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by Meagan Drillinger Published: Oct 1, 2018
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Sex can be about testing your vocal cords and really ensuring that your partner knows you’re having a good time. But, more often than not, that kind of sex is a little dramatic and a lot unrealistic—especially if you've got a roommate...or neighbors.
That's where silent sex comes in. While at first that might sound awkward to you (sex with no music or talking or moaning?!), silent sex is actually incredibly hot and one of the best ways to connect with your partner.
“Silent sex is some of the sexiest sex people can have and I’m often recommending it to my clients,” says Holly Richmond, Ph.D., somatic psychologist and AASECT-certified sex therapist. “What makes it sexy? The eye contact, the body language, and the somatic cues that help communicate what we want and what turns us on.”
Silent sex is like sharing a secret with your partner: It's hidden, it's a little taboo, and that's part of what makes it such a turn on. "Frankly, it's being naughty," Richmond continues. "Especially if you're trying to hide it from a roommate or keep it quiet in your parents' house if you're visiting. It's bonding for the couple. It's something you do as a team."
It’s pretty easy to have silent sex, so long as you pick positions that avoid hard thrusting or bouncing. These are the best silent sex positions for maximum pleasure at minimum volume.
(Note: While many of these directions reference "you" as the receiving partner, these positions can be assumed by just about anyone.)
How to do it: Lie on your sides with your back to your partner. Angle your knee up to create an opening for your partner to enter you from behind.
Why it works: This position leaves your partner’s hands free to touch your erogenous zones, like your neck, breasts, and clitoris, says Richmond. You can also use your hand to massage yourself, which will really turn both of you on.
How to do it: Have your partner sit against the wall or headboard with legs outstretched. Straddle their legs and slowly lower yourself down, keeping your feet flat on the bed (floor...counter...get creative).
Why it works: With this move, there's minimal thrusting, more bobbing up and down, plus lots of eye contact so you can concentrate on keeping things quiet, says Ian Kerner, Ph.D., author of She Comes First .
How to do it: Have your partner lie on their back while you straddle them with your knees on either side of their legs.
Why it works: This involves a slow, rocking motion with using his chest for leverage. Richmond says that this is a great position for eye contact and for giving your partner access to your clit and breasts.
How to do it: While in the missionary position, roll over to your sides. Use your arms to support your upper bodies.
Why it works: This is all about the slow thrust, which is far more quiet than hard thrusting (and more intimate, as well). With your faces so close to each other, it allows for deeper intimacy, kissing, and getting close to the erogenous zones on the neck and ear lobes.
How to do it: Have your partner stand on the floor while you get on hands and knees at the edge of the bed. This allows your partner to control the rocking of the bed by staying firmly planted on the floor and slowly thrusting from behind.
Why it works: It hits all the pleasure points as doggy style (deep penetration, ideal angle for G-spot stimulation, the works), but on a much quieter level.
How to do it: Have your partner kneel on their knees as you straddle them on top. Use their shoulders for balance.
Why it works: No intense thrusting, no problem, says Kerner. It also adds intimacy as your partner can whisper dirty thoughts into your ear—you'll hear, but no one else will.
How to do it: Begin standing, facing each other. Straddle your partner, wrapping your legs around their body. Then have your partner support you using their arms.
Why it works: If you’re up for the challenge, you will definitely be rewarded with this super sexy (and silent) position. He can use the wall for support for deeper penetration. Plus, it’s such an intense position that to do it while trying to stay silent is incredibly sexy and a great bonding experience.
How to do it: While your partner is sitting down, you sit in their lap, facing them.
Why it works: Minimal noise, maximum friction, says Kerner. Your partner can get deep, while your clit is stimulated on their stomach. Your S.O.'s mouth is also free for kissing you from the chest up.
How to do it: Lie back while your partner is on top of you. Lift or prop up a leg for easier access.
Why it works: Grinding so close to each other with minimal thrusting isn't loud at all, says Kerner. Also, this one is prime if mouth-covering becomes necessary
How to do it: Your partner sits cross-legged, then you sit on their lap, facing them. Next, wrap your legs around your partner's back, pull each other closer, and rock back and forth.
