Haven T Had Sex In A While

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Haven T Had Sex In A While
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Zachary Zane
Zachary Zane is a Brooklyn-based writer, speaker, and activist whose work focuses on lifestyle, sexuality, and culture. He was formerly the digital associate editor at OUT Magazine and currently has a queer cannabis column, Puff Puff YASS, at Civilized.


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"Is it true that if you don't use it, you lose it?" Actually, yes, in a manner of speaking.
At some point in our lives, we go through a dry spell. It’s an inevitability. For some men, the dry spell lasts a couple of weeks, whereas for other men, it can go on for months—even years.
With Covid still a concern now and for the foreseeable future, many of us are dealing with a dry spell that’s lasting far longer than we care to admit. Yes, a growing number of us are vaccinated, but with new variants seemingly emerging on a monthly basis, many of us are still worried about swapping spit with new partners. Valid concern! And for those of us who live with a partner, the stress of well— pick anything —can leave us not feeling too frisky.
The Kinsey Institute conducted a study called Sex and Relationships in the Time of COVID-19 , which found that 44% of participants said their sex life had declined in the early months of the pandemic, while 30% said the same of their romantic life. Even though many individuals are spending more time at home with their partners than ever before, they’re not feeling particularly sexual. Which makes sense: It can be difficult to feel sexually connected to your partner with everything that’s going on in the world.
“People are masturbating less, [and] they’re having less sex,” lead author Justin Lehmiller, Ph.D., a research fellow at the Kinsey Institute and member of the Men's Health advisory board, told us of the study's findings . “Part of the reason is people are more stressed and more anxious, and that has the effect of lowering sexual desire .”
This lack of sex and intimacy is bad for a couple of reasons: 1) sex is fun, and you should be having as much of it as you can, 2) we’re all missing out on the many well-documented emotional and physical health benefits of having sex regularly. Not to mention that sex is a great way to connect with your partner, and without it, you may feel somewhat estranged from them.
But what actually happens to your body when you don't have sex for a long time? Here are 9 of the most surprising side effects.
A great night of lovemaking can make literally everything else in the world feel better. Even if your boss won't stop breathing down your neck, or if you're under a bunch of deadlines, you’re consistently getting laid, so all of that stuff seems super manageable.
Apparently, there's a scientific reason for that. Neuroscientist Dr. Debra W. Soh said in an interview with Men’s Health that during orgasm, "endorphins are released that can help to improve your mood,” she says. “So, if you tend to use sex as a way of coping with stress, a dry spell can be doubly frustrating.”
We know from numerous studies that sleep is directly related to stress. When you’re stressed, you don’t tend to get quality sleep. (This creates a vicious cycle because when you don’t sleep, you end up getting more stressed.)
Sex helps you de-stress by releasing numerous hormones and neurotransmitters. Phil Stieg M.D., Ph.D., neurosurgeon-in-chief at NewYork-Presbyterian Weill Cornell Medical Center and host of the This Is Your Brain podcast previously told Men’s Health that the release of three hormones, in particular, facilitate better sleep: oxytocin; prolactin; and dopamine.
“Oxytocin has a very calming effect, and as anyone who has ever tried to fall asleep while stressed out knows, being calm is the best way to prepare for sleep,” he said. "Prolactin creates a sense of satisfaction, and dopamine is known as the feel-good hormone.
So in short, when you have sex, you’re less likely to be stressed, and you're more likely to sleep better.
Without sex, you may notice an increase in blood pressure. Science says that’s not a coincidence. In fact, a 2006 study in the medical journal Biological Psychology found that people who were having regular sex had lower levels of blood pressure than those who weren't. This is also linked to the relationship between sex and stress. The researchers controlled for multiple variables in the study and concluded that having sex more frequently actually improves your body’s physiological response to stress. This, in turn, keeps one’s blood pressure at a lower base level.
A 2010 study published in the American Journal of Cardiology found that men who have sex at least twice a week almost cut their risk of heart disease in half. However, the researchers noted their findings may simply be correlational—not causal. “Men who have frequent sex might be more likely to be in a supportive intimate relationship," they noted. "This might improve health through stress reduction and social support.”
Take this one with a grain of salt, since the existing research was done in rats, not humans.
A 2013 study published by researchers in Maryland found that sexual activity in rats led to improved cognitive function and hippocampal function. (The hippocampus is a part of the brain that’s largely responsible for memory.)
That same year, a study from Konkuk University in Seoul concluded that sexual activity can actually help combat the negative, memory-reducing effects caused by chronic stress. “Sexual interaction could be helpful,” they wrote, “for buffering adult hippocampal neurogenesis and recognition memory function against the suppressive actions of chronic stress.”
