Harley Jade I Have A Wife

Harley Jade I Have A Wife

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JADE: shes almost harry andersons age
JOHN: i'm... a little shocked about this?
JADE: in fact i have had a daughter for quite a while!!!
JOHN: i'm sorry, i'm struggling to process this a little bit.
JOHN: if she's nearly harry anderson's age, then that means you've had a daughter for... what...
JOHN: i guess that must be about fifteen years?
JOHN: i'm not sure how to feel about this j
JADE: JOHN I HAVE HAD A DAUGHTER FOR FIFTEEN YEARS AND I DIDNT TELL YOU ABOUT IT I AM
JADE: IF THAT HURT YOUR OH SO PRECIOUS FEELINGS!!!!!
JADE: YOU of all people dont get to judge me, okay????
JADE: everyone was getting married and having babies at the time and i just
JADE: i wanted that for myself so badly
JADE: you have NO idea what it was like, living on that fucking island with my dead grandfather, waiting for forever for you to finally wake up, and then
JADE: and then i went through all of that NONSENSE all over again on the ship through the yard
JADE: and THEN when it was over i thought MAYBE i could have something like a normal life
JADE: but then you just vanished on everyone for years!!!
JADE: everyone was busy building the lives wed all been working for
JADE: rose and kanaya, roxy and callie, jake and...
JADE: i knew that on some level they just didnt want me there!
JADE: i knew the plans they had for each other even when they didnt!!!
JADE: and it was clear that i didnt fit into those plans
JADE: but they just wouldnt ADMIT it!!
JADE: i tried SO hard to get them to see what they wanted but it just didnt work
JADE: and i couldnt just leave dave by himself after what happened to dirk
JADE: i tried to be the good person and stay
ROSE: Jade, it's alright. I can take it from here.
Jade leans soggily into Rose's shoulder.
ROSE: John, if you start crying as well we shall never get anywhere.
JOHN: i'm sorry, i got a bit lost in all of that.
ROSE: I think that might be for the best, narratively speaking. We got a touch sidetracked.
She gives Jade a gentle pat on the back as she says this.
ROSE: Jade wanted a child of her own, but while she was with Dave and Karkat the three of them were unable to conceive one due to a number of reasons.
ROSE: They looked into adoption, but...
ROSE: Well, let's just say that if the administration was getting uncomfortable about an adoption between a troll and a human, they were starting to be outright obstructionist when it came to one between a troll and two.
ROSE: Having exhausted all other options for producing or fostering a child between the three of them, Jade had to look elsewhere.
JOHN: find a surrogate or something?
ROSE: It was at this point that Jade came to me.
ROSE: I could understand her pain quite acutely, and so...
ROSE: I agreed to carry a child on her behalf.
There is another heavy silence. Vrissy is stunned, all eight pupils staring at her mother in shock. Harry and Tavros are trying to find somewhere to look that isn't straight at Rose. Vriska meanwhile is sporting a grin as wide as a bus, and looks like she wants to give someone a high-five.
Jade is a picture of misery. Kanaya doesn't seem to be surprised, or angry, or even disappointed. She just folds her arms, expectantly. John is discovering that he can't decide what to do with his hands. He feels impossibly embarrassed.
ROSE: I'm... not sure why I made that decision.
ROSE: I regret not telling Kanaya, of course.
ROSE: But I can't say that I regret going through with it.
ROSE: At the time, it didn't feel as though the deception was even all that prolonged. The whole affair was... short.
ROSE: Purely physical, and nothing more.
Kanaya finally moves to stand next to her wife. She places a softly glowing hand on the shoulder that hasn't been generously watered by Jade.
