaining that his wife wanted to be a stay-at-home wife, u/egyptian_siphon said that she recently came to him and asked if they could discuss their potential "chore split" for when she is no longer working full-time.
"She said that I'd have to take the trash out everyday and do laundry," the Redditor wrote, before relaying his own desired terms. "I said that since she'd be home all day, she'd have to do all the cooking, laundry, cleaning, pay the bills, getting things fixed at home, taking the trash out, etc."
Adding that he would only be responsible for picking up after himself and not messing up the house, u/egyptian_siphon said that his wife was upset at his response, and told her husband that she is "not a maid."
"She said that she didn't want to spend her days doing all the housework. I said that is literally the job of a stay at home spouse. So she said I am being misogynistic. I replied that I'm not being misogynistic because I'd be doing all the housework too if I was going to be the stay at home spouse instead of her," he wrote.
According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, a unit of the United States Department of Labor, stay-at-home spouses are not as common as they once were. However, with rising unemployment rates in 2020 due to COVID-19, the number of married couples with just one full-time worker rose slightly over the last couple of years.
In its annual Employment Characteristics of Families release , the Bureau of Labor Statistics reported that in 45.5 percent of married-couple families, both spouses were employed — down from 49.7 percent the previous year. And last year, "only one spouse was employed in 26.7percent of married-couple families, up from 25.2 percent in 2019."
In the original Reddit post, which has received more than 8,000 votes and nearly 2,000 comments, u/egyptian_siphon said he told his wife if she doesn't like his proposed chore split, she can return to her old job, and after revealing his wife was not talking to him as a result of their housework disagreement, other Reddit users came to the original poster's defense.
"Probably gonna get downvoted for this but... NTA," u/DepressedHealingGod wrote in the post's top comment, which has received nearly 21,000 votes itself.
"Obviously you will probably need to do a few random things around the house but no kids and she wants to be stay at home implies that she is going to be managing the house and keeping it in order," they continued.
Other commenters on u/egyptian_siphon's post focused on his wife's accusations that he was being misogynistic by delegating much of the at-home responsibilities, and many maintained that he was not being misogynistic at all.
"OP is far from being 'misogynistic,'" u/GoodGirlsGrace wrote. "His wife is the one whole's being misandrist. Being a SAHW means doing all the household chores. If they have kids, it would be fair for him to help with some things, but they don't have any ... Her giving him the silent treatment lands her in [a**hole] territory.
u/GoodGirlsGrace continued to lambaste the original poster's wife, too. Echoing the sentiments of a handful of commenters, they wrote that u/egyptian_siphon's partner is interested in living in an unreasonable manner and is heaping unreasonable expectations on their husband as a result.
"OP's wife wants a lifestyle that she can't have," u/GoodGirlsGrace wrote. "Chilling and having fun while the sole provider does most of the work."
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The internet has sided with a man after his wife, mom and sister told him that he should agree to his wife being a stay-at-home mom .
Redditor u/Agile_Creme2395 shared the story on the popular r/AmITheA**hole forum on Sunday, where it has since received thousands of upvotes and comments. In the post, the 28-year-old man asked: "AITA for telling my mom and sister to pay our bills if they agree my wife should be able to be a stay at home?"
According to a study by MagnifyMoney, 2.4 percent of parents were staying home with their children as of early 2021— a rise of 1.5 percent from pre-COVID levels in 2019.
The pandemic prompted a shift in many lifestyles, but notably led initially to a lack of child care options and the new ability for many to work remotely from home . In 2021, Mississippi, Delaware and Texas recorded the most stay-at-home parents, with all three states recording an increase of more than 100 percent compared to pre-pandemic levels.
In the post, the Redditor explained that his 31-year-old wife had recently been expressing an interest in being a stay-at-home wife to prepare for being a stay-at-home mom in the future.
The poster said: "We don't have kids and haven't been trying, and before getting married, we talked about kids and a work/home arrangement and we agreed that we'd both work prior and once we had kids agreed we'd take turns with the stay-at-home portion for the first year or two."
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But the woman seemed to have changed her mind: "Now she wants to do away with that and be a stay-at-home wife until we have kids," explained the husband: "I don't want that, I never wanted that and I made clear from the start when we got serious. I enjoy my job a lot but my salary can't sustain a family."
Concerned about the financial impact of supporting his wife to quit her job, the subject was broached again during dinner with the man's family later that week.
"We had dinner at my mother's with my sister and her kids, while we were there my wife goes, 'Your son's being mean, he won't let me be a stay-at-home mom.' First, my family took this as she's pregnant and got excited so I had to tell them that wasn't it. She just wants to be stay-at-home," explained the husband.
Before long, the argument became a discussion between the whole family: "It turned into this three-on-one conversation about how I should let her stay at home if that's what she really wants and I should be taking care of her and finding a way to make this happen for her," he explained.
After hearing from his family, he finally asked them: "Would you two help with the house whenever she needs it?" to which they replied: "Of course! That's what family is for," before the poster replied: "Cool. Keep that same energy and help me pay all our bills and every other expense to upkeep our current quality of life if you feel so strongly she should get to stay home."
But his family was not impressed with his reaction, telling the Redditor he was being overdramatic: "My mom called me stubborn and told me to find corners to cut to afford everything on my salary," he said: "We left and my wife wasn't too happy on the way home. She says I was out of line for saying that to my mom and sister."
U/Agile_Creme2395, who wished to remain anonymous, told Newsweek : "My mom and sister are still staunchly supporting my wife with this even though they know the agreement we had so I'll be trying to talk to my wife one more time today. Either she starts being reasonable or I just go file for divorce because this is a dealbreaker and she's known it from day one."
Reddit users rushed to share their thoughts on the viral post — overwhelmingly siding with the husband.
One commenter said: "NTA [not the a**hole], I've been here and the divorce will be horrible once you have children. Get out now."
Another reply said: "Your wife is manipulating your family to make you seem like the a**hole. Treat carefully before you introduce kids into this marriage."
"Don't be surprised if your wife quits work one day and doesn't tell you," said another Redditor: "Also don't be surprised if she ends up pregnant soon either. She is entirely manipulating you and if it were me I would run."
"It's easy to have an opinion on your paycheck when it doesn't concern them," said one comment.
UPDATE 09/05/22 10:00 a.m.: This article was updated with additional comment from the original poster.
If you have a similar family dilemma, let us know via life@newsweek.com . We can ask experts for advice, and your story could be featured on Newsweek .
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