You know that old expression, "if you don't use it, you lose it?" Science suggests that to a degree, that might be true. A 2008 study in the American Journal of Medicine concluded that men in their 50s, 60s, and 70s that weren't sexually active were more likely to suffer from erectile dysfunction. This makes some sense: on an intellectual level, navigating all those arms and legs and erogenous zones can get pretty confusing, so imagine trying to navigate the core mechanics of intercourse after months and months of not having sex at all. Luckily, there's an easy solution: even if you don't have a partner, the research suggests ejaculating regularly can help alleviate some of these effects.
If your dry spell extends to the self-pleasure zone — i.e., if you're not masturbating at all — research says that's not healthy. In fact, multiple studies have pointed to the conclusion that "high ejaculation frequency" (a.k.a. jerking off at least 4.6 to seven times a week) is linked to a lower risk of prostate cancer . So get out those baby wipes and turn on Pornhub for the sake of your own health.
Orgasms are incredibly beneficial to your immune system, as psychologists Carl Charnetski and Francis Brennan Jr. found. They conducted a study where they asked patients who were having sex once or twice a week to provide saliva samples. Those samples were found to contain an extremely high concentration of the common-cold busting antibody immunoglobulin A. Who knew that extremely close contact was a net-positive in terms of preventing illness?
Most dry spells have two parts: the part where you're insanely horny and turned on by even a slightly curvaceous frying pain; and the part where you're down in the dumps and can't even be motivated to get off the couch. Apparently, that can even spill over into your employment satisfaction. An Oregon State University study found that couples with an active sex life were much happier at work.
"Maintaining a healthy relationship that includes a healthy sex life will help employees stay happy and engaged in their work, which benefits the employees and the organizations they work for," says Keith Leavitt, an associate professor at the college. There you go, guys: feel free to blame missing that Zoom call on not getting laid. I'm sure your boss will understand.



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Home health Facts The Truth About What Happens to Your Vagina When You Haven’t Had...
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Sex can be very beneficial. It can relax you and make it easier to sleep. It can eliminate stress and even improve cardio health. But what happens to your vagina when you stop having sex? Dr. Christine Greves, an ob-gyn at Orlando Health’s center for obstetrics and gynecology in Florida, dispelled some of the rumors. 
According to Dr. Christine Greves, your vagina won’t close. Your hymen will not grow back if you are not getting any intimate action. Your body produces progesterone and estrogen even when you are not having intercourse. Those hormones keep your vaginal walls not only open but flexible . Much like lotion can heal dry hands in cold weather, estrogen aids in moistening your vaginal folds which expand while you’re having sex. Your vaginal opening could, however, get smaller after a long break from sexual activity. Greves notes: “Over time, postmenopausal women who have a diminished supply of estrogen might notice the diameter of the vagina becoming smaller if they aren’t engaging in intercourse.” She adds: “But in my clinical experience, this usually only happens after about five [sexless] years or more.” 
Your vaginal walls are actually supple and moist even when you are not sexually excited. Nevertheless, if you have not done the horizontal bop lately, your “dainty down there” could be on the arid side as you go about your busy day. While being dry is not a medical issue, it could feel somewhat uncomfortable. To avoid dryness, set aside some time to masturbate. If you masturbate on a regular basis the dryness will not be as likely to occur. The sexual stimulation will increase your natural moisture. 
Greves reports that sustained abstinence will potentially lower your libido. Why? Possibly because if you’re not making love, you’re also not really feeling as sensual as you do when you are intimately active. That change can negatively impact your sex drive . Luckily, once you’re doing the deed again, you will feel sexier which will give your libido a boost. 
Doctor Greves states that after any period of abstinence, it could “take more time for you to get sufficiently lubricated or for the tissues to fully relax.” Your love glove automatically kicks into arousal mode when you’re doing the deed regularly. When you go without it for too long, though, you’ll need more foreplay before you’re able to get back into the game again. This is a good reason to take your private time slowly. Be sure to do a lot of hugging, kissing, and touching again. Put the focus on foreplay. Greves says this will aid in the relaxation of your vaginal tissues. It will also encourage natural lubrication. Be prepared though and use lubricated condoms and have some personal lubricant handy as well. Forget the rumors. There’ll be no “vagina odor” or anything else out of the ordinary. More importantly, you know what steps to take if you find yourself out of the coital loop, too.

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Don't panic — this isn’t like trying to recall the three years of French you took in high school.
Q: You’re probably going to just respond with “Hey girl, up your therapy appointments and go smoke something!” but here goes. I haven’t had sex in about three years, and I’m just completely unsure about how to approach it now — even though I was very wild and extremely confident in my sex life (and sexual capabilities) in my early 20s.
Four years ago, I broke up with my longtime boyfriend when one of my parents got diagnosed with cancer. I moved out of our apartment and in with my parent and became a caretaker for them. Other than going to work, I put ALL of my energy into them for a year. They passed away at the beginning of the pandemic, almost immediately after my office transitioned into work from home and everything shut down. Dating wasn’t an option, and sex with a stranger during a pandemic was absolutely off the table.