KANAYA: Rose And I Have Already Discussed This In Private Before Coming Here And I Have Therefore Already Said Everything That I Would Like To Say On The Matter
KANAYA: And Vis A Vis The Matter I Think Thats Really All That There Is To Say
KANAYA: I Wanted To Be Able To Tell Vrissy This In Person However
KANAYA: Moreover For Her Benefit And For That Of Everyone Else I Feel In My Capacity As A Mother And Leader I Should Make It Clear
KANAYA: This Is Not Something That Will Undermine Roses And My Relationship
KANAYA: I Am Upset At Being Lied To And For No Other Reason
KANAYA: And In Particular I Would Like To Make It Understood That I Do Not And Never Will See Jade As Having Jeopardized Our Marriage Through The Simple Crime Of Wanting To Be A Mother
KANAYA: If Anyone In This World Understands The Lengths To Which A Person Will Go To Achieve Such An End
As she says this, Kanaya looks at Vrissy, and it's a look all filled to bursting with two universes' and countless lifetimes' worth of love and maternal devotion. To all observers, Vrissy is either on the verge of bursting into tears, or gagging. It really could go either way.
JOHN: so, just to get this straight in my head.
JOHN: um... rose, if you're the mother...
JOHN: then since obviously neither dave or karkat is the father...
Rose's expression has the patience and tranquility of a mountain. Jade's is made of knives.
ROSE: Jade and I are the sole parents of this child.
JOHN: oh i'm so sorry, i didn't th-
ROSE: That's quite alright John, although you might like to direct that apology more towards your sister.
ROSE: All I will say is that if you would like to take up the particulars with us,
(Here Rose looks pointedly at the various teens dotted about the belfry, all of whom are remarkably interested in the local architecture all of a sudden.)
ROSE: Then I'm sure Jade and I can walk you through some basic concepts.
JOHN: so... how did you hide the pregnancy?
ROSE: Jade's genes being, as they are, part canine, the gestation period was substantially reduced.
ROSE: I carried the baby to term in just under two months.
ROSE: Since she was unfamiliar with human pregnancy at the time, I assume Kanaya simply thought I was looking a little more... substantial than usual, and didn't think it polite to comment.
KANAYA: In Defense Of My Observational Skills I Feel Like I Should Point Out That You Had Recently Recovered Miraculously From A Debilitating And Potentially Fatal Illness
KANAYA: A State In Which You Were Exceptionally Malnourished To Say The Least
ROSE: Anyway, with the messy part finished, all that was left was the trifling matter of Jade and I raising the child together in secret for fifteen years.
ROSE: A task that we performed flawlessly until a few short moments ago, when she became the political prisoner of a certain Jane Crocker.
ROSE: So this, finally, is the predicament that we are presently faced with.
ROSE: Jane has taken Yiffy hostage in retaliation for our supposed kidnapping of her son, and the murder of her former favorite clown.
ROSE: The fact that only one of these things actually happened, and that the rebellion is responsible for neither of them, will not matter to her in the slightest.
JOHN: i think i understand everything so f
VRISSY: NOT ONLY DO I H8VE A SISTER
VRISSY: ********YIFFY********????????
Vriska quietly settles on herself as a high-five partner. With geological slowness, Rose turns to face her one reasonably-named daughter, a tinge of embarrassment coloring her face for the first time this afternoon.
ROSE: That would be a quite ridiculous thing with which to burden a child.
ROSE: Her full name is Yiffany Longstocking Lalonde Harley.
Vrissy looks as though she is about to shit the belltower they are standing in, brick by brick.
ROSE: It was, in hindsight, a monumentally terrible decision acting as the final chapter in a long series of novels, each one full of progressively more terrible decisions than the last.
ROSE: But that is the name that we decided upon.
ROSE: You have to understand... this whole situation ended up playing out a bit like an ironic game of chicken between the two of us.
ROSE: Something that far outstripped anything that the Strider fraternity could have produced in their wildest, most jpegged creative wet dreams.
ROSE: But in the end that triumph of irony came back to bite us in the fucking ass, as irony is wont to do.
ROSE: There was absolutely no possibility of us casually letting you all know that, by the way, we had had a secret daughter named Yiffany Longstocking.
