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My boyfriend, my slave and I: Dominatrix's alternative lifestyle
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If you are a sub, you are safer being owned, because then you have guidance, and someone sticking up for you...

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Published: 10:47 BST, 27 March 2018 | Updated: 13:09 BST, 27 March 2018
A former schoolteacher turned dominatrix has opened up about how she shares her life with her boyfriend - and two live-in slaves.
Dahlia Rain, 35, from New Jersey, turned her back on marriage and a regular job in education in favour of working as a dominatrix, and now spends her time asking her submissive slaves to do anything from cooking to cleaning in return for 'rewards'.
Her boyfriend John, 41, also enjoys being waited on hand-and-foot when he comes to visit and says he respects the fact that his girlfriend is so strong.
Dominatrix Dahlia Rain, 35, pictured with her boyfriend John Fathom, has two live-in slaves at her home in New Jersey. The men, Chris and Fluffy, enjoy carrying out mundane household chores in exchange for submissive play sessions with their female boss
'It's safer for a sub to be owned' Dahlia, who doesn't sleep with her slaves including Fluffy, pictured above, rewards their hard work by whipping, gagging and binding them, something the men enjoy
Dahlia's boyfriend, John, left, says he loves the fact that she's a strong woman and doesn't mind sharing her life with slaves Chris and Fluffy
Dahlia explains how she found her current vocation several years ago: 'Everybody comes into fetish at different times of their life. I did the normal housewife thing but there were things that were missing.
'I wanted some more excitement and they were things [my ex husband] didn't want.'
After divorcing from her husband, Dahlia started to dip her toes into the fetish scene.
She says: 'I started meeting more kinky people and going to fetish parties and then it just became part of my life'
It was here that she met her 'slaves' - another name given to submissive partners in BDSM relationships - and her boyfriend John, who they also cater to when he visits.
While some might expect Dahlia to sleep with her subjects, the reality couldn't be further from the truth.
'I don't have sex with my subs, there's no sexual relationship at all. That's a fantasy.
'I get a lot of emails and messages from people wanting to be my sex slave, and be tied up in my bedroom 24-hours a day, but that's not the type of dominance I do.'
The 35-year-old says no money changes hands between herself and her subs Chris and Mike - AKA Fluffy.
'There are lifestyle dominatrixes, and there are professional dominatrixes - I am both,' Dahlia said.
'When people schedule a session, they are giving me money to be in my hands for an hour, whereas lifestyle slaves are just giving themselves into my care permanently.
'They might pay for things, like my shopping, but they are not paying me.
From a foot rub to breakfast: Mike aka Fluffy says Fluffy: 'I do pretty much anything Dahlia asks of me'
Fluffy enjoys being submissive and says his boss takes 'good care of him'
Dahlia met Fluffy at a fetish party and quickly formed a master/slave relationship
'Fluffy is not paying per hour for my time. That would be very expensive. He wouldn't be able to afford life at that point.'
As reward for serving Dahlia, the subs receive BDSM punishments, such as being bound, gagged and whipped.
Dahlia said: 'Play is always a reward for them, but they have to earn it - it's not easy.'
Fluffy, also 35, said: 'I do pretty much anything Dahlia asks of me. Even if it's just a matter of serving her breakfast or giving her a foot rub.
'I like making her happy. It feels good when I see a smile on her face, and she takes care of me.
'She rewards me in a lot of different ways. For example the other night, I wanted to sleep by the foot of her bed, and she said I could, and it was great. I was very happy.'
John Fathom, Dahlia's boyfriend, said when he first met Dahlia she seemed like a strong character who would allow him to be himself.
'I had run into a lot of girls who were attracted to me because at first I seemed very confident, or arrogant, but over time that would become and issue. They tried to diminish me and make me feel bad about it.
'When I met Dahlia, I was like 'this girl has been called Goddess all day for six years - that must build your ego up to be really strong and healthy. That person will not be someone trying to chop me down',' he told Barcroft TV.
The 41-year-old artist and business owner said he discovered Dahlia has slaves the first time he was out with her at a fetish party.
'A slave just walked up and started shouting. I was like 'how dare he just come over to us and start talking? Doesn't he know his place?' And then shortly after I saw her whip him.
'I thought 'wow, this girl can really whip, she has the wrist action'. It was fun to watch her work.
'In the summer time we spend a lot of time lounging on the roof and we think 'this would be so much better if we had Champagne or watermelon' and I can just call a slave and he'll bring us the Champagne and watermelon.'
Mike is consenting to being treated like a slave; seen above been taken for a walk by Dahlia while attached to a human leash
41-year-old artist and business owner John says he's more than happy with his girlfriend's vocation
Alongside requests for physical domination, Dahlia receives offers of payment for other types of treatment.