Recently I’ve been flirting with a guy I went to school with, but every time we talk about hooking up, I immediately back out. The pandemic definitely created social anxiety for me, and there’s also some emotional anxiety after losing a parent that years of therapy and meds still haven’t quite fixed. I feel like I’m going to mentally psych myself out the entire time worrying about how I look, if I’m pleasing him, if I’m pleasing myself, and the emotional side effects.
But here’s what I’m stuck on: If not this guy I went to school with, then who? Online dating is an absolute horror show, there’s not a lot of single men where I live, and my new favorite place to spend my weekend is my sofa, and so far, zero men have randomly shown up in my living room ready to have sex with me.
A: Look, I’m never going to recommend against the heady combo that is therapy and smoking something. Far be it from me to instruct anyone to shun those two medically backed ways of tackling grief and anxiety. (There are many, many articles about weed helping people with grief!) That said, it’s actually not my suggestion or, at least, not my only one.
First (and perhaps hardest) thing’s first, you have got to give yourself a break. A major one. Think about what you’d say to a friend in your exact same situation. If I came to you and said, “I was a caregiver for a year for my parent , who had cancer, and then they died, and that was right at the beginning of a global pandemic that has lasted for years. Oh, and right before that, I broke up with someone I’d been with for the amount of time it takes to get a bachelor’s degree.” You would probably say something like, “Holy sh*t, that is a ton of impossibly hard things in a row and on top of each other; I can’t believe you’re standing up right now.” Either that or you would say, “‘Global pandemic’ is a little redundant.” But still, I know you’d have a whole heap of compassion in your heart toward my situation. And you’d probably even understand, somewhere in your mind, that I could not possibly be the same person I was before this series of events.
Grief is a multi-car accident. A pileup. Of course meds and therapy haven’t “fixed” this grief. Nothing will. It’s totally unacceptable, this amount of grief. Will medication and therapy change the grief or at least what you’re capable of handling? Yes. Will they “fix” anything? No. And I would argue gently that grief is not a thing to be fixed. Grief is of value. Not to be all WandaVision, but grief is love. You do not want medication that makes that go away.
On top of grieving your parent, which is a full endeavor of its own, you are also going to have to grieve the person you were before all of this “started.” The depressing, intolerable truth is that the person in their 20s who was having fun, wild, uninhibited sex is gone. The lovely twin truth of that, though, is that someone else with more depth and maturity and knowledge and life experience is standing in their place. And! Let me be so clear: This new person you are becoming is also very capable of having smoking hot sex. Fun, wild, uninhibited sex even! But first, you have to work (ugh) to accept that it’s not going to come in the same ways and on the same timeline it would come to 20-something you.
When it comes to sex, the amount of time since you’ve had it is practically irrelevant because each time (especially with a new person) is different. You haven’t forgotten any key pieces of information. This isn’t like trying to remember how to use the three years of French you took in high school to explain how you broke your leg in a discothèque . You have all the info you need. You know how to communicate with partners. You know at least some of the stuff you like or have liked in the past. You know that when something feels good, you keep doing it, and when something feels bad, you put a stop to it. That’s all sex is!
Now, that's not to be dismissive of how daunting it feels to jump back in, but I just want to remind you that you have handled more crap in the last four years than many people handle in decades. You are not ill-equipped for hard things.
If you know you want to hook up with this guy, you might try not giving yourself an out. Try to push through the awkwardness and discomfort of it all with 20 seconds of insane courage. (Yes, this is from We Bought a Zoo, but it’s still good advice.) If, however, you are not sure if you want to have sex (or sex-adjacent fun) with him, give yourself time. Consider also giving him a heads up so he doesn’t assume your hesitation is a lack of interest. It can be as simple as, “I’ve had a really hard couple years, and I’m kind of anxious about hooking up with someone right now, so that’s why I’m taking this so slowly. It’s not about you at all.”
When you do find yourself in the OMG-I’m-about-to-hook-up-with-this-person moment (and you will!), my sole piece of advice is to let go — much easier said than done, of course. But try not to think about your pleasure or his pleasure or how it’s going to end or what positions he prefers or if you look weird doing something. It’s sex; it’s meant to be fun! It’s the same as going bowling or playing Yahtzee or whatever activities people under 64 are doing. It’s a fun thing two people are doing together. That’s all. It’s not a measure of your worth. It’s not a compatibility test. It’s not a gift you give someone because they’ve flirted with you for X amount of time.
Also, so what if the sex you have the first time you’re back on the field is meh or awkward? Who cares! This isn’t indicative of all the sex you’re ever going to have. The importance of this first time having sex after a while is entirely built up by you, and you can dismantle that belief, too.
Finally — and let me briefly say this is the most common question I get now — I don’t know where you can meet people . I could tell you to get out and go to bars, and you could go to one every single night for 14 years and then end up falling for the guy AAA sends to fix your flat tire. Is going out “better” than staying in when it comes to meeting people ? Sure. But I don’t think putting yourself in boring-to-you situations lends itself to finding heart-stopping romantic connections. Forcing yourself into things makes for a
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