Why it works: With your legs and arms wrapped around one another, you can look each other in the eye as you climax, says Kerner. Despite the silence, you'll know exactly how much your partner is enjoying it.
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By Esquire Editors Published: Feb 26, 2019
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Every product was carefully curated by an Esquire editor. We may earn a commission from these links.
If you want better sex, it's time to learn some new bedroom tricks.
Hey, it's okay to ask. We should all be doing whatever it takes to get more pleasure for ourselves and our partner (or partners) during sex. No one has the time these days to waste, so we'll make it easy for you. Want to know how to last longer in bed? We've got easy advice on how to tack on minutes. Looking to add some new moves to your routine? Try reverse cowgirl, rimming, or even tantric sex on for size. In this collection of the best sex positions and advice, you'll find tips and tricks, ideas, and expert intel on pulling off better sex moves. Take notes and study hard; your new and improved sex life begins now.
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By Gabrielle Kassel Published: Apr 21, 2020
This content is imported from poll. You may be able to find the same content in another format, or you may be able to find more information, at their web site.
Gabrielle Kassel is a New York-based sex and wellness writer and CrossFit Level 1 Trainer. She's become a morning person, tested over 200 vibrators, and worn her vaginal ~essence~ as perfume— all in the name of journalism. In addition to Cosmopolitan, her work has appeared on Well & Good, Health, Shape, Women’s Health, Greatist, and more. In her free time, Gabrielle can be found reading romance novels, bench-pressing, or yep, pole dancing. Follow her on Instagram and Twitter.
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Thanks to the novel coronavirus pandemic, pretty much everything you used to do in person—work, happy hour, doc appointments, weddings —have all moved to Zoom, Google Hangouts, and Facetime. But sex? Yep. That too.
Katie, 29, a New York-based publicist is one of the unlucky lovebirds who has unexpectedly found herself in a LDR. “Pre-quarantine, my boyfriend and I probably had sex five or six times a week, and surprisingly the pandemic hasn’t changed how often we’re having sex, just how we have sex,” she says. “And I’ve gotta admit, video sex is way more intimate and fun than I thought it would be.”
“COVID-19 pandemic or not, video sex with a partner can be totally hot,” says Zhana Vrangalova , PhD, professor of human sexuality at New York University and resident sexpert for sex-toy brand LELO . Think about it, you’re basically creating a personal porno just for your partner. “But unlike porn, video sex is a two-way street—you’re able to watch and hear your partner while they watch and hear you.” Hot, right?
But video chat sex can feel super awk at first, and there’s indeed an art to it. Here are tips from Katie and other women about how to make “special” video calls even better.
Before you even think about getting busy on camera, do a little research about the platform you’re thinking about using. Zoom , Skype , and WhatsApp , for instance, all have explicit rules against nudity and sexually explicit material. Sorry to break it to ya.
What platforms are video-sex kosher? At the time of publication, FaceTime and Telegram have no explicit rules against it.
About to accept a video call? Do a gut check. “Screenshots are absolutely a thing, so if any part of you feels like this person might take screenshots without your consent, opt out,” says Carly, 32, New York-based founder of Dildo or Dildon’t . Even if it’s been over a month since you’ve last got laid, no case of quarantine randies is worth some jerk having your nudes without consent or knowledge.
Feeling a little ‘LOL WHAT ARE DAYS?.’ Scheduling your sesh in advance just as you would for an IRL meet-up can help, says Maile, 30, a New York-based operations manager. “Scheduling video sex with my new boo helps make my days feel a little less monotonous, and it actually gives me something to look forward to.”
Plus, she says planning ahead gives her at least a few hours to figure out what lingerie she’s going to wear underneath her clothes, what toys she wants to have fully charged (important!), what lube she wants ready for use, and *exactly* where she’ll set up her camera (see below).
Psst...There are no dumb questions about sex. The most common qs, plus answers, here:
4. Figure out where you’ll set up the camera.
Your first instinct might just be to hold the phone. But getting freaky (read: orgasming) over video is way easier when you have both your hands to, ahem, aid in arousal.