ROSE: But carapacian change-of-name paperwork is so complex and circuitous that, eventually, keeping quiet forever just seemed like the more reasonable option.
Everyone lapses into a third meaningful silence, one which has an air of finality about it, as they collectively contemplate the here that they are.
They have plans to make. Even now, Yiffy is likely being held at spoonpoint, subject to the mercies of a power-crazed tyrant in pagliaccial mourning. The war for the planet is only just getting started, and the worst is likely still to come. And yet... when Rose slowly wipes a single tear from her eye and leans to touch foreheads with Kanaya, John suspects that the whole thing might just have brought them all closer together.
Beside him, Harry Anderson stifles a sleepy yawn. The day which once threatened never to end is now fading from the world. As the sky above starts to purple, the heaviness of the events hanging over them dissolves in the warmth of the evening sun, and a refreshing current of air seems to blow the last traces of it away like the merest dust.

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Couple has biker-themed wedding three weeks after motorcycle crash
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Published: 11:55 BST, 12 September 2019 | Updated: 17:59 BST, 12 September 2019
A bride and groom vowed to be each other's 'ride or die' in a biker-themed wedding just three weeks after they were hospitalized in a horror Harley Davidson crash.
Justin Reid, 36, and Victoria Hemenes, 31, from South Lake Tahoe, California collided with a deer in a terrifying accident as they were preparing to ride motorbike up the aisle.
The smash left Justin with a dislocated elbow and in need of a painful skin graft and Victoria with whiplash, concussion and needing eight stitches in her knee.
Despite their injuries, the pair were determined to tie the knot and walked down the aisle just weeks after getting out of hospital.
Justin, of South Lake Tahoe, California, said: 'Even if we had to be carried down the aisle on gurneys, we were going to have our wedding.'
Justin Reid, 36, and Victoria Hemenes, 31 on their wedding day, just weeks after they totalled their Harley Davidson horror crash
Justin and Victoria collided with a deer in a terrifying accident three weeks before they planned on riding a motorbike up the aisle. The horror smash left Justin with a dislocated elbow and in need of a painful skin graft while Victoria suffered whiplash, concussion and needed eight stitches in her knee
Victoria by Justin's bedside in hospital: Despite their injuries, the couple was determined to tie the knot and walked down the aisle just weeks after their traumatic crash
The newlyweds, who run a property maintenance company together, insisted on keeping their big day biker-themed even though they counted themselves lucky to be alive after the gruesome crash.
Justin, father of Joscelyn, 14, and Ezekiel, 11, from a previous relationship, and Victoria, mother of Isabella, 14, Gabriella, 12, Kailani, nine, and Khaos, four, from a previous relationship, met through mutual friends in March 2017.
Motorcycle enthusiast Justin popped the question in October 2018, and the pair began planning their biker-themed wedding.
Justin said: 'Victoria had been into bikes before but I have been a bike enthusiast for quite a few years now. 'When we decided to get married, I knew I wanted a biker-themed wedding.
'When we decided to get married, I knew I wanted a biker-themed wedding.
The couple had planned to ride down the aisle of their motorbikes, although they weren't able to they kept the day biker themed
The newlyweds, who run a property maintenance company together counted themselves lucky to be alive after the gruesome crash. Pictured:  Victoria posing on the Harley
'We didn't want a normal wedding, we wanted a weekend-long festival.
'The original idea was to have my motorcycle parked in the aisle and have the groomsmen and bridesmaids ride their bikes up to us.'
Three weeks before their big day, on July 27, the couple and a group of friends rode to the camping ground they had hired in Silver Fork Ranch, Kyburz, California.
Justin said: 'It was an awesome day. A bunch of our friends got together and we decided to go out to the wedding venue.
