Have Sex With Me

Have Sex With Me
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Nine Signs She Wants to Have Sex with You
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Great news, sex-havers! The state of California passed a groundbreaking bill this week that redefines the standard of sexual consent from "no means no" to "yes means yes." The bill shifts the burden of proof, in internal campus investigations only, away from traumatized victims (asking, "Did you say no? Did you do enough to prevent your rape?") and on to alleged perpetrators (asking, "Did she say yes? Did you do enough to confirm that she wanted it?"). It’s a subtle reframing that could have a major impact on how we think about sexual assault long-term, and I, for one, have been self-high-fiving myself raw all day. On a personal level, it might not sound super sexy, but trust me—this is BASICALLY SEX CHRISTMAS. Your present is not inadvertently raping someone ! Just what you told Santa you wanted!
To my great surprise, though, instead of busting out the tinsel and tucking into the consensual sex celebration goose, a lot of men seem anxious about this new bill—apparently worried that they’ll soon have to, say, obtain a notarized contract every time they want to honk their wife’s boob or else be carted off to some feminist gulag. And to those men I say: You guys! You are reading this all wrong!
It’s super simple. You just ask yourself: Did this person say, with their body language or their words, that they want to have sex with me? If they did, go for it! And if you have any doubt whatsoever, DO NOT HAVE SEX WITH THAT PERSON. Not just because you might get in trouble for sexual assault, but because—presumably—you respect and care about your partner.
If you can read social cues on, like, a golden retriever level or above, you can tell when someone wants to have sex with you (and if you can’t, you definitely shouldn’t be touching a single genital without an explicit "yes"). But to assuage any lingering fear and confusion, here are some nearly foolproof verbal and non-verbal signs that your partner wants to do sex stuff with you:
Your partner just said, "I want to bang you!"
You asked your partner, "May I bang you?" and they said, "YAAAAAASSSSS!!!"
When you kiss your partner, they kiss you back.†
When you touch your partner, they lean into and reciprocate your touch, sometimes even initiating contact themselves, almost as though they are actively engaged in the situation and not just going along with it because you made them feel obligated and/or frightened.
Your partner makes erotic moaning noises such as "Ooh," "Aah," or "Huzzah."
Your partner looks deep into your eyes with care and affection.
You think back to earlier in the night and are certain you didn’t guilt, pressure, coerce, blackmail, manipulate, or threaten them into having sex with you.
Your partner is not incapacitated by drugs or alcohol.
Your partner doesn’t freeze up, go rigid, recoil from your touch, say "no" or "stop," become detached and stare at the ceiling, look at you in terror, hyperventilate, make up excuses to leave, actually try to leave, scream in pain, and/or weep.
If you’ll allow me to get academic for a second, the major problem with the old "no means no" standard is that there are infinite reasons why someone might not feel safe/comfortable/empowered/mentally capable of saying no--a passive coercion that manifests as a kind of loophole. It must be okay. She didn’t say no! But even if you can rationalize it away (and even if the legal system agrees with you, which is kind of the legal system’s steez), you are still ethically culpable for the choices you make based on the absence of a "no." In the course of my job I hear a lot about men’s fear of rape accusations—the terror of accidentally violating a partner’s boundaries in that "no means no" gray area††, how life-destroying a rape accusation can be—and I can’t imagine why someone living with that anxiety would oppose this bill. Women don’t want to accuse you of rape; we want to not get raped in the first place. And "yes means yes" makes that easier—among people who don’t actively want to rape other people, at least. And that’s you, right? You only want to have sex with people who want to have sex with you, right???
This isn’t an inconvenience—it’s a gift. Now go forth and bang.
† Reminder: Just because they consent to kissing you doesn’t mean they consent to other stuff! Yes, you have to continually pay attention and reevaluate your partner’s consent (as they do yours!), because THAT’S WHAT NOT SEXUALLY ASSAULTING PEOPLE MEANS. And isn’t it worth it?
†† Reminder: Not a gray area for the victim.
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Be dependable . If you want to make your girlfriend want to have sex with you, then you should show her what an amazingly dependable person you are. If your girl is going to trust you enough to have sex with you, whether it's her first time or if she's had sex before, then she has to feel like she can depend on you. One of her fears may be that as soon as you have sex, she won't be able to rely on you anymore because you would have gotten what you wanted. So, prove her wrong by being an upstanding and dependable person.

Show up when you say you're going to show up. If you routinely pick her up half an hour late for your dates, she'll think that you don't think she's so special, and she'll be less likely to have sex with you.
Don't be a flake. If you say you're going to take her to the beach over the weekend, do it. If you don't stick to your word, she won't be able to trust you.
Be her rock. Let her talk to you about her problems and insecurities while knowing that you can make her feel better.
Don't go hours or even a day or two without returning her phone calls or texts. This will make her feel like she can't depend on you.

