Having Anal Sex

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Global information and education on HIV and AIDS
Global information and education on HIV and AIDS
Anal sex is any type of sexual activity that involves the anal area. Whether you are thinking of having anal sex for the first time, or you just want more information on how to stay safe and enjoy it, this page will help answer your questions.
People usually think of anal sex as when a man’s penis enters the anus, but it also includes using fingers or sex toys in the anus, or licking the anus (‘rimming’). You can read more about oral-anal sex on our ‘How to have oral sex’ page.
Anyone can enjoy anal sex, whether they are a man, woman, gay, bisexual or straight, and whether they are giving or receiving it. Although many gay men enjoy it, some prefer not to have penetrative anal sex. It is up to you to decide what you want to experiment with and to find out what you enjoy.
When you first explore the anal area it can feel strange, so before you begin make sure you and your partner have talked about it and are both happy to try it out. If you find you don’t like it, explain to your partner that anal sex isn’t for you.
If you decide to have penetrative anal sex, start slowly with touching and caressing to get used to the idea and make sure you are relaxed. This is important because there is a muscle in the anus (the sphincter) that needs to be relaxed to allow penetration to be comfortable. If you are giving anal sex, use plenty of lubricant and start by penetrating just a little and then pulling out completely. When your partner is ready, penetrate a bit further and then pull out again. Continue with this until you are fully in. Make sure you listen to your partner and understand how they feel – be prepared to stop at any time if they are uncomfortable or in pain.
Anal sex can feel stimulating and pleasurable for both the person giving and receiving - but it can also take a while to get used to how it feels. If it doesn’t go perfectly the first time you can always try again when you’re both in the mood. Remember that you can pause or stop whenever you want. Just because you have started something doesn’t mean you need to continue.
Many men have nerve endings in their prostate as well as their anus, and they often enjoy having these stimulated. The prostate is between the bladder and the penis and can be stimulated with a finger or sex toy in the anus. However, there are lots of blood vessels in and around the prostate and it can get bruised if handled roughly, so treat it gently and use lots of lube.
For many people anal sex is a pleasurable part of their sex life. However, whether you are a man or a woman, penetrative anal sex can be uncomfortable or even painful if rushed, especially if it’s your first time.
Luckily, there are things you can do to reduce any pain. These include making sure you are relaxed, going slowly, using lots of water-based lubrication and working your way up to penetration with the penis with smaller objects such as fingers or sex toys.
Continual communication is the best way to make sure you both enjoy anal sex. If at any time you feel it is too uncomfortable or painful then you should stop immediately.
Having anal sex increases your risk of HIV and other sexually transmitted infections (STIs) including chlamydia, genital herpes, genital warts, gonorrhoea and syphilis. However, there are simple steps you can take to protect yourself and your partner.
The lining of the anus is thin and tears easily, which makes it more vulnerable to infection. So, if you are the receptive partner (often called the 'bottom') you have a higher risk of STIs and HIV from unprotected anal sex than many other types of sex.
Whether you are a man or woman, straight, bisexual or gay, follow this advice to reduce the risk for both you and your partner:
Use protection - You can use either an external (male) condom (which goes on the penis) or an internal condom (also called a female condom) which is inserted into the anus before sex, just as it would be used in the vagina. Some people feel safer using extra-thick condoms for anal sex. You should also put condoms on any sex toys you are using, making sure you change them between partners. Dental dams are a good form of protection for rimming.
Taking pre-exposure prophylaxis (PrEP) is another way to prevent HIV infection, but it may not be available everywhere.
Infections or bacteria can be passed from the anus to the vagina or the mouth so be careful when switching between different types of sex. Always wash your fingers, penis or sex toys when you move from one area to another and make sure you use a new condom.
Love lube - Unlike the vagina, the anus doesn’t produce its own lubrication, so it’s important to use a good lube to make sex more comfortable and to prevent damage to the anus.
Don't use your partner's semen (cum) as a lubricant. Always use a water-based lube which is specially designed for sex. Oil-based lubricants (such as baby oil and Vaseline) can weaken condoms and make them more likely to break.
Clean gently – Some people clean their anus before anal sex because they want to be sure there is no faeces (poo). If you decide to do this, only use water or a mild soap and be very gentle, otherwise you might damage, tear or scratch the anus putting you at greater risk of STIs.
Consider PrEP – Taking pre-exposure prophylaxis (PrEP) is one way to prevent HIV infection. If you think you are at high risk of HIV it may be a good option for you to consider but remember it only protects against HIV not other STIs.
Seek help – If you’ve had unprotected anal sex and are worried about possible HIV infection, go and see a healthcare professional straight away. You may be able to take post-exposure prophylaxis (PEP) to prevent HIV infection, but it has to be taken within 72 hours for it to work. Remember PEP is not a replacement for condoms and isn’t available everywhere. 
Get tested – You can protect yourselves and others best if you know your status. Have regular tests for HIV and other STIs so that you can get the treatment you need and take precautions to protect others. Remember that if you are living with HIV and on anti-HIV medication then the level of HIV in your blood can become undetectable making it impossible for you to pass on the virus.