Justin, dad of Joscelyn, 14, and Ezekiel, 11, from a previous relationship, and Victoria, mom of Isabella, 14, Gabriella, 12, Kailani, nine, and Khaos, four, from a previous relationship, met through mutual friends in March 2017
Motorcycle enthusiast Justin popped the question in October 2018 and the pair began planning their biker-themed wedding
Justin said: 'Victoria had been into bikes before but I have been a bike enthusiast for quite a few years now. 'When we decided to get married, I knew I wanted a biker-themed wedding'
Justin's arm put back together with staples after it was dislocated and he needed a skin graft (left X ray showing the inside of his arm, right the outside)
'It's an hour away through the mountains.'
Afterwards the group rode home on a scenic route across Immigrant Trail to Route 88.
'It was a beautiful ride and there was an awesome sunset,' Justin remembered.
As Victoria and Justin rounded a bend into Hope Valley at around 60mph, they found themselves riding head-on into a deer.
'All of a sudden this deer was in our headlights,' Justin said.
'I was trying to dodge around it but I didn't have enough time. I turned into the middle of the deer, put my head down and went for it.'
Justin and Victoria on the day of the accident, before they hit a deer at 60mph
The pair both needed treatments on their arms (left Victoria, right Justin)
Victoria said: 'All I heard Justin say was, 'Oh s***.'
'The second we hit the deer, my helmet hit the back of Justin's helmet and knocked me out.'
Justin was conscious as the couple veered into the woodland on the edge of the road.
He said: 'I remember seeing the deer explode and we went through the carcass.
'For a couple of seconds I looked around and I thought, 'we made it'.'
But the impact with the deer had ruined the breaks and counter-steering of Justin's Harley Davidson.
Victoria's bruises after the accident:  Motorcycle enthusiast Justin popped the question in October 2018 and the pair began planning their biker-themed wedding
Justin needed a painful skin graft on his thigh (right) and his arm was put together by staples (right)
He said: 'I was steering to the right and I couldn't do anything about it.
'We hit one of the reflective markers on the side of the road and it cut my left arm open and sliced Victoria's knee.
'We fell off and the bike flipped over.
'I remember tumbling and seeing dirt and rocks and sky and I just thought: 'I hope the bike doesn't land on me'.
'I flipped myself over one more time and I saw Tori already running to me and screaming: "We're alive!".
Justin was conscious as the couple veered into the woodland on the edge of the road. He said: 'I remember seeing the deer explode and we went through the carcass' Pictured: Victoria's legs after the accident
'I moved my head back and forth and my fingers and toes and bent my leg.
'But when I tried to push myself up, my left elbow just flopped out.
'There was a huge chunk of my flesh missing on the inside of my elbow.'
An ambulance took the couple to Barton Memorial Hospital in South Lake Tahoe.
Justin's forearm bone had separated from his elbow. Doctors operated that night and inserted a pin into his joint.
The next day, they grafted skin from his thigh to his left arm, leaving pieces of his leg tattoo on his arm.
Victoria required eight stitches to her knee and suffered lacerations to her arm.
Victoria and Justin are sen to by paramedics following the horror smash
She said: 'For the first couple of days neither of us could walk.
'We were both in wheelchairs being pushed around by our friends.
'I was trying to heal and we weren't able to be together which was agony.'
But the couple didn't even consider postponing their big day.
'Everyone around us helped make our wedding happen.
'We had to rent a massive U-Haul truck to get all our stuff over to our wedding venue.
'Our friends helped us pack everything up.'
Victoria's hand after the accident, just three weeks later she walked down the aisle with no assistance
On August 17 the couple tied the knot, walking up the aisle with no assistance, with Justin sporting a large plaster cast on his arm.
They made sure to keep their biker-themed wedding with the groomsmen and bridesmaids riding up the aisle on motorcycles.
The couple's friend Bobby Real officiated the wedding and asked, 'Justin, do you take Victoria as your 'ride or die'? And Victoria, do you take Justin as your 'ride-or-die'?'
The cake featured a nod to the couple's lucky escape with fi
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Harley Jade I Have A Wife

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