Have A Threesome

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Choosing the right threesome partner is a delicate and complex operation. If you mess it up, you could ruin your relationship and life forever. Just kidding. But there is an art, and etiquette, to organizing a ménage à trois. It’s like a dinner party—one wrong guest and the whole dynamic is off.
Often, a threesome is one of the first steps couples take down the path to a more progressive relationship dynamic. But don’t panic: They don’t have to be a gateway drug. It’s not like you threesome once and the next thing you know you’re in a poly relationship with four people you met at Burning Man.
In my mind there are three types of threeways. First, there’s the kind between three separate people who aren’t romantically linked. Generally, this type is unplanned—you’re all hanging out after a night of partying and then, whoops, you’re inside each other. Then there’s the threesome between a couple and a third person that happens spontaneously. In my mind, this is the threesome holy grail: genuine attraction sparks between everyone, and a fun moment impulsively turns erotic. And then there’s the most common type of threesome: when a couple hunts for a third person, often in a desperate way, stalking unsuspecting singles at bars and dating sites. Yeah, been there. The question is: How does one avoid being the creepy couple, and instead elegantly finesse one’s way into a threesome? What's the secret key to orchestrating a good one—one that makes you feel happy and liberated, rather than like a jealous monster?
When I was 24, my then boyfriend and I decided we wanted to try a threesome. At the time I didn’t know the protocol—I had only dabbled with threesome scenario number one—but I intuitively knew I didn’t want the third person to be a close friend, or someone my boyfriend or I saw on a regular basis. That just seemed a bit messy. Because I’d just moved to New York and didn’t know many people, we decided to pursue previous hook-ups of his—not serious exes, but booty-call types. We’d lie in bed together looking at the girls on Facebook, and when we agreed on one, he would simply text her: “Do you wanna get threesome’d?” Surprisingly, most of them said yes.
At the beginning, the threesomes were making us closer—it felt like something kinky we were doing together. Plus, the pursuit was really fun—choosing girls, the anticipation of their response, the pillow talk after they left. It was an intense bonding experience, on par with a good drug trip or a romantic weekend away. I even began to fully understand the saying “spice up your sex life”—bringing someone else’s sexual energy into your existing dynamic does add a new flavor (lol), sometimes in a lasting way.
However, there was definitely a curve. While our relationship was strong, the threesomes were great. But then, for separate reasons, things between us got a bit rocky. Not surprisingly, bringing someone else into our bed during that period didn’t go so well. Maybe it was in my head, but I felt like I was being slightly left out during sex. For the first time, I regretted choosing a girl he had a pre-existing relationship with and couldn’t stop myself from picturing what their sex life was like before me. It was the last threesome we ever had.
My next threesome effort was slightly more successful—but again, only for a while. I was on a trip to San Francisco with a guy I was casually dating when he suggested I find a girl for a threesome. I didn’t really know anyone in SF, but as a joke, I said, “Sure, I’ll just tweet about it.” I mean, what’s the point of building a large social network if not to recruit strangers for group sex?
My tweet read, “I'm in SF and I need a female guest star in my 3some tonight. Who's up for it?” To my surprise, within a couple of hours I had a handful of seemingly DTF girls sending me photos. And I swear this is the truth: Later that night a 22-year-old Egyptian hipster babe showed up at the hotel and banged us. As you can imagine, this made the dude think I was a magical being with the power to make miracles happen. This was both good and bad. Good because the night was fun, bad because, afterward, he thought it was something I could make happen all the time. Wanting to impress him, I then became that girl, hitting up people I barely knew with texts like, “Hey! We should get together again soon! Or, actually, lol, wanna have a threesome with me?” And then like five hours later they’re like: “Haha, aww, thanks 4 askin but I’m just crazy busy at work rn.” Even though she works at a bar.
Given the pitfalls I’ve encountered, I was interested to know the threesome strategy of a couple who managed to maintain the dynamic, in a positive way. My friends Michelle and Mathew, a couple of musicians from Brooklyn, are two of the most skilled threesomers I know. They’ve been together for two and a half years, and they had their first threeway six months in, after Michelle, who’s bi, suggested it. Contrary to what some might immediately assume, they’re not in an open relationship—they don’t hook up with people separately—but rather, as Mathew calls it, “a progressive relationship.”
Their first threesome was with an acquaintance they met through the music scene. One evening, Mathew casually asked the girl if she’d ever considered hooking up with a couple. She said yes. Afterward, he and Michelle began making efforts to hang out with her more regularly. “It was like we were going on dates, but not really, ” said Michelle. “We were just getting to know each other.” A few weeks later it happened, very organically.
“I liked the teamwork aspect of it,” Michelle recalled of their first time. “Afterward, the two of us went out and got smoothies, and we just felt so much closer. You have to feel like you're doing it together, like a team-building exercise, otherwise you’re just going to feel like competitors.”
But see, Mathew and Michelle are smart, so before setting off on their ménage journey, they set specific rules: no past hook-ups, no repeats. “You have to get a clear handle on what both of you want and need, your fears, comforts, and discomforts,” Mathew told me. “Some people think talking it through poses the threat of killing the excitement, but in-depth communication is so necessary.”
“That’s why I've actually felt our best threesomes have been sober,” added Michelle. “Threesomes only work for everyone involved if there’s an equal distribution of attention in all directions. When you have a clear head, it’s a lot easier to make sure no one’s feelings are hurt and that everyone is feeling appreciated appropriately.” In other words, don’t get so drunk that you pass out. As someone who has fallen asleep at an orgy, I can tell you that it’s extremely awkward when you finally wake up.
Michelle and Mathew find that hooking up with friends or acquaintances works best for them. They devote time to courting the girls beforehand—dinner dates, drinks, and occasional sexting sessions. “It helps to know them,” said Michelle. “Treat your threesome-ees like humans! They're not objects or an impedance on your relationship. They’re people.” Next on their list is a threesome with a guy, which Michelle has wanted for a long time. It’s slightly out of Mathew​'s comfort zone, but he wants to do it for her. “It’s going to be a hurdle for me,” he said, “but I don’t want to be selfish.”
While I generally think it’s positive to push one’s boundaries when it comes to sex, it’s never a good idea to force yourself into a situation you’re not comfortable with. So even though I’m totally pro-threesome, I’ve never had a threesome with my current girlfriend, because I intuitively feel that jealousy would be an issue with us, at least for now. But if it’s something you want to try, it’s worth it to take the time to lay out a plan of action. And don’t expect it to be a cure-all. “Have realistic expectations,” Michelle said. “A lot of people think a threesome is going to be super life-changing, or that it’s going to help you ‘find yourself,’ or blow open the relationship. Chill out. It’s never going to be as crazy as you think it’s going to be.”
Done well, threesomes can bring a couple closer together. “I’m so happy that the ability to have semi-frequent threeways worked out in our relationship,” Michelle said. “It allows us to regularly have conversations about how we're feeling, and how secure we are with each other, and that’s something so many couples don't take the time to do.”​
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How to Get Your Wife to Have a Threesome - An Easy Method!