Stay in control – Avoid excessive alcohol or drug consumption as they can stop you from feeling pain, or make you take risks you wouldn’t normally take. 
Pregnancy -Technically, it’s not possible to get pregnant from anal sex as there’s no way for semen to get from inside the anus to the vagina, but there is a small chance of semen leaking out and dripping into the vagina after anal sex. Using condoms is the best way to make sure you are always protected properly against STIs and pregnancy.
As with any type of sex, it’s important that both people want to have anal sex and that no one feels pressured or forced into doing anything they don’t want to do.
Talk to your partner about protection before you start having anal sex. Remember that having unprotected anal sex puts you and your partner at higher risk of HIV and other STIs than other sexual activities. Being safe will help you both feel more relaxed and make sex more enjoyable.
Deciding whether to have anal sex is a very personal thing. The main things to consider are whether it feels right, and whether you and your partner are both sure. Our article ‘Am I ready for sex?’ will help you think about this.
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How to Prepare for Anal Sex, According to Actual Doctors
Let’s talk about butt sex, shall we?
Whether you’re new to anal play or a total expert, knowing how to prepare for anal sex is the key to a pleasurable time. Okay, not just pleasurable. Preparation is just as important for safety as it is for comfort. Don’t worry, though—as long as you take the proper precautions and time to prepare, anal sex is generally safe. And luckily for you, that preparation is exactly what we’re covering in this article. So let’s get on with it!
Below, learn how to prepare for anal sex, as well as everything else you need to know about making anal sex safe, comfortable, and enjoyable, from prep to cleanup.
This is where the real preparation happens. Consider this everything you need to do before heading to the bedroom (or wherever you’re getting your anal play on).
1. Decide what kind of anal play you’re interested in.
Because spoiler alert: You have options! Sure, anal sex typically refers to penetrative sex—meaning, something going into your anus—and penetrative sex typically requires the most preparation. But anal is a wide umbrella, and knowing ahead of time what you’re interested in can help you prep however you need to. So the types of anal sex to be aware of include:
Penis in anus: Pretty self-explanatory—P-in-A sex is what many people think of first when you talk about anal sex.
Toy in anus: You have a lot of variety when it comes to anal sex toys. There are anal dildos that can be used for penetration much like a penis, sure, but your options don’t end there. There are also plugs, which are smaller and designed to be left in place. With anal beads, the pleasure is in the removal as much as the insertion. Prostate toys are uniquely shaped devices designed to massage the prostate—kind of like the anal toy equivalent of a G-spot vibrator or dildo.
Digital penetration: Exploring anal play with your fingers is excellent, especially for beginners who might be worried about size. Also, it’s also worth noting that if you’re going to explore penetration with a penis or a toy, a little bit of digital penetration will likely be involved as you “work up” to it. So you should always make sure your hand hygiene and nails are on point—and by that I mean clean, filed smooth with no rough edges, and fairly short (unless you really know what you’re doing).
Oral: Also known as anilingus...or rimming, tossing salad, or your other favorite oral-anal euphemism. If you’re not already a fan, oral sex on the same place poop comes out might make you squeamish, but you have nothing to worry about. If the receiver has had normal, regular bowel movements, anilingus is generally hygienic. But more on the poop of it all later.
Listen, we recommend lube in most sexual experiences anyway, but using lube is an absolute must during penetrative anal play, Joseph Frankhouse, M.D., medical director of colorectal surgery at Legacy Health in Oregon, tells SELF. That’s because while the vagina produces natural lubrication, the anus doesn’t. Anal penetration without adequate lubrication can cause the tissue in your anus to tear.
Not only is that painful, it also makes you more susceptible to sexually transmitted infections, like gonorrhea and HIV, board-certified ob-gyn Jacques Moritz, M.D., tells SELF. That’s because these tears create openings in the skin, potentially allowing infection-causing pathogens to enter.
When it comes to lube, you pretty much have three options: oil-based, silicone-based, and water-based. Oil- and silicone-based lubes are thicker and longer lasting, making them great for anal play. But oil-based lubes (like coconut oil) can break down condoms and render them less effective, so if you’re using a condom, steer clear of that kind of lube.
If you’re bringing silicone anal toys into the mix, you’ll want to avoid silicone-based lubes, since this kind of lube erodes silicone toys. But don’t worry—if you want to use silicone-based lube and toys, there are other toy materials out there that work just fine, such as glass or metal.
With all that in mind, if you’re engaging in anal play, using condoms, or using silicone toys, you’ll typically want to stick with water-based lube. Water-based lube is perfectly serviceable too—you might just find yourself having to reapply more often.
JO H2O Anal Water Based Personal Natural Lubricant, $19, amazon.com
Überlube Luxury Lubricant, $28, amazon.com
Shibari Personal Lubricant, $8, amazon.com
3. Make sure your toys are safe for anal.
Repeat after me: Not all toys are anal-safe! When it comes to toys for anal play, the most important rule is to make sure it has a flared base so it doesn’t get lost inside you. Because yes, you can get a toy stuck in your butt and it’s a thing people actually go to the emergency room for more often than you’d think.