'I've had people say 'I will pay you $5,000 to ruin my life. Please contact my wife and tell her that I am a pervert - this is her phone number'.
'I don't want to ruin your life! I am not into ruining lives, but you can find someone who will do that.
'I want to make lives better. I want to make you more efficient, happier, fitter - let's improve your life rather than make you homeless in your car or on the street.'
Dahlia says she has no interest in ruining people's lives and has turned down money for requests that she doesn't feel comfortable with
While Chris lives full-time with Dahlia, Fluffy is a performer in the adult industry and splits his time between Las Vegas and her house in New Jersey.
The pair first met six years ago at a fetish party in New York City, and quickly became friends before entering into a dom/sub relationship.
Dahlia said: 'People were taking advantage of him. When you have a submissive personality, people will walk all over you. If you are a sub, you are safer being owned, because then you have guidance, and someone sticking up for you.
'It's something I plan on doing forever. I'm going to be an old lady with slaves pushing my wheelchair.'
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24/7 Master/slave. With added ethics.
Control and no compromise: that’s my m.o. I am the Boss, they are my slaves. Sound unfair? Don’t care. It’s who I am. But, and it’s a big but: I am an ethical dom.
Control is intrinsic in all aspects of my daily life. The 24/7 master/slave dynamic is a lifestyle I wouldn’t trade for anything. What’s point in turning it off and on at a whim? That wouldn’t be true to the needs of myself or my bois. When I am in control I expect to be so for life.
I’m not here to control those who don’t wish for it. I own two slaves (one in containment) and have three in training, each committed to a life of submission. All have dedicated themselves to serving my wants, my needs, my whims; pledging to love, honour and obey. For life.
My slaves entered into this relationship under full negotiation and consent. I respect their limits and they respect mine. Compromise may test my patience – it’s a waste of time. But it’s a necessary evil, when developing new relationships with potential slaves. If I have to compromise too much with a prospective slave, it is not for me. A little bit of compromise goes a long way. My bois know that once they submit to ownership, the compromise ends and their work begins. Limits, strengths, weaknesses, the inner workings of its submissive self: these are all known to me before I accept a slave as property. It is then branded, collared and accepted at my feet.
In return, I see the human being behind each of my slaves – this is where my ethics kick in. I don’t treat any one of my bois the same. They are all submissive, yes. They are all here for the same thing, yet each of them got here through singular means and not one of them are the same. You could say that through adaption comes compromise, but I am willing to adapt my style when it comes to my bois. That is my job, to know them inside out. It doesn’t mean they get much of a say. They get downtime, they are free to live the lives they wish outside of my house, as long as they fulfil my needs first.
We are a family. We function as a single unit with me at the top. I control everything: appearance, finances, social interaction, what they eat, et al. I’d like to think, on an unconscious level, that I choose what they think and believe.
This blog is here to document the inner workings of our lifestyle. Making connections within the wider BDSM community is another plus.
I have some exciting plans for the site, which we will reveal in the coming weeks and months. The bois have instructions to introduce themselves in due course. Hope you enjoy the experience.
You can reach out to us at theboss@theethicaldom.com and find our social media here .
as a Sub/slave ,living this lifestyle, It does work, BUT you gotta be serious about it, and NOT take it as a joke. Some smirk at the drag queens , but they smirk at the Master/slave relationship. , take it serious.
This is terrific.
Many of us want to be slaves 24/7 . It is a very enjoyable life for me, of course depending on getting a good MASTER, “A Virtuous Man” as Aristotle.
“Slavery gets Shit Done”, so I think it is a very Virtuous thing, if done well.
May I ask where is this house located Sir?
Sir thank you for the insight to your lives and the Master/slave dynamics that obviously work so well.
Sir this slave wishes it was part of your stable Sir.
Sir this is a excellent site, wish I was Your slave
Thank you, lad. If you ever wish to offer your services, visit the contact page.
This is amazing, I wish this could be the standard of social norm. I can’t wait to see you and your family grow Sir
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“With my Daddy, I am able to submit and allow someone else to be in charge. It’s a very nice change.”
Whether it’s as subtle as a light spank in bed, or as full-on as being tied down and restrained, most of us have at some point indulged in a little sexual submission .
But while it’s one thing to give over control in the sack (and, let’s face it; sexy as hell), it’s really just the tip of the iceberg.
Known as ‘Dom/sub’ or ‘Master/slave’ relationships, some couples enjoy taking the power dynamic to a whole new level, venturing well outside the realm of the bedroom and including activities like asking permission to perform everyday tasks; like going to the bathroom, dressing and even masturbating.
