Having Sex With Lover

Having Sex With Lover

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Ellen Scott Saturday 8 Jul 2017 3:32 pm
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In films and TV shows, the hottest sex is usually shown as the preserve of one night stands and friends finally revealing that they fancy each other after months of secretive stares and flirty chat.
Being in love with someone – as in, loving them after getting to know them, having a relationship that’s come from time and care and commitment instead of raw, animalistic desire – isn’t often portrayed as the perfect situation for, well, good loving.
And that’s a shame, really. Because while loved up sex is different from ‘we both find each other physically attractive and shall rub our genitals together now’ sex, it’s definitely not less hot.
Not to get mushy, or anything, but in a lot of ways, sex with someone you love is way better than sex with someone you just fancy.
Here are just a few ways sex with someone you love differs from casual stuff.
When you’ve had sex more than a few times, they tend to develop a real sense of the very specific things that get you off.
They’ll kiss your neck with exactly the right pressure, grab your bum, and do all the other things you always used to wish people would do without having to be directed to do so. It’s great.
Unlike a casual hookup, someone you love will not waste time fumbling around with a technique that’s worked on other people but does nothing for you.
They’ve tried it, you loved them enough to say you hated it, and they won’t try it again.
Even though you’ve been doing it for a while, it’s not predictable. They’re always coming up with new ways to make you feel good and discovering little parts to touch that you didn’t know would feel so incredible.
So you want some spanking, a finger up the bum, a session in which you pretend to be a stern archeologist while they’re the upstart thinking they’ve found a rare bone in the desert?
Whatever. They’re not going to back away slowly or call you a freak. They love you, and if they’re not into an idea they’ll gently turn it down.
If they are up for trying it, though, even better…
Look, they’ve got you covered. You don’t even need to micro-manage. You can just focus on them, happy in the knowledge that they’re focused on you.
Or unflattering angles, or bad lighting, or them seeing directly into your butthole. You know they love all of you.
Yes, a vagina fart – or a regular one – just happened. No, neither of you are dying in shame. Lovely.
True love is being able to make a joke while having really hot sex, having it land perfectly , then having laughs turn back into moans.
The great thing about loved-up sex is you can do it loads of ways. It’s not all slow jams, candles, and gazing into each other’s eyes.
Whether that means physically (blindfolds, handcuffs, a precarious sex position) or ~emotionally~.
Sex on a date: Perfectly exfoliated, shaved, and moisturised.
Sex in love: Yeah, sometimes shaved, but also stubbled, or fully hairy, or a tiny bit sunburnt. You’re getting rid of your hair or looking after your bod because you want to, not because you feel like you have to.
They don’t care that your boxers have holes in them.
Loved-up sex doesn’t only happen after sliding off each other’s sweatpants. Sometimes it’s nice to make an effort.
Your rhythms fall in sync, you fit perfectly, you’re closer, it’s hotter, it’s better – it’s something special.
Fact: You can’t get full-on filthy if you’re worried about looking a bit sh*t.
Pure raunchiness can only occur when you’re not bothered about your hair getting plastered with sweat, your face going red, your makeup smudging.
You’re fine with letting go and doing the seriously hot stuff.
*Not without foreplay, to be clear. Just without all the ‘will we have sex? Do they want to? Do they like me?’ bit.
The insecurity isn’t there, you know each other, you’ll say you’re not in the mood if you’re not so there’s no uncertainty, and if you’re both up for it you can get it on whenever.
When you’re in love, you know they’ll understand if you didn’t finish this time, and they’ll understand that it doesn’t mean they’re sh*t in bed/you hate them/everything’s gone wrong.
Plus, they’re loads more able to get you off.
When you’re doing a random hookup, you feel a bit bad asking to swap positions – they just seem to be enjoying it so much, you know? Maybe this is just what they’re into?
When it’s with someone you love, you can easily say it feels like they’re about to break your genitals, or you can see up their nose, or you feel a bit dizzy. They’ll be fine with shifting around.
You can have the occasional off day, because you know your one performance isn’t going to be dissected and analysed.
Surely, you think, after a while you won’t be a lust-driven sex fiend obsessed with touching their body.
And yet, months or years in, it still happens. You still think they’re unbelievably hot. It’s weird, but lovely.
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They know exactly how to position their arm.
No awkward cuddling afterwards just because you feel like you should.
If you want to roll over and sleep, fine.
If you want to watch TV, that’s all good.
They’re even cool with getting you a cup of tea. And that may be the sexiest thing of all.

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Know that having sex does not mean that you need to fall in love. Having sex and falling in love are very different things. Most people are taught by movies, TV, and even friends/family that having sex will always lead to love. Love , however, is a complex and nuanced emotion that develops over time, building as you get to know someone emotionally and socially, not just physically.
After orgasm women release a hormone called oxytocin, also known as the "cuddle chemical" that mimics feelings of connection and love. This is why, regardless of their logical thoughts about a person, love is often confused with sex. [1]
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Avoid sleeping with people you share romantic history with. It is hard to return to friendship after a romantic or sexual relationship. Adding sex back into the mix, however, will always resurface feelings of love and attraction. One of the things that separate friends from couples is a lack of sexual connection. Rekindling your sex life together will rekindle the feelings involved as well, whether you want them or not.
This includes sleeping with close friends, as your existing connection, when mixed with sex, leaves very little separating you from becoming a couple. [2]
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Ask yourself what you are looking for in the hook-up. Why do you want to have sex with someone? Are you trying to have a little fun, experiment with new people, or feel lonely? You need to know your goals going in, because they will profoundly affect how attached you get to someone. Be honest with yourself to prevent confusion in the aftermath of the hook-up.

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Casual hook-ups aren't for everyone, but that is okay. If you tend to fall for every person you sleep with or are looking for a partner , then you should think twice about having casual sex. If you just want to have fun, have no interest or desire for a relationship, and feel like experimenting a bit, you should feel free to proceed. [3]
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Hooking-up without developing strings is easier if you just want to have some fun and learn more about your sexual needs.
Hooking-up because you are lonely, recently heartbroken, or hurting is often a recipe for unwanted attraction, as you try and compensate for your feelings with your new sexual partner.

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