Find a place to prop your phone up so that the lighting is in front of (not behind!) you, suggests Carly. “You also want the camera to be slightly higher up than you are,” she says. She invested in the GripTight Gorilla stand (shown here) so that she can set her phone up at an optimal height/place in the bedroom or bathroom or living room (hate to say it, but the best lighting may actually not be in the bedroom).
But if you don’t want to splurge on some video sex-cessories, Maile says, “I’ve been propping my phone up against a stack of books on my bedside table and it works just fine.”
Generally speaking, it’s rude as hell to check your cell or email when you’re out with your boo. But when you’re both (partially or fully) naked?? Well, *leaves meeting*.
Put your phone in do not disturb mode and disable your Slack and email notifications. “It can be hard enough to establish intimacy via video, so the last thing I want is a work email to interrupt the moment,” says Sarah Sloane, a sex educator who's been coaching sex toy classes at Good Vibrations and Pleasure Chest since 2001.
Don’t feel like you need to be naked, sprawled, and ready the second you answer the call. If you’re feeling romantic, make a whole damn date night out of it like Maile and her S.O. do.
“I may be living in a world of back-to-back meetings. But these video sessions aren’t that—these video sessions are what we’re resorting to in place of in-person date and romps,” she says.
So, she gets dressed up (lingerie underneath, of course), lights candles, cleans the apartment, breaks out a bottle of wine, and makes a fancy dinner. “We like to start with a drink, maybe some food, talk about our days, and when the mood veers toward the sensual or sexual, we let it,” she says. Modern romance!
If you’re like Sloane and only have time for (or simply prefer) quickies, you’ve got another option: lean into sex-texting as foreplay. “We’re both working, so we like to sext all day long to build up the anticipation. Then, when we’re both unbearably horny and have a few minutes, we’ll hop on [camera] and get off together real quick,” she says.
Spoiler alert: These are unprecedented times that we’re livin’ in, and we’re all just trying to find ways to get our skin hunger met and feel a little less socially distant. So chances are your partner is just as new to this as you are.
“Telling my partner that I was nervous but excited helped me relax,” says new video sex aficionado, Angelica*, 31, a Texas-based accountant. “It turned out they were also nervous, which helped take some of the pressure off.”
The Womanizer may be your go-to, but Carly recommends bringing in toys that are way more ~visual~ than that. “You don’t want a toy that you just plop onto your bits, you want a toy that helps you put on a show.” Her suggestion? Opt for a thrusting vibrator like the Fun Factory Stronic G or Calexotics Shameless Tease . “I like to position them between my legs, then angle the camera down so my partner can see them rocking.”
Finger vibrators like the Dame Fin or Unbound Palma are good options too because your partner can still see your bits—and how you like to stroke yourself—even with the toy in the frame.
Oh, and take a tip from Sloane and ask if your partner has any sex toys that will really turn them off. You’re doing this together , remember?
Even if you don’t usually use lube during IRL sex, without your Babe’s hand and mouth in the mix helping to warm you up (or tbh, your go-to porno), it may take you a little longer to self-lubricate. And that’s where lube comes in. “Not only will the lube cut down on the friction, but it’s also visually sexy because it makes you look wet and slick on camera,” says Carly.
It might sound a little “duh,” but when you’re video-sexing, in addition to not getting to touch your partner, you don’t get to smell or taste them. That’s why hamming up the audio component is a must. “All my partner gets is the sight and sound of me, so I really ramp up the dirty talk, moaning, and heavy breathing,” says Sloane.
If you’re feeling nervous about dirty talking, that’s A-OK, too. Katie doesn’t dirty talk at all, and she still has what she calls “orgasmic video sex.” “Instead of trying to say something more wild than I would if we were offline, I just let whatever moans and sounds that would happen naturally, happen,” she says.
“If there’s a silver lining in any of this,” says Kate, “it’s that it’s given my partner and me some more time to experiment with what feels good for both of us, have some seriously hot fun, and practice communicating our sexual wants and needs.”
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