And far from feeling controlled or oppressed, the women in these relationships say they not only love answering to their ‘Master’, but feel emancipated by the sense of freedom giving control of their lives over to their partners brings them. Intrigued? Read on for the explanations from nine real-life women who spilled the details of living a dominant/submissive lifestyle on Reddit …
“The way I like to describe it is like a 1950s household. My Sir made all the final decisions but asked my input sometimes. I took care of the majority of the housework and cooking. I always walked half a step behind him to the right or held his hand. I never took the first bite of food and didn’t order for myself in restaurants. To outsiders we looked like a normal couple.” – Purplesunset0304
“I kind of discovered my interest in it with my first boyfriend when I was 16, when he spanked me during sex. I kept asking him to spank me more and spank me harder, but he wasn’t into it the same way I was, so it never progressed any further. I dated a guy in college for three years and he was really into it, so I got to experiment a lot with him. My current relationship really revolves around obedience, and punishment when I’m disobedient. Involved in that are things like spanking, paddling, caning, bondage, gagging. Also occasionally we get involved with other Dom/sub couples.” – hgi93
“It’s hard to describe a typical full day exactly, but there’s some stuff that I generally do every day. When we wake up I usually bring my master coffee and breakfast before he goes to work. We usually don’t have much time before he has to leave, so there’s not much more I do then. While he’s at work I have a lot of chores I have to do, like cleaning, shopping, getting ready to prepare dinner for him, and things like that. My master likes to keep his house very clean, so I usually spend a lot of time cleaning everything. On some days he’ll give me permission to do other stuff, like meet friends for lunch or just go out and do something for myself, especially if I’ve been very good recently. If I’ve been bad, such as not cleaning well enough, instead of this free time he’ll give me punishment time, where I either have to do specific chores or sometimes sexual tasks while he’s gone. In the bedroom there’s not really anything we do I don’t like, since even before I was his slave I’ve been really submissive. Because of that, switching to a slave wasn’t terribly difficult.” – part-time_slave
“I am female and my Master is also my husband. He has an seven year-old son from a previous marriage and our daughter just turned two. My husband gives me commands, but subtly by using “sweetie” as a pet name. I also have chores – done when the kids are out of the house or otherwise occupied – which relate, such as cleaning toys and coming up with new punishments. We have a master bath which is only accessible from our room, and I have certain chores to maintain my husband. I wash him in the shower or bath, and sometimes he likes for me to shave his beard. There are certain privileges I have to earn. For instance, internet access not related to work, game time not with the kids, relief from regular chores or requirements. The rules just sort of evolved over time, although he changes them when he feels like it.” – hitmeharder
“I wouldn’t marry my master because marriage doesn’t fit in to our relationship. That doesn’t mean that I’m any less devoted to him or that this relationship isn’t serious, though. My master is 32, I’m 24, so he’s eight years older than I am. On days my master works I usually have plenty of free time. Sometimes he gives me tasks to do while he’s gone, but they never take up the whole day. I just browse the internet, read, watch TV or movies until he gets home. Sometimes I’ll go out and meet friends for lunch or something, but my friends keep pretty busy most days. Once my master is home we usually ‘play’ some, it really just depends on what he’d like.” – 24-7_slavegirl
“I am married to the man of my dreams, who is also my “Daddy.” We are in a Daddy/BabyGirl relationship, and I wouldn’t have it any other way! I have always supported myself, and am fully capable of thriving in the world on my own, with no one’s assistance required. I chose this lifestyle and relationship because outside of it, my world is a difficult one in which I am the boss – I take care of my classes, my business, and many other things by being a strong woman. With my Daddy, I am able to submit and allow someone else to be in charge. It’s a very nice change.” – daddyslilgirl
“ My husband and I don’t kink all the time, but we don’t keep it in the bedroom either. Our only daily ritual is that I write a little journal entry and send it to him every day. I have to talk about my day, how I’m feeling, and so on, then answer what I did for kink and what I did for our relationship that day. On a not-daily basis, he gives me playful, for fun spankings for vanilla stuff. Or if I’ve been really sassy, sometimes he’s in the mood to spank so that’s an easy excuse. Sometimes he’ll do a little groping, or make me call him “Sir” or say yes sir to something. I also try to be thoughtful and “serve” him by making him snacks and bringing him drinks. Very rarely he’ll spank me for real things. Usually things I do that are hurtful to him. This has only happened a couple of times, and it’s a lot harder spanking.” – justcurious12345
“I wear a collar around the apartment. I follow orders when they are given. I get lots of hugs and cuddles. Some of my favorite nights are just sitting at his feet leashed and reading my book while he plays video games.” – _lmnop_
“ I’m not allowed to orgasm without permission, so if I want to masturbate I have to ask first. I t’s not a formal rule, but I do find myself checking in with him quite often to see if he would like a drink or if there’s anything I can do for him; bring him a snack, give him a massage or a cuddle or anything like that. H ousehold chores and expenses are divided evenly. We either take turns doing various ch
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