Other than that, sex educator Jill McDevitt, Ph.D., recommends toys made of an easy-to-clean material like silicone, since it’s nonporous and hypoallergenic. For beginners, it can help to use toys that come in incremental sizes so you can “start small and then use larger ones as you wish,” says Dr. McDevitt. If you’re a beginner and want to go for a glass or metal toy, maybe err on the smaller side—these materials can be heavy, so you’ll likely feel full even without extra size.
Tantus Ultra-Premium Silicone Anal Butt Plug, $24, amazon.com
Real Vibes Anal Trainer Kit, $14, amazon.com
b-Vibe Petite Remote Control Rechargeable Blue Vibrating Rimming Butt Plug, $145, lovehoney.com
At least, under most circumstances. Unless you and your partner(s) are sexually monogamous and have all been tested recently, you should use condoms (or dental dams for oral) during anal sex to reduce the risk of sexually transmitted infections and HIV, Natasha Chinn, M.D., a New Jersey-based ob-gyn, tells SELF. Yup, you can get STIs via your butt.
Even if you are in a fluid-bonded relationship, using condoms is especially important if you’re switching from anal to vaginal penetration. Otherwise, you risk moving bacteria from your anus to your vagina or urethra. Your anus is home to all kinds of bacteria your vagina and related parts aren’t used to—namely, gastrointestinal (GI) bacteria, like E. coli. When this bacteria reaches your vagina, it can cause vaginal infections, like bacterial vaginosis, which can lead to vaginal itching, burning during urination, a “fishy” vaginal odor, and gray, white, or green vaginal discharge, according to the Mayo Clinic. It can also spread to your urethra, where it can cause a urinary tract infection (UTI). According to the Mayo Clinic, this can cause symptoms like constantly needing to pee, then a burning sensation when you do, along with cloudy urine and pelvic pain.
Long story short? If you insert anything into your anus, clean it off and/or roll on a new condom before putting it into your vagina.
Worth noting: Even if you and your partner aren’t worried about STIs or planning to switch between anal and vaginal penetration, using a condom may make you feel more comfortable if mess is a concern. Speaking of…
5. Be aware of how your poop might impact anal sex.
Whenever we talk about anal sex, questions about poop inevitably pop up, so it can be helpful to know going in what you can expect. So first, let’s walk through what actually happens inside your body when you poop. Food starts in your stomach, where it gets broken down. Then it passes through your small intestine, where it gets digested even more. The remaining food waste—that’s poop—gets stored in your large intestine, which is a long tube also known as the colon, according to the National Institute of Diabetes and Digestive and Kidney Diseases.
When there’s a bunch of waste in your colon that needs to come out, your colon contracts and pushes the stool into the rectum, an eight-inch chamber that connects the colon to the anus. Your brain receives the signal that you need to head to the bathroom sometime soon, and your rectum stores the stool until you voluntarily contract it to push the poop out.
In anal play, once you get past your anus itself, anal sex takes place in your rectum, which isn’t a storage area for poop unless a bowel movement is imminent. That means the odds of you actually pooping on your partner mid-act are very, very low, Dr. Moritz says. If you’ve recently pooped and you don’t have any health issues that make pooping a bit less predictable, like ulcerative colitis, a ton of feces probably won’t sneak up on you mid-anal.
Unfortunately, there’s a bit of a catch here, which is important for expectation-setting. When you poop, your body should expel all the stool in your rectum, but some fecal matter might get left behind. While you probably don’t have to worry about pooping on your partner, you should know that they may be exposed to some visible or invisible fecal matter, Dr. Chinn says.
That said, no one needs to panic. It’s as simple as washing it off with soap and water (or changing the condom), washing your hands, and continuing on with your life, whether or not that means getting back to anal sex. But it’s definitely something that all parties should be aware of before you start.
One last thing worth noting: The are a few more precautions and things to keep in mind about anal sex if you or your partner has a GI issue. For more information, you can check out this article on the topic.
Don’t get us wrong: Getting your bum ready for anal sex can be as simple as cleaning the area with water and a gentle washcloth so it’s as pristine as possible before you dive in. But some people prefer to take the extra step of doing an enema, and that’s cool too.
An enema involves pumping water or saline into the rectum to dissolve any stool that’s hanging out in there, making it easier to poop out. Since it’s pretty convenient to just grab an enema kit at your local drugstore or online, some people suggest doing this before anal to avoid any feces’ making an appearance in the bedroom. Fleet enemas ($8, Amazon) are a popular option (and incidentally, a big reason why so many people were laughing about Twitter’s new Fleet feature).
Again, you don’t necessarily need an enema. As we just established, the chances of you pooping on your partner mid-act are slim to none. But there’s usually no harm in doing an enema as long as you’re not doing it often enough to irritate your rectum, Dr. Frankhouse says. He recommends only doing them once every
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