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By
Davina Anderson  |  


Submitted On May 27, 2010

Many women dream of having a sexual threesome with their husbands. And the majority of these women keep quiet about their fantasy for one reason or another. The important thing to remember though: your wife probably wants the same thing as you. If you have one of these wives, the next few paragraphs will tell you how to get your wife to have a threesome.
So, this article is not about making your wife do something against her will; it is about making her comfortable enough to admit she wants it, too.
You need to mention your fantasy the next time you and your wife are about to make love. Introduce it as a roleplay into your love making. You can pretend to be another man or act like she is another woman. Break out of the roleplay, too, and talk to her.
Wives love sexual confessions from their husbands. Tell her how much the idea of a real-life threesome turns you on. While you make love, describe for her, in detail, how you imagine it happening in reality. Make it sexy and crude. Women love words and love to fantasize.
It will now be obvious if your wife shares your fantasy and, moreover, she will feel more comfortable talking about it. When your love-making is over, let the subject drop for a time. Wait until you make love again until you bring it up. Only this time, you need to confess to her that it is something you would love to do "one day".
Talking about it happening at a future time is a good way to continue your approach of taking things slow and not pressuring your wife. She knows now that you would like to really try a threesome. She is also comfortable enough to admit that she wants it too (if, indeed, she does).
The last - and most important step - about how to get your wife to have a threesome is dealing with any fears she may have. Make it clear to her that you want a threesome, not because your wife is not enough to satisfy your urges, but because you have a need to satisfy a fetish; much like people who have a foot fetish, for instance.
If you follow these steps, then a wife who wants a threesome with you will, almost always, be convinced to open up and admit it to you.
Now that you know how to get your wife to have a threesome, you can look for partners here: Find Threesome Partners [http://www.ampersonals.com]. This site offers free memberships to new members and is one of the most-visited dating networks on the planet. You can search for men and women who want to meet couples in your zip code area and then email, instant message, and add them as friends.


Relationships: Sexuality

Davina Anderson

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