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Give it time. Some people can be ready to have sex with a girl in the time it takes to down a beer, while some people can take months, or even longer, to decide that they're ready to make love. Some people are really adamant about holding out for the one, and don't even want to have sex before marriage. So, don't rush into it -- wait for the girl to trust you first.

If your girl is barely comfortable with kissing, then you shouldn't bring up sex for a while. However, if you and your girlfriend are already comfortable hooking up in bed all the time after just a few weeks, then you can start thinking about taking it to the next level.
If you want to make your girlfriend want to have sex with you, the worst thing you can do is bring it up or try to force it when it's way too early. This will turn your girlfriend off and will make her much less likely to sleep with you.

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Do not act like you are obsessed with sex. Let's face it -- if you're someone who is desperate for their girlfriend to have sex with them, then you probably are obsessed with sex. That doesn't mean you have to make jokes, innuendos, or even blatant references to sex all the time. The last thing you want your girlfriend to think is that you're a person who is so obsessed with sex that you don't care which lady comes into your bed. You should make her feel special, like you want only her.

You don't have to hide the fact that you're a person with needs, but you should avoid being vulgar, talking about sex all the time, or talking about other people who have sex all the time.
Don't make derogatory comments about other women. This will make your girlfriend feel like a piece of meat. Remember that you're not with your bros, but with your special lady.

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Be loyal. If you want to make your girlfriend trust you, then you have to be loyal to her. She'll probably never have sex with you if she thinks you're talking to or checking out other people. Though you don't have to be rude to or ignore other women, you should have a laser-sharp focus on your girlfriend so she knows that you will always be there for her, especially after you start having sex.

Spend lots of time with her. Make sure that you plan at least one or two dates every week and that you check in with her at least once a day if you're not together.
There's a difference between being loyal and being possessive and smothering your girlfriend with affection. You should make a point of seeing her when you both want to hang out, but don't try to see her 24/7 or she'll begin to pull back.
You should not only show your partner that you're loyal by being loyal to her, but by showing that you're a loyal sibling, friend, and family member. Show loyalty in many aspects of your life and your girl will be impressed.

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Treat her kindly . Don't overdo it, but being chivalrous can be more appealing. Don't force chivalrousness on them if they don't like it or say they don't like it. You should treat her kindly, not just like someone you want to hook up with. To do this, you can to be considerate, as well as courteous, kind, understanding, and generally admirable. You could, for example, open doors for her, give her your coat when she's cold, pull out chairs for her, or help her carry her heavy bags.

Make sure to compliment her to let her know how great she looks or how special she is.
It's important to be very kind, but don't do anything that feels too unnatural to you, or she'll be able to tell that you're not being yourself.

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Clean your space . This may sound silly, but if you want your girlfriend to really feel special, then you shouldn't invite her to hang out at your place if it looks like the set for World War Z. You need to make sure to remove any dirty laundry off your floor, clean your counters, and make your bed look and smell as clean and inviting as possible.

Not only will this make your lady feel special, but it'll make her feel more inclined to have sex with you. She won't want to get it on if your bed is covered in candy wrappers and dirty clothes.
If you drive her around a lot, you should also keep a clean car . Give your partner the respect she deserves by making sure she has a clean seat.

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Show an interest in all of her--not just her body. Your girl's biggest fear may be that you don't care at all about her mind because you're too busy obsessing over her body. You must prove her wrong. Show her that you are about who she is as a person, about her hopes and dreams, and about what makes her tick.

Ask her about her friendships, her childhood, and her favorite experiences.
Show her that you value her opinion. Ask her what she thinks about the current political situation in your state, or about the look of your new outfit.

Make eye contact when you talk to her. Show her that everything she says is important to you.

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Take her out on romantic dates . If you want to build the sexual tension, you have to build the romance first. Make her feel special by taking her out, dressing up, and picking a romantic spot for dinner, a drink, or even just for stargazing . You don't have to do anything corny or out of your element to make her feel special.

Though you and your girlfriend can have fun at baseball games, birthday parties, or at a loud, sweaty concert, these events will be less conducive to lovemaking.

Doing something romantic once in a while will show your lady that she really matters to you.

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Be attentive to her needs. If you're not attentive to your lady's everyday needs, then how will you be attentive in the bedroom? Your girl needs to feel like you know when she's sad, nervous, anxious, or even just cold or hungry. Pay attention to her eyes, her body language, and her words to know if there's something bothering her. If you act completely oblivious when